Chapter 3: On a Rock
Saturday arrived a whole lot sooner than the two boys expected. Robin and Larry sneaked out very early in the morning. At about 5 o’ clock, they were ready.
“I told my parents we were leaving today. I told them we were leaving to stay in the jungle nearby and row our boats to the island over there,” Robin told Larry, pointing at the small island there with full of trees and a big lake, and at the edge, a big hill.
“Yeah, what about it? Everybody knows that by now,” Larry said.
“I told them we were leaving today, at 10 when they can see us! I told them we will be staying at that island there, but we are actually travelling all the way to, China, maybe? I also told them that we will be gone for like a week or two. But we might be gone for years!” Robin answered. He had lied to his parents about his little adventure, that turned out to be a big one. Robin, watch out!
They carried everything into the boat that Mr. Thomas has given them. Then, off they went! Far, far, away!
“ROBIN! We forgot to bring a compass!” said Larry suddenly.
“I would not forget such a thing. Here it is,” said Robin reaching deep into his pants pocket.
Robin rowed the boat sufficiently and before long, they were far out. Too far to turn back. By now, Larry regretted joining Robin. But he had no choice, he could not leave his dearest friend, Robin, heading somewhere else alone, not knowing what would happen to him. He sat in the boat and watch nothing but just the sea water and fog. He tried to look for a sea creature, like a fish, for instance. But the water was not clear enough.
About a couple hours later, Larry began to feel hungry. Robin felt the same too. So he rowed the boat faster to find any place to rest.
“Robin! Rocks ahead!” said Larry, excitedly. Robin did not understand why Larry was so excited about rocks. Many people died because they could not steer their boat around rocks.
“Yeah! I’ll row around them. Why are you excited about rocks, Larry? Robin asked, totally puzzled.
“Look at that rock there! It has a roof! We can use it as a shelter for tonight!” said Larry, pointing at the rock behind Robin.
“Where?” Robin asked.
“Behind you, idiot!” Larry said, and smacked Robin at the back.
The rock looked like an upper cased 'U' turned to the side. So it could give them shelter for the night.
Robin stopped rowing the boat. Larry unloaded a few things that they would need to stay there for a night or two. Meanwhile, Robin looked around for a small rock to tie their boat to. He would not want to wake up the next morning and find the boat and all their things gone.
The two boys worked hard. They spread the sheet of blankets on the one the ground and placed their pillows next to the blankets.
Since it was still quite sunny outside, Robin decided to get his little contraption for getting clean water. He took a big scoop of the sea water. Then he poured it into the basin and covered it with the clear plastic. He then placed the small pliable on the top of the clear plastic and then placed his contraption in the Sun.
“I’m actually quite thirsty right now,” said Larry. “Do you happen to bring any bottles of water along?”
“Yes! I brought enough for the first night till the third night was it?” Robin wondered. “Yes, third night.”
Robin unloaded a box of drinking water that he had brought from home. They both grabbed a bottle as fast as they could and began to drink.
That night, before sleeping, Robin took out the clear water from his contraption. He then shared it among Larry and himself.
Larry sat at a corner and took out a notebook. He began writing a poetry about his first night on the rock.
First Night on a Rock
Coo, tonight is cold,
We have not reached our destination though,
But we are smart and bold,
To sleep on a rock, OH!
Coo, I am Cuckoo…
“Why in the world did you state yourself as Cuckoo?” asked Robin, suddenly.
This gave Larry a sudden shock that he made a whole line across the word ‘Cuckoo.’
Coo, I am Cuckoo…
“Hey! Do not shock me like that! See what you have made me do,” Larry said and then smacked Robin’s back as hard as he could.
"Now, now, let's just sleep," Robin said at last.
The surface of the rock was hard. Larry did not feel comfortable at all. He kept moving from left to right. Robin did not mind though.
For the next two days the boys were enjoying themselves. And soon enough, it was time to move to somewhere else than a rock!
They loaded everything onto the boat and were soon off. Robin rowed calmly with no disturbance.
But that was not true. Robin suddenly lost control of the boat!
“It’s out of control! We are carried away by a current! I guess we will go wherever we end up,” said Robin, praying hard to be safe.
You must have rowed into the current! Oh no!" Larry said and clutched his hands together, saying his prayers.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi Tay!
But it's cool that the boys were able to stop there!
I'm back to read another one of your chapters! Right now the boys have already gone on their adventure and left completely. I liked that they are on their way and already Larry is regretting coming! Robin seems to be living the dream at the beginning but you ended on a pretty good cliffhanger where we don't know if the boys are safe yet. I look forward to seeing what happens and where they might end up! And they even left before their parents knew, so they have no idea how their boys are doing. I hope they will be okay. You've also included all the details about how they are surviving and satisfying their needs, which is good. I liked it.
When they approached the rock I think I would've liked a bit more description of what this rock looked like, and what was around it. Was it comfortable to sleep on such a hard surface? And was it big enough that they boys knew if they rolled over in their sleep they wouldn't fall off? I am having a hard time picturing it, and I am sure a few more words on its appearance would help me a lot
The beginning of those two sentences seem a bit repetitive. How about making this something like: I told my parents we were leaving, today, to stay in the jungle nearby and row our boats... etc. That way you combine both sentences and cut out the part that overlaps. I think that is a good way to avoid the repetition.
I find it strange that this island is in the distance and far away, and yet the boys know exactly what is on it? They also have never been there before if I am correct, which makes it even more strange for them to know about it. They could've researched the island or had a map about it, in which case we need to see it as well so it can justify what they are saying! Don't forget this is the information readers also needs to know so we can understand everything that is going on.
I find it a bit weird when these parts are inserted into the story. It's almost like you as the author are saying something to the reader instead of the characters in the book speaking to each other. Maybe it's a better idea to keep the narrative voice in this story purely narrative? You could get someone like Larry to say that speech instead and have speech marks and everything.
I feel like this could be better worded. Yes, they are going far away, but you make it sound like we're skipping the whole journey process and are just being gone. Maybe you need to say 'heading' far, far away instead?
No need the word 'for' in this sentence.
I don't think we need the repetition of 'far, far away' again. We understand the weight of what is being said without it. I also think it would be nice if Larry even thought about ways he could get home and then realize that there was no way he could get there safely without Robin turning back as well, which would show how they were stuck together. You could even add in some body actions to show his nervousness for being there as well, like wringing his hands, biting nails or having goosebumps. It could even foreshadow that something bad is going to happen in the future.
Seeing as this is written in past tense I think you mean 'watched.'
No need for the repetition in this sentence either. It would work better simply written as 'So he rowed the boat faster to find a place to rest.'
At the end I was a little bit confused. The song or poem there... is it being sung, or is it being written? You could describe how they are writing if it is being written, or you could describe what the voice is like if it is being sung. I was also confused as to who was doing the singing/writing, so make sure you make it evident who it is. Another thing I wondered is why they were doing it. Was it as some form of entertainment or just because the moment called for it?
It would also be nice to see some emotions going on at the last moment there when they are about to possibly crash. Is Larry really wishing he hadn't come along at this point? Are the boys thinking of their parents and how they wouldn't know what happened to them if anything went wrong? Another thing I am curious to know is why they didn't bring phones with them. If my sons were going on a trip I would buy one just to have a way of keeping contact. I think it's only reasonable you bring it into the story. As well as that, if you want them not to be able to call for help at any time you could always make sure the phone or phones get damaged, and then they are in a situation.
You either mean 'see what you have done' or 'see what you have made me do.' The sentence as it is needs a bit of editing.
I like this part of added suspense! However, don't forget that you can add some more detail to it in the moment to build suspense! Tell us how he lost control of the boat. Did he ride into some currents and find he wasn't strong enough to ride out of them. Does he desperately try before he gives up and leaves things to their fate. If you show him trying to fight against it at first and then fail, the suspense levels rise up. Also, when writing exciting scenes you should always try to use shorter sentences. It's a small technique that can have a big effect
I look forward to when the next chapter is out! Remember to post on my wall about it so I remember to stop by.
Deanie x
Thank you Deanie.....!!!
So I haven't read you other chapters but I but I thought I might drop in and give this chapter a quick review.
)
First off I want to say that this seems pretty original and I am curious to see what happens to Robin and Larry next. I can see a lot potential for the two of them to have some adventures.
I would point out one area I think you could improve on. You seem to have a small problem with 'telling' rather than 'showing'.
For example;
You wrote...
""I also told them that we will be gone for like a week or two, but we might be gone for years!" He had lied to his parents about his little adventure,"
The problem here is that you are restating what Robin pretty much just said. If you cut out the later part completely the reader still knows Robin has lied to his parents. I guess that is what I really noticed it's not that you don't 'show' it's that you do both 'showing' and 'telling', hitting the reader over the head with your point in a not so subtle way.
Other than a few other spots similar to the one above, this is a solid piece. The grammar and spelling were good. (At least to my eyes, I won't lie, spelling and grammar, not my strongest areas.
Keep of the good work!
DG
Thanks Dragongirl
By the way, why are you not strong at those ares?
I meant that spelling and grammar were not something I am strong at, meaning I am not very good at them.
I don't know why I am now great at these two things. I have a terrible memory for spelling words and grammar just didn't stick. 
same here...