E - Everyone

The Adventures of Robin Brawl: Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2: Preparations

That night, while everyone was asleep, Robin started packing for his adventure. He looked around for a big sack, to put in all the things he needed during his adventure. He soon found one on the top on his bookrack. He used his skills of jumping and jumped from his bed. He held on tight on the bookrack’s top and pulled up hard to reach to the top.

Robin had been practising this all the time. He went to the park almost every week and practised jumping, hooking and balancing for when he needed it.

After getting the sack, Robin quietly jumped down. He then looked into the refrigerator for food to take along. He took out some tinned food, packets of biscuits and some packets of raisins. Then, he took out a whole box of water and a big packet of rice. Next, he brought out some matches and a few pencils. Just as he thought he was done, he saw a big rope on the very top of a big cupboard. There was absolutely no way to jump on it. So Robin climbed up the cupboard, holding and stepping on every knob. 

“It might come in handy too,” Robin thought. 

Robin ran through the whole house and looked for anything; sticks, lighters, papers, hand-held fans, boxes of tissue, recyclable bags and old books. He even sneaked into a cupboard and grabbed a few pillows and a couple of blankets. Blankets that were soft and cozy. They have never been used so it smelt quite fresh as a new one. He was a real smart and intelligent for a 13 year old.

“Not a bad night’s work,” Robin said to himself. “Tomorrow, I plan everything out. And get a few more things, if I see any.”

The next morning, at school, Robin looked around for anything useful. He put all of them in a little plastic bag to bring home. First, he saw a bunch of wooden rulers. He took a few of them. Then he looked down on the floor and saw something he would really need. A small knife. He looked around and made sure nobody was looking and he quickly took the knife and put it into the plastic bag. Then he bought some food from the canteen and stuffed them into the plastic bag. The canteen operator as so amazed by Robin’s action that his eyes nearly budged out of his head. Robin looked at the canteen operator’s eyes and grinned, then gave a little giggle. He knew that the canteen operator was confused.

Robin then went up to class. He found a few copper wires and strings. “I might need them. But I have no clue why I need them,” Robin said to himself. He was quite pleased with himself for all the progress he has done. “I wonder how Larry is doing,” Robin wondered.

For Larry, he was not as lucky as Robin. He tried to take a few ropes from the top of a cupboard. Bur fell down. He tried to creep into his Mother’s bedroom for a bag, but got caught. Fortunately, he got a nail clipper without anyone noticing. He knew that he needed to clip his nails or it will grow extra long, and he hated that.

By evening, everything was almost ready. Robin sat down on the couch. He thought whether he should tell his parents about his adventure. If he does not, they will be worried on the next day because he will be gone. He would have no excuse of running away. So, he decided to tell them.

“Mum, Dad, can I ask you something?” Robin asked his parents, shyly. 

“Is there anything wrong, dear?” Mrs. Brawl asked. 

“Larry and I are planning to go on an adventure somewhere far, far away,” Robin said. 

There was a pause. Mr. and Mrs. Brawl though hard. “Well, alright... Honey, you go buy loads of food for the two of them. I’ll pack his things,” Mrs. Brawl said to her husband, Mr. Brawl. Mr. Brawl and Mrs. Brawl assumed that they were going to an island nearby.

They got everything ready. Robin got a whole lot more food, ready for the next day’s adventure. Mr. Brawl and Mrs. Brawl gave a lot of tips on surviving out there in the woods. They even searched up the internet for ways to climb trees, hang on vines, row a boat and build a little place to stay. They really supported their son and helped him get ready. Robin was thankful that he told Mr. and Mrs. Brawl about his adventure. He was nearly ready.

While they were discussing on the adventure, they suddenly heard a knock on the door. Robin went to see who it was. To his surprise, it was Larry and his parents. Larry had told his parents all about it. 

“It’s alright. I’ve told my parents too,” Robin said, comfortingly. 

“I heard about your adventure, so I want to give you my old boat and pair of oars,” Mr. Thomas said, smiling with his bushy beard.

“Great. Thanks Mr. Thomas. Now all I need is a axe, or a saw. Oh, and some ropes too,” said Robin. 

Mrs. Thomas took out all that was needed. “I knew you would ask for these,” she said.

Everything was ready. Robin got a few more bunches of twigs. “It’s set,” Robin said. He was more prepared than ever.

Just as they were about to depart, Robin suddenly gave a loud exclamation. “Aah! Ooh! Eh!” he went on. “Hey! What’s the matter? You seem as if you have gone mad,” Larry said, trying to calm Robin and his weird expression.

“I’ve just realised something,” Robin said. 

“WHAT NOW?” Larry asked at a high pitch.

“We need a basin, some clear plastic, a small pebble, a small bucket, small enough to put in the middle of the basin, a medium-size bucket, and two cups,” Robin said.

“What for?” Larry asked.

“This way, I can make a little basin with sea water in it. Then the water will follow the concept of condensation and evaporate, leaving the salt below. The water will then slide to the middle on the clear plastic because the small pebble will be in the middle, making the plastic bend. Then, the water will fall into the small bucket, just below the the pebble. There will only be clear water in the small bucket then, making it safe to drink. We can then poor it into the two cups, for two of us to share the water,” Robin explained.

“Oh gosh, Robin Brawl, my son!” said Mrs. Brawl. “What a splendid idea! I would have never thought of that.”

“But then what about the medium-sized bucket? What do we do with that?” Larry asked, halfway puzzled. He could not see the use of the medium-sized bucket.

“That will be for us to scoop the sea water,” Robin said, smiling. His smile grew bigger and bigger. “ And even if we don’t use all of it for sea water, if we’re not near the sea, we could find a lake somewhere. And the same thing that happens to salt that will be left in the basin, the dirt will be left instead.”

“Hmm,” Mr. Thomas hummed. “Not a bad idea.”

“It’s wonderful!” said Mr. Brawl. “I wish I was as smart as my boy.”

“Don’t mention it,” Robin said, blushing as red as beetroot.

They all laughed at Robin’s red face. Robin did not quite like it, but soon joined in the merriness and laughed as well.

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Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Mon Jan 05, 2015 8:40 pm

Hi Tay!

So, I was able to get to this chapter a lot sooner than I thought I would be able to, but that works for me. I like to continue novels. ^^ I thought this chapter was even better than the last. We got to see some of the dads, which was something I mentioned wanting in the previous chapter, so I am glad to see them here. We didn't get a lot of descriptions like I had really wanted, so maybe that is something to continue looking for in the next chapter. What I also did like about this one is that it really shows how hard Robb has worked for this. He has run through everything in his head and planned to the best of his abilities. He even worked on learning new skills simply because he wanted to go on this adventure. So yes, I do admire the boys for showing a lot of commitment that many people above their ages don't show anymore. Anyways, this was a good chapter when it came to preparing them for the trip.

But here is just some little reminders from the last chapter: make sure there is a new paragraph for each new speaker. You do this for the bottom half of the chapter but not really the first one so much, which means it is something to be edited. And don't forget the physical appearances of characters. If you can slip in little snippets of descriptors throughout the chapter I am sure you will already have something really great here. So, that's some reminders from the previous one.

I did find that in this chapter it felt a bit like it was all he said this and she said this. I thought there could've been more in there when it came to dialogue when he was looking for things he needed, or maybe some more interaction with others or his environment. It sounds a bit stiff and occasionally even boring if it is just he picks up this and he needs this. So try to mix things up there a little bit so we have some variation. A variation in tone and actions always keeps the reader interested.

Another thing is, I am really curious to know the ages of these kids! They need teddy bears to sleep and can't read a bookrack, but the they are able to go out into the wild by themselves? I wonder how old these two kids really are. They seem like children one moment, but then the next Robb is spurting out his idea about cleansing water that no child of his age should know about yet. It seems like he is almost too clever, like he is a teenager and a child all mushed into one. You need to choose a set age and let us know what it is. Then we could help you more in making sure the character continues to act his age.

I also found it to be fairly unrealistic that the parents would accept their younger children at the age that they are going on a trip by themselves. Especially as they must know he has planned everything necessary already and is basically asking their permission after. Nothing bothers my mother than me getting ready for something before her approval, as if we didn't really consider that we might need it before getting prepared. I thought the mother might be a bit angry. And there was no way I thought these grown up mature people would let such a young boy go off on his own, let alone let him do it as well. Maybe you need to bring these parents up a level in their strictness because right now they seem far too loose.

He looked around for a big sack, to put in all the things he needed during his adventure.


No comma needed in this sentence.

He used his skills of jumping and jumped from his bed.


At this point no one knew what you meant by jumping skills. I think you need to say ability to jump instead, because it is more so something you can do rather than a skill or talent to perfect.

They have never been used so it smelt quite fresh as a new one.


To keep this sentence in past tense, you really need to say 'had' instead of 'have'.

I now know that it wasn't a holiday at the school when Johnny decided to disappear off to Canada with his family! More than ever I want to know why he has gone and if it has anything to do with the plotline.

Speaking of that, I thought it was strange canteen man saw a mischievous looking child stealing from the kitchens and didn't even say anything or chase him even when he was caught in the act? Schools don't tolerate that kind of thing, and I know the usual guy would've been after Robb as soon as could be. So try and make his reaction to seeing Robb a bit more realistic. Raise the alarm or so.

He knew that he needed to clip his nails or it will grow extra long, and he hated that.


You need the end of the sentence there to really be 'or it would grow extra long'. It's not proven fact that his nails will grow very long, even though it is pretty much granted these days.

He thought whether he should tell his parents


The third word in this sentence should really be 'about' and it seems like it is missing from here.

If he does not


Again, you are slipping into another tense. It should be 'he didn't' instead of he did not. It sounds better that way too.

I don't think I have much more to say! Hopefully I have given you some food for thought when it comes to both chapters! Make sure to comment on my wall or something if you have more for me to read. I would do it gratefully!

Deanie x

Thank you Deanie. But about the parents allowing children to go on an adventure.

Well, actually, I, did not know what was his escape plan. So I simply wrote that the parents allowed him. And yes. the age was 13 years each boy. I still need a soft toy to bed. ( this is embarrassing ;) )

Oops! That part of teddy bear was wrong. I guess my crazy brother aded it to embarrass me in front of the entire YWS! ;(

Random avatar
JM
Review
JM wrote a review · Mon Jan 05, 2015 4:36 pm

Hey there. I like the premise of your story. A young boy wants to go on a adventure. Who can't relate to that? Ha.
I read your previous chapter is well. For both I noticed that a lot happens in a short space of time. There is a lot of telling us, and little description of setting and emotion and well depth. It is all surface level. There is a great childlike way to your writing though. I reads like those old classic childrens' books, which I loved. So I can see potential there.
One thing that surprised me is that how Robin told his parents that he was leaving. Why would they let him? Isn't he a child? I think perhaps make him a bit more adventorous and let him go without asking his parents. Or maybe let something pull him into a adventure.
Overall, I like it and will read your next chapters to find out what Robin gets up to! So keep uploading!

Thanks. I had to write that Robin told his parents because I did not know how Robin will make an escape plan. :)

He's a teenager! Quite smart for a teenager like that.



What is a poet? An unhappy person who hides deep anguish in his heart, but whose lips are so formed that when the sigh and cry pass through them, it sounds like lovely music.
— Søren Kierkegaard, Philosopher & Theologian