Young Writers Society

Hi there!

I liked the feel of the poem. Short and crisp with no beating around the bush. You have left a reasonable amount of gaps which is a key factor when one writes horror. It was an excellent use of the readers mind as they get to paint the blank areas with their own fears.

I have a few suggestions which I think would have been better, a few bits. Instead of cutting raw chicken, if you'd have used 'live', I think it would give it a more gory feel. Also the first paragraph could have been a bit stronger to be able to support the heights that the poem reaches as it progresses.

Great read on a Monday midnight. Keep writing!

An extremely dark and intense poem.It describes beautifully the struggles of a depressed person.The second stanza shows how depression is only fuelled by negative thoughts and experiences around you.The violence totally made my blood run cold.The poem describes, in scary and dark tones, the struggles of the mind and how it is compelled to do some things out of curiosity,despite all its fears and hesitations.

Oh my. That is very dark. It was so intense. Your poem was full of emotion and feeling. I never read anything like that. The violence was done tastefully. That is something I never thought I'd type up before, but you deserve it. I am speechless.
I hope you write more like this. Thank you

~S.M.Locke~

Oh my. That is very dark. It was so intense. Your poem was full of emotion and feeling. I never read anything like that. The violence was done tastefully. That is something I never thought I'd type up before, but you deserve it. I am speechless.

I hope you write more like this. Thank you

~S.M.Locke~

Hey there!

This was really an intense poem. There is so much emotions coming out of your writing and it's so relatable. I myself am going through a very disturbing phase from a very long time and this poem really gives picture of someone going through depression or any other mental illness.
The refraining line "I want blood" is creating rhythm as well as emphasizing the idea.

I want to see it ooze from my forearm.
But I don't like that it will hurt

Hi , Theia here.

First up - this was an amazing poem. I have never, ever, EVER seen anything like this before. "I want blood" , it is really unique. I think that you are trying to tell a story and you have been really honest with the theme.
I think you could make it sound a bit more consistent and poetic . Your style is amazing , still ,I think it could be a more smooth, add some flow to it. My personal favorite line was
" So this,
this here ,
is my blood."
It is truly an intriguing line. Thank you for putting up this truly amazing piece.One more thing you might work a bit on the punctuation, it will make this even more beautiful. Keep up with your amazing work.

I hope this helps .

Hello! I'm here for a brief review of your poem.

The first thing I noticed is that there is some inconsistency with the first lines of each stanza. You'll write "I want blood" and immediately insert a semicolon, as seen in the second and fourth stanzas, but then the fifth stanza uses a regular colon and the other stanzas don't have either one. This wasn't particularly distracting, but it makes me wonder if this was intentional or not.

I also thought it was interesting how the third stanza starts out differently compared to the others and somewhat draws a line (a thin line) between our desires and our wishes - one may originate from the heart and the other from the mind.

A final thing I'd like to point out is that I really like the ending. I may be interpreting this completely incorrectly, but to me when you write "So this, this here, is my blood", this to me sounds like the narrator is bleeding but not in a literal sense. The telling of this story and the revealing of the narrator's personal thoughts is their way of bleeding and meeting that need for blood.

Overall, I liked this short piece and I could definitely relate to this on a personal level. Keep up with the great writing!