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18+ Mature Content

Believers

by StudentAH


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

Am I the only one who walks down the sidewalk,
one foot in front of the other, slow and deliberate,
eyes to the ground,
heart to the skies,
while she spends a quiet moment
brooding over an innocent love?

Is there nobody left who cares
to give themselves wholly
to another human being
who is equally deserving?

Where is the love I used to dream of
now replaced by hookups, long nights, and stupor?

Us believers are here,
but sparsely dispersed,
hiding amongst those who have forgotten themselves
to the sin.

Have you, too, left us
– Left me,
musing,
asking
“Am I the only one?”?

No.

To my surprise,
you are here,
like me,
but shrouded in a mist so dense I can barely sense you.

Even if no one else believes,
I do,
And I hope that you find me someday,
In the sea of those who don’t.


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User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 43
Reviews: 5

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Mon Oct 28, 2019 8:58 pm
StarLord wrote a review...



StarLord here with a grand review (ha ha ha)
i can't find anything wrong with this. so i'll just say a few words of encouragement-this was deep, and definitely awesome. i love the way you used your words. may favorite lines-

1. Is there nobody left who cares
to give themselves wholly
to another human being
who is equally deserving?

2. Even if no one else believes,
I do,
And I hope that you find me someday,
In the sea of those who don’t.

3. Us believers are here,
but sparsely dispersed,
hiding amongst those who have forgotten themselves
to the sin.
you r indeed quite a poet, quite a poet indeed.




StudentAH says...


Thank you :)



User avatar
178 Reviews


Points: 1043
Reviews: 178

Donate
Mon Oct 28, 2019 2:55 pm
EverLight wrote a review...



EverLight here with a review. This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned- you may feel offended

First Impression
Whew doggy! That was deep. Your last line really stuck with me.

Nitpicks & Grammar
I couldn't find anything wrong with your grammar.

Style & Flow
Your style was flawless. Perfectly flawless.
Overall this was amazing! Awesome job!




StudentAH says...


Thank you. :)

I write what comes to mind, and then revise to make sure I get my point across. Sometimes thoughts can be messy, and learning how to present them well on paper is a skill I am still trying to perfect.



EverLight says...


I understand. I've been writing for a long time as well. Yeah, thoughts can certainly get messy!
Your welcome.



EverLight says...


I'm sorry it wasn't much of a review though XD.



EverLight says...


But I understand how much a little encouragement and praise mean to an author.




“And how shall I think of you?' He considered a moment and then laughed. 'Think of me with my nose in a book!”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell