Vaetrion Castle, Eastern Caraca, Netheron.
The sun had been over the horizon for only four hours that night, a warm breeze blew in from the ocean, and the stars shone brightly in the night sky.
The soldiers on the walls would never have expected an attack at that time, it wasn’t an ideal time, it was not dark enough to slip by unseen, and it was too early for the guards to begin dozing off. As a result the watch wasn’t as strict as it would become later on, and the guards and sentries were being as sloppy in their work as they could without being caught.
The grounds between the castle wall and the keep were filled to overflowing with small white tents in which slept the half of the Duke of Cazerones army, trying to get as good a rest as they could before they marched south in the morning, planning on rendezvousing with the Earl’s army.
Cazerone gazed down at the silent white tents from the high balcony.
One of the Earls messengers had come to him that morning, bringing him the message. They were to meet him and his army at Teracula, three days from now.
Cazerone sighed, it had been an unexpected and very pleasant message, he had believed until then that he was the only noble left to defend Netheron, and he was relieved to find otherwise.
He knew that without the Earls help he would never be able to meet the Halavarde army gathering to face him on the plains; he knew that without the Earls help, the lands that he and his ancestors had ruled for countless generations would fall to enemy hands.
He stroked his beard silently gazing down at the castle wall, tiny specks of light moving about on it marking sentries, and then beyond, at the moat and castle gardens, huge well kept, open gardens, the perfect defense against any ambush.
He turned, his cloak fluttering about him, lifted his hand off of the gilded wooden rails and paced back into his office, his heavy boots clicking against the marble floor. It had been a long day, planning, counseling, and readying for the coming battle, and hopefully war. But he still had a couple of hours of work to do that night, signing dispatches, and doing some last minute thinking mostly.
Down at the gate the six sentries on duty where wide awake, kept so by the watchful eye of a sergeant. They all wore burnished plate armor, a long white cloak, and all of them carried a heavy halberds in their hands, always at the ready position, each also had a short sword at his belt, and a thick, heavy shield on his back.
Behind them loomed the massive portcullis, drawbridge, and gates, black in the darkness, and before them lay the moat, still and silent.
The attack came so quickly the men didn’t even have time to cry out.
All of a sudden three of them sank noiselessly to the ground, every chink in their armor bristling with arrows; the other three didn’t even have time to notice before there was a flash of movement, the moat rippled, and when the sergeant glanced down to check on them again, three mutilated bodies greeted his eyes.
The arrow that that sunk a foot and a half into his chest was only a second too late and it failed to stop his alarmed cry.
The men on the walls were on edge, what with the knowledge they would soon be going to war, something very few of them fancied doing. So the instant the sentries on the walls heard the dying cry of the sergeant at the gate, the wasted no time in screaming for the alarm to sound, before charging for the gate towers.
There was only a seconds delay between the cry of alarm and the below of the horns in the castle towers, the entire castle was awake in an instant, men running about, not understanding what was going on.
One lieutenant quickly pinpointed the problem, he and his troop were camped only a few hundred yards from the gate, and as he saw the sentries falling dead, bristling with arrows on the battlements beside the gate, he knew they were under attack.
If their enemy could open those gates then that would be the end of them, they would be disorganized and easy prey to the trained Halavardes.
He reacted instantly, sending two of his men to alert the generals to the point the attack was coming from, and then taking the rest of his men and leading them through the castle grounds filled with yelling men, running about in panic, to the gates.
The lower doors into the towers that held the mechanisms that opened and closed the gates where opened, and he and his men poured in, hoping to drive the enemy back, and keep them from opening the gates.
Of the hundred men that ran into that tower, none came out, but the Halavardes that had gotten into the towers were killed, and the outer doors where shut.
Cazerone had just fallen asleep at last, his work done, when he was awoken by a frantic banging on the door to his room. He frowned, what was this about? Then he noticed the screaming from outside, and instantly he knew.
He leaped out of his canopied bed, grabbed his gilded sword and running over to the door to his room, the cloak he had fallen asleep in flapping around him, and jerked it open, admitting a panting soldier.” We’re under attack at the gates, sir!” The man panted, before turning, and running on down the hallway.
Cazerone cursed angrily, he should have known better, turning he ran back into his room, across the marble floor, and out onto the balcony overlooking the gates and eastern courtyard.
Below him chaos reigned, men ran about in panic, and there appeared to be some sort of fire in one side of the camp.
But apparently a few of his commanders had gotten some control though, and he saw men pouring up onto the wall, archers mostly, and a half a dozen troops, each a hundred men, gathering in front of the gates. On the towers and keep he saw massive catapults being primed and loaded. Good, he thought.
The instant the thought flashed through his mind all hell broke loose.
Dozens of acres outside of the castle walls all of a sudden appeared, lit by thousands of lanterns and torches that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, and now he saw the real attack. Rank upon rank of black cloaked Halavarde warriors, massive black dragons, and other monsters that the Halavardes used in their fighting, stood there.
Even from this distance he heard the rolling roar as they cheered, a moment before they launched their attack.
The night sky was suddenly lit by massive flaming catapult balls, arrows, and ballistae bolts flying through the air from both sides. The instant their projectiles where launched, the entire army of Halavardes charged. Now the Duke could see scaling ladders, and battering rams among their ranks, this wasn’t good, with his men as disorganized as they were right now, they wouldn’t be able to do a thing if the enemy gained the walls.
He cursed violently, then turning, ran out of his room, running as hard as he could for the fight, he knew that if it came to it, he could make the difference in this fight that would tip the balance and give his men the chance they needed to get organized and defeat their enemies.
Jaden sighed.
He watched, gazing down at the battle below him, from where he sat on his massive battle horse. The once beautiful gardens surrounding Vaetrion fortress where in ruins, trampled and destroyed, a cloud of smoke from the burning city in the distance blurred the rising sun, half of the towers on the keep had fallen and smoke could be seen rising from fires in the battlements caused by fire-catapults, those once majestic outer walls that surrounded the inner fortress where in ruins, the blood and bodies littering the fallen stones could be seen even from here, miles away. . .
He saw movement about the ruins still though, and his sharp eyes could tell that the fighting wasn’t over, good work Cazerone, he had held out, even though he knew he had no hope, for long enough. He slowly raised an armored hand.” Charge!” he ordered evenly.
His heavily armored bugler standing behind him was waiting for the order, and the instant it was given he raised his bugle and gave one long, low note.
In response the entire line of soldiers behind Jaden began to advance, marching in perfect time across the rough, dead autumn grass that covered the hills they had been hiding behind.
Jaden chuckled to himself, spurring his horse forward, closely followed by his command. This was the picturesque battle scene, the commander, powerful and deadly, at the head of the army, his staff behind him, the army, perfect in shining rows, weapons glinting in the light of the sunrise, marching in perfect silence across down the grassy hillside.
Jaden took a deep breath.
It was time for him to fulfill his duty, to avenge the fallen, to protect the helpless, and to uphold men’s honor. He hadn’t been to war in 70 years, that time he had been in quite a different place, in front of quite a different army. That time he had been marching to fight his own brother.
He slowly drew his sword, the golden blade glinting evilly. His plans may not have gone as planned, Jhanzil may not have been willing to help him, Danerack may have been under siege and incapable to help him, but he had 200,000 of Arrelands finest warriors behind him. He still remembered days when he would have felt as though he could conquer the world with an army like this.
But worlds change. He also had memories of days when every Arrel on Arreland practically worshipped him as a god; he remembered days when he would have done anything too keep Arreland and its people safe. But Arreland had changed; he had no place there now.
He shook his thoughts out of his mind and concentrated at the task at hand, the Halavardes had noticed them now and where pouring out of the ruins to form ragged lines between them and their supplies and siege weapons. It was a good tactic, but he instantly knew that these were not properly trained Halavardes, this won’t take but a moment, he thought to himself grimly.
He gritted his teeth and jerked his head at his bugler.” Twelfth Legion, 2C, straight down!”
The man wet his lips and raising his bugle let loose a series of complex notes which rang in the still morning air, broken only by the sound of thousands of marching feet and the clang of steel on steel.
In perfect response the entire force of cavalry on the left wing charged for the enemy, every horse perfectly in line, every lance leveled.
Jaden felt a stir of pride in his chest at the sight. This was what a true army looked like. He had long trained his men not to make a single sound in battle; some thought it was a good thing to let out a bit of noise in the hopes of scaring their enemies a bit, but he had found that it was far un-nerving for the enemy if his men where silent in everything.
“Eleventh Legion, 1C, ten left!” He snapped to his bugler.
The instant the last of the piercing notes died away the right wing’s cavalry force charged forward, perfectly even, their formation impeccable, no noise reaching Jaden other than the thunder of horse’s hooves on the hard dirt.
Jaden made a mental note to promote the leader of the Eleventh Legion, if he survived.
The Halavardes seemed rather out of sorts, their lines where ragged, their men were shouting incoherently, and Jaden saw no evidence of the kind of weapons being procured that they would need to stop, or even slow down, a heavy cavalry charge like they had coming. All of their catapults and siege weapons where pointed the wrong way. This was exactly what he had been hoping for.
It was almost sad, the Halavardes where so pathetic when compared to a real army.
He wouldn’t even need to put half of his army into this battle.” Second and Third battalions, advance full forward!” He chuckled to himself, time for some entertainment, turning he nodded to his field marshal.” I’m going out with them, stay here and keep an eye on things.”
Any other officer would never have considered letting his commanders actually go into hand to hand combat, they were too valuable for that, but Jaden’s men knew him well. There was nothing in this battlefield that could stop their leader.
Slowly he turned his horse and spurred it forward, riding to take a position in front of the two seemingly endless lines of soldiers who had detached themselves from the ranks.
They had only gone twenty steps when the cavalry hit the Halavarde lines ahead of them. Jaden chuckled as the rows of opposing warriors crumpled under the charge, they were no match.
Behind him he could feel the tension in his men. He shrugged, that was how it should be, soldiers should be tense, ready for a fight, with an edge of fear, and commanders shouldn’t.
Finally there was some noise, sounds that only became more vivid as they approached their sources. The sounds of screams as men where ruthlessly cut down, the crash of steel on steel, the dying cries of horses, the sickening crunching smash as bones where broken and shattered.
Jaden smiled, he had been fighting for a long, long time, these sounds where music to his ears. He lived by them. He felt the tension mounting in his men, every here and there he felt a smolders of terror and a want to bolt. He fought back an urge to turn and cut down each man who felt that!
He shrugged off the urge and decided that as long as the men didn’t actually do it then he wouldn’t have too.
Inatrin?
Just as the slightly worried thought crossed his mind there was the sound of a bugle from behind him and the cavalry began to pull back, more roughly this time though, leaving behind them dozens of dead.
Good!
Turning he nodded to the men behind him and in instant response his orders where passed up the line by the sergeants, the next moment the back row of men knelt, leveled off thick, carved bows, and loosed a cloud of shafts into the sky. Perfect, he thought to himself, that was how men were supposed to fight, in perfect response to orders, in perfect silence.
He watched with avid fascination as the arrows arced across the sky and then slammed into the scattered mass of unorganized Halavardes. It was butchery.
But Jaden did have a sense of honor, though he personally believed men such as these Halavardes, who killed helpless women and children with just as much impunity as the army facing them now killed them, should be slaughtered without mercy. After two volleys he raised a reluctant hand and the men stopped firing. Each archer replaced his bow with a long steel shafted spear and long kite-shaped shield and took the front line.
They were only two hundred yards from the Halavarde lines, the cavalry had already fallen back behind them and where waiting another opportunity to charge in.
He tightened his grip on his sword hilt and raising the shining weapon over his head cried.” CHARGE!” That was all the men had been waiting for, an opportunity to break the tension before the fight, and as one they charged, silently of course.
Jaden smiled savagely, he felt no fear, and he knew nothing on this battlefield could harm him. War was nothing to him anymore; he had never lost a battle, and never would. If he did, then he wouldn’t live to regret it.
He spurred his horse forward and concentrated on his first target.
All of a sudden it was just him and the man he had in his mind’s eye, a tall, fairly well trained Halavarde officer on a white stallion. He smiled wider. Perfect.
He flipped his sword back, ready to deliver a powerful downward slash.
The man noticed him coming, and calling to his frantic soldiers behind him, drew his own sword and spurred his horse forward to meet him.
Jaden chuckled, he could feel no fear in this man, and he felt no hate though. The perfect commander! Pity I don’t have you on my side, I could use you.
The entire world turned to a blur; nothing was there but this man. Nothing could break his concentration.
The man guessed what Jaden was going to do, but he had underestimated the effects of what would come with the action. He gave his powerful overhead swing, his sword whistling through the air faster than sight, every ounce of strength that a 350 pound warrior could put into a weapon behind it.
The man did what was technically correct, he raised his shield to block the stroke, bracing himself, and readying his own weapon for a stroke at Jaden’s side as he passed. But that side stroke never happened.
Jaden’s sword didn’t even slow down, with a crash the man’s shield collapsed as though made of bark, there was a quick crack as the man’s arm broke, a sickening slush as the sword passed through armor and flesh, and even then the sword didn’t stop. It continued down, crushing bone, armor, and flesh, splattering blood across the ground, across Jaden.
Jaden smiled, licking blood off of his lips, and bringing his sword back to the ready position, listening as the man and his horse crashed to the ground in a heap of blood and tangled limbs.
That was what he lived for.
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Hi! Back again! This time I'll go a bit more in depth.
"The grounds between the castle wall and the keep were filled to overflowing with small white tents in which slept the half of the Duke of Cazerones army, trying to get as good a rest as they could before they marched south in the morning, planning on rendezvousing with the Earl’s army.": This is a run on, try breaking it up a bit.
"One of the Earls messengers had come to him that morning, bringing him the message. They were to meet him and his army at Teracula, three days from now.": Don't repeat "message", try "note" or something.
"He knew that without the Earls help he would never be able to meet the Halavarde army gathering to face him on the plains; he knew that without the Earls help,": Don't repeat "He knew that without the Earls help"
"There was only a seconds delay between the cry of alarm and the below of the horns in the castle towers, the entire castle was awake in an instant, men running about, not understanding what was going on.": Don't repeat "alarm", or "castle"
"Of the hundred men that ran into that tower, none came out, but the Halavardes that had gotten into the towers were killed, and the outer doors where shut.": This made no sense to me... Then reading on, suddenly the Duke is asleep? I was very confused. :/
"But apparently a few of his commanders had gotten some control though, " You don't really need the word "Though" in there.
"Now the Duke could see scaling ladders, and battering rams among their ranks, this wasn’t good, with his men as disorganized as they were right now, they wouldn’t be able to do a thing if the enemy gained the walls.": This should be broken up into at least two sentences.
"He saw movement about the ruins still though, and his sharp eyes could tell that the fighting wasn’t over, good work Cazerone, he had held out, even though he knew he had no hope, for long enough.": This also needs to be broken up, and I was slightly confused about the sudden perspective shift. So far, the character changes have been between chapters, but this switches it up, and I'm not sure I like it. Maybe break this up into two chapters, or make the change a littler clearer...? I'm not sure, but it was a tad confusing to read.
"This was the picturesque battle scene, the commander, powerful and deadly, at the head of the army, his staff behind him, the army, perfect in shining rows, weapons glinting in the light of the sunrise, marching in perfect silence across down the grassy hillside." This needs to be broken up with a semi-colon, or possibly a period.
"He shrugged off the urge and decided that as long": You used the verb "urge" in the sentence before this, don't repeat.
"Inatrin?": What did you mean by this?
"his orders where passed up the" : I think you meant "were"
"Pity I don’t have you on my side, I could use you.": If this is a thought, it should be italicized.
I really liked the last bit! Your descriptions were great, almost everything flowed, and your character development was good. Overall, just work on the quality of your sentences, and make sure you don't over use the comma. Also, synonyms are a beautiful thing, make sure you use more of them, and don't repeat certain words often.
Can't wait to read more!
Hey!
umaima here to review your submission!
Okay first of all awesome story. I enjoyed reading it and i really have to ask you a question, How many times have you proofread this thing, The only mistake I could find was this one
It should be feedback! And I bet you know that.
Your story was great, according to me it had no grammatical errors. And ouch my eyes hurt. Seriously great proofreading and writing.
Well anyways, the story had a nice theme and I could understand everything clearly (though I had to google some words, really 10 on 10 on your vocablary here)
As I skipped from chapter 1 to nine I did get a little confused but as I went on reading I could get what was going on. Keep writing and you will gro into a great writer XD.
Well I don't really think this will help much but anyways hoped this helped.
good luck for your next peice and i will surely go throw the other chapters sometime. I am quite interested in this.
Umaima