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137,797 Literary Works • 672,067 Reviews
Hey StellaThomas, here for a Review Day review,
Positives:I feel like I could cry for joy! It's been a loooooon time since I've read anything that actually has meaning or substance to it, at least, something that's discernible, and this piece definitely lives up to that.
I love this, not just because I can entirely relate to this, but because conversation and communication is how we survive in this world. Not only because nothing would ever happen if we couldn't talk to one another, but also because we, as humans, thrive off of interaction with others. We need it, and this stanza right here talks about a lot more than just having a hard time and wanting to give up on yourself. It talks about the struggle of life, at least, that's what I see.
Negatives:
Two things about this; 1) "everything else" doesn't quite seem to make sense, simply because it's talking about everything outside of what we were already talking about, but we haven't really go there yet, (unless you mean that those "moments" are the subject concerned?) And 2) the last line just feels too short. It doesn't seem to have enough gravity to hold it in and make it worth reading.
Overall:I thought it was great, and really enjoyed it. Plus, I felt a bit of motivation and encouragement to "not be that person!"
I give it:
Thanks for the review @JosephGeorge, definitely agree with you on that line!
Stella this is so great!
Aw thank you you're too nice <3
no seriously Stella, wow! xD
Heya, this is Jedi for a review! First off, I really like this poem, and the ending hit me hard as a sudden realization of the meaning of the poem. The consistency in how you start each stanza has a very nice effect. One thing I don't like is the use of the word, "decade". it seems a little too practical for the emotional poem, but of course, maybe that was the style you were going for. If not, this might be something to consider, as it is very easy to fix. Also, in the second to last stanza there are only three lines. It would tie the stanzas together if you somehow extended that into five lines, and I want to hear more about that stanza anyway because it is a very emotional subject that everyone can relate to. Extending that stanza a couple lines would also help set aside the ending, so it stands out more. I don't have anything else negative to say about this poem, and the critique I did make was mostly only personal preference! I really like the different ideas you propose to the reader with every new stanza, it keeps the reader thinking. Great job on this! It is definitely a work of art! I look forward to reading more of your works! P.S. don't take any negative things I say too seriously, this is only my third review
Thank so @ElvenJedi! For your third review you are doing pretty swell
Hi Stella,
I really enjoyed reading your poem, short and simple.
The first stanza of the poem is so touching.
In the third stanza,third line
'FOR' the very grit of your soul.
I think from is the appropriate word
In a brief the poem is excellent and worth reading
Keep writing ......
Love the last line ^^ Added that *pang* to it. Nice
Thank you!
Thank you so much for writing this. Absolutely beautiful and true. I just want to say I read your poetry before and it's truly beautiful and inspiring. I hope you share more of your poems in the future.
Aw thanks, @bluewaterlily, you're too sweet!
"There will be those conversations.
After half a decade
of breaking your back
to learn a new langue,
You still don't have the words."
This is me in Spanish. Our education system is so bad, because I've taken two years of Spanish and still don't know simple words. I also can't hold a normal conversation.
The ending is perfect, because you're telling yourself not to do these things, when most people do and they can't stop themselves from doing it.
Really enjoyed this.
-Hollywood
Thank you Hollywood! I was interested to see what kind of frame of reference people would see that verse through so it's really good to hear your perspective
I really liked that.
Thank you, it really likes you!
Yay!