Young Writers Society

Beautiful poem! I really really love this one. I am a huge Greek geek so from the beginning I loved the Odyssey allusion. I especially love how you even referenced the many perils Odysseus had to go through with the Cyclops and sirens and whatnot. I just love that. I also love the repetition of consonants. Rhetoric goes far when used correctly.

However, I feel like unless the goal of this poem was to be a letter to Odysseus, the poem was extremely specific. I feel like if you removed some of the specific details, such as referencing the monsters and the tapestries, this could be an extremely relatable poem that is heightened due to its dual meanings. If you compare the intended audience to Odysseus instead of having it be Odysseus, this could be a wonderful poem about surviving all of life's metaphorical "monsters" and journeys.

Overall great poem. I am such a sucker for Greek allusions haha!

All my love

Lilith

Hello, Stella!

I haven't reviewed poetry in quite a while so pardon my tangential tendencies--hopefully this review will be somewhat helpful~ [If anything, this may end up becoming more of an analysis on my part than a review ... but lets see where this goes.]

Quick nitpicks: a colon after 'twist' may serve better than a comma. Also, the lack of punctuation after 'tempestuous' is rather off-putting, seeing as the rest of the poem follows a steady pattern of relying on punctuation marks for pace and emphasis.

I think what I particularly liked about the way this poem is written was the parallelism/subsequent transformation of the phrase 'you will survive'. The transition from survival versus event/happenstance --> survival versus the threatening other --> survival versus self/generally living on is interesting, as is the way the idea of surviving morphs from a dialectic towards resolution, where survival is not so much sustained out of need/from that which opposes and challenges it, but becomes a boat to sail on, wherein it sustains itself by forming part of a cumulative human endeavour. The general transformation from weary and downtrodden to weary but persistent in itself is lovely, and I like how the poem's structure echoes the general structure of myths as well, the quest as being the perennial journey home. (On a side note, I also appreciate how the longing achieved in the poem isn't created through images of home + associated homesickness, but the journey itself--and how it wanders.)

I do think the journey motif could be further exploited upon to advantage? because it is a narrative poem and I am curious to see how the poet would play with the structural elements if they broke it down and expanded on certain points. While I think the poem being a general metaphor for journey is fantastic and what makes the poem strong, it would be interesting to see the extents to which the experience of the journey home--in all its variations--still remains relatable and universal.

On images: the sewing and tapestry images are a tad overdone in poetry--at least in my experience (I still do this too often). It isn't the fact that the poet utilises these motifs what makes them overdone, but the way in which they are commonly used. For some reason or other, I have seen sewing commonly associated with stories and stars (and while I understand this is often seen in referral to fate, it gets old quickly). 'Tapestry' and 'unravelled' are also two words I see a lot together, so in terms of imagery there is not very much that is new. (I absolutely love the concept the tapestry stanza introduces, though--the legend immortalised 'unasked, unearned'; how stories often bleach the colour from aching bones, and how journeys--and stories--usually never start out with the plan that will turn them into long-lasting memory. But that is usually how they do turn out, though the process is as simple as a circuit that eventually leads home.)

I'm wondering if the way the header above the poem is typed--to closely resemble that of pronunciation respelling in dictionaries--is intentional? It certainly did help draw attention to the rhythm of the word itself, which helps, since it is a lyrical poem and is as much sound as it is meaning in relation to sound. Rhythm-wise, I think the poem has its strong moments, especially with how it starts out, and also because of the effective use of alliteration + asyndeton (the play with torturous, torturous, tempestuous flows so well on the tongue). I do think the third-last verse is weakest in terms of rhythm; the enjambment ('name//afterward') threw me off significantly, and while the device wouldn't look out of place normally, it does break the relatively consistent beat of the rest of the poem. This is because there is quite a heavy reliance on each line being more or less a full sentence; take a line away from the poem and it should be able to stand well enough on its own.

Overall, I thought this was quite lovely. Thank you for the read, and keep writing!

~Pomp

I liked this a lot, Odysseus is my favorite Greek hero in mythology.

Overall a pretty well-put-together poem, flowed smoothly without issue.
Also I think the last part 'its tide will sigh on your weary soles' is my favorite.


I'm no judge for poetry, not my area of expertise, but I didn't see any problems with this.
8/10 good job

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Understanding this poem requires that we be familiar with Homer’s Odysee which has the mythological hero Odysseus delaying a return to his home on the island of Ithaca.

Odysseus, also known by the Latin variant Ulysses, is a legendary Greek king of Ithaca and the hero of Homer's epic poem the Odyssey.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ithaca