The Shadows

Hello, Squirrel, I'm here to review your poem.

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

What does this poem do? While it is the description of a violent death, there is nothing new to this poem, no insight to gain from this poem. It is a description that goes nowhere. What is the point of this poem? If the point is to frighten, there is nothing that is too scary here. I have read things like this poem quite a few times, with the metaphors the same as this piece.

The other big issue that I have with this poem is that you never define who "they" are. If you told the readers who is killing the speaker, the poem might even have a purpose. If I was trying to make a statement about society, or some aspect of society, I would probably use that thing in place of "they" to show that some aspect of society was bothering the speaker. That way, two things are taken care of in the poem. It would have a sense of direction or purpose, and also it would take care of the mysterious "they."

To make this poem more pleasant to read, you should also describe using all of your five senses. What does this feel like? Look like? Smell like? Taste like? Sound like? Use your imagination to give the readers a picture of what is happening.

I hope that this review proves useful to you. Happy writing!

Hi Squirrel! Cakerissa reporting for Reviewing!

I was a little confused with what was going on, but not very much. I noticed that your poem wasn't rhyming, but some poems (like yours) don't require rhyming. It was so good without it, that I think by adding rhyming, it would be ruined! One thing I didn't like was how, unexplained, the shadows could hold a knife. Grammar-wise, on the seventh line, "shadow watched" doesn't make much sense. Also, commas. Must. Have. Commas.

Keep writing!
Cakerissa

Hello! Tigerlilly here for a quick review!

I happened to really enjoy this poem. The structure of the poem is neat, and the imagery is perfect. In an odd sort of way, I could really relate because I have had many nightmares/hallucinations (I have schizophrenia) that are along these sort of lines, especially with the shadows and such. One thing I would like to recommend as far as content goes is I almost want to see the fear the character experiences when they see the shadow. Is it the shadow of a person, does it represent something/someone that I'm not quite picking up?

One other thing I noticed whilst reading this was that in the line:
"While the shadow watch me in pain"
'shadow' should be 'shadows'

You can take my advice if you'd like, but that's up to you. Have a nice day and keep writing!

Hey I'm here to review your poem!
I found this poem to have great potential. I feel like it lacks that oomph that leaves your readers in awe. I feel like you could have been more descriptive and creative with the poem.
"A dagger falls upon my neck" It doesn't really shock me and I find that concerning since this poem is about someone being murdered. The last line also didn't really shock me. I don't know, I guess the words don't really sound good with the poem.
The grammar is not correct (more like the lack of grammar).

(I don't know if this is correct because I don't know how you want the poem to flow)
Around me the shadows gather.
A dagger falls upon my neck,
A fatal strike that brings a slow death.
In agony I cry out,
While my blood drips to the thirsty earth.
I am slowly slipping away.
While the shadow watch me in pain.
They are laughing,
Telling me that I will soon join them.
At last my heart is no longer beating.
I am no longer alive.

I hope I have not been to harsh~
Have a wonderful day~
Rachel

Hello, I'm here to edit your poem! I think it's great, and would love recommend some things that I think will make it even better! I hope they help.

Around me the shadows gather

A dagger falls upon my neck

A fatal strike that brings a slow death
I think you could leave out 'a' on this part
In agony I cry out

While my blood drips to the thirsty earth

I am slowly slipping away

While the shadow watch me in pain
I think you mean 'shadows'. Or perhaps "While the shadow watches me in pain
They are laughing,

Telling me that I will soon join them

At last my heart is no longer beating

I am no longer alive

I really like this, however I feel like it is left off.... Where do you go from this last point? Could you maybe lead with a hint of what it feels like to have the point of view corrupted to that of a shadow? Or maybe tell us more of what is lost as this happens.... I would love a better description in this poem of all that happens! And that's a good thing when the audience wants more.....perhaps that is also part of the shadows power

I hope this helped!








I am no longer alive

Hello! Tigerlilly here for a quick review!

I happened to really enjoy this poem. The structure of the poem is neat, and the imagery is perfect. In an odd sort of way, I could really relate because I have had many nightmares/hallucinations (I have schizophrenia) that are along these sort of lines, especially with the shadows and such. One thing I would like to recommend as far as content goes is I almost want to see the fear the character experiences when they see the shadow. Is it the shadow of a person, does it represent something/someone that I'm not quite picking up?

One other thing I noticed whilst reading this was that in the line:
"While the shadow watch me in pain"
'shadow' should be 'shadows'

You can take my advice if you'd like, but that's up to you. Have a nice day and keep writing!