Why do I speak?
I will only get hurt.
Why do I cry?
Tears can’t protect me.
Feelings of hopelessness,
anger and despair.
Never again, shall I ask for help.
Suffer in silence is all I can do
as the voices haunt me
I have no wishes to live any longer
Can’t escape the doubt of others
because I am not like them.
They will never truly understand
just how broken I really am inside.
Let them say what they want,
I give up trying.
Tear me apart, take everything I am,
all my fight is gone.
Suffer in silence
Is all I will do.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
I think this is great! It really expresses how you feel without getting hung up on 'being a poem' it simply is.
I know a lot of people shy away from this kind of writing, thinking it's not worth writing, or that it shouldn't be written because of what it is. I think it's proof of your writers spirit that you have.
Poetry is expression and beauty, and I think this poem is beautiful.
Feelings are important and should be understood. Thank you for sharing this intimate piece of work
Hey! I'm here for a quick review. Welcome to YWS, by the way!
Okay, since this poem does have punctuations like commas and a period, I do hope they would be consistent and complete. From the first line itself, the lack of question mark makes me wonder how am I supposed to read it out loud. Am I questioning, or am I just stating it in a monotonous voice? Here's the revised version:
See? It's neat, it's not confusing, and we know how to recite these lines well. If you want to make it a bit suspense, a bit edgy at the corner, you can even manipulate it - by using punctuations!
See there? Do you see how I uncapitalized 'tears'? This is because the third and fourth lines are simply line breaks; when we put them together, it'd be a sentence: "I cry - tears can't protect me". So do not capitalize the first letter of each first word in each line - unless it's the starting of a new sentence. Which means...
'As' should be uncapitalized, and me should have period after it since it's the end of a sentence. This is basic rules for poems with punctuations.
Lastly, abstracts. 'Feelings', 'hopelessness', 'anger', and 'despair' are abstracts that we can understood, but hard to imagine - at least, not powerful enough as you intend us to be. Therefore, we need imageries. They deliver your message in a more related manner - they enhance your message. An Example
Can you imagine these things? Can you suggest what I'm trying to say? 'withering eyes' and 'starless gray sky' relate to hopelessness, 'scorching heat' and 'particles of the sun' relate to anger, while 'candle's light / vanished' and 'brought me to my knees' relate to despair. Readers can feel this when they imagine these things. Imageries make emotions more visible.
That is all. Improve and improve!
Thank you so much. This is very helpful. I like when people tell me how I can make my writing better so thank you.
The image of the poem is vivid. It is an emotional piece that flows vary well.
The line
"I have no wish to live anymore"
Has a slight interruption of the flow. like as if you cough in the middle of a sentence.
Try something like "I have no wishes to live any longer"
Format the sentence so it keeps the same meaning, with a slightly better flow.
This is an amazing poem! I wish i could write this fluently! You have nothing but green grass and blue sky's ahead! Keep up the excellent Work!!!!