(your) lipstick smudges (my waterbottle)
(your) lacey dress enwraps (my skin)
(your) prejudices spew forth (my words)
are the lines too blurred?
(your essence) corrupts (my) environments
(your preferences) morph into (my) absolutes
(your emotions) break (my) resolutions
is reformation a necessity?
pernicious reverberations weave themselves
into mind blistering echoes.
they linger in dark crevices
unveiled by a cataclysmic intimacy
Is blood too thick of a bond?
(your) envenomed cloud smothers (my) ears
pricks (my) thoughts
obscures the bitter seed
(you) planted in a deep fracture
the roots (trapping) caressing my body,
the leaves (marring) enlightening my vision,
satiated by (my) dripping (altercations) appreciation
does purity require rebirth?
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Canary word: Present
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138,124 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Alright I think it is time that I try some poetry after doing so many novel chapters today 😊
I’m trying to be scientific today. I see the brackets and I read your summary of the poem so… Maybe this could be like in programming and you could swap out the words in brackets with something else, like you could write “mine” instead of “your”? [Is this it? Am I doing it? Interpreting poems?]
Hmm but then you have “its (my)” which puts a dent in that hypothesis.
Why are these two lines pushed to the left but the other to the right? Blurred lines, blood too thick VS reformation necessary. Hm maybe the left side is what’s holding one back/a state of being while the right side ponders a way forward?
What I can say is that I really like the poem. It made me think quite carefully about what I’m seeing and reading. Thank you for sharing!
Hi! I know reveiw day's over but because of time zones I couldn't write any reiews then, so here I am now, reviewing your beautiful poem.
First, the format: It's creative. The brackets around the pronouns highlight how the two protagonists are becoming enmeshed, like their separate identities don't seem to matter. I also notice a certain rigidity of structure, that every stanza uses roughly the same line lengths and the rhetoricalquestion at the end, reminiscent of how the mother seems to expect the child to follow her lead.
I enjoyed how your use of the italics for the questions made them escape the poem's body, like they're you escaping from the expectations entrapping you.
The only criticism? MAybe the second stanza's vocabulary. It could be trimmed so it's easier to understand, but then again, that's just stylistic.
Overall, this is an awesome poem and a smooth read with a cleanly worded strong message.