You’re gone

by spunkyspacekitty

Published July 28, 2021

12+

In poems

Tw implied suicide

A precious life
So caring, beautiful
Destroyed by a stroke of a knife

Why couldn’t others understand?
She craved love, had the need to be held
Not pitied or ignored

I loved you, sweet one
How you confided and cried
How you laughed and teased

But you were pressed down by sorrow
Cursed to an evil end
Fighting became too much

A beautiful soul
So broken, beaten
Destroyed by a stroke of a knife

Comments & reviews · 6
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Apehdavid2
Comment
Apehdavid2 commented Comment · Sep 6, 2021

This poem is touching



"A precious life
So caring, beautiful
Destroyed by a stroke of a knife"


This part is very sad

User avatar
LizzyTyler
Review
LizzyTyler wrote a review Review · Sep 6, 2021

Good morning, afternoon, evening, night, or whatever applies to you in your respective time zone. Anyway, onto the review. This piece has a very somber, dark theme. It approaches the topic of suicide delicately, letting the reader really feel the sorrow and loss of the narrator, as well as opening a window so the reader can get a glimpse into the mind of the one who died.

A beautiful soul
So broken, beaten
Destroyed by a stroke of a knife


I think this was my favorite part of your poem. It shows the loss and sadness the narrator is experiencing, and the ordeal the person went through. The only thing I might change, would be to separate the first sentence “Tw implied suicide” a little more. I read it like it was the first line. Maybe make it bold? But this critique is very minor. All in all, your poem was great, and I hope to see more of your work around soon! Stay safe and keep writing!

-Lizzy

Thanks for the review! And that's a good point, I bolded the trigger warning <3

I%u2019m glad I could help!

User avatar
RainbowCereal
Review
RainbowCereal wrote a review Review · Aug 2, 2021

TW Implied Suicide

This feels like a very somber piece. I like the subtly in which the topic of suicide was spoken about, because while this a very emotional piece, you handled the topic with the respect that it deserves. I know another commenter said the same thing, but the line "Destroyed by a stroke of a knife" is one I'm very fond of. I like that you both (almost) began and ended the poem with it so the second time you read it it feels heavier, sadder than when you read it initially.

Overall, I really enjoyed this read! Keep up the good work!

User avatar
eilisBK
Review
eilisBK wrote a review Review · Jul 28, 2021

TW Implied Suicide

This was a wonderful poem. There was a lot of evoked emotion but in a somewhat subdued way.

Destroyed by the stroke of a knife


I like how you repeated this line at the end of the poem as well. It gave your poem a rounded conclusion.

I'm unsure if you've done this, but perhaps put the trigger warning in the description or also in the title just in case people miss it when they click on.

Really nice job overall!

Thank you! And, yeah, I put a trigger warning in the description

Random avatar
JohnKlue
Review
JohnKlue wrote a review Review · Jul 28, 2021

Implied suicide.
You gave us a fair warning at the beginning.
This poem possess al lot of Pathos and vulnerability but also a sense of uniformity.
You repeat the phrase "Destroyed by the stroke of a knife" at the end after it was basically this poems introduction. Every sentence is also structured in a similar way. The repetitive nature of this poem is in a way saying that "This is sad. This is common. This will happen again." I may be reading to deep into it but that is what I got from it. Either way it is nice that you are bringing attention to this issue. I do not know if you have any experience with this issue firsthand (I hope you don't) or you are just putting yourself in another's shoes. But its not my place to ask.

Overall this is really good.
Keep it up.

Thank you very much for reading this <3

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EllieMae
Review
EllieMae wrote a review Review · Jul 28, 2021

Hi :) is recommending adding an age restrict me to or trigger warming’s 😊

It was very well done and I really appreciate the effort that you put into writing this. Thank you very much. Do you have a wonderful way with words. This was short but very powerful. I mean very very powerful. It starts off so simple what’s the words. A precious life sentence is destroyed by a stroke of a knife. I love that raw emotions.



Remember, hate is always foolish, and love is always wise!
— The 12th Doctor