a string of supports,
soft dewey sparkles,
scattered across silk,
so gentle, sweet, subtle.
lacey dreams caress
the forlorn stranger.
strength lies in gentleness,
in the innate frailty of nature.
its August eyes stare
as the breeze weaves
a tale of imminent doom.
a heavy tread on delicate leaves.
crushed wishes and hopes.
peril’s palm gripping
a lifetime of captivation,
discarded in a twinkling.
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137,793 Literary Works • 672,067 Reviews
Hello, SpunkyMonkey! Happy Review Month! Valkyria here to leave a short review for your work. Let's get into it:
I really enjoyed this poem. It's about a spider, but the real content is about the spiderweb, its home, which is so important for the little creature. I love the way you describe it. The first stanza describes its physical appearance with soft imagery: dewey sparkles and string of supports. Then the second stanza takes it in a metaphorical direction: "lacy dreams caress/ strength lies in gentleness." But then the last two stanzas take a more dramatic and somber approach, echoing the title of the poem. Something so delicate can easily be torn; and like wishes and hopes, if there's no strong support, it will fade out of memory. Well done!
thank you for the review! <33
Hey, SpunkyMonkey! This is Alex, back with a review. So let's get things rolling.
The title is amusing, I almost didn't catch it the first time around. But after reading the description and poem, I could conclude it meant vanishing or fading into thin air, referring to the closing lines. Personally, I think something that could encapsulate the poem more would have worked better. Perhaps something like 'The Spider's Home'. But it's just my own opinion, no pressure for you to see things my way.
The first stanza was my favourite. It's indirect and is twisting the narrator just like an intricate web. It never explicitly mentions whats being talked about, but the reader can still interpret it. That, I'm sure, is not easy to achieve as a writer. The imagery is really mystifying and mesmerising. The vivid metaphors are really well written. The sparkling web of silk, gentle yet supporting- you capture it all really well.
The second stanza sadly lost me. Who's lacy and the stranger? My best guess would be she's the spider and the intruder her prey. The descriptions, though beautiful, are somewhat vague. I think they could've been shaped and steered better. The last two lines, shift, talking about the general going of nature's ways. I think, as whole, this stanza lacked the coherency we saw in the first one. There's no central theme as the topic deflects mid narration. Though it's flowy, it's not definite and appears lost and wandering.
The third stanza returns to revolving around a particular occurence- the sudden breeze. I liked the ironic use of the word 'weaves' for the wind as it's destroying the woven web, in contrary. The sail changes course as nature turns against the spider and its built home. In my personal opinion, the August eyes part seemed unnecessary. It's isn't as invoking as expected and just seems unnecessary and forced.
The visual this line stirs is so eerie yet legendary! A job well done.
I found the last two lines to be the silver lining. While the spider's home is torn apart, the prey caught in it has regained its freedom. One walks free, and the other is devastated of the loss. Nature truly is awesome inspiring.
Overall, this is a wonderful piece that talks about the experience of a spider against the perils of wind. The spider has woven itself a lovely home of sparkling silk. A prey has also been caught in it as it was so subtle to spot, and life seems to be going well for him. But the wheel of fortune turns with the oncoming breeze that threatens to destroy everything that he holds dear. It's hopes are crushed as the wind shatters the web and frees the prey, in an amusing act of nature. The metaphors were very well thought, as well as the idea of the sudden doom. What was a messiah to the prey has been a homebreaker to the spider. It's so fascinating to realise that the poem never even used the real words like spiders and web and prey, yet convey the story so effortlessly.
The poetry certainly could've used some more planning on stanza planning and some anchors but other than that, it all looks good. A decent read, it was my pleasure to review it. I hope I get to do it again once you publish another fabulous work of yours, very soon.
thank you so much for the review! i feel the middle of the poem could definitely use another stanza to further help the poem's general cohesion for sure. but thank you again for reading and reviewing!! <3
Hi SpunkyMonkey! Let's get into this review!
I really enjoyed your word choice throughout. It felt intentional and illustrative - lots of descriptors to help paint each image. I especially liked the first stanza; the presence of alliteration in particular stood out to me. "scattered across silk, / so gentle, sweet, subtle" is so beautiful! It also enhanced the flow entering the poem and carrying on into the following stanzas.
I find the storytelling style quite unique. I'll be honest in that the imagery is abstract enough to not give away too much, and I almost would have missed this being a story of a spider without the description you put for this piece. Not to say that this is a bad thing, given the style of the writing, but it definitely leaves a lot up to the reader's imagination! The spider is not really explicitly referenced or used as a distinct character itself throughout the poem, which I thought was interesting. There's no distinct presence of the spider/its thoughts or feelings being expressed as its own, so I feel like the spider itself gets a little lost in the whimsy of the imagery. Perhaps something to consider!
In a way this reminds me of a lose interpretation of "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" in that there are themes of the spider interacting with and facing the forces of nature, but perhaps with a more mature and developed twist. I like how you balance the juxtaposition of magical, light ideas ("lacey dreams caress") with darker, more melancholic ones ("crushed wishes and hopes. / peril's palm gripping"). It's so captivating! I think it does well in the context of nature as a force being explored here, too.
Lastly, to quickly touch on the title: I like how it speaks to the unpredictable qualities of the natural world. In constant motion and impermanent - I think it works very well here!
Until next time,
Calamity
thank you so much for the review! i feel like most of my poems really are more vague with the actual subject matter, and not everyone sees WHAT exactly it is i'm writing the poem about. it is a more intentional choice, but i probably need to work on actually making things a bit MORE clear. thats for sure where i lack as a writer. but thank you again!