Spencer Reid trudged into the BAU, still waiting for his coffee to kick in. His hair was ruffled as always, and he had bags underneath his eyes as he had gotten no sleep, yet again.
This time it was Tobias. Tobias Hankel had become part of him ever since he was kidnapped by Hankel, and yes Hankel had seemed to slip into Spencer's dreams every so often, but this time was different. This was a full-blown, frightenous nightmare. He had been waking up with a cold sweat every two to three hours, and couldn't help but think about what had happened during his kidnapping. Nonetheless,he arrived at work and did his job, and started to drown himself in his work.
"You okay, pretty boy?" Morgan exclaimed, breaking Reid out of his trance.
"Hmm?" He replied, still attempting to keep himself focused on work.
"What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing Morgan?" Reid said, getting more irritated by the minute.
"Well," Morgan answered, slightly taken aback, "It looks like you've been studying that file all morning and it's two in the afternoon, and it also looks like you haven't eaten in the past two days, so I ask you again — are you alright?"
Reid looked at his watch — 2:07. Had he really been doing paperwork on one file for over five hours? He sighed, brushing the thought away.
"I'm fine."
"Reid —"
"I'm fine Morgan." Reid sternly interrupted. Morgan then proceeded to give him one of those 'I don't believe you' staredowns, until Hotch interrupted their mini-interrogation session.
" Got a case. Conference Room in five." Morgan gave him one last stare and headed towards the Conference Room. Once he was out of earshot, Reid sighed, extremely glad for the reprieve. Saved by the bell, he thought, as he too headed towards the conference room.
As he approached the round table, he could see his teammates huddled up and whispering while catching glances towards his direction.
"Um, hey guys, i-is there something I should know about?" He asked, slightly concerned as he made his way towards the others. Everyone just turned around and gave him blank stares. It was Garcia who spoke first.
"Maybe you should sit this one out Reid...." She trailed off.
" What? No!" He exclaimed, the initial shock setting in, "Wait," he started to feel worry now, "why?"
"It's a copycat killer." JJ piped up, her eyes watering.
"And..." He proded, not to provoke her to burst into tears.
"Enough with the subtlety, okay guys?" Rossi exclaimed. When no one responded, he proceeded, "okay guess I'm going to be the one to tell him..." Reid just looked straight at him as if to look for his tells. "This unsub is the same crimes as Tobias Hankel." Rossi bluntly stated.
It all makes sense now, he thought. They didn't want to hurt him anymore than he already was. But I can take care of myself!!! Can't they just respect that I can handle—
"Spence?" JJ proded. "Please say something... Please..."
He took a deep breath, "I'm not staying back on this case."
"But Spence —"
"I've been through worse JJ, Tobias wasn't the first religious killer and he won't be the last."
"Then it's settled."Hotch cut in, saving them all from a very heated argument. "JJ" he said, motioning towards the board.
" Okay," she responded giving Spencer one more glare as everyone took their seats at the table. " Everyone better pack their casino money 'cause we're headin' to Vegas. Our unsub has killed three couples thus far, making a total of six victims."
" And we were just called in now?" Hotch questioned.
" Well, it's only his third attack, and they didn't even see a connection until now."
Hotch only nodded in response.
"Okay," JJ continued. "The female victims were each stabbed, and the males each had a single gunshot wound to the head. The males were also found with ligature marks and restrained to a chair.
" He made the husbands watch." Added Prentiss. Everyone else just nodded in agreement.
"It says here that they were all drugged with Dilaudid in order to subdue them. Morgan said pointing at the file.
" But Tobias never did that to his victims until, well you know...."
"It's still not a coincidence that he used Dilaudid..." Spencer started.
" So this unsub's familiar with the case, but not the specifics." Hotch added.
" The unsub obviously has prior knowledge of the case, but not enough to know exactly when the drug was used." Prentiss commented.
"I knew the fact that I was drugged was in the papers, but the name of the drug? Isn't that kind of suspicious?" Spencer questioned.
"So this unsub has read the file somehow. He may be on the police force or have relations with the FBI." Hotch concluded. "We'll talk more on the jet. Wheels up in thirty."
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Déjà Vu- Chapter 2Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,334 Literary Works • 672,537 Reviews
Hi, it's writer12345 here to give a review!
I just want to help.
First of all, I really liked this chapter and your writing style. Hurray for that!!!
I liked all the characters and their dialogue was pretty good too. I'm not certain where this is heading but I'm sure to find it out.
Anyway, even though your dialogue give life to your characters I just felt as if something was missing. I think it's descriptions. Sometimes descriptions can be boring. But trust me they're really helpful in creating a setting for your story and to show out your characters to the reader. As a reader we must be able to create a mind picture of each situation. And we have to have a better idea about the characters too. To do so there should be enough descriptions.
For example,
" Spencer Reid trudged into the BAU, still waiting for his coffee to kick in. His hair was ruffled as always, and he had bags underneath his eyes as he had gotten no sleep, yet again."
Here when you write about his hair you can add a bit more descriptions about him. Like, what color was his hair? was it covering his forehead? was it wavy? And next you could've added a few more descriptions,
'and he had bags underneath his eyes(What color was his eyes? were they long or round?)
(just a suggestion.)
You can try out something similar when you're describing places. Try to add at least a few sentences when you're describing various places. Then, the reader will be able to move along with the story. I mean he or she'll understand the change of the settings.
Next, at the part when Reid went to the conference room a lot of people started speaking. And sure you mentioned all of their names, but I really got a little confused there. Again you can use a few descriptions and thoughts to clear that up. Anyway that's just a suggestion and you can keep it the way it is. And sorry for talking about descriptions a lot.
Anyway, I really liked this chapter and it's super interesting! Thumbs up!
Your grammar was perfect and the only error I found was what I've mentioned above.
Never stop writing and have a good day!!!!!
writer12345
Hi SpencerReidIsMyLife my name is jessiebear and I'm going to do a review on your chapter.
I do hope what I say is help full to you. If it isn't help full pleas tell me so I do not do it ageing. Okay lets start with what I liked about your chapter.
What I liked about your chapter.
I loved the way you described the emotions of the characters. The title is very in treating if you ask me. it was so in trisecting that I had to come and read your chapter so well done you did a great job with the title. .
Grammar.
The grammar was fantastic I just loved the way you pout me in your pitcher and all of your imagine ashen.
Okay lets start with the real review shell we.
What needs to be fixt.
The only thing that needs to be fixt is the description. For in stint lets take this paragraph.
( Spencer Reid trudged into the BAU, still waiting for his coffee to kick in. His hair was ruffled as always, and he had bags underneath his eyes as he had gotten no sleep, yet again.)
maybe describe Reid like what did he look like. Okay I will do a little bit far you.
( His brown, curly hair was ruffled as always, and he had black bags underneath his eyes as he had gotten no sleep, yet again)
I am not saying that his hear has to be brown are curly it just was a threat. That is what you have to do to all of your characters. All so describe Morgan like is she thin are fat is here hear long are shirt I was just asking so that is what you have too do.
Things that can be added.
Wile I was reading your chapter I did notes that you did not ad in sound, site are smell there are lots of other ones but I am just telling you the most in portent ones that I know of.
So that is all I have to say about your chapter. I do hope you keep on weighting and keep up the good work because I loved this chapter and I look for ward to reading the other three chapters. I do hope you will let me now when you have posted chapter 5. I really wont to see how this story ends out so I with you the best of luck with the faith chapter and I hope you have a grate day/ night.
This is grate well done.
Hey! I'm here, as promised. YWS has needed this for a while, I think XD
I'm excited to be reviewing a Criminal Minds fan fiction! Looks like you beat Stellabeam and me both to it. I was thinking of doing one mainly centred around Penelope, because she's my favourite.
I could feel the 'flow' of this - it seemed to follow the rhythm of a Criminal Minds episode, which works.
I can't wait to see where you go with this. Poor Reid! Now to see how he copes (or doesn't). By the way nice title. A good sense of déjà vu is always unnerving...
I think Stella covered a lot of the grammar I was going to comment on (Including the French spelling).
Just a couple of things I noticed on top of those.... "Proded" should be prodded, and "Ruffled" doesn't need a capital letter. There's no reason I can see for you to capitalise it.
One other thing I feel should be mentioned is "Tobias admit the first religious killer..." Were you going for "ain't"? If you were, I don't think anyone on the team would really use that contraction - least of all Reid (just my opinion, though).
Also, when you have speech, you don't need a space before you begin writing the quote. The last couple of dialogue lines are correct, if you need a point of reference.
I think it might be worth you looking into punctuation and grammar (don't worry, most of us need to XD). I saw a lack of commas in places. Put in a comma when you naturally pause. Reading aloud will help you pinpoint where this happens.
Eg. "... Hotch cut in, saving them all from a very heated argument..." A comma has been added before "saving".
Let me know if you have any questions, or if you write any more.
~Bella~
Also, just a suggestion... number the chapters, so people know the order in which they should be read.
Hi thanks for reviewing!!!!!!! I would like to say that I love the feedback and that most of the mistakes were just typo errors, such as 'ruffled' and 'coffee'. Also it was supposed to be wasn't, not Sint, I guess my spell check messed it up!!! XD
I will also fix the spaces between the quotations, I was just always taught to indent before quotes and/or new paragraphs, but I can see the difference would probably look better without the indents!!!!
I will also label the chapters- that will probably make it a whole lot easier for some people!!!!
Thanks again!!!!!
SpencerReidIsMyLife
No worries. Keep me posted!
Oh, are you only really gonna focus on Reid, or will this come round to other characters eventually?
Is it going to be like multiple 3rd person POVs (can you even do that?)?
I think this is mostly going to evolve around Reid, and I have the whole thing mostly panned out, and I don't want to give any spoilers away, but there will be a bigger complication coming Reid's way fairly soon! I am writing one scene with a POV via Morgan, so you might see some of that in the future.
Hi!
I came over to see your review once you sent me that PM. Might I also welcome you to the site? I was very active a couple years ago and I'm trying to get on board the site again and CM is the best way to do it! I wrote one fanfic (oneshot) myself and I'm working on another oneshot myself and a multiple chapter one starting Garcia and Rossi, respectively.
A copycat story of Reid's torturer sounds exciting. You can explore Reid's emotions as well as the teams changed dynamic while trying to help him out but wanting to stay professional at the same time, which is something I see you have started to do.
The main problem(s) with this chapter are spelling issues, something that is easily fixed. The title is spelled "De Ja Vous" but if you were going for the french word its spelled "Deja Vu" with different accent marks on top of the e and a. But if you were going for a different spelling go for it but if not then that part is just a heads up.
coffe-coffee
Ruffled-ruffled
Also, in your first paragraph Hankel is spelled 3 different ways, so you need to make them all consistent.
When you have a character talk make sure the start and end of the sentence is covered by quotation marks. If you want to add something like Prentiss said after the quotes you have to put a comma after the quotes.
For example:
"I want to stab him," Danny said.
Some parts you have it and in some other parts it's not there. I would copy and paste separate examples but it's not letting me but there was one part with Prentiss and some other scattered places.
This is just a cursory review but I hope it helps. Check out imagining criminal minds blog on tumblr where it's pure Criminal Minds fanfic to post your final work. This is a great website to get feedback though, most other places don't have the support system this does.
Let me know if you have more chapters for me to look at or questions about my review or just want to chat.
-Stellabeam