Hello there! I want to apologize for not reading previous parts, so I may ask questions that were already addressed earlier.
That being said, I'm fairly confused on what's happening in this part. And it's not just about things like how this girl got in this spot, but actually what's happening to her. Even after rereading several parts, I don't understand what this man is doing to her and why it involves taking off her shoes? (After reading for a fourth time, I think he's whacking her with a twig, but it's still very unclear. I strongly recommend making this more clear as to what is going on.)
Also, right in the middle of this chapter, it suddenly changes into present tense from third. Then it goes right back into third again. I believe it was intended to be written in third person, but from all the thoughts being inserted from the main character, I would recommend you trying out first person. With first person, it's a lot easier to slip thoughts into the narration as well as a develop a stronger voice for the narrator. It may suit the scene better rather than having every other line being a direct thought. Just be sure to pick one and stick with it!
One final structural thing before I touch on a few plot things. The scene, to me, reads rather choppy, especially in longer paragraphs. I believe this is because the structure of back-to-back sentences is usually very similar to one another (such as "she did this. she did that". And that may be an oversimplification, but in general, it is subject of he, she, his, hers, etc and then the rest of the sentence.) Try to vary things up a little more. Instead of having "she saw" as a way to describe things, just describe them. As a rule of thumb, if a three sentences in a row start with he, she, his or hers, then try to change it to give it more variety! This really helps the flow of the reading since it's a much smoother transition between sentences.
A small thing that occurred to me while reading the beginning of the chapter is that I'm a little confused about this man. And the main reason is he enters and says something calmly in a more controlled tone. Then he says "What are you looking at, girl?" (note -- the comma is important xD) That really throws me off, considering 1) why would she not be looking at him since he just ran into the room and 2) he suddenly got very aggressive. It makes him seem flaky and inconsistent and it just really threw me off.
(Another quick note is that she is never mentioned to be restrained until the very last paragraph. Or second to last. But still, that's kind of important detail and I feel like she would have noticed it sooner and then mentioned it. The entire time I was wondering why she wasn't getting up and running >.> Or even just trying to get away.)
Overall, this is an interesting chapter, and aside from being rather confusing on what was occurring, it was kind of enjoyable to read.
Best of luck with the novel!
~ Wolfe
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