Deep in the recesses of the Artifact Museum of New Geode City, three elders were huddled around a seeing pool. One of them was hogging the space, bending his head over the pool's mystical swirls of color.
"Mmm, yes." The first elder gazed into the seeing pool and stroked his wisp of a beard. "The Chosen One," he intoned, "shall have scraggly hair and long toenails, and breath like the reek of raw onions. They shall—"
"Ugh, stop joking around, Frederick! Let me see," complained the second elder. A woman with sunglasses propped on her head jostled for a position in front of the seeing pool. "Ah, much better. Let's see… dark hair, brown eyes, somewhat timid expression… and ink stains on her hands. Hey, I know that girl!" The woman tapped the third elder on the shoulder and said, "Braden, would you please announce that the Chosen One is Mira Chalcedony from New Geode Middle School?"
"On it," Braden replied, tapping out a message on his phone. "I'll let the principal know to inform her of the quest." He hit send and ran a hand through his graying hair. "Any idea who her companions should be, Eileen?"
Eileen squinted into the seeing pool again, holding on to her sunglasses so they wouldn't fall. "It looks like she has a friend with her already… Valencia Heartwood, I believe."
Frederick let out a loud guffaw. "Isn't that the girl who everyone thinks is the next Chosen One? Man, she's in for a big surprise." He shook his head and grinned.
Eileen ignored Frederick and continued, "And for a third member, I think Caleb Bornite would be a good choice. His quest got canceled last year, remember?"
Braden nodded, already composing messages to each of the questgoers' families. "Alright… and sent." He glanced up at Eileen. "When should they get started?"
"Next week would likely be a good time. I believe that's when the New Geode public schools have their Spring break."
Braden bobbed his head again and added the quest to the elders' shared calendar. "Done. Now then, for the object of the quest…"
All three elders bent their heads over the seeing pool again, Eileen shoving Frederick away as he hogged half of it. The seeing pool swirled with colors for a moment, then reformed into the shape of a glowing pearl.
Braden caught his breath. The other two elders stared at the pool, transfixed, as the pearl shed a comforting, pale pink light over the scene in the seeing pool. None of the elders could feel the scene, but somehow they knew that the light of the pearl would be reminiscent of spring and flowers and warmth… The scene zoomed out to show a room filled with artifacts of all shapes and sizes, and then it zoomed out again to show a cityscape.
"Mineral Metropolis," Eileen breathed.
The elders exchanged a worried glance. Then Braden texted the quest destination to the questgoers' principal. "All there is to do is hope they're successful. And that they come back reasonably unharmed."
The other two elders muttered in agreement. Then, as was their post-quest-announcement ritual, the three of them left the museum to get donuts.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
C*****
Mod: Edited for crimes against vegetables
Heya! AnotherCrowInRow (or just Kay) is here, fashionably late (shhh, time is relative, so I found this just it right time) to read something by our famous Mint! So let's skip the unnecessary and terribly long introductions and get straight to the point, shall we?
...Sometimes is one good one-liner everything what person needs to like the story. For me, this was the point in which I realized: Oh yeah, this is gonna be fun. I don't know what your chosen one will look like yet, but it would actually be quite entertaining if he broke away from all the clichés and actually fit this description... Well, the only way to find out how it all turns out is to keep reading!
I love it when fantasy stories don't cling to the past and instead make it clear that fantasy elements work in this world alongside things that are typical of the 20th/21st century. There's something incredibly fun about the idea of serious-looking older people sitting by the pool with sunglasses and cell phones in hand, so they can easily text the local middle school about The Chosen One.
Person about which everyone thinks that she'll be Chosen Ones become sidekick...that's actually amazing take on fantasy tropes which always manages to create some drama and fun (especially for reader).
I know it's not thaaat important, but the older ones (that have a shared calendar) are getting better and better. I have no idea who these people are, but I'm a huge fan of them. They just have the do-it-for-drama vibe, I don't know why.
This is one of best ending lines I met on YWS for long time.
Overall, this chapter set the mood perfectly - the story is written as if it doesn't take itself too seriously, the older characters somehow manage to seem both important and a chaotic bunch, and overall it was a good prologue that gave one a good idea of what was to come. And I loved it!
~ Kay
Test
Hmmm my reply isn't sending...
C*****.
Celery.
LOL yes XD (this is for JM training haha)
Hiiiiiiiiii!
Okay, so first I read the first chapter first (I didn't realize that there was a prologue at first, whoops!) and then I went back, realized that there was a prologue, and looked at the prologue!
I'm... not sure if you need this scene??? I realize that you're busy busting tropes, and this is such a typical scene. And yet, I am not sure you added anything that the first chapter doesn't add already. So I'm not sure... unless these people factor in sometime later, I would be tempted to cut this scene!
Okay, this is an admittedly lame review... I'll review Chapter 1 too so you're not totally disappointed by my review, haha.
LOL I%u2019m still glad for the review!! I mean, Eileen does come out in Chapter 2, but you%u2019re right in that most of the stuff is repeated, haha. Thanks, Snoink!
Hello! This is Orabella, here with a review! ^^
This is a mix of both seriousness and hilarity, and I'm loving it! It draws on the typical elders huddled around some sort of water source and peering either into the future, or choosing young heroes to go on some sort of quest. But it's also mixed with humor, which is a combination I haven't seen in a while. This story seems like it would take place in a more medieval setting, but the addition of museums, donuts, schools, and sunglasses hints that is not the case.
If the chosen one is the friend of the person that everyone thought would be chosen, this could lead to some sort of problem some time in the story. Valencia, thinking she would be the one to get chosen, finds out instead that her close friend got it instead. Maybe Mira had no interest in it at all, but Valencia thinks she rigged it somehow from greed and they are no longer friends. Speculation.
Although it's not like anything I've read, this sparks my interest, and I'd love to see where this goes! Such a serious atmosphere viewed from a humorous light it interesting to say the least, and I can tell strange things are in store.
Have a great day/night/afternoon/morning/evening, and keep writing!
Hi Orabella, thanks for the review!! ^-^
Yes! I was trying to flip some tropes here, haha. =P
Indeed~ ;D
I'm glad to hear you found it interesting! Thanks again!! <3
Hi there! Go team green forever ammirite
There's not much to say on specifics as this was a short and pretty clean prologue where grammar and the technical aspects are concerned. I will say that I'm not a huge fan of using ellipses, especially in dialogue, but take that with a grain of salt unless more people say something about it.
There are a few things I did like about this. You introduced all three in an efficient manner without having to tell us, as the reader, what their names were. They were slipped into dialogue which I appreciated. and the same can go for the technological era that we're dealing with. One might be tricked into thinking ancient times with things like a seeing pool, but the nonchalant use of texting and online calendars does a good job of placing us in a modern if not post-modern, era.
Moreover, we get all three main character names at the same time without a lot of info-dumping, and we get just a tad of worldbuilding that indicates a lot has to do with magic and crystals etc. Interested to see why this is such a heavy emphasis, seeing as both cities mentioned are also related to that.
I like that right from the get-go we're getting on a play on the Chosen One. The title indicates that Mira is the Chosen, but the quip about Valencia and the title makes me think that this could all be a distraction. Or perhaps you're going to shatter the entire idea of having *A* chosen one.
That last line caught me off guard, both because it made me laugh out loud unexpectedly, but also because Braden's reaction to the pink pearl looked to be one of shock or apprehension, along with his comment on being reasonably unharmed. Maybe that's just to keep us in the dark, or I just misread the tone of that sentence, but maybe it's because this is their job and they are used to situations like whatever is going to happen moving forward. Kind of a blue-collar reaction to a blue-collar job having a typical obstacle. I guess we'll see!
~Messy
Hey Messy, thanks for the review!! And yess, team green for the win
Yeah, I know I tend to over-use ellipses, so I might have to look into that... (Oh no, I did it again xD)
Haha, I went with a crystals theme because I'm awful at thinking up names. I've been wondering whether I could work that into the story as well, though.
Glad it made you laugh =P I was thinking questing and its potential dangers are kind of normalized here since there's a quest every year. So even if it seems a little more difficult than normal, the elders wouldn't be worried enough to call off the quest (and certainly not worried enough to skip the donuts), if that makes sense.
Thanks again!! =D