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Chosen Sidekick: Chapter 2.1 [Old]

Squeak. Squeak. Caleb swiveled back and forth in his chair, the chair squealing in protest. Finally he sighed and leaned forward. "Mira. Valencia. Something feels off here. It's not me, is it?"

It was Monday and the three of them were at the school library, supposedly planning their quest. There were a few other students at the other tables, but for the most part, everyone had left when school ended.

Val glared up at Caleb. "No, it's not you. Also, it's just Val, not Valencia."

"Okay, noted." Caleb ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "But what is it, then? I thought you two were supposed to be friends, but I'm feeling a super weird vibe here. We need to work together if we're going to be successful on our quest."

Val eyed him skeptically. Did he not know about everyone believing she would be the Chosen One? Or was he just extremely dense? Either way, she didn't deign to answer his question. Val turned to Mira, who was bent over a thick tome called The History of Mineral Metropolis. "Find anything useful?"

"Not really." Mira tugged at a lock of hair nervously. "I mean, I guess there is the part about them using the Vernal Pearl of Eternal-" She stopped. "Let's just shorten it to the Pearl. Apparently, they use the Pearl for a special festival in the springtime. Val, remember that time we went to Mineral Metropolis for Spring Break and there were tons of flowers everywhere?"

Val nodded stonily. There was an awkward silence that normally Val would have filled with a joke about how she'd been sneezing for days afterward. But she wasn't in the mood for jokes.

After a moment, Mira continued, "Well, it's a tradition that goes back exactly a hundred years this year."

"You're saying this year is the hundredth anniversary?" Caleb asked.

Mira nodded, her dark eyes skimming another page of the book.

"Yikes, that's not good. Security around the Pearl will likely be increased if it's such a special occasion."

As if this quest could get any worse. Val huffed. "What's the date of the festival this year?"

Mira did some quick calculations. "Last year it was on April 21, so… This year, the Festival of Renewal will take place on April 19, the Friday of our Spring Break. Celebrations last through Saturday and wrap up on Sunday."

Caleb nodded grimly. "Maybe they'll be more lax with security on Sunday, after the festival."

"That's all well and good, but how are we going to get into Mineral Metropolis in the first place? Every city is naturally suspicious of trios of teenagers. And splitting up is not a great idea on quests," Val pointed out. They all remembered the story of how the questgoers five years ago had split up during their quest and ended up maimed in different, equally gruesome ways. Nothing that New Geode City's Hat of Healing couldn't fix, but it still must have been painful.

"We'll get to pick out some artifacts tomorrow, right? We could find something to help." Mira gave Val a tentative smile. It was customary for each member of a questing trio to pick out an artifact from the city's Artifact Museum to aid them in their quest.

Val gave her a strained smile back. The Artifact Museum had featured prominently in her daydreams about being the Chosen One… She'd already known which artifact to pick– the Sword of Flames, which her mother had brought back during her quest. It wasn't just a cool flaming sword; the Sword of Flames was sentient, meaning it could be a useful spy, an ally to defend her if she ever fell unconscious during a fight, and so much more. But legendary artifacts like the Sword of Flames were reserved for Chosen Ones.

"Right," Val muttered. At best, a Companion Two like her would get the Cucumber Club: literally a club made from a gigantic cucumber.

Caleb looked between the two of them and frowned. But before he could comment on the atmosphere again, Val pointed at the clock.

"It's five already. I think that's enough planning for today."

"We're meeting at the Artifact Museum tomorrow after school, though, right?" Mira asked.

The others nodded. With that, the trio parted ways.

Val holed up in her room again at home, like she'd been doing every day since she'd shown her parents the waiver. She gritted her teeth and worked on her math homework. If she couldn't be the Chosen One, she could at least score higher than Mira on the math test on Friday– Wait. When had things become about beating Mira?

She set down her pencil and rubbed her eyes. Who was she becoming? What had happened to the Val who cruised through her classes, spent hours laughing with Mira, and dreamed excitedly about the future?

Val groaned. If only she'd been the Chosen One. She was sure things would have been better all around; Val had the experience and skills to be the leader of their quest, and knowing Mira, she would've been more comfortable being a Companion. Val silently cursed the seeing pool of New Geode. Everyone said it never made mistakes, but surely something had gone wrong this time.

The thought lingered in Val's mind as she ate a quiet dinner with her parents, washed up, and went to bed. The government issued each city its seeing pool, but surely it was possible for there to be defective ones? Even magic items could be flawed. Maybe New Geode City's seeing pool was just showing its problems now…

When Val woke up, the idea that the seeing pool could've messed up seemed less plausible. For the entire history of New Geode City, the seeing pool had faithfully selected Chosen Ones and the objects of their quests. Questioning the seeing pool wasn't something to be done without evidence.

At school, Val attended her classes mindlessly, nodding at classmates who offered her sympathetic smiles. The embarrassment she'd first felt at their pitying glances was nothing more than an uncomfortable twinge at the back of her mind now.

Out of habit, she had lunch with Mira, both of them absorbed in their thoughts. When the bell rang, Val walked to her next class, gazing listlessly at the patterns on the hallway floor.

"Hey."

Val looked up, startled.

Caleb stood in front of her, a triumphant look on his face. "I figured out why things feel so weird between you two."

"Oh? Great job," she said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow. How had she ever thought this idiot could be her love interest?

"I get that you were disappointed when you found out you weren't the Chosen One, but you need to try to get past it if we're going to go on this quest. As a trio, we'll need to be able to trust each other and communicate effectively." Caleb stared at her earnestly, his green eyes widened ever so slightly.

Val sighed heavily. "Look, it wasn't just that I was 'disappointed.' Being the Chosen One was always my destiny. Finding out that it was Mira instead… well, it was like ground that you'd always thought was solid had turned to air, leaving you to free-fall into the void, never to be heard from again."

Well, perhaps that was a tad bit dramatic. Who cared, though; she had to get to class. Val spun on her heel and stomped past Caleb. 

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Messenger
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Bonjour la verde

It was Monday and the three of them were at the school library, supposedly planning their quest.

LOL every group project ever in high school

"But what is it, then? I thought you two were supposed to be friends, but I'm feeling a super weird vibe here. We need to work together if we're going to be successful on our quest."

This dialogue feels a bit stiff to me. I know that he isn't friends with them, but he's also in high school. Successful on our quest doesn't sound very colloquial to me. Maybe something like "I'm getting a weird vibe here. If this is gonna work we're gonna need to work together."

Val eyed him skeptically.

So, I'm not always against -ly words, but this is one of those times where I think it hurts your prose. What does eying him skeptically look like from Val? Raised eyebrow? Lean back in her chair and smirk? Scrunch her brow?

"You're saying this year is the hundredth anniversary?" Caleb asked.


He definitely gets A's in math class xD

"Right," Val muttered. At best, a Companion Two like her would get the Cucumber Club: literally a club made from a gigantic cucumber.


Come again xD!? I'm dying

Okay, finishing up and I have some bigger overall thoughts so far. I know we're only 2 chapters in but pish posh all that.

First off; I really expected that we'd hear from Val's parents because the emphasis seemed to be as much on them being upset at Val as it did that Val wanted to be the Chosen One of her own accord. But after 2 dinner scenes that's seeming to not be the case at all, which is making me wonder why Val has this opinion of her parents.

Second - every city has a seeing pool. Does that mean that every city has chosen ones and they all just go around stealing artifacts? If so, why did the government give them out? also, why is Mineral Metropolis, an entire city, off limits to people? Why could the trio simply go to the festival like I would assume tons of other people are going? If these are answers with relevant plot points, by all means, keep them hidden. Wouldn't want you to spoil anything. But these are my thoughts thus far.

As for the characters, it seems strange that Mira hasn't talked more. Presumably, being best friends, they would have talked about being Chosen Ones lots of times, and yet it's been Caleb who has already tried twice to talk about this sudden breach in the friendship. Seems odd to me.

~Messy

[upside-down-question-mark]Hola! C:

This dialogue feels a bit stiff to me. I know that he isn't friends with them, but he's also in high school. Successful on our quest doesn't sound very colloquial to me.

Alright, thanks for pointing that out!
What does eying him skeptically look like from Val? Raised eyebrow? Lean back in her chair and smirk? Scrunch her brow?

Ohh interesting. Someone did say that I tend to overuse "eyed"/"looked"/"glanced," so perhaps replacing some of them with more specific descriptions like the ones you mentioned would help. :]
Come again xD!? I'm dying

=PP
it still hurts if you get bonked on the head with it, so it isn't completely useless. xD you can also take a bite out of it if you get hungry, though you'd have to wash it first >.>
If so, why did the government give them out?

Okay, so this is the second time I've been asked a similar question, so it looks like I'll have to either explain it better or change up my worldbuilding, lol. My original idea was that it's to keep the cities (I guess they're more like city-states?) from getting too powerful. But that might be a bit more dystopian than the overall vibe of my novel. Hm.
also, why is Mineral Metropolis, an entire city, off limits to people?

It's not off-limits! It's just well-defended. I believe this was mentioned somewhere, but since artifact stealing is such a big thing, cities are suspicious of trios of teenagers. I was thinking Mineral Metropolis would have some kind of border system, but I'm just now realizing there are some holes with that plan, so I'll probably change that to them just having a very well-defended Artifact Hall... As you can see, I'm totally great at planning >.> I've got my work cut out for me this NaNo, lol.
As for the characters, it seems strange that Mira hasn't talked more.

I should probably give her more dialogue, haha.
Thanks again!! :D

okay so it was the upside down exclamation mark, oops xD YWS wasn't letting me post the reply lol

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Snoink
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Snoink wrote a review · Sat Aug 05, 2023 4:48 am

Hi again!

Okay, so Caleb is gearing to be my favorite character so far, lol. Val might think he is an idiot, but like... really, he is the best. He is empathetic enough that he recognizes that something is wrong with their dynamic. He is smart enough to listen to the quest and try to figure out how to do it.

Mira is a bit of a wallflower though... I don't know. She is good at research though! But yeah, I think it would be very awkward to be her. I mean, there's people going up to Val giving her sympathetic glances at not being the chosen ones. But like... is there anybody giving her any congratulatory gestures? Or are they giving her askance looks like, "Really???" I have to wonder...

I'm also interested in Caleb's reaction to Mira. Does he think she's cool? Is he indifferent to her? Like, with this line:

"Oh? Great job," she said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow. How had she ever thought this idiot could be her love interest?


I sort of wish that you had some sort of line like, "Well, at least Mira didn't seem to mind him so much." Or maybe something else that hints to what their relationship might be, if that makes sense?? (It's late... I am afraid my review is getting more and more incoherent as the minutes pass. xD)

Also, I am starting to think that Val really needs to be taken down a notch, lol. She is just too... proud. And then there's that saying of pride coming before the fall, lol.

Though, like, please don't misunderstand! I am only mildly annoyed at her shortsightedness to not really interact with Mira at all. I sort of wish she got the flaming sword... it sounds cool! Though, if it were sentient, it would probably have a lot to say to her, haha. Maybe a character like Robert? XD

Okay! So now that I've done some character impressions, I have to say... I am really confused with this quest. Like, why is this Pearl going to be taken? Why are they stealing it? Does anybody have any second thoughts of maybe this being a bad idea? Why are the adults so gung ho about allowing this to happen? I know the seeing pool said to do this, but why does the seeing pool always have to be right? (Lol, it amuses me that this was your comment to me about the Oracle, but RIGHT BACK AT YOU, haha.)

Also, I get the sense that this mega-city is dangerous somehow, but why? Is it in enemy territory? Is it in a place where magic and quests are somehow not a thing... like maybe NYC or whatever and they think that these quests are ridiculous and unnecessary? Why would three teenagers be so suspicious? Do these quests cause a substantial amount of chaos and destruction?

ANYWAY. It is getting late so I should probably sleep. But I'll try to review the rest of your chapters later... it is an intriguing story after all! And I want to see Caleb be awesome, haha. :)

Haha I find it funny that you manage to single out the one reasonable person in each of my stories to be your favorite character XDD But Mira will have her cool moments too, so don't worry! (She's actually a pretty reasonable person as well, although she might not be quite as outspoken about it.)
You also brought up a lot of stuff I hadn't thought about, like how people would react to Mira, lol. Lots to ponder!

Also, I am starting to think that Val really needs to be taken down a notch, lol. She is just too... proud. And then there's that saying of pride coming before the fall, lol.

Yes, Val needs a lot of character growth. Hopefully being a sidekick will help with that... =P
So now that I've done some character impressions, I have to say... I am really confused with this quest.

Okay! So! I am trying to do something here but I'm not sure how to pull it off. xD Uhhh I'm going to put my thoughts in a spoiler, haha
Spoiler
The whole thing behind the seeing pools is that the government issues one to each new city. People have gotten used to the idea that if it doesn't have a seeing pool, it's not a city. The seeing pools target cities that are getting too powerful and have other cities steal artifacts from that city so it doesn't ever pose a threat. This might be a little dystopian and might not even make sense, haha. But that's the reasoning behind the seeing pools... My problem is how to make that realistic... I was thinking it's all just become tradition now? People will do a lot for tradition. But I'm not sure if they'd do this much. Each city does have an artifact of healing so that no one actually dies on quests, and quests are portrayed as great opportunities for gaining leadership skills. If I worked in like an ad for quests would that help??

Also loll oops I may be a hypocrite now, haha XD
Also, I get the sense that this mega-city is dangerous somehow, but why?

They're rich and they have powerful artifacts! Hmm I should probably flesh this out a little more. xD

Thanks again for the thoughtful reviews!! Have a wonderful day/night! =D



Should we not walk? On our feet? The ones I now have again? I do like my feet. They are befittingly perambulatory.
— Pattern (Rhythm of War by Brandon Sanderson)