Young Writers Society

Hi there! I saw this in the green room so thought I'd check it out--I read the previous submission to make sure I didn't miss anything important. You have a few typos, and I think something got cut off at the end. This was a fun little scene, I especially liked that Sam is a girl and he accidentally grabbed her chest! Heheh, I can imagine it's hard to tell with all these strange creatures.

I think the biggest area you could flesh out more is description. I had a very hard time visualizing the characters and the setting. You mention Sam has wings and horns, but what else? Scales? Colors? Four-legged or two-legged? What does the place of rest look like--a nest made out of... cloth? vines? rocks? Are they in a cave sort of place? What's the lighting like? Is it hot, cold, humid, dry? I also didn't realize the MC was actually holding a recording device--that's something that could be mentioned sooner, and described as well (size? shape? lights and sounds?)

How big are things in relation to each other? Is Sam bigger than the MC? Is the passage they're in big or cramped and narrow? Is it a familiar design, or something totally alien and confusing to our hero? Also, I wouldn't mind understanding a little more about his purpose here, and what his goals are.

Good luck and happy writing!

Hey there, spartan! I'm here to review.

As I walked through the gladicks, I came across a strange creature with horns and wings. The creature rawred at me then ran off. I chased it to its place of rest. It asked me, "what creature are you, strange creature?" I found a couple of nitpicks in this paragraph. Firstly, and excuse my ignorance if this isn't an error, but what is a gladicks? Maybe you meant paddocks? Secondly, the speech should begin with a capital since they're starting a new sentence when they talk.

"So Sam what can you tell me about this planet," I asked hesitantly.
This needs a question mark, since it's a question.

Besides the zarnocks I really couldn't tell you about the other races,"
The Zarnocks sound like a pretty cool race. It's awesome that you've created such a unique, detailed world of your own! Just watch out for capitalisation- if something is a name, it needs to be capitalised.

I think you forgot to add something at the end. Overall, this was pretty good. You have some great explanations of the story world, and the story does progress in this part. Just watch out for those few things I mentioned.