Unsilenced War-Chapter 2

by Soulkana

Published September 27, 2014

18+ Violence

In Third Draft: Unsilenced War

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence.

Chapter Two: Israel: Heir Darksun

Waking up to the warmth of the sun on my face, I take several minutes to get used to the sudden change in light. As my vision clears, I sit up and try and find Master whom I notice isn't in the room. Frowning, I quickly change into my dark blue and green apprentice robes before heading outside where I can smell various elixirs being made.

Master looks better than yesterday and as I approach him, I can see he had gotten some sleep as the bags under his eyes were mostly cleared up. Just as I was about to get my own ingredients out, Master asks, "Have you eaten yet, Israel?"

I glance over as I set my arm load of vials onto the table and give a slight sigh. Shaking my head, I wince slightly as the bruises decorating my neck sear with pain. I didn't think I could eat much of anything with how painful it is to breathe but allow Master to guide me back inside the house after he finished preparing the next elixir's ingredients on his side of the large fire.

"What are your plans for today, Israel?" Master asks while he pulls out various ingredients from the cupboard as I begin setting the table.

I tuck a loose lock of my ebony hair behind my ear as I lean down to pick up one of the papers that fell from the table as I wondered myself what I wished to do for the day. I set the paper down and sigh softly.

"I believe I'll make a few potions that could be useful before going back to the last hideout I found. If that sklave trader is still there then that means he has the Heiress Mordecai there as well. It has been demanded by the council that i am to retrieve her safely as a test of my skill as one of the eight trials to gain the title Lord Darksun." I finally decide after remembering the elders' last words during the meeting a few weeks prior.

Master gives a slight hum of understanding as the rice cooks in the pan. I can see the worry and unasked plea for me to be careful without difficulty. I smile faintly at him and quietly reassure him with a brief hug before heading back up to my room to find my staff and daggers.

I have been living with Master on and off for almost eight years after Father had rather ungracefully tossed me to him as an apprentice. Master had been rather intimidating at the time as I could tell even then that he didn't like my father. The cold tone and eyes Master had whenever the two encountered each other spoke volumes for the animosity between them.

I finish placing my daggers around my waist and strapping my staff to my back when Master calls out, "Israel, breakfast is ready!"

I hurry downstairs. No matter the tension between my father and Master, I always felt at peace with the gentle Battle Mage and know that he still grieved over the abandonment of his only daughter. He rarely brought her or his wife up but what little I know was very surprising. His daughter bore the mark of the Diethelm and I realize that the presence I always felt when meditating had been hers. It blankets the entire Realm in a calm cloud of certainty and protectiveness that I always enjoyed meditating quite more often than those who couldn't sense the heiress' presence.

"Israel?" Master calls out sharply and I glance up quickly from my plate, startled.

"Sorry, Master." I whisper, annoyed with losing myself to my thoughts.

Master simply ruffles my hair with a smile as he takes the empty plate. I scowl at his gesture and quickly try to fix the mess he made out of my hair before giving up with another sigh.

"I'll be out making some healing elixirs." I grumble and leave the house as fast as I dared.

By now the sun has begun to climb out from behind the far lining of the forest. Already the heat is becoming an issue and I set to mix the Elixirs before the heat ruins the ingredients as it usually does by mid-day. I soon become engrossed in my task that I didn't notice Master coming out of the house and starting his own. Quietly, we work, side by side, diligently and quickly and within hours I had enough vials of healing elixirs to heal a large number of wounds as well as pain relievers.

I begin the task of cleaning out the cauldron and my utensils when Master speaks up calmly, "I'll have a barrier set up so I will know when you arrive and what the conditions are for your guest. Make sure to take some water with you, Israel. The desert heat has been forewarned to be rather nasty today and I do not want you out there without enough fluids." There is the edge of authority and parental concern in his voice that I couldn't help but smile faintly in amusement.

"I'll make sure to bring some extra water, Master Xander." I vow and toss a small smile in reassurance as I carefully pack the vials into a small wooden box, warded to protect whatever is placed within it. I enter the house once more and pull my thin cloak from the hook to protect my sensitive skin from the sun and the sand that will be blowing in the north where the sklave trader was last seen hiding. I fill several flasks with water and seal them in the tattoos that wrap around my wrists and with one last goodbye to Master, I leave the small village of Coya towards the forest.

Several hours pass and I wince as a tree root twists my ankle slightly. Scowling, I get back up when I hear a sharp thunk of metal embedding itself into something. Closely listening, I hear it several more times as well as a gruff swear and recognize the voice of my target. I furrow my brow in confusion. Why was he out in the forest when he was supposed to be moving the heiress to another hideout as had been his pattern for several years now.

I move carefully through the forest, mindful of the branches and leaves on the ground. As the sound continued, I figure he must be cutting wood for a fireplace for the cold nights and as I spy him from behind, I can tell he didn't eat enough. He is far too thin for someone doing such rough labor and it will make it easier to take him out. Pulling one of my daggers free, I remember Master's advice from many years ago.

'If you want to kill someone, do it from behind. It will prevent you from seeing their expressions as the life leave their eyes and never draw out a fight. If you can take them out quickly, then don't draw out the battle. It could cost you or someone else their lives.'

Despite Master's words and my own determination to fulfill my Trial's objection, I find myself unable to move in so readily. I can't help but wonder, 'What if he moved Kaida? If I kill him then I will have to try and find her again. If he did move her then she wouldn't last long without aide. He had hideouts all over the country.' I bit my lip, indecisive. I know my orders but I can't leave Kaida without him if she was someone else on the country.

My hands tremble as a memory surfaces. An old memory from when Mother was still healthy and Father had allowed me attend one of the annual balls for Angel's birthday and his ascension into primary schooling.

I watch Mother dance with Father. Despite all the people here, I didn't want to approach any of the other children. They were all older and liked to pick on me and Angel would often join in. So I hid myself in one of the corners, behind a column. But as I move to glance out to see where Angel was, I felt a small hand grip my sleeve.

Turning suddenly at the contact, I find myself staring into the silver eyes of a girl around my age. Her eyes were full of tears and I felt my heart tighten with concern. Why was such a pretty girl crying? I didn't like it one bit and I allow her to grip my arm like a lifeline.

"What's wrong?" I ask softly, placing my hand on top of her red hair and stroke it softly. I felt protective of her and as she buries her face in my shoulder, I wonder absently why I hadn't seen her before.

"Brother was making fun of me cause Mama doesn't like me!" She finally cries and I felt a rage unlike anything I felt before surge through me. How could a mother be so cold?

I quietly play several games of Cat's Cradle with her and finally I find myself rewarded with a beaming, sunny smile that took my breath away when she finally managed to win. I promised then that I would always be there this girl who was so similar to myself. I would do anything for her.

I take a deep breath. Even though years have passed since then, I will keep that promise I made when I found the only person who could understand me. I narrow my eyes at the man who is still oblivious to my presence. He hurt someone I cared for deeply and I will not allow him to continue it. My many years of hunting him down would not go to waste. I will find Kaida and bring her back to Master, safe and sound.

I move silently forward and quickly cover his mouth with my free hand. With a quick movement of the dagger, I sink the blade into his skull, instantly killing him. I cringe slightly as blood splatters my face and free the blade before pulling back away from the corpse as it falls to the ground. The last remaining hideout is an hour walk from here and I know there is a stream just a few minutes west into the forest. I make my way towards the stream and absentmindedly remind myself to talk to Master about this. Even though this hadn't been the first time I have killed another, it still broke my heart even though the fury I feel towards that man's treatment of my old friend still burns through my stomach.

I scrub my hands in the stream, watching impassively as the water is dyed a pink hue from the blood. There isn't much I can do for my clothes and after getting most of the blood off my face, I stand up and prepare to head towards my friend.

After almost thirty minutes of walking, I hear the slight whispers of a couple people talking near the forest edge. I silently make my way towards them and find myself staring into the silver eyes of Kaida Mordecai and my shoulders sag with relief. She is safe now and I can't help the smile that crosses my face in her presence. It has been far too long since we were face to face. 

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Vervain
Review
Vervain wrote a review Review · Sep 28, 2014

Hello, darling! Pardon if I repeat what the other reviews have said.

This chapter gives some insight into Israel's character as a whole and introduces us to a good bit of characterization, so I don't have much of a nitpick on that. If I do care about anything, it's that your pacing is a little screwy - stuff is happening, but we don't see a lot of it because of the heavy characterization.

I'll point out the fault with first person narration again: The way your protagonists describe themselves and the world around them. Israel describes his own hair as "ebony", which is on par with his "pine green" eyes - something that most people would consider as conceited coming from someone describing themselves, because it gives away a certain amount of pretentiousness-by-descriptor.

There’s little story to this section as well, and it kind of drags out the whole introduction factor of it – the chapter itself is fairly short, as far as chapters go, and because it’s the same POV, it could easily be combined with chapter 1 so it’s just one long chapter instead of what feels like two parts of the same thing. You could easily do a simple timeskip at the end of chapter 1 and lead into this as the second part of it.

Overall, I think this chapter falls into the same trap as the others, being more of a bite-sized chunk of character instead of an arc of the story. There is potential, though, so keep writing!

User avatar
BillieJean
Review
BillieJean wrote a review Review · Sep 28, 2014

Hi! BillieJean here!!!

So I'll start off with saying you did a wonderful job! You have excellent structure and content and they blend very well together. You also transitioned very well between your dialogue and your descriptions/imagery. Oh, and the details in your writing are very well-written indeed! (okay that sounded weird) Although, you may want to be careful of too much detail. You writing can get cluttered if you add to many adjectives and verbs together or in sequence on one another. (I mean as in over and over) Other than that I think your work is really good. I didn't find and grammar or punctuation errors so I think your good in that area.

So, good job and keep up the good work!!!

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DreamWork
Review
DreamWork wrote a review Review · Sep 28, 2014

Hi soul, just a quick review on this chapter.
You begin the second part of the novel very well and wonderful, but there are only a few things that I thought came suddenly and makes me confused with the background of the story.

Waking up to the warmth of the sun on my face, I take several minutes to get used to the sudden change in light. [this part]As my vision clears, I sit up and try and find Master whom I notice isn't in the room.

It's better if you explain it briefly, simply provide a place that is obvious to the reader. As he walked into a room and so on.
Master looks better than yesterday and as I approach him, I can see he had gotten some sleep as the bags under his eyes were mostly cleared up. Just as I was about to get my own ingredients out, Master asks, "Have you eaten yet, Israel?"

Once more, it is his Master suddenly appear there? And where exactly they are-the place? It's really disturbing the background of story.

I smile faintly at him and quietly reassure him with a brief hug before heading back up to my room to find my staff and daggers.

Honestly, I like the idea of ​​your story. Your writing style also seems to reveal the character of Israel here. He's a quiet, fond look at something rather than talk. I seem to like the character that you create. But here, it gives a little contradiction to the main character.
Some of the writing styles you use has a different impact, but there are some that seems a bit flat well the rest makes me wonder and interested to know more about the next story. I admit, Israel is an interesting character here. You manage to bring the story into an interesting storyline with appeal character. I hope you take the opportunity to use different ways to convey the story better. So it does not look 'the same' without effect / exciting part.
Keep it up! :)



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