Day 92

The days have passed, slowly and almost without worthy mention. However, I have increasingly become more and more aware of my newer self. Her personality is often intriguing as it develops and as I slowly begin to come to know the King and Queen, as well as Luna, I begin to realize just how much the Realm of Escya has ingrained a deep seeded and completely irrational hatred and prejudice against the race.

I find myself less willing to report anything of these wonderful, and very intelligent, people; I have also found myself struggling with my faith in the King, Demaenetus, whom I had once called Father. However, an incident a few weeks before has shaken that foundation to its very core and only now have I gained the ability to even think back on it enough to record what transpired.

During my three month stay so far, I have gained enough of the King and Queen’s faith to be allowed out into the hallway and the rooms accompaning it. Despite this new freedom, I usually spend most of the time in the healing room due to the soothing magic inside that keeps my emotions relatively stable between the switches of my personality. However, one day I had ventured into the small library, and began to read the low level healing books that Luna assigned me for the next few days.

It happened suddenly and without any warning. I felt a sudden crack in my mind, as if something had snapped. But not only did I receive memories that I could barely comprehend at the time, I felt a fiery crack of magick around my body. I looked down to see a spell disguising my entire body shattering away, revealing scars. So many that I had known right away that the memories that were released were tied to the glamour. In sheer panic, I let out an odd rumbling screech before passing out from the shock.

According to Sesi, whom found me first, I somehow broke a powerful block in my mind when I awoken almost a week later. She explained, rather carefully, that the memories were not tampered with besides having been hidden away. It was then that I remembered exactly what these scars were from. Never before had I even thought that he would lay his hands on my in such a way. Scars upon scars from constant punishments and I found myself unable to stand the thought of going back. Even still, I felt an unwavering loyalty and I knew somewhere in my mind, in the personality he forged, there was an almost obsessional fealty to him that I could not shake at the time.

I spent several days hiding from the King Malik, unable to bear his company despite my knowledge that he would never approach me with such anger. Still, the memories of that man’s unbridled and absolute rage as he punished me for even the slightest slip up left me shaken and afraid. Years upon years of this until I realize what he meant by doing it.

By doing so, he made me unwilling to disobey. He made me so afraid of him that when he tore my personality away and replaced it, the memories would still haunt me, even if I had no recollection of it. I always wondered before way I was so afraid of the King. Why even the slightest hint of anger made me flinch and hurry to do whatever he asked. I still had an echo of sorts, the faintest knowledge of what his anger meant and so I did my best to avoid it.

The scars, Luna had carefully explained to me, could not be erased or treated by magick. They had been there too long. I struggle even now to look at them, and to remember that the man I considered a Father had done this to me. I spent more time trying to escape my memories, focusing hard on the healing of the Province. Not only did I find myself havign an almost unnatural talent for it, I also learned I was rather gifted with warding. With permission from Sesi and Malik, I was allowed to learn the writing system for the runes here, only as long as the two were there for me if I wished to practice them.

Currently, I sit in the quiet, open room that held a piano. I still remember my early lessons in the instrument and sometimes spent my time playing it. I even enjoyed many of the songs that were created by the Province and as I quietly played another song, Luna had talked about a very important holiday approaching. It was getting close to winter, which is very important to the people and so they were all preparing for the festival. She didn’t go into more detail however, and I patiently kept it in mind for later. I understood that she couldn’t give away too much sensitive information, especially with my unreasonable loyalty to that cruel King whom I began to hate with my entire being.