z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Petals of an Arctic Flower Chapter 6

by Soulkana


Turbulent winds tore through the air, piercing even the thick furs of the Commander's outfit as he peered into the distance, searching. Raynerus squinted as he struggled to see through the blanket of snow, ice and shimmering blue rays of the sun to catch any glimpse of his niece, Princess Tampeesa, or even her prized tundra bear, Ashura. It was beginning to be perilous for anyone to remain above ground and if she did not return soon, she would freeze within a few minutes by the time the sun fell below the horizon in only a short two hours.

“Commander Raynerus!” A young, newly recruited officer rushed through the crowd of civilians hurrying to the vault doors which he stood beside.

It wasn’t until he saw the recruit’s family lines outlined in their usual pale gold that he recognized the second born to the Noble House of Izrah, Kylas. He granted the frazzled young man a slim smile of reassurance as the man floundered over his words.

“All the houses have been cleared, Commander.” He reported with a slight huff, shivering as he breathed in the frigid air along with particles of snow and ice.

“Have the runes been evaluated and the storage checked to hold the rations for this port?” Raynerus demanded, as the wind begins to tear off parts of the hastily constructed wall protecting the village for the evacuation process.

“Yes, sir. The rations have been calculated to last through this storm, including the several expected births from the recent mating cycle. The runes have been evaluated and they have not diminished in power yet, despite its been almost forty years since they were inscribed.” Kylas noted with a hint of awe and respect as he speaks of the Vault runes.

“Very well. Take care to ensure that all the citizens and livestock are underground within a half hour, Lieutenant Evelune.” He directed to the woman approaching to his side.

“She’ll make it, Commander.” Evelune stated, hand resting on his arm as he turns to face the palace with a frown.

“I am needed up at the Palace.” He evaded her attempt to console by taking the tundra bear from one of the stablemen and mounting it.

As he rode to the Palace, he can not but help to feel pride over the runes his niece had put in place almost half a century ago now. Most runes would need to be redone at least three times in that span of time, yet hers still glowed as strong as they had been only carved a few days before. Her runes now covered all the vault doors in every town and village across the Realm. She had run herself ragged from overusing her magick and spent several months without the use of it. Still, it kept the underground passages and rooms save from being broken down and all of the Province absolutely treasured her for it.

Despite his overwhelming pride in his eldest brother’s firstborn, his fear for her at this moment eclipsed all others. He quickly dismounted the instant the palace stableman grabbed the reins, ever thankful that his patrol this morn had been in one of the palace’s outlying suburbs. Brushing the snow from his hair, Raynerus strode fast to the palace doors and inside the building.

“Where is the King and Queen?” He ordered one of the servants whom swiftly directed his route to the family dining room where his sibling and family were finally rising for the day and eating the morning meal.

As he pushed into the dining room, he surveyed each of his family critically for any signs of the impending blizzard having an effect on their various health. His elder brother, Malik, looked perfectly at ease as he helped his youngest, Irniq, with Astronomy for his placement test. Everyone seemed fine except for Shila who had yet to touch her plate and was nervously glancing over a stack of notes from Tampeesa’s study for her Healing placement.

“You’ll do fine, Shila dear.” His sister-in-law, Sesi, soothed as she pries the notes from her second daughter’s hands, pushing the plate closer as she did so.

“But sister did so well! I can’t be seen as untalented!” Shila all but wailed in despair.

Deciding that Shila needed reminded of just how Tampeesa was not such a good gauge for her talents, Raynerus quickly adds in his thoughts with a kind smile to his youngest niece, “Shila, your sister is not a good person to judge your talents upon. She can only do healing and protective magicks. You have incredible talent in healing but also with curses. You have powerful magick in those arts while Tampeesa’s talents lie only in the defensive capacity as well as having incredibly potent magick.”

“Besides, “ Malik interjected, “Your sister as well as the rest of us, will be proud of you no matter where you are placed, Shila. Now please finish your breakfast before we must take cover under the soil. How close is the storm, brother?” The King turned his attention to Raynerus whom accepts the plate from one of the kitchen aides with a thankful smile.

“All cities are sealed up in the vaults. No problems with the Princess’s runes nor the vegetation she has mass produced these few years.”

Malik narrowed his eyes, spotting the information he left out. A concerned glance between the two parents causes everyone to glance out the window with concern. Raynerus sighed softly. He had known they would pick up his lack of attention on Tampeesa’s arrival.

“She hasn’t come back from the Solitary Isles yet?” Sesi whispered, eyes filming over with tears in her fear.

“She’ll make it, Mother.” Kunik reassured softly from near the end of the table, his crimson eyes glittering with his determination.

Malik wrapped his arms around his wife’s shoulder, “This is not her first trip out of the Realm, my dear. Surely she just must be having trouble getting the pathway open. It is always difficult with the blizzard approaching the pathway into the Realm.”

“But she’s never been this late before!” Shila snapped, losing her temper, “It can’t be more than an hour before the blizzard blocks off complete access to the Realm!”

The room grows silent as everyone takes their gaze to the window. No one wanted to bring up the possibility of her not making it in time. Let alone the consequences of her doing so and as the time grew closer and closer to her deadline, the tension grew thick as a fog. At least until a small figure appears at the gate, stagging forward, almost waist deep in the snow. They, then, spotted the tundra bear following behind her, its white coat stained a visible crimson red.


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558 Reviews


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Sun Sep 27, 2015 2:23 pm
erilea wrote a review...



Hello, Soulkana! Artemis here for Team Tardis! Happy Review Day!

So, let's dive in. When you say "despite its been", the phrase sounds kind of strange. I think "despite the fact that its been" would sound much better. Also, "its" should have an apostrophe.

"The runes have been evaluated and they have not diminished in power yet, despite its been almost forty years since they were inscribed."

A small error, here. "Magick" should be "magic."

"She had run herself ragged from overusing her magick and spent several months without the use of it."

So, you're saying Raynerus strode fast to the palace doors. Well, I'm not sure if I would include the "fast" in there... just "strode" would be fine.

"Brushing the snow from his hair, Raynerus strode fast to the palace doors and inside the building."

In the beginning of this chapter, you say that it's almost sunset. However when Raynerus is visiting the royal family, they're waking up and eating their morning meal. Why?

"He ordered one of the servants whom swiftly directed his route to the family dining room where his sibling and family were finally rising for the day and eating the morning meal."

The ending's really nice! I like how you mention the bear has blood on its coat... what happened? It hooked me and made me want to know more. Good job on this piece! It was very detailed and it was a very good read. Keep writing and never stop, Soulkana!

-Artemis28 :D




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Thu Sep 03, 2015 1:09 am
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



Hello, Soulkana! I'm here today to review your work! (If that wasn't already obvious. :P)

Wow; I'm impressed with the concept that you have here. Although I'm already a big fan of fantasy (and will read just about any fantasy story I can get my hands on), and am used to a lot of fantasy stories, I was impressed by your story! Your worldbuilding skills are exceptional, and the features of the world that you have built captivate me. I like the way that you balanced the fear of the blizzard consuming the surface and driving the people into the ground with the calm tranquility in the home of the King, Queen, and family, only shattered by the lack of a member of the family in the palace. Furthermore, the wide variety of characters in the royal family were fascinating, and I enjoyed learning a little bit about each of them. In particular, I'm captivated by Tampeesa's influence upon the entirety of the story. Obviously, she has a major role in the story. Her runes help protect all the citizens in the land, and her magick potency is immense. In conclusion, I found that the concepts in the story were incredibly interesting, and I loved the background and setting of the story.

Your usage of details were also quite impressive. I learned a lot more about the nature of the citizens and their attributes, as well as the impending blizzard. Your detailed descriptions also allowed me to quite clearly envision the scene, and also conveyed deep emotions. The encroaching blizzard and the fear of the family kept me eagerly hanging on each word, until the mixed satisfaction and horror of seeing Tampeesa and her bear finally arrive at the city, the bear stained with what I assume to be blood. Although I found that you struggled with the tense of the story (I notice that this story is mostly written in past tense, but also has a few deviations, in which you write in the present tense; as a suggestion, you can try to read aloud the story, and keep an ear out for any aspect that's written in a tense that goes against the tense of the rest of the story), your setting and details were well-done, clear, and vivid.

In conclusion, I enjoyed reading this story from start to finish. Your characters, and, in turn, character development, was exceptional. Your detailed descriptions were wonderful, and the emotions that you provided throughout the story were eye-catching, hooked me on the story, and were amazing. Well done! :D





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