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Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Hero for Hire: Chapter 6

by Sonder


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Seb sat up in alarm. "Did I say something?"

"No," Eli said. But I did. He couldn't help but wonder if this timing was a terrible coincidence, or if West somehow knew.

He abruptly pushed that thought away, and shot to his feet. He brushed the grass from his jeans and quickly tapped in a response. The last thing he wanted was for the Agent to come looking for him.

Sorry. On my way back.

Sebastián frowned in concern. "Everything okay?"

Eli shot him a bemused glance. "No. Work things. Which you apparently know about now." He started down the hill, back towards campus. "But it'll be fiiine."

Seb only needed to take a few long-legged strides to catch up to him. "Eli?"

Eli ducked between a fence, crossing between two houses to get to the main road faster. A small terrier barked at them from a recently-mowed backyard.

"Yeah?"

Sebastián rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "We're not done talking about this. I'm in it with you, now."

Eli paused, gratitude welling up in his throat. He glanced at his friend. "Thank you."

Seb gave a small nod and flashed a crooked smile. "You do your thing. I think I'm going to try to go to Programming, just to make the effort."

Eli shrugged, speeding up his pace as he tried to ignore the anxiety in his chest. "Okay. You're more responsible than me, at least."

They walked another two blocks in quiet thought. Eli was grateful that his friend didn't pry, that he seemed to understand that Eli wasn't willing to divulge much more at the moment. He felt dumb for overreacting about Seb's finding out, but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was still a mistake.

When they got back to campus, Seb split off towards the Computer Science building, and Eli gave a short wave.

"Don't do anything stupid until I get back," Seb called.

"Can't promise anything," Eli called back, and tried not to focus on the fact that it seemed like everything was going to hell. Seb knew, Atlas was in the hospital, and West had noticed his leaving.

He sped up his pace.

---

Rosiello Hall had become more animated as the afternoon dragged on. Eli made the mistake of entering through the main door, where some of his dormmates were milling around. Emmanuel and Kody, two Rosiello acquaintances, glanced up from where they sat by the front desk.

"Eli!" Emmanuel exclaimed, rolling his chair forwards. His eyes shone, with excitement or fear, Eli couldn't tell. "Dude. We heard the news."

Kody nodded earnestly, pity flashing over his face. His floppy blonde hair fell over his eyes. Textbooks, paper, and calculators were spread along the front desk. The two of them often worked together during Emmanuel's shifts.

"Are you...doing okay? I mean. Pyro, man. That's crazy." Emmanuel tried to contrive a concerned expression, but Eli saw the thirst in his eyes.

"I'm fine," Eli said stiffly, crossing swiftly to the stairway. Did they really think that this was all just a juicy story? Atlas could have died. Could still die. Atlas, who, until yesterday, had been their dormmate and friend.

"I heard that his own powers flipped out. That he's been a villain this whole time, and no one even knew!"

Kody nodded. "Yeah, man. Where are all these superpowered freaks coming from, anyway? My mom said when she was little, there were only a few bio supers in her entire state. What gives?"

Eli took a deep breath. "I don't know."

He pushed a hand through his hair and inched past them with an apologetic look. "Sorry, but I'm not feeling one hundred percent, guys. Hard night yesterday. I'll talk with you later."

He pushed open the stairwell door, but not before he saw Kody give a disappointed shrug.

Leeches.

He managed to avoid running into anyone else on his way to his room, which was a relief. Next time, he would definitely enter from the side door.

His door was unlocked when he arrived, and Eli frowned. He hadn't been the most stable before he'd left. Maybe he'd forgotten?

But when he pushed open the door, he knew why.

A man with flaming ginger hair reclined at Eli's desk, picking through his backpack as if it were his own. He pulled out a sleeve of Rift's suit and snorted.

Eli couldn't stop himself. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Agent West glanced up, and grinned. His face was shadowed, but his water-blue eyes reflected dully in the dim light. For some reason, he hadn't turned on any of the lights.

"Hey, kid. Long time no see." His voice was a low rasp, and it sent shivers down Eli's spine.

Eli glanced back down the hall, then back into his room. He stepped inside, shut the door softly behind him, and leaned into the wood, trying to calm his rapid pulse. He flicked on the overhead lights.

"You're not supposed to be here," he accused.

West swung his feet around and placed his elbows on his knees, still smiling. "Yeah. But we needed a check in."

The Agent gestured to the backpack. The sleeve hung out like a limp black and white snake. "Do you really just leave this sitting out? Anyone could break in and find it."

Eli watched him, and replied slowly. "I wasn't in the best... mental place this morning. Usually it goes elsewhere."

"Mm. Little slips can add up into a big mess. No exceptions." He picked up the backpack and threw it at Eli. Eli fumbled, caught it. West's smile had vanished, replaced by an icy expression. "Put it away. Now."

Eli grit his teeth, but he went to his closet and climbed onto the box filled with winter clothes to reach the ceiling. He pressed the backpack into the corner between the ceiling and the wall, momentarily turning it intangible so that it was nestled halfway into the cinder block. It was barely visible in the shadows, and only accessible to Eli.

He shook the pain from his hands and emerged. He faced West with a scowl.

"Okay. What do you really want?"

West tilted his head, pushed clear hipster glasses up on his nose.

"Just checking in, is all. A lot of crap is going down at the Program at the moment, between you and me. Wouldn't want you to make anything worse."

Eli tried not to roll his eyes. "I got your message," he said. "I'm doing what you asked."

"Really? Because my trackers told me that you went off campus today, almost immediately after I told you to, what was it? Stay low."

West leaned in, grinning a wolfish smile. His teeth were dazzling white. "And I just had to make sure you knew what we're dealing with here."

He stood up and flicked a finger at the phone clutched in one slender hand. He was just wearing a plain black tee, dark jeans, and Adidas sneakers, but Eli couldn't help but wonder how many weapons he had managed to conceal underneath it all.

West stepped in, too close, his breath hot on Eli's face.

"The public is crawling all over this news, Eli. I'm surprised that no one's sought you out more than they have, with you being the only witness and all." He raised a blonde eyebrow. "I need to be assured that you won't go blabbing, or risk exposing yourself."

Eli watched him silently, unmoved from where he stood. He refused to back away, even though every nerve screamed at him.

"We shouldn't be having this conversation. You know that I wouldn't do that."

"You wouldn't? Not even if it's the trauma speaking?"

Eli resisted the urge to snarl. "No. And you owe me news on what's really happening. What happened to Atlas."

West's smile turned sharp. "I don't owe you anything."

He finally turned his piercing gaze away from Eli, and pulled a slip of paper in his pocket. "But you did suffer a great deal," he said, dripping with sarcasm, "And from what I can see, you've kept your mouth shut so far."

Eli tried to keep his features neutral, guilt and relief mingling bitterly on his tongue. At least West didn't suspect Seb, not yet.

West continued, oblivious. "So that's why I'm going to be generous, and give you a few days off to recover."

Eli's thoughts shuddered to a stop. "What?"

The Agent tilted his head. The freckles across his cheeks looked like a spray of blood. "Why so surprised? This is just a job, after all. You need some time."

Eli stayed silent, biting his cheek. In his entire career with the Program, West had only given him extra time off once, when he had been throwing his guts up at the end of last semester. Either West really was being merciful, or something was up. Maybe this was a warning. Of what, Eli had no idea. 

West patted Eli on the shoulder. "Three days. Then you're back to the missions on Monday. Alright?"

Eli nodded, trying to ignore the possessive grip the Agent kept on his shoulder. West squeezed, so tight that his nails dug into Eli's skin. Eli squirmed uncomfortably.

"Tell me, kiddo. You were there with him, then. Did Pyro say anything, anything that seemed out of place or concerning?"

Eli pried his hand off of him with an effort. West's eyes flashed.

"There was... a lot of screaming." Bile rose in Eli's throat. "I'd say that that was fairly concerning."

"Mm," West murmured. "Nothing else, before that?"

"No."

Watery blue eyes studied him for a moment too long before smiling, yet again. A shark's smile. "Okay. I'll let that go for now. Here."

He handed Eli a small capsule. Inside were two small white pills.

"Thought I'd deliver them personally for once."

Eli reluctantly took the capsule. "Thanks."

West strode to the door. He paused with his hand on the knob.

"Keep out of trouble, Eli. And, oh." He glanced back, nonchalant. "I've been told to request that you leave Atlas alone. No hospital visits, no phone calls. He needs his space to recover."

He gave a sarcastic salute. "Until next time."

And then he was gone, the door swinging shut behind him.

Eli waited for a moment before realizing that his shoulders were bunched up to his ears. He tried to relax with a sigh. He glanced down at the pill bottle, a plan already beginning to turn in his head.

Three days off. That would be plenty of time.

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Sun Aug 26, 2018 1:23 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again! Is this really a first draft because you've got me on the edge of my seat! :o

This is a really tiny note, but when Sebastian says he's going to Programming, I thought he meant he was going to go to the Program like he was going to try to get involved in this whole business too, and I was waiting for Eli to stop him until I realized, oh normal class programming. Maybe specify computer programming or don't capitalize it to make that more clear? (or maybe I'm just crazy :p)

I think when Eli is walking across campus and more people are stopping him to talk about Atlas being Pyro, I'd still like a little more information about what exactly the general public knows. Obviously they know there are these various named heroes and villains, but do they know that regular people sign up, or do they think they were born this way or what? I also thought it was very telling that Kody said that there are way more heroes and villains now then there used to be. I have a feeling this is part of the greater conspiracy that's cooking up.

And we have to talk about West. He was not how I pictured, but man is he creepy and cold. Absolutely no sympathy for Eli. I liked that you showed us that Eli doesn't trust him because Eli didn't tell him the truth about what Atlas said. I have a feeling Atlas won't survive and I have a feeling that even if he manages to survive his injuries, West or others will kill him because he's figured something out and he knows too much. And what are these white pills?!

So far even though he's a prick, I like the characterization of West because it's fitting in with the overall picture I'm getting of this program. They obviously don't care about the individuals, they only care about the output. And I bet West gave him time off because he doesn't want Eli to crack under pressure and accidentally spill some beans. Makes me wonder what would happen if West knew about Sebastian.

And this plan! I love plans. Don't think my 800 questions per chapter means I'm confused or that you need to answer all of those questions in that chapter. I love that you have all of these layers and moving parts and I think you're doing a great job balancing everything so far. There are things I'm really curious about and certainly want to know more about, but I feel like I know enough that I'm not lost or confused.

Looking forward to reading on! Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention! :D




Sonder says...


Thank you so much for the review!

Hahaha omg, I didn't even think that programming could be confused with the Program, but I totally see it! I'll be sure to clarify.

Wow, you are too kind to me. x.x I really appreciate that you think this is okay, and I love any and all questions, because I have very little idea what I'm doing and they help me think about goals for revisions! :)

Thank you again!



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Sun Aug 19, 2018 1:42 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey Sonder! Back for a review as always. :)

I really liked the second part of this chapter. Holy in the actual heck West is creepy/intimidating, and finally getting to see him in the flesh really adds to the tension. I love how he's described - the contrasting colors really add to his intensity. And freckles as a spray of blood? Chilling.

"You wouldn't? Not even if it's the trauma speaking?"

I did feel like this line didn't really make sense/fit, because West isn't exactly the kind of person to actually care about trauma, and if it's sarcasm it's just feels not quite clear.

He pushed open the stairwell door, but not before he saw Kody give a disappointed shrug.

Leeches.

This surprised me, just because it's such a strong word for Eli to throw against his friends, or at least dormmates. But... like, I'm not telling you you should change it, because I feel like it fits Eli's character and how insensitive they were being. It was surprising, but a good surprising.

I thought the weak part of the chapter was the rest of the scene with Seb, because I feel like it totally loses the tension you introduced in the previous part and is a little drawn-out. Eli just doesn't feel as nervous here about getting back to the campus and to safety. In the last part, you even say "panic laced through him," but he doesn't feel panicky at all here - it's more like he's only going back because West ordered him to, whereas in the previous chapter I'd thought he did realize that it's not that safe out here on his own.

Of course, neither I (nor, I'm guessing, Eli) believe West for a second about why he's not allowing Eli to contact Atlas. Obviously he doesn't want Atlas to tattle about the Program and I'm guessing even if he does survive, they're going to find a way to quietly remove him.

And I think that's all I've got! I'm really excited Eli has a plan now - if this were a physical book I was reading, I would have just leaned in closer and turned the page eagerly. :) Thankfully, the next chapter is actually out, so I'll go read that!




Sonder says...


Thanks so much for the review! You always have such helpful points, and I really appreciate it. :) Thanks again! <333



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Wed Aug 15, 2018 2:16 am
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Lauren2010 wrote a review...



Hey there, Sonder! Back again to get all caught up.

I am very suspicious of this Agent West character, and these pills he passed off to Eli. Are these related to keeping Eli's powers in check? I don't need to know this in this chapter I'm just very intrigued!

I love that we get to see a bit more Program influence in this chapter via Agent West (though I do wonder if the tone of this conversation fluctuates a bit too much? What is Agent West really there to accomplish?) and it's really clear to me that Eli's feelings about him and the Program are shifting. It's definitely making me want to read more!

He felt dumb for overreacting about Seb's finding out, but he couldn't shake the feeling that it was still a mistake.

I mean, I don't think he should feel DUMB. He's a literal supervillain sworn to keep a secret identity so he'd have to go pretty dang far to overreact. I think it's totally justified for Eli to feel uncertain and uncomfortable about bringing Seb into this.

Kody nodded. "Yeah, man. Where are all these superpowered freaks coming from, anyway? My mom said when she was little, there were only a few bio supers in her entire state. What gives?"

Ooooh this is very interesting information. Has the Program been around as long as bio supers? If not, how did the Program come to be involved? Has there been a recent trend of supers getting discovered, or their powers going off, like Pyro? Is this something Eli or any of his friends have started to get worried about?

I think this is a super strong chapter to set us up for whatever is coming next. It's the absolute right time to bring in Agent West and introduce some more of Eli's suspicions about the Program and the beginning of his secret plan. I cannot WAIT to see what he has planned to do in these three days. Great job bringing in that tension! Now get to writing so I can find out what happens next. ;)

Thanks so much for sharing, and keep writing!

--Lauren




Sonder says...


Wow, you were busy. Thank you so much for all the reviews and for your commitment to my story. <3 You are so kind and have so many fantastic suggestions that will definitely be needed in revision because this first draft is a mess even so far hahaha. Thank you again. :)



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Fri Aug 10, 2018 2:12 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



OKAY SO you already know most of this from my comments in WFP but I'm going to expand on them a bit.

So Seb is 100% the Dad Friend and I am SO CONCERNED about this potential foreshadowing of Bad Things Happening to him. Like I just want to shout at you Not to Hurt Him but literally we're only six chapters in and this story is already far angstier than I had anticipated dang it so I am Concerned.

Whyyyyyyyy do I still not know if Atlas is dead!!!! it's like the worst kind of slow burn I just want him to be Safe UGH

On that note: NO WEST YOU DO NOT GET TO TELL ELI HE CAN'T SEE ATLAS. I need him to see Atlas so I know he's going to be okay. DISOBEY, ELI. Dear god please disobey, good god.

Oh god those two dudebros from the residence hall are the WORST. Like okay they may not have known Atlas but still are you not the least little bit concerned/uneasy about what happened to this guy you know? Like aren't you at least a little afraid and wondering who else could be involved in this sort of thing, instead of laughing and gossiping and calling them freaks? UGH LITERAL WORST.

Ooh, but I like that you introduce that here, that superpeople are a Thing in this world and people know about them but suddenly there's a lot more of them and it's weird. It's a nice subtle way to introduce more of the Main Plot without people even really suspecting.

It's still driving me nuts that "stay low" meant "stay on campus" like to me it just means "don't draw attention to yourself" so West going "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STAY LOW" just makes me like *slaps West* YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD HIM TO STAY ON CAMPUS IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED.

Okay, so I'm curious about how time off works with the Program, really how they work in general in terms of Boringness like OSHA-related things, like can you request time off? do you get any benefits? especially healthcare since they know their people are gonna get hurt? do you do your villan or hero thing for eight hours at a time and if so do you get breaks and lunches? I DEMAND ANSWERS actually probably literally no one is wondering this but me and I'm sure you're probably hoping that's the case please ignore and don't stress

WHAT IS ELI PLANNING other than seeing Atlas because he BETTER BE PLANNING TO SEE ATLAS




Sonder says...


THANK YOU FRIEND
I love your reviews and reactions so much haha. <3
Seb is most definitely the Dad Friend. IIIIII can't promise anything about his safety though. Hmhmhm /whistles/
So what I'm thinking, with time off, is that the job is pretty up and down based on what companies commission the supers. So some weeks you may have very little work, because very few companies where interested in villains, but other weeks can be hellish if there's a lot of work to be done. But you're never really "off" because you could be hired out at any time. I'm not certain how health care or Christmas or anything like that would work at the moment, but I probably should? Lol idk. But essentially West is saying that Eli can't be hired out for the next three days, but after that, he's fair game.

Thank you again! <333




It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
— Albus Dumbledore