Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
A/N Hey all! I know this might not be as good as the other piece did and that I probably should have left it at that but Edmund is such a great character to write with so I just couldn't resist. Plus I had this idea and though why not?
“Are you comfortable Edmund?”
“Well this is a mighty comfortable chair and we're in a mighty comfortable looking place.”
Jeremy Western sighed, “I asked about whether you felt comfortable Edmund, not the chair.”
The eyebrows which framed Edmund's baby blues arched into a slight frown. “I guess so.”
“Your friend Helen's been worried about you. She says that you hardly have time for anything but your work nowadays.”
Edmund leaned back into his chair. “Helen? Nurse Helen?” he smiled. “Don't mind her, she always over exaggerates about everything.”
It was Jeremy's turn to frown. “She says you don't get out enough. She thinks your workaholic attitude might be somewhat unhealthy.”
“Which is why I am here with you, to prove to my good colleague that I do have a social life.”
Jeremy nodded. “Okay then, when was the last time you were in a relationship?”
Edmund smirked at the sandy haired man sitting opposite him. “Last night,” he replied smugly.
“Just last night?” asked Jeremy, puzzled. “What about the night before?”
Another smirk.
“Oh I was in a relationship the night before as well but with someone else.” Edmund crossed his arms.
“I see that you're a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy.”
Edmund chuckled. “Well I guess so.”
“So where do you meet your 'acquaintances'? I mean, it must be hard with your tight doctor's schedule and all.”
“It's not hard at all seeing as I meet all of them at work.”
“Colleagues?” Jeremy was becoming curious.”
Edmund chuckled again and shook his dark curls. “No. All of them are patients. Actually, I've had a relationship with all my patients.”
“All? So female and male?” asked Jeremy tentatively.
“Well yes, I'm not picky.” Edmund smiled widely. “In fact one day you might come to see me.”
Jeremy nearly choked on his own saliva. “I'm married.”
Edmund just kept smiling. “That's never stopped anyone before.”
Jeremy was feeling extremely uncomfortable, the man sitting across him was far stranger than any patient he had before. He needed to bring this session back to order. “Well Edmund this session has gone very well and I think we've learnt a lot about you.”
“Thank you Dr. Western, you seem like a great psychologist.” Edmund beamed at him.
“Though I can see why your colleague Nurse Helen is concerned about you. A relationship with all of your patients just isn't healthy, Edmund. I'm booking you for another session and hopefully we'll make some progress.” Jeremy scribbled in his notebook before remembering a question that he had forgotten to ask earlier. “By the way Edmund, exactly what kind of doctor are you?”
Edmund had been halfway out of Dr. Western's office when he turned around and chuckled before replying. “I do the post mortem, doctor. I work in the morgue.”
Dr. Jeremy Western was left with his mouth hanging open while the strange man walked out of his office humming happily.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,284 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
Please write more of these. I just read the other one and I want more of this guy. It's so delightfully creepy.
The only thing I suggest for this piece--particularly before the psychologist knows that Edmund works post mortem. Any doctor of any sort--his reaction to "I've had relationships with all my patients" would not be, "Well, you probably shouldn't have relationships with ALL your patients." Doctors are actually not allowed to have relationships with ANY of their patients...it violates the code of ethics, because it's thought that the doctor will be unable to make the best choices for the patients' well-being if he gets into relationships with them.
So the psychologist's first thought upon being told that Edmund has relationships with patients--and especially with ALL his patients--would not be "It's not healthy for you to have relationships with all of them." It would be more along the lines of, "!!!! I am reporting you to the board of medical certification!!!!" (or whomever you would report that to). Doctors can lose their licenses over that sort of thing, actually.
Although psychologists also adhere to doctor-patient confidentiality, so maybe he actually can't report Edmund to any board for this sort of thing--IF Edmund is actually a patient and not there for a casual visit...but even so, you see that the psychologist would be more freaked out by this even before finding out Edmund works in the morgue.
Blue
Hey, so I read your other work as well, which was pretty amazing:) Obviously, since I had read the other one, I knew what Edmund was. I've got to admit, your first price was considerably better, although this one was also great. I don't have a lot of complaints. One thing. I think you split the sentences up too much. Even some of the dialogue could have been one paragraph. Once again, you did great with keeping it short and simple. You leave out details of surroundings and appearances and focus on the plot instead of dumping a whole lot of info on us for one short story. Great work, and keep writing!
Hello.. this is my first time reviewing so yeah.
i really like the way that most of the story is dialogue, you can really picture whats happening in your mind.
i think it's just me but i kinda like if the text manages to encapsulate all the sense, like not only picturing in my mind but also being able to smell the air, and feel the wind. but i still really like the ending though, because it's really obvious but still shocking at the same time...
so yeah, hope that helps...
Hi, Moose here for a review, and-
OH MY GOD WHAT JUST HAPPENED WHAT DID I JUST READ.
AUGHHHHHHH!!!!!
Oh, gloth. Oh, gloth. Augh... *hides head in crook of arm*
*mumbles* What did I just reaaaad?!
Seriously though, that was my reaction. That was quite a twist there. Oh, you got me good. Wow. That's just... Wow. I don't even know what to say! I love this, once I'm over the fact that he just said he's a POST MORTEM DOCTOR AND HAS RELATIONS WITH HIS PATIENTS! LIKE WHAT THE HELL. WHAT THE HELL.
I'm so done. I am so done with YWS....
Awwww, that was GREAT!
That is definitely something you should keep up with. Edmund, oh Jezebel, he's quite the character. That was absolutely FANTASTIC!
Just one teensy thing. (Yeah, there's always a but, I know. I'll make it short)
When a character is speaking, (for example)
Add a comma after their dialogue. In other words, after the word psychologist, there would be a comma instead of a period.
WOW! JUST WOW! This was great. Fabulous work, and I really hope to read more from you!
Cheers,
Moose