A/N Hey guys :) Another piece which I'm not sure makes sense. This is open to interpretation and I'm really interested in what this reminds you of or what it means to you. I've used a piano in my story but for you this feeling might come for something else, eg: sports, cooking or writing :) Thanks for reading.
My fingers hover above the piano keys.
They linger, unsure where the journey will lead them this time. They ponder on which road to take. While my fingers reckon on their possible paths, a silence slowly hangs around me. The pause before the playing is always the worst, for with it comes the silence of uncertainty. It drapes itself upon my shoulders like a thick and woollen shawl. So heavy and constricting that it feels almost impossible to shrug off.
Almost.
A single note sounds.
Akin to a whip cracking through the air. A glass ceiling shatters, and I can almost feel the silence splitting.
Almost.
My fingers move of their own accord, and I stroll down the path that they pave for me. Every high note is a mountain and every low note, a valley. The lilting melody pulls me into a relentless ride, during which all else is drowned out. The music fills my mind, and slowly I feel my burdensome shawl slip off. The sweet voice of my piano sings me a lullaby, and I begin to dream of a different kind of silence.
One that doesn't constrict, but embraces. One that does not weigh down, but carries. One that is not foreign, but familiar.
This is the feeling of serene tranquillity and the utmost contentment. This is the silence that for me, only black and white keys can unlock. The door that guards it is a hazy dream and the room that contains it is an open field.
The piece ends abruptly.
I open my eyes and close my heart. The silence reaches out and grabs me. Strange and cold fingers drape a heavy shawl around me. The emptiness after the song always hurts, for with it comes the silence of loss. I sigh and try to recall a different kind of silence.
The song of my piano.
So familiar, I almost forget it. So real, it is almost a dream. So loud, it is almost silent.
Almost.
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Well done Silverlock! Thanks firstly for the notes at the top!
First my criticism. I feel this is misplaced. This is no short story. In my mind this is art. This work really got to me, and I am glad to say I can really relate to this feeling, somthing that you are good enough at and content with that you feel safe doing it. Very muchly well done on this one,
Keep.up the good work,
Take That You Fiend!
You requested a review from me on this piece, but I can't review it. I can't find anything that I could help you with. This piece has an extreme 'literature' feel to it, that is simply unbeatable! Keep up the good work!
Hello, Silverlock.
I honestly wish I can write like you can. It looks so composed and detailed that I couldn't stop reading for a second.
I imagined the scenary of this story, that's how good this story is!
You need to keep writing! I want to read more of this mastery of work you possess.
Keep up the good work!
-K
Hey, here to review as requested. This is very emotional. I am sorry I am late but reviewer's block.
I sit here, reading this and realizing that the art of piano is very different than the art of writing, yet it can be described by writing. Do you understand what I just said because I sorta didn't. Well this is still beautiful and (again) emotional.
~lost
Holy....... wish I could write like that, honestly. As a fellow pianist I can definitely relate but perhaps not as passionate as you. It is still a very astonishing piece, the whole piece had a voice of its own and a beautiful. You're a master of words, and you know how to covey your feelings through them very well.
My favourite line: 'I open my eyes and close my heart.' -> just pure brilliance, it ain't something you can just learn. It comes from the heart.
And your repetition of almost, used in a most intricate and ingenious way, making the reader feel the lingering sense of 'almost' is just....... like achieving a state of equilibrium.
Now I sound like a madwoman, whatever. Just remember, this is brilliant and it shines like a unicorn in July. xD
Hey Laure!! Wow I didn't expect this story to get such a good response. Thank you so much for reviewing!! It really is appreciated and I glad that you liked it!
Holy mother of pancakes, this is good. I don't play piano, but if i did, i would want it to feel like this. Not many people can describe music as silence, but you did it wonderfully. Also, the "Almosts" (for lack of a better word) gave the poem a whole, complete feeling, while at the same time making it feel wistful. The description is excellent, and really creates imagery. Altogether an exquisite piece. Keep writing!
-Bellator
Hi!! Thank you so much for reviewing my story!! I really appreciate it!! I'm really glad that you liked this.
Hey, Silverlock! It's Storm here to review for ya tonight!
First off: Beautiful. The images that you conjured into my mind were incredible, and the beginning snagged my attention. I perfectly recognized the emotions one feels while making music through this piece. It was well written in so many regards! There isn't much you need to correct!
Notes:
-I love the extended metaphor about the path that the music paves, and it adds a lot to the ideas you're trying to convey. Because of this metaphor, the reader receives more insight about the piano keys and how their ebony and ivory unlock doors for the speaker.
-Also, the repetition of "Almost" was a great, simple word that greatly impacts the mood of your short story, Silver. Perfect ending.
-The only minor thing that stood out to me was the part about the shawl comparison. I understand what you're trying to say here, but why a shawl? It might just be me, but shawls aren't exactly very restricting... Maybe another item would work better?
-
These two short sentences lend so much to the work. Here, the reader finally realizes the completion music gives this speaker. Gah! Haha So perfect in so many ways.
Overall, amazing job, Silverlock!
Hey! Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to my request and review my work!! I'm glad that the emotion was able to come across. I understand what you mean about the shawl. I guess a poncho would be better but would maybe sound a bit comical. I imagined the shawl as being unnaturally heavy which is why I used it. Thanks again!!
Beautifully written scene. I wish I could put half as much emotion into my work.
Loved the personification of the fingers in the beginning, and of the piano:
The repetition of 'almost' (especially at the end) was excellent; to me, it conveyed hope and strength. Really enjoyed this piece.
My keys are black and white, too. But they don't sing, they write!
Hi!! Thanks so much for reviewing my work!! I'm glad that you could relate to it and that you liked it!
Hi!! Thanks so much for reviewing my work!! I'm glad that you could relate to it and that you liked it!
Hello Silverlock, Cheetah here to review your piece!
This was beautiful, simply breathtaking. I don't know how you can make writing sound this good. I liked a lot of things in this, but what I really loved was the shawl, how you described it draping over your shoulders, weighing down on you. That was wonderful description and I'm curious as to where you got it from.
Onto the review!
This is a great way to start.
Personally, I think it would help the flow is you switched 'that' to a comma. It's totally up to you, though.
The rhythm here is what really stuck me as amazing. Good job!
I really liked the theme in general. The way you describe makes it sound to wonderful, blissful even. I definitely feel this way with writing. Great description here. Keep writing!
~Cheetah
Hi Cheetah!!
I'm really glad that you can relate to this feeling that I'm trying to come accross and that you enjoyed it. 
Thamks a lot for reviwing my piece
Knight Dragon, here to review!
Technical:
For style reasons, I would advise you to put a comma in front of "but." It helps the piece flow a little better. The same is true of the other two sentences in this paragraph.
On the author's note, I think the statement that this piece "doesn't make sense" is completely unnecessary. If it didn't make sense, I would have a lot more technical to point out than just three sentences for the same style issue (which is an authorial decision and not technically wrong). So you can kindly (if you want to) pitch that sentence on its metaphorical head.
Another style suggestion. Because of how this piece is written, I feel like this would flow and feel better if the second paragraph in that quote were added to the preceding, and the stylistic fragment added to the stand-alone sentence. But if you want that short "single note" sentence to feel like a single note, then you don't have to combine sentences. I just feel like it would still have that "sharpness" to the "single note" sentence even if you combined those two paragraphs. Again, this is a style decision and totally up to you.
From the piece, you make it seem like the narrator is very familiar with this shawl, and so it struck an off-note key with me to hear the fingers described as "strange." Maybe "alien" or "foreign" better describes what you're trying t convey here.
Hope this helps!
Hello Sir Knight!!
Thank you for reviewing my piece and for all your suggestions. I have edited it as such and I'm glad that you thought it made sense
I really enjoyed reading this piece! I could definitely relate to it and apply it to writing poetry (analogous to your piano playing). I can tell from your writing that playing the piano means a lot to you, and that it's almost like a light that you need in order to feel complete (I feel the same way with writing). I love it.
One thing I would change... In the third sentence of the piece you say the word "silence" and then again in the fourth sentence. I would change one of these silences to another word, simply because they fall so close together and that makes it kind of an awkward read. You also use the word "silence," in general, a lot throughout the poem. I would just recommend trying out some different word choices!
The last line of the piece really got me, I love the repeated use of the word "almost" throughout it.
Nice job! It's a beautiful piece.
Hey!!
Thanks so much for reviewing my piece and I'm glad you liked it. I'm especially glad that you felt you could relate to it. I'll take on board your suggestions.