Anything Really: The Sequel? No! The Prologue!

So wait.. is he a zombie?

Snoik, you're orange now.

A brilliant story like this needed to be continued, of course.

XD Snoink, after re-reading this I wonder....was this just a joke or are you actually continuing this?

Brilliant. Pure brilliance. Your skills awe me.

--Dreamy

Snoink wrote:He looked at the sea, his eyes lifeless, and thought about his story. His story... it was too painful to tell. But he would tell it. He gulped in the air and began to speak.

He looked at the sea, the roaring see where the seagulls soared in sultry figure eight formations, casting shadows over the rocks where the waves battered the shore. His eyes scoured the horizon but they seemed to be looking beyond it; beyond the horizon of the sea, beyond the horizon of time and into his past, a story almost too painful to tell. But he would tell it, he had to for the weight of those unspoken words has grown too heavy for him to bear.

He took a deep breath, inhaling the salty air and began to speak.

I nudged him with the end of my pistol to move closer to the edge of the cliff.
He said, “Just wait minute, will ya!,” to which I replied, “Yer runnin outta time old man. I’m through playin games. Either be out with it, or you can kiss them rocks down there.”

He turned toward me and said, “I’ll tell ya, I jus…”

He looked out at the roaring sea, the first rays of sunlight were beginning to creep across the horizon.

He turned to me again and said, “can I at least have a smoke? Jus gimme a smoke and I’ll tell ya everything.”

If it was any other day and any other guy, I would’ve put one between his eyes and let the poor bastard fall down to the sea floor. But what can I say, I got a soft spot for those old timers. It always seems like they know something the rest of us don’t. I sighed and took a step back.

Pointing my gun at him I said, “One smoke, and you better spill yer guts. Got it?”
The Geezer nodded his head. I pulled my pack of smokes out of my shirt pocket and held them out to him. He took one and I pulled my lighter out and lit it for him. He took a puff and looked out at the sea again. He was searching; for what, I’ll never know. Maybe he was looking into his past, a story I would soon find that was almost too painful to tell. His eyes were wrinkled from a lifetime of restlessness, but they still had some life in them, I swear they did.

He put the cigarette to his lips once more, inhaled the thick smoke and began to speak.

"Snoik wrote:
He looked at the sea, his eyes lifeless, and thought about his story. His story... it was too painful to tell. But he would tell it. He gulped in the air and began to speak.

This sucks.

Hi Snoink!

I'm Demeter! I'm going to be your reviewer today.

He looked at the sea

his eyes lifeless

and thought about his story. His story... it was too painful to tell.

But he would tell it.

He gulped in the air and began to speak.

Hey Snoink!

What a moving piece you have here! It reminds me of the time that I was staring out to sea when a big wave came and soaked my dress. Except that you wrote it in a more deep way with evocative wording. Now, to make this more lengthy consider adding more words to your piece! It'll make this last more, but in a wonderful way.

Hope this helps!

(Ahem. I got this review format off someone rather marvellous).

Snoinkarina, I love how your character is so sad about his own story when he begins to talk we hear nothing. Poor guy. But it was very amazing, you should write more.

~peanut~

That was amazing, Snoink! I completly bawled my eyes out, it was just that good. The best piece I have ever read so far in months. Yet, I have a problem with this one part:

He gulped in the air

Inspirational. I think my favorite part was this paragraph:

He looked at the sea, his eyes lifeless, and thought about his story. His story... it was too painful to tell. But he would tell it. He gulped in the air and began to speak.

Epic Win right there. I love the title. Question: If his eyes are lifeless, how are they looking at the sea?


~Jasmine Bells~
Peace, Love, Writing, Chocolate, Valentines Day and Insantiy.


P.S. My head hurts ALOT. Ouchie. Major Ouchie.

Made me sob endlessly, I'm still crying now. I can't tell if it was pure beauty or the utter cliches.

It was too painful to tell yet he would tell it anyways? Seriously? That just doesn't sound right. I don't like it >.<*rawr*. Anyways, I think you could say something like, it was too painful to speak so he just cried and draw the story in the sand? OR something that made it seem more abstract and not completely lifeless?

Other than that, I have no real problems.
Good luck, keep writing.

Silented1.

Epic

Absolutely beautiful, Snoink, and totally original.

-Elinor