z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Irish Men

by Snazzy


I laid down on the chocolate colored sofa, and crossed my arms.

"And why are you here today?" The physciatrist asked, and stroked his long orange beard.

I sighed. "Doc., I've got a problem." I said.

He sighed as well. "And what, may I ask, would that be?"

I shook my head, and closed my eyes. "I always put Irish men in my stories..." I murmured. He only nodded, and I continued. "I have a problem...."

He nodded, and pulled out several cards with distinctive black dots on each. "What do you see here?" He asked.

"An Irish man."

He sighed. "And here?"

"An Irish man." I repeated.

"What about here?"

"Oh! It's an Irish man holding a donut!" I exclaimed, sitting up.

He rolled his eyes, and put the cards down. He felt his long beard again, and spoke. "Alright. So far I can tell you that you are indeed obsessed with Irish men."

I sighed. "I know that!" I said, frustrated. I laid back down again. "But how can I not be obssessed?"

The man stood, and picked up a pen. "We will try to find the source." He paused, pulling several large needles out of a drawer. I gulped. "Now sit still..."

I shook my head, and closed my eyes. I felt tiny pricks, and I tensed. On one prick I relaxed, and the man nodded. "That's it." He clapped twice, and my eyes flew open.

"Now, what would you like to write about now?" He asked.

I smiled. "Maybe a girl with magical powers, or a dustbunny who's fluff is too small!" I said, and he smiled as well. "And the dustbunnys' uncle is Irish!"

The pysciatrist slapped his forehead with his hand. "Oh brother..." He muttered.

I sighed. "I'm never going to get well..."

He sighed, but his face lightened. "Wait! I have one more thing..." He pulled a long watch out of his pocket. "Here...now watch this, er, watch." He said, and the watch swung back and forth.

I watched it, and my eyes grew weary. "You are getting tired, tired..." The man's voice was now only an echo in my head. "When I snap my fingers, you will no longer be obsessed with Irish men...."

I nodded. "Not obsessed with Irish men..." I murmured. He smiled, and snapped his fingers. Once again, my eyes flew open.

"Now how do you feel?" He asked, smiling.

I laughed. "I feel great!" I said, and stood up. "Thank you!"

He nodded. "Your welcome."

I put my hand on the knob, ready to leave, when an idea entered my mind. "Sir...?" I asked tentatively.

He smiled politely. "Yes?"

I hesitated, looking at his long orange beard. "Sir....are you Irish?"


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
130 Reviews

Points: 467
Reviews: 130

Donate
Thu Jan 07, 2016 7:15 pm
View Likes
AutoPilot wrote a review...



To start with, this was really funny!

I was lacking stuff to read today and ended up here, surfing the YWS stories for things that looked interesting; this did. It was well written, with no spelling or punctuation errors. It was really funny! I love how everything comes back to irish men,

"what do you see?"

"And irish man"

"Now, what would you like to write about now?" He asked.

I smiled. "Maybe a girl with magical powers, or a dustbunny who's fluff is too small!" I said, and he smiled as well. "And the dustbunnys' uncle is Irish!"

Overall I really like it, it was easy to read and did not feel awkward or pushy. Did you have fun writing it? Because it seems like it would have been a lot of fun to write.

keep on writing!




Snazzy says...


Oh yes. I had a lot of fun with this one. :D :D :D :D



User avatar
37 Reviews

Points: 995
Reviews: 37

Donate
Wed Feb 25, 2015 2:03 pm
View Likes
PerfectWeapon says...



This is hilarious story! I love the idea, and it is so funny. I'm in class, and almost started to laugh! The thought process probably was not that time consuming, it sounds as if it came to you easy! The story is great in grammatical ways, and perfect with the plot!
This is funny, because he is so desperate to god rid if his obsession, and is it turns out, it is literally impossible! No matter what the psychiatrist does, it all comes back to Irish men!!!
I love this story and hope you right more!!!




User avatar
37 Reviews

Points: 995
Reviews: 37

Donate
Wed Feb 25, 2015 2:01 pm
View Likes
PerfectWeapon says...



This is hilarious story! I love the idea, and it is so funny. I'm in class, and almost started to laugh! The thought process probably was not that time consuming, it sounds as if it came to you easy! The story is great in grammatical ways, and perfect with the plot!
This is funny, because he is so desperate to god rid if his obsession, and is it turns out, it is literally impossible! No matter what the psychiatrist does, it all comes back to Irish men!!!
I love this story and hope you right more!!!




Snazzy says...


:D Thanks! :D It probably came pretty easy because...um... *cough* It's pretty much the story of my life... :D :D



PerfectWeapon says...


This is an amazing story! I love it! please write more!



User avatar
37 Reviews

Points: 995
Reviews: 37

Donate
Wed Feb 25, 2015 1:59 pm
PerfectWeapon says...






User avatar
763 Reviews

Points: 3888
Reviews: 763

Donate
Wed Feb 25, 2015 12:12 am
View Likes
Lava wrote a review...



Hi there!

Interesting story you have here. I sort of liked it, but I'm sure you can edit this os that comes off much better!

So, I did notice a few grammatical error like verb conjugation, bu those are fixable things that we don't need to belabor on.

Actually, I think both spellings are accepted these days? Although Donuts was first used by the Dunkin Donuts chain? I may be wrong though.

Alright, so as to your content, I think you can work on your storytelling by incorporating better description into this short. I do understand this short style, but I think your humor aspect would benefit too if you included a few more subtle hints onto the character of this person.

Have fun writing!
~Lava




Snazzy says...


Okay! :) Thanks for the help! :D



User avatar
763 Reviews

Points: 3888
Reviews: 763

Donate
Wed Feb 25, 2015 12:12 am
Lava says...



[del]




User avatar
59 Reviews

Points: 5916
Reviews: 59

Donate
Tue Feb 24, 2015 7:31 pm
View Likes
Lucia wrote a review...



Hahaha..... I knew that was coming. ;) I really liked this a lot! I found it very funny. I also find myself slightly wondering if the obsession could perhaps be... real? :D
The simplistic style of writing was attractive for this style of story, mostly because it didn't distract you from the actual story. Good job!

Some people write it that way on purpose, but I'll say it anyway. Donut is actually spelled "doughnut". I suppose it doesn't matter that much, because people will most likely know what you're talking about. ;)

I shook my head, and closed my eyes. I felt tiny pricks, and I tensed. On one prick I relaxed, and the man nodded. "That's it." He clapped twice, and my eyes flew open.

I don't really have a problem with this, I was just thinking that maybe you should mention where the doctor was poking, such as the side of the patient's head or some such spot.
The other thing is that when write "On one prick I relaxed", I'm not really sure what you're trying to say. Are you saying that the patient first tensed up because of the pricks, then relaxed when one prick touched the right spot?

Overall, you did a very good job, and the problem I noticed isn't distracting from the story. It's a very good work, so I hope to see more from you!
I hope this helps!
Cheers!




Snazzy says...


:D :D Actually, that obsession is real....I put Irish men in pretty much all of my stories.... :D Anyway...thanks for the help! :) :D




Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.
— Samuel Butler