Young Writers Society

I sat back in my chair, and looked at a tall man dressed in purple. "Guess what?" I asked him.

"Umm...what?" The man asked.

"What's your name?" I asked him.

"Umm...Kevin." He said, looking at the door to the room.

"Correctomundo my dear friend..." I paused, smiling. "Now what's mine?"

He looked away and bit his nails. "Uh-" He started, but I interupted him.

"Nasty, nasty habit you have sir." I said, looking at his fingernails.

The man sighed. "I know," he looked away nervously again. "That's what my problem is."

I smiled. "You know how you can fix that?"

The man smiled. "What?"

"Dip your little piggies in grape juice." I said simply. He frowned, and I sighed. "I mean, everyone hates grape juice! It's way too perfectually purple."

The man frowned, and started to back up. "Right..." I smiled.

"Now where were we? Oh yes, my name. What is it?"

"Umm...Snazzy?"

I simply shook my head, and snapped my fingers. "WRONGO!" I shouted, and the floor gave away beneath him. He yelled as he hit the ground. "That's Dr. Snazzy to you!" I yelled down at him. The floor appeared again, and I tapped the bell on my desk. "NEXT!" I shouted. A small girl with a lolipop stepped up.

"Hi! I'm Beatrice Bettlebee, and I'm here for you to help me." She licked her lolipop once. I smiled sweetly, and leaned in closer.

"What's your problem," I coughed. "Little girl...?" I gently touched the lolipop stick. "I'm sorry, but there's a 'no candy in your hand-y' policy in here.

Beatrice screamed and stomped on my foot. I winced, and smiled. "What an adorable little angel..." I whispered through clenched teeth.

"NO ONE TOUCHES MY LOLIPOP!!!" The little girl yelled.

I smiled kindly. "Fine. I guess we can make an exception..." I muttered. "Now what can I help you with, dear Beatrice."

"Mother says I have to come here. I got a problem. She's always yelling about how I eat too many lolipops." She said, and licked her lolipop once.

I nodded. "Sure. Just let me get out my very own invention." I pulled out a large bucket, and sniffed it. "Smellarific, don't you think?"

Beatrice frowned. "Fine, but 'whatcha' 'gonna' do with tha-" Before she could finish, I grabbed the stick and dipped the candy in the bucket. I took it back out, and gave it to her. "Now try."

Beatrice's eyes grew wide. "You touched...lolipop...mine..." She licked her lolipop nervously. "YUCK!" She exclaimed, and threw the lolipop to the floor. "That's disgusting!"

I smiled. "I know. Do you want to eat a lolipop now?"

Beatrice nodded. "Well of course! I'll just know never to stick it in your inventions." She said.

"Fabulous." I scooted her out, and sighed. "NEXT!" I didn't bother ringing the bell. A large man with a long beard stepped up.

"Aye! Fabulous room ye got here!" He said, looking around.

I bowed. "Why thank you, thank you. Please hold your applause till the end." I looked up. "Just kidding, you can applaud now." I whispered.

The man clapped and smiled. "So..." he began. "I always am eating potatos. I think I may be a wee bit obsessed." I nodded.

"Easy one, just let me notify my Foodoitlia." I said, and grabbed my phone.

"Foodoitlia?" He asked.

"Yes, yes." I said, and put a finger to my lips. "Yes. Hello! Hello Martha! How's the kids? Uh-huh...uh-huh..." I paused glancing at the confused Irish man. "We have a potato eater here..." I muttered. "Yes, okay. Sure. That's fine. Right. I'll send him up." I hung up, and turned to the man. "Walk out of the door, take a right, then a right, then a left, then a straightwards, then just kaboddle."

The man frowned. "Ayeee....ma'am. I'm not sure what a kaboddle is."

I sighed, impatient and ushered him out the door. "Then maybe you should've bought a woozaloo."

He turned around outside my door. "A wooza-" he didn't finish. I slammed the door in his face.

"Have a nice day!" I chirped happily, and rang the bell. "Next!"

A tall woman in high heels walked up carrying a clipboard. She thummed through the papers on it, and wrinkled her nose. "Um...Doctor Snazzy I presume?" She asked flatly. Her voice was high and piercing...sort of like a really annoying bird. I nodded.

"Some call me other names that I would not wish to mention though." I stated. "How can I help you?"

The woman smiled warmly. "No!" She tweeted. "It's how I can help you!"

I frowned. "Well then maybe we should switch postions. You could sit on the throne." I patted my 'rolley' chair.

The woman smiled and nodded, walking closer.

I suddenly rolled away. "Just kidding. No one sits on the throne except for me!" I said, and rolled back. "So what can you do for me?"

The woman frowned, but nodded. "I'm a health inspector, actually, coming to inspect your building."

I frowned. "I have no knowledge on health or inspecting, but go ahead." I gave her a goofy smile.

The woman nodded. "Right..." She muttered, glancing around my office. She pointed to a green gooey substance. "What is that?" She asked, and I stood up.

"That, my female friend, is just one of my many inventions." I paused, leaning in closer. "It's supposed to make pigs fly." I whispered.

The woman nodded and jotted something down on her papers. She glanced around again. A small fluffy creature bounced in front of her. Its eyes were large, as was its nose. His fur was a dirty brown, and it jumped up and down.

"WHAT IS THAT?!" The woman screamed.

I laughed, and petted the creature. "That's Billy! He's a hayorney." Billy jumped up and down.

The woman only nodded. "Surprisingly, thats not the craziest thing I've seen today..." She muttered, looking at me. I smiled sweetly. She looked over at a short man holding his knees to his chest. He rocked back and forth. "Umm....who's that?"

"Oh, that's just Steve." I looked at him nervously. "Just never mention cheese in front of him...he gets crazy about it." I whispered. Suddenly the man jumped up and onto the woman's back. He pulled at her hair.

"CHEESE!" He screamed.

The woman started to run around the room. "HELP!" She yelled. "I'm being attacked!"

I tried to calm her down as I pulled out my dart gun. "Don't worry! This happens all of the time..." I focused in on Steve, and pulled the trigger. Instead of hitting Steve, it hit Billy. Billy turned around in a circle and fell to the ground.

"Oops..." I muttered, and pulled the trigger again. This time the dart hit the woman, square on the shoulder.

"Ooohh...." She twirled around the room, Steve still on her back. The woman then slumped to the floor. Steve continued to pull at the woman's hair.

"ARGH!" I yelled, and shot again. The dart hit Steve on his arm. I smiled and blew away imaginary smoke off my gun. "Third times a charm." I said happily, and looked at the three bodies. I set my gun down and opened my closet. I pulled Billy and Steve in first, then the health inspector. I looked at the three bodies slumped together and smiled. "A fabulous job if I do say so myself." I said softly, and tried to slam the door shut. The health inspector's hand was smashed between the door and the wall.

"Yeesh. That's going to leave a mark." I kicked the woman's hand back into the closet, and slammed the door. Satisfied, I looked out of office into the waiting room. No more customers. I smiled and switched the open sign to closed.

"You've done a wonderful job today Dr." I told myself. "Why thank you Snazzy!" I said, and grabbed my coat. "Another successful day..." I said, and skipped out of my office.