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Band Instrument Studies

by Snazzy


11 November 2015

Although the many instruments of band class are hard to understand, a few experts on instrument emotion and actions, including myself, have decided to study them in their natural habitats. ONly one death occurred, an extremely low number. Most of us are just thankful to get out alive with the data we could.

-Dr. Snazz E. Pencil I.E. (instrument expert)

Examination 1: Letters

(We recovered a series of letters from the darkest depths of the band room)

Dear Trumpet,

I'm sorry... That you are so cocky. I know you can't help it.

Sincerely,

The Honest Clarinet.

~

Dear Clarinet,

I'm sorry, I can't help that I'm awesome. Of course you wouldn't recognize superiority, you mediocre woodwind.

Sincerely,

The Best Trumpet

~

Dear Trumpet,

Your ego is so tall, an airplane once mistook it for a skyscraper.

Sincerely,

Clarinet

~

Dear Clarinet,

Your squaking is so loud, even the geese are ashamed.

Sincerely,

Trumpet

~

Dear Trumpet,

I'm sorry your cockyness, but we are supposed to play piano here, not fortissimo.

Sincerely,

Clarinet

~

Dear Clarinet,

Why don't you say that to my face, you reed licker!

Sincerely,

Trumpet

Examination 2: Texts

(we were able to tune in on a group text between the instruments)

Clarinet: I heard you talking about my reed the other day, trumpet.

Trumpet: Yeah, so what?

Clarinet: It's not nice, you ego-freak!

Baritone: Hey Clari, back down a bit!

Flute: Don't call her Clari! She doesn't like nicknames!

Trombone: What? Sorry, I can't hear you, you're so darn quiet!

Saxophones: Seriously, shut up guys!

Drum Line: DUT DUT DUT!

Pit: More cowbell!

Tubas: Let's play Jaws for next years' show!

Oboe: I'm so alone...

Bassoon: It's alright, let's be alone together!

Oboe: Okay!

Rest of the Band: *sighs*

Examination 3: Interviews

(We were able to get an up close and personal look on each of the instruments)

Reporter: So is it you, or your reed?

Clarinet: We never tell anyone this, but whenever we squak, we just pretend to fix our reeds. Really, it's just an embouchure issue.

~

Reporter: On a scale from 1 to 10, how good do you think you are at trumpet?

Trumpet: Eleven.

~

Reporter: Why does everyone despise the sound you make?

Piccolo: I honestly have no idea.

~

Reporter: So what made you want to become a saxophone?

Saxophones: *in unison* Steamboat.

~

Reporter: So you play Snare? Are you a pretty good drummer?

Snare Drum: It's percussionist, and yes.

~

Reporter: So what are your thoughts about this interview?

Pit: ...more cowbell.


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Wed Dec 23, 2015 10:29 pm
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rainforest says...



This makes me so happy every time I read it.




Snazzy says...


xD



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Sun Nov 29, 2015 3:48 pm
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FortePiano wrote a review...



This was utterly hilarious! The fight between the trumpets and the clarinets throughout all of it really represents the instruments well. Except for the saxophone part, I have no idea about that. I play saxophone, and I'm no trumpet, but give us a better part that isn't Identical to the french horn's part! Sorry, went off on a tangent- Overall really funny and a good read!




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Mon Nov 16, 2015 3:20 am
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Variks wrote a review...



Greetings, SnazzyPencil.
I would first like to point out how incredibly hilarious and accurate this is. As a percussionist myself, i found the "DUT DUT DUT!" from the drum line very funny.

I like how you perfectly captured the usual personalities of all of the instruments, especially the cocky trumpet. One... character, I suppose, I know prides himself in how incredibly good he is at his trumpet. All the way back in sixth grade, he already could play in some of the highest octaves the trumpet can reach, though he never found use for it. He is commonly known for his bragging about his skill at the instrument, and I don't mean to rant, but I find it quite annoying.

I did not like, however, that you included instruments like the oboe and bassoon, however completely disregarded the French Horn.

Overall, it was a great, amusing, oh, whatever this is classified as, and I generally liked it.

Gg, mate. Gg.




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Sat Nov 14, 2015 9:41 pm
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backroadstraveler says...



Ok, actually LOLed at "DUT DUT DUT"




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Sat Nov 14, 2015 4:43 am
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Blackwood says...



This is pretty accurate. But it's a pretty alien idea to imagine more than one tuba XD People are lucky just to get one in this country.




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Fri Nov 13, 2015 4:35 pm
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Questio says...



I love this so much as a marching, jazz, and concert band player and orchestra member. (Trumpet)




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Fri Nov 13, 2015 3:26 pm
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pdavinci wrote a review...



My god this was great. I am disappointed not to see my instrument up there. Even the bassoons and Oboes get more attention than us French Horns.

Still though it was hillarious. Perfect representation of the cocky trumpet.

"How many trumpets does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could've done it."

Though I do wish you could have gone a bit more with the sterotypical percussionist.

"What did the percussionist get on their IQ test? Drool."




Snazzy says...


:D Thanks! I think I might continue it in another "series of examinations", and I'll be sure to include French Horns. (I have no idea why I forgot you guys...the French Horn in my band would be disappointed...) Thanks again! :D :D



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Fri Nov 13, 2015 4:25 am
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rainforest says...



This is so great!

The interview part is something I myself as a Trumpet player would answer if someone asked me that.




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Fri Nov 13, 2015 1:42 am
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BlueSunset wrote a review...



I loved this! This reminded me of my band class. I love to imagine my band class saying this, it'd probably be pretty funny because the flutes always complain that nobody can hear them because the saxophones are too loud. Alright, onto your piece (sorry about that).

Dear Trumpet,

I'm sorry your cockyness, but we are supposed to play piano here, not fortissimo.

Sincerely,

Clarinet

Small spelling mistake here, just "cockyness" is spelled "cockiness".
ONly one death occurred, an extremely low number. Most of us are just thankful to get out alive with the data we could.

Can I just be picky and say that that N is capitalized in Only when properly it should be lower cased?
Dear Clarinet,

Your squaking is so loud, even the geese are ashamed.

Sincerely,

Trumpet

Okay, maybe my squaking is loud, but I can't help it.
Yes, I play clarinet, and seeing this piece published on YWS made me laugh. I've never read a something like this about the clarinet and other instruments and I thought it was new and a fresh idea.
Humor, I think, was the key here in this. Without it, this wouldn't feel completed and I think you adding humor to this was spectacular. It was a wonderful thing to read and made me feel like it was meant for me almost.
Even though it's written back and forth with instruments, this piece can sure and definitely can be read by people who don't just play instruments. It's humorous and talks in a way everyone can understand even if they don't play any of them, which I like because you so well incorporated that.
You have very good talent in writing humor and comedy, that you could for sure continue this as a career or job of some sort. :D

Keep writing and follow your dreams~

Sun :D




Snazzy says...


:D Thank you!



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Thu Nov 12, 2015 11:58 pm
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Enflicted wrote a review...



This I have to say is very funny. I liked the wording and short little information spots. I really thought the ending was funny. I also enjoyed hearing them go back and forth in my mind. You are very good at comedy. I was wondering if you ever thought of doing scripts? short plays maybe. Keep writing, and I do believe you found something you're good at.




Snazzy says...


Thank you! I haven't considered scripts yet, but I think I might look into them! :D Thanks again!



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Thu Nov 12, 2015 7:57 pm
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caliginous says...



So accurate.



Spoiler! :
Trumpet is the best.

Spoiler! :
I'm 12/10




Snazzy says...


:D
Spoiler! :
I play Clarinet.


Spoiler! :
It wasn't my reed.




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