Chapter 13 - Princess Irene - Rumors ; Chapter 14 - Princess Irene - Reunion

by Skywind555

Published July 6, 2017

18+ Language Violence Mature Content

In Lusarth Fauxun

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Chapter 13 – Princess Irene – Rumors

I slowly open my eyes when I hear the sound of cicadas chirping. I grimace from the ache in my head, my hand applying pressure to try and alleviate the pain. Argh…my head… It seems I'm still alive…

As I open my eyes again, I regain my senses and feel something heavy on top of my stomach. While lifting my head, I shift my gaze toward it and find Leila asleep with her head and arms there on the right side. I smile, also finding Irene in the same position on my left. My eyes linger on her sleeping face. I shake my head and then relax my facial expressions when I start to see her reflection again. I rest my head on the ground. I close my eyes.

I have no idea how we're still alive… That Anomaly's behavior was really strange when it decided to leave us instead of finishing us off… I close my eyes as I think back to that moment. The wolf's red eyes stared into mine, almost feeling like a sense of familiarity. What if the wolf's actually a reincarnation of…

I shake my head to rid myself of absurd thoughts. As I open my eyes, a realization hits me. I narrow my eyebrows and purse my lips. Wait… The first time I encountered an Anomaly…didn't something similar happen? It mysteriously disappeared before I even noticed… Given its capabilities, it should've had plenty of time to ambush me… Maybe I'm the reincarnation of one of their friends, and when they stared into my eyes, they realized who I was and left me alone…

My mind becomes blank for several seconds. Afterward, I let out a few giggles realizing my stupidity.

"Uhnnn…" Leila mutters as she sluggishly lifts up her upper body with a yawn. She rubs her eyes with her finger and asks, "Kai… You're…awake…?"

"Oh sorry… did I wake you…?"

"I think so… We should probably get going soon anyway… How're you feeling?"

"Ah, perfectly fine now as you can see, thanks to your magic," I say with a smile and shift my gaze toward the bloodstained hole in my armor with my body left perfectly intact.

"Be a little more serious… If I delayed healing you any later you really would have died, you know…" I can tell that she's serious, and a shiver goes down my spine, my smile disappearing. I think about the possibility of the potential unfortunate outcome in silence, but soon break out in laughter.

"Well, I'm still alive, though. So it's fine isn't it? You…" I stop talking and smiling. Leila wears a solemn expression on her face with tears welling in her eyes.

While darting her eyes around, she quietly says, "I was really worried…that you wouldn't wake up…and before I could tell you…that I…"

She blushes. My heart beats progressively faster. I gulp while attempting to maintain the same expression on my face. Could this be…? A love confession?! From Leila…? That's impossible

"I…" she suddenly says in high volume, but she doesn't finish her sentence. I cock an eyebrow at her open mouth with no words coming out. Her eyes are focusing on a single point now. I turn toward it and then find Irene. Her eyes are open. It appears that she's been awake for quite some time.

"That you what?" Irene asks. Leila's face is flushed red, and her lips twitch in place. I think of a probable possibility of her hesitation.

Hmm, maybe it could be that…? I think back to when I first met her and verify, "That you think of me as a great friend, right?"

"Huh?"

There's a dumbfounded look on her face. With a smile, I continue, "When we first met you told me that you really hated Humans… And I know now that you're not too honest in expressing your feelings, so you just had a hard time telling me that, right?"

Leila's expression lightens up, and she answers, "Oh, yeah... That's it. You really know me well…"

She laughs lightly and then sighs. I quirk an eyebrow. Afterward, I turn my head towards Irene when she clicks her tongue. "What's wrong, Irene?"

"Nothing…"

I'll never understand women… I sigh before saying, "Anyway… We need to get going to Byzia."

I stand up. Leila and Irene do the same. "Yeah, let's go. It seems we slept for too long; it's already past dawn."

I survey my surroundings while turning my head towards every possible direction we can go in. I come to a standstill when I realize I have no idea where I am. I skeptically curl one side of my lips upward and ask, "Uhh…which direction's Byzia again…?"

"Jeez… You really are hopeless, aren’t you?" Leila sighs and then opens her backpack. She shuffles through it and then pulls out a parchment. She kneels down, lays the map on the ground, and says, "Good thing I bought this magical map when we were still in Drymo."

She pools some of her Mana into the piece of paper. Subsequently, a red dot appears on the map in the forest located east of Byzia. The dot disappears after a few seconds. She rolls up the map, stores it in her backpack, and then stands up.

"Okay, based on our location and the position of the sun…" she says and then points in a direction. "We go this way."

We encounter some monsters on our way there, but Leila easily takes care of them with her magic. Unfortunately, since I don't have my weapon I can't help much because I also need to conserve my Mana. We reach the east outer walls of Byzia in just under four hours.

"I can't walk anymore…"

"Just hold on a little longer, Irene. We are almost there."

"Hey, we should go that way towards the southern entrance instead of the northern entrance in case our pursuers notified the guards here," I suggest as I point toward our left.

"Hmm, good idea, but Irene still stands out too much."

"Ah, we'll just think of a plan when we get there." We continue walking, and the southern gates are within our sights within half an hour. We hide at the edge of the forest behind some trees for the time being because we notice something strange. There are dozens of people heading into the city; many looking like villagers.

"What’s going on here? Could it be something happened in their village?"

"Beats me…but we can work this to our advantage. We'll just casually head in with these crowds of people. We can walk a little distance apart so we can ask different people about what's going on," I suggest. We take a short detour south toward the trail so that it looks like we're coming from other villages in this direction. Now all there is to do is ask someone what's going on…

I look around trying to find a suitable informant. I lock my gaze on a middle-aged man traveling by himself. I quicken my pace toward him and tap the back of his shoulder. I walk at the same pace as him. With a smile, I say, "Excuse me."

He frowns as he scans my appearance from head to toe. His eyes bounce up, and he knits his eyebrows before saying, "Who are you?"

Noticing his suspicious tone of voice and facial expressions, I quickly respond, "My name's Kai, an adventurer. This is my first time here in Xantho, and I'm headed to Byzia to find some new work, but then I saw all these people headed toward the same direction. Did something happen in one of the villages?"

"Ah, I'm not sure if anything actually happened, but everyone's probably here to hear Osmir's speech… You're an outsider, so it's no wonder you don't know anything about what's going on…"

"Osmir…?"

"That's right. You've heard of him, right? He's the hero who has been defending villages against Velyn's attacks for several months now. He also led a group of mercenaries two days ago and raided the castle, usurping the throne."

I knit my eyebrows as I think back to what Irene said about her father. "Velyn has been attacking villages…? That seems hard to believe…"

"Not as hard as believing as that you're an adventurer… I mean, look at you. You're carrying two sword sheaths, yet you have no swords, and you have a massive hole in front of your armor. You look sketchy to me…" I blankly stare at him with a forced smile as he points to the areas of interest with his finger. My lips twitch. He narrows his eyes at me.

"If you're an adventurer, then you must have a license, right? Show it to me," he demands in an insolent tone of voice. I try my hardest to keep a calm level head and think of an appropriate reply. I laugh lightly.

"Oh, you made the same mistake as most people! I actually specialize in magic, watch."

I say as I place both of my hands palm up and then emit Rich Mana from both hands for several seconds.

"Ho…" he mutters a low energy sound.

"Actually, I was in a huge battle on my way here…and as a result, this happened," I explain as I point to the hole in my armor. In a demoralized and gradually more lethargic voice I continue, "And I lost my backpack on my way here, so I don't have my license with me…please don't remind me…"

I look down and sigh. Afterward, he sighs too. "Alright, alright, I got it…"

"To answer your question, I couldn't believe it either. I've lived here a long time, and he has been a great benevolent king for decades, but he completely changed when he announced higher taxes at the beginning of this year… He said that consequences will be paid for villages that don't meet the requirements. A month later, I heard rumors about how villages that couldn't afford to pay were raided by the army… But I never believed them for a second…until I witnessed it myself two months ago…"

I gulp before asking.

"You mean…you personally saw Velyn commanding an army that pillaged a village…?"

"Hmm… I'm having a hard time remembering, actually... What did I see, I wonder…" I force a smile, feeling like he's mocking me. My eyelids twitch. I cock an eyebrow when he sticks out an open palm. "I think five silver coins might help me remember…"

This guy… I frown before I calmly reiterate, "Well, like I said… I lost all of my belongings…"

"Goodbye," he says quickly as he turns his head away. He starts to walk away at a quicker pace.

"Wait!" I exclaim only a moment later.

"What do you want?" he asks. He narrows his eyes into my eyes and says, "I have no business with moneyless liars…"

Afterward, I cock an eyebrow and stare at him like I have no idea what he's talking about for several seconds. But then, I relax my facial expressions and smile back.

"Oh, was it obvious…? Well, if its money you're after, my partner back there can supply you with it before we part ways," I say and point my thumb behind me. He glances behind for a moment before facing forward again.

"Oh… an Elf and a girl, huh… An interesting trio, but it's none of my business as long as we have a mutual understanding…

"Yeah, you have my word," I say light-heartedly, but afterward, I narrow my eyes on him as I scrunch my eyebrows together. This guy… He knew I was lying, and just now he pinpointed Leila and Irene outta the crowd in just a second… Who is he…?

"Hmm, yes I remember now… It was just by coincidence, but I was on my way to Riodor when I saw smoke rising from where the village was located, and I took a detour, eventually hiding behind some trees. From there I had a good view of everything going on in that village…" He shivers as he recounts his experience. I'm slightly doubtful if he's actually trembling or pretending, so I don't feel any empathy for him. He continues in a morbid voice, "I had a hard time believing it even though I was witnessing it before my eyes…

"I can still remember the screams of all the villagers… I saw armored men cutting down unarmed villagers, sparing no one. Men were the lucky ones, who met their fate swiftly, but women were not so lucky… The savages forced themselves on them with no shame…even the younger ones… When I saw all of their faces twisting in ecstasy, I actually thought that the identities of these beasts were bandits, but then I saw him… Someone who wore armor bearing the national symbol of Xantho in the middle of all the chaos… It was Velyn… He sat there on his horse, apathetically watching the brutality unfold."

"You're sure it was Velyn…?"

"Yeah, I know it was him… There's no mistake." I focus my eyes into his and realize that he's telling the truth, but I don't want to believe it. I gulp before asking another question to confirm a thought.

"Did he participate…? In any of the violence…?"

He thinks for a moment before answering, "I don't know… He might have before I arrived, but he's just as guilty for watching."

I knit my eyebrows thinking about the reason behind this.

"I see… That's disappointing to hear." I knit my eyebrows thinking about the reason behind this. "Were his motivations for the attack just the taxes?"

"Hmm… I'm not sure… I may have heard other rumors about it…" he says with doubt. I frown, knowing he's just teasing me.

"Other rumors…? Like what?" I ask while narrowing my eyes. He only holds out an open palm again. "Five silver again…? Whatever, my partner will supply you afterward."

My impatience is probably showing through my voice. He smiles and then nods his head before replying, "Well, someone saw someone that looked like the prince's fiancée, Aurora, leaving the country and the prince, Seirus, has not made any public appearances since then. The consensus is that they eloped. So people say that Velyn is taking out his frustrations on the villages while looking for concubines since he doesn't have a successor now."

He pauses for a moment and then raises a finger. "Actually, I heard they actually found the missing women who were supposedly kidnapped in the last couple of months. They discovered them locked inside cells when they raided the castle… Those poor girls…"

"What happened? Don't tell me…they're dead?!" I exclaim as I unknowingly get absorbed into the information. When his hand is out again, I only narrow my eyebrows and make a shooing motion with a hand towards him. "You don't need to keep asking… My partner will cover it."

"I have your word…? Great," he says suspiciously, but I ignore it thinking that it's only a handful of silver.

"I heard they were alive, but I also hear that most of them carry children now."

"Is Velyn the one who assaulted them…?"

"I don't know… I only told you what I heard yesterday when the news was announced in Byzia and spread to all the villages in Xantho."

I widen my eyes as I raise my eyebrows when I make a connection.

"Liar!" a loud voice resounds behind me. I know the voice belongs to Irene without looking. The man beside me looks behind him.

Irene... Any of this information would be hard for her to take in… I wonder what they have been told so far? I suddenly remember an important key figure in all this and then smile. "I have another question…"

He turns his head back to me. "Did you see any high ranking soldiers guarding Velyn when you saw him in Riodor? For example… General Dae?"

He closes his eyes momentarily while grasping his chin with his fingers; presumably giving my question some deep thought.

"No… I didn't see anyone like that… " I sense certainty in his answer despite the slow response. In a skeptical voice, he asks, "How do you know about General Dae anyway? I thought this was your first time here?"

I know he's just making fun of me again, so I play along. I respond with enthusiasm, "This is my first time here, but I heard stories about many of the heroic deeds accomplished by Dae in the past... I grew up admiring him… What has he been up to lately?"

"You too? I really admired him too because he was truly an individual who cared about his country… Despite working under Velyn for nearly a decade, it's a shame his good intentions were betrayed by Velyn, though. I heard that he's working together with Osmir now," he reciprocates with a tone matching the passion I displayed in the previous statement.

I raise my eyebrows and open my mouth widely. "Say, is Velyn being held prisoner now?"

"No… Neither Velyn nor his advisors were found in the castle at the time of the raid, according to Osmir." I think silently for nearly thirty seconds while still walking alongside the man. Then the man suddenly stops walking, and I do the same. "It seems you have no more questions for me. Now, where is my payment?"

I do a 360-degree turn around me and then realize we're inside Byzia already. "Ah, one moment."

I locate Leila and Irene standing about 25 feet away from me. I wave the fingers on my right hand signaling that they should come over. Soon, they catch up. Leila cocks an eyebrow. With confidence, I inform, "Hey Leila. I promised this guy I would pay him for the information he provided me… I think he was charging around five silver coins for each piece of information, so probably around 40 silver coins will cover it."

"Actually, it's ten gold coins." It takes me several seconds for me to process what he said. Afterward, I gradually knit my eyebrows as I curl my lips into a narrow frown. Suddenly, a strong force falls on top of my left shoulder. Leila's hand is on top of it. A shiver goes down my spine, and I'm scared to turn around. A murderous intent creeps closer and closer to me.

I only look ahead at the man in front of me who is smiling broadly. I gulp, before finally managing to utter, "Uhh… Ho-how do you fi-figure that?"

"Five silver coins for the first time… but I never specified how much it would be the second time or after that…and adding up everything, it's ten gold coins. You gave me your word, right?" he asks with a smirk.

"Is that true, Kai?" Leila asks, her hand pressing down on my shoulder harder. Still afraid to face Leila, I stiffly stand in place, but I'm unable to stop my head from shaking.

"Ye-yeah…"

Leila removes her hand from my shoulder and then sighs. "It cannot be helped… We do not want you to be making trouble for us…" Leila says, removes her hand from my shoulder, and then sighs. Ruffling noises resound behind me; probably Leila opening her backpack. A few seconds later, she holds out ten gold coins in front of the man. "Take it."

"Oh… Thank you for your business," the man says as his smirk melts into a grin. "Well then, Kai… Good luck in your new life as an adventurer."

He walks away laughing loudly. When I finally summon the courage to turn around, I find Leila's narrowed eyebrows and distorted smile. I glance over to Irene for a moment. She's pouting with her arms crossed. In one of her deepest voices, Leila demands, "Well, Kai… It's time you filled me in on what you discovered…at the cost of ten gold coins…."

"Ye-yeah…" A drop of sweat forms on my forehead. I gesture my head to Irene and suggest, "But let's find a resting place first… Irene must be exhausted…"

Leila's facial expressions relax as she glances over to Irene too, nodding her head at the same time. "True, let's do that."

After asking a few people, we settle in a place called 'Bolt's Inn.' We pay for our room, receive the keys, and then head upstairs. After unlocking our room, we close the door and then lock it. We exchange information. Apparently, Leila discovered the same information minus the fate of the village, Riodor. After learning she paid ten gold coins just for that piece of information, she goes on a 15-minute rant on how useless I am. The whole time I don't respond and only stare at the ground. Eventually, she calms down and there's a brief silence.

Leila suggests, "Let's go over the possibilities on who paid Neso off... The first possibility is that Osmir is the culprit."

"Yeah, but that's probably not likely because he was already using Dae to get to Irene. Neso wasn't even equipped with anyone strong. If Osmir paid them off to try and accomplish kidnapping Irene under the noses of Dae and his subordinates, it wouldn't go as smoothly as with us. So that crosses off Osmir… If Velyn is the culprit, then that must mean he's against the marriage between Osmir and Irene. So that either implies that Osmir is a threat to the country or…" I pause for a moment and look towards Irene, who is resting on the bed.

"All the things people have been saying about Velyn are true, right?" Leila finishes my sentence. Irene doesn't flinch.

It seems she's calmed down… At least she's not throwing a fit every time we mention bad things about her father… I turn back to Leila and say, "Yeah, which also would imply Osmir is as good of a person as everyone claims."

"Basically, we can't rule out that Velyn paid Neso. We need to be careful around this Osmir character."

"Yeah, we should find out more about him before we deliver Irene to the castle. You said his speech would take place outside of the castle at 6 PM, right? We still have over five hours until then to collect other information."

"Could it be Osmir and Velyn might not be the only ones to consider in all of this? There could be another force driving this other than those two. A force that wants to use Irene for money, power, fame, or pleasure. There might be something special about the royal bloodline so even dining on her flesh is a possibility."

"I'm not too sure about that last bit…" I mutter.

"It must be someone or an organization with a lot of wealth considering the large donation to Neso. Would a successful tradesman or high ranking adventurer be responsible? No, only people close to Velyn would know about Irene, so that makes any high ranking official suspicious."

"I agree. And then we have someone who paid the bandits to take Irene as well. They knew of Irene in addition to how many were transporting her. I can't see how Osmir would have any motives for this…especially with a chance to receive damaged goods… And I don't see any sense in Velyn being a part of this, or even any high ranking official. They wouldn't turn to bandits for help. The way I see it, the mercenaries working under Osmir might have their own motives."

"There's no fallacy in that assumption. We can also both concur that Velyn wasn't responsible for any of crimes he's being accused of."

"Yeah, a good egg doesn't suddenly go bad after decades of being a king. It doesn't add up, and taking into account Irene's testimony about her father's character; it's safe to say that he's being threatened or held hostage… And the only person to profit is…"

"Osmir. He's suspicious no matter how you look at this. But something still doesn't make sense to me… Why wasn't Neso notified about the successful raid on the castle…?"

"Considering how fast the news was delivered to other villages, I assume that they used Klams to communicate with the other villages…and I definitely saw them using Klams to communicate with each other in Neso when they were planning something against us. Well, that could be the only pair they have, and they might not have a Klam that connects to Byzia, but I find that hard to believe. That a village, which is desperate for money, can afford an expensive magical item, like the Klam…"

"So, you're saying…" Leila locks her eyes with mine, seeming to reach the same conclusion as I have.

"Someone intentionally didn't notify Neso…and the Klams that connect to the villages all should be in the castle. Therefore, it's Osmir or a mercenary working with him… Either way, it's probably the same person as the one who paid off Neso."

"That's not completely true… You said it earlier…that Osmir shouldn't have a motive for trying to get villagers to kidnap Irene. You forgot to consider another possibility about the Klams. What if the Klam that connects to Neso wasn't in the castle?"

"I see! So you're saying that Velyn might have taken it or hid it somewhere, right? If that's the case, then it would make sense for him to pay off Neso!

"Yes, and now we just need to collect more information. We should split up again and meet back here in three hours," Leila says as she walks to the door, unlocks it, and then opens it.

"Wait," I state as I walk toward Leila. I turn my head around for a second to glance at Irene. She's still asleep or at least not paying attention to us right now. I turn back to Leila and whisper in her ear, "Try to find and question one of the kidnapped women found during the raid. We might learn something interesting if we do, and if Velyn really touched them or not. Are we just gonna leave Irene here?"

She whispers back, "I'll keep that in mind. It should be fine, right? We didn't sense anyone following us, and we'll only be gone a few hours. We'll lock the door after we leave. If Irene wakes up, she should know by now to stay put considering she's been kidnapped already."

"Hmm… I suppose," I agree and then walk into the hallway. Shortly after, Leila closes and then locks the door. We go downstairs and then exit the inn together, before splitting up in different directions. I should probably use this time to get some new swords…

I grip both of my sheaths and walk down a street. I recall that I don't have any money and then sigh deeply.

Chapter 14 – Princess Irene – Reunion

"I'm thinkin' about moving back to Neso now that the raids won't be happening anymore," someone says among the crowds of people on the street. I continue slowly moving across in an attempt to pick up something useful from random conversations.

"You wouldn't believe what I saw earlier today!"

"What? Tell us!"

"I saw Osmir…! He made eye contact with me!"

"Oh my god! What happened after that?!" Straight ahead is a group of girls blushing and screaming. I ignore them and focus on something else.

"If only Velyn was overthrown a month earlier… Then I might've been able to afford medical treatment for my mother…"

"Oh right, your mother has been quite ill for over a year now, right? It might've not mattered considering how severe her condition is."

"I thought that too at first, but later I heard rumors about a healer that could cure anything, they call him Saint because of that. I figured that if I paid him a lot of money, he’d be able to help my mother."

I knit my eyebrows together. Saint… It seems people in these parts know about him too…

I start to walk into a new area, but I'm stopped by a familiar name.

"…Drosera," a man says. I widen my eyes and turn toward the direction of the voice. There's an old man sitting on steps in front of a building with a young couple standing next to him.

"Old man, whadaya mean by that? What possibly can be worse than what happened to Xantho in the past six months? Do you have any idea how hard I had to work to barely get by every day?" the young man asks as he shrugs his arms and smiles. The old man snickers.

"So you worked hard? Good for you," he says with a sharp tone and narrowed eyebrows. He frowns before saying, "At least you still have your family..."

The young couple stops smiling. The old man continues, "I lost everyone three years ago in that incident… My grandson, son, and daughter-in-law…everyone…"

I look down and close my eyes, recalling my own memories associated with the incident as I continue to listen silently to their conversation, selectively tuning out the rest of the background noise.

"Oh, that's right, I remember now! Cascabel is the one responsible for that attack on Drymo, right? I nearly forgot because the casualty count wasn't that high," the young woman mentions.

"Whatever you heard was a lie. They falsely reported the damage caused by the attack to not cause a panic among the other kingdoms. Despite that, Cascabel is still widely infamous."

"Oh… What were the actual damages, then?" the young woman asks.

"I do not know any exact numbers… I only remember going outside once all the explosions and fighting stopped which was several hours later… I was worried about my grandson, who was attending the Academy at the time, so I ran there as fast as my body would allow. On my way there, I could see corpses littered everywhere… Buildings were on fire, smoking, and everyone in a panic. By the time I got to the Academy, I was appalled. Apparently the damage was the worst in the Academy portion of the city. Later that day, I found my grandson laying cold on the ground in the large group of kids the rescue team took from a portion of the rubble…"

"That sounds awful… I'm really glad high taxes were the only thing I had to worry about now… Were your children found among the dead?" the young man asks.

"Actually, no, they were not. They were not really involved in the incident, but I felt that it would not have happened if they were there. You see, they are both A-class adventurers… The week before the attack, the top adventurers compromising of the S-class and A-class went on one of those stupid expeditions to the Cursed Territory…and they never came back. To think that I would be the last one to die in my family…"

I finally open my eyes, but I still only hear the events from that day playing in my head. I clearly remember the sounds that occurred, my losses, and the meeting with that man. I tightly clench both my fists and my jaws as I narrow my eyebrows and frown. Xedeus…! Everything is his fault…not just my suffering, but everyone else's too…like this old man. The next chance I get, I'm gonna do it… I swear, on the graves of…

"…excuse me…? Hello?" I relax my facial expressions and turn toward the voice. The old man and the young couple have noticed my presence. At the same time, the bustling activity of the streets fills my ears again.

"Hi~?" I reply. Afterward, I regret my stupid-sounding response. I blush and look away.

"Can we help you…?" the young woman asks. "You were staring with quite an expression on your face…"

The young woman guards her breasts and hides behind the man. I raise my eyebrows and wave both of my hands in front of me. With a smile, I say, "Ah, no, it's a misunderstanding. I was just thinking about—"

"Thinking about what, exactly?" the man asks and steps forward.

Still smiling, I answer, "I was thinking about…"

I don't finish and then turn around while running in the direction I was headed to previously. After several minutes, I check behind. None of them followed me. I slouch over and then sigh. Ugh… Back to information gathering…

"You gotta believe me! I saw it!" someone exclaims. There's a man with a desperate expression on his face talking to another man. I get closer to them feeling that this might be something important.

"So you're tellin' me…that you found some horribly disfigured corpse in the woods on your way here to Byzia? That somehow, this corpse had no traces of injury, but the body parts were re-arranged? Are you sure you didn't confuse it for a monster?" the other man asks.

"Yeah! It was definitely Human… The head was connected in front of the torso and…and…I don't want to remember anymore… It's the work of a demon, I'm tellin' you." I laugh loudly, remembering our work of art yesterday. I cover my mouth with both hands in an attempt to manage my uncontrollable laughter, but some giggles still escape with my breath. The two men stare at me.

"You must think I'm lyin' too, but I'm not!" I try to maintain my smile, despite feeling my lips wildly twitching.

"Nah," I say and then laugh lightly. "I believe you."

The other man laughs too and then exclaims, "I believe you too, really!"

"Clearly, you don't really think that! I can take you…" the man's voice dies out as I secretly leave. While chuckling to myself, I think back to yesterday.

We dragged Dae's subordinate deep enough in the woods so that his screams would reach no one. Leila and I stared down at him, who was on the ground.

"Hey Leila, this is a perfect time to repeat that experiment with a live specimen this time," I suggested with breaks of snickering.

"What a coincidence, I was thinking of the same thing…"

"Wh-wha-what are you go-going to-to do…?" Dae's subordinate asks while lying on the ground. An evil smile stretched across my face as I grabbed my blade. I took it out and then slashed his armor in multiple places. He squeals, "Eeeeeeee!"

A few seconds later, his armor shattered into pieces stripping his body of everything but his underwear. He knitted his eyebrows and alternated glances between himself and me. In prone, he tried to scurry away. I sighed, walked a few steps forward, and then stepped on his leg with my foot. He squealed again before screaming, "Help! The 'Phantom Swordsman' is homo!"

My smile changed into a frown as I narrowed my eyebrows on him. "Let's do this. Are you ready, Leila?"

"Oh, you don't wanna have some fun with him first? I thought last time you said that you wanted—"

"Shut up," I said bitterly, knowing that she knew the differing circumstances. I moved my leg to the top of his back. I raised my sword and then slammed it down on his right arm. His arm fell off, but before he had time to react to the pain, I took my leg off his back and then cut off his left leg above the knee.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" he screamed and then bawled loudly. A small pain shoots through my eardrums. I didn't want to tolerate his cries, so I flipped him on his back using my foot. I kneeled down and struck his vocal box with my open hand. His cries turned into quiet choking noises. At this point, Leila already started working her part. She grabbed the cut-off leg and then placed it where his right arm was. Dae's subordinate constant squirming stopped Leila from getting the leg into the right position, so I stepped on his chest with my foot. She places her free hand around his right shoulder and the cut-off leg. A faint green light glowed around her hand.

Nearly 15 seconds passed by before Leila lets go of his cut-off leg, now connected to his right shoulder with no signs of fresh blood dripping down. The leg wasn't a perfect fit for the shoulder; the skin wasn't aligned with the size of the opening on the shoulder. She proceeded to do the same thing with the cut-off arm on his left leg. It took around 25 seconds this time. I figured it took longer because she had to close the wound of unused space.

"Phew… Working with a live subject is much harder… I don't want to do this anymore… It's a waste of my Mana," Leila complained and stood up.

"Well, that's understandable…but let's try one more thing now that we see that this was a success," I suggested as I stared down at Dae's subordinate. His new 'arm' and 'leg' moved around weakly. I sheathed my swords before I said, "He's probably gonna die after this… Basically, I'm gonna cut off his right breast and his head."

"Oh, that's an interesting idea! I'll put a little more effort into this one!" Leila responded, thrilled. I took out my skinning knife, knelt down, and then grabbed his right breast with my other hand. I tried to make an even cut across, to make a fit for the head. I tossed the bloody chunk of flesh aside and stood up. I took out a sword and then made a swift cut at the top of his neck. Blood spouted from his neck. Leila immediately took the head and moved it to where his right breast was. Meanwhile, I moved over to his neck with my right palm pointed toward the top. I let out a weak spray of fire. A few seconds later, blood stopped leaking from his neck.

Leila had narrowed eyebrows, apparently deeply focused on attaching the head to the designated location. The green light that shined from her hands had a greater intensity compared to last time. Only ten seconds had passed before she declared, "Done!"

"Did it work?!" I asked with a grin. Leila sighed and then I stopped smiling.

"Well…it was to be expected… I wasn't really sure how to connect all the veins, arteries, and nerves properly…" she explained with low energy. I raised my eyebrows when something bulged in his underwear.

"Wait! He's alive!" I exclaimed while smiling and then pointed toward his groin.

Leila turned her head there, quirked an eyebrow, and then asked, "Huh? Are you stupid or something?"

"What? He probably became aroused at his new body…" I said weakly while skeptically curling one side of my lips. Leila sighed and then grabbed his left arm.

"Here, check for yourself."

I grabbed his arm and then used the finger on my other hand to check his pulse. I felt nothing. I knitted my eyebrows and said, "Oh, you're right, he's dead… What's that about?"

"It just happens when you suddenly die. Don't you know these things?"

"No, why would I? I would've never thought to look in this place after killing people," I said with my eyebrows squeezed together. I raised my eyebrows before I asked, "Actually how did you find out? Don't tell me you…you're into necrophilia?!"

Leila blushes a little and instantly exclaimed, "N-no you idiot! How would I even… Look, this is common knowledge, okay?"

She yawned, stood up, and then stretched. "Okay, I'll clean this up, and we'll head back."

"Wait! Just attach his right breast to the top of his neck and get rid of the blood. Monsters will eventually find their way here and eat him anyway. And if someone finds him, they'll just be confused…" I suggested while trying to stop myself from showing a smile. I hoped someone would discover our work of art and laughed hard to myself inside.

"Sure, that sounds fine," Leila replied. Subsequently, she cleaned the blood off herself and me before we headed back to the convoy.

I smile and chuckle a few more times thinking about the panicked man.

"Hey, you! Guy in the broken armor!" a familiar voice resounds from behind me.

Broken armor…? I knit my eyebrows and looked at the hole in my armor before turning around. The scam-artist from earlier waves his arm as he walks closer to me.

"Oh, it's you…" I say with a frown. "What do you want?"

He laughs and then puts an arm on my shoulder. "Well, I wasn't actually being serious, but your friend gave me the money anyway!"

I raise my eyebrows while grinning and laughing. "Oh, can I have the money back, then?!"

"Nope." I stop laughing but hold my grin in place.

Hmm… There's probably a dark alley somewhere around here…

He laughs again. I drop that thought and relax my facial expressions. "I'll make it up to you. You see, I'm actually a blacksmith. My shop is not too far from here, and you can take whatever you want, and I'll even repair that armor of yours. All for free, of course!"

I cock an eyebrow before asking, "I thought you just arrived from your village just now?"

"Nah, I never said I wasn't from Byzia to begin with."

"What were you doing coming from outside the city, then?"

"Just an attempt to advertise my wares. Anyway, follow me; I'll lead you to my shop."

I follow a few feet behind him.

"Are you sure it was them?" a man asks.

"Yeah, there's no mistaking that symbol; an eagle with its wings spread out," another man answers. I raise my eyebrows and stop walking.

"I didn't see any large armies around the city, though, besides Osmir's company."

"There's not that many of them. I only saw three people wearing the special armor and less than a dozen of other soldiers; it must be a recon group of some sort."

I squeezed my eyebrows together and clasped my chin. It can't be…

"Are you coming?" the blacksmith asks. He's over twenty feet away now.

"Uh…yeah…coming!" I answer with a slight hesitation before completely dropping my thoughts. Afterward, I quicken my pace to catch up with the blacksmith. We arrive at his shop, 'The Simple Forge,' several minutes later. It's deserted. I smile and ask, "You're popular, aren't you?"

"Can it. It's because everyone wants magic-infused weapons and armor nowadays, and I specialize in ordinary goods," he explains as he paces around me. He slides his hand across the front of my armor. "What is this made out of, anyway?"

"It's Titanium. You're a blacksmith, and you don't know that?" I ask while curling one side of my lips upward. His entire face twitches afterward. I probably shouldn't be too mean to him, or he might change his mind…

"Well, sorry. This poor blacksmith can't afford anything even remotely expensive…" he apologizes. "I can at least repair your armor for you using the money your friend gave me for sure. Let me see one of those sheaths to get some measurements on your weapons."

He holds out an open palm. I unclip one of my sheaths off my belt and then hand it to him. He views it at various angles and touches it all over. "Hmm… This is quite light-weight, what were your weapons made out of, Titanium?"

I smile, wondering for several seconds if I should be truthful for the sake of his sanity. "Mithril."

"WHAT?!" he exclaims and drops his jaws. "You're telling me you lost two Mithril swords?!"

"Well…basically."

"Sounds like there is more to it, but I won't pester you for those details. I can get you two swords made out of Cobalt after some adjust…hmm? There is an opening at the end of this sheath…"

He quirks an eyebrow as he inserts his finger into said opening while feeling it between his finger and thumb.

"Hmm… It feels smooth…" he says and then raises his eyebrows. "Could it be…this was done intentionally?"

I smile before answering, "Yeah, it's a custom design. My blades were—"

"Longer than the sheath, right?"

"Wow~! As expected of a blacksmith!" I exclaim, attempting to compliment him, but it comes out wrong.

"It seems you finally understand!" he exclaims with a grin but frowns afterward. He looks at the floor and in a discouraged voice says, "Sorry to disappoint you, but I can't give you a sword longer than the sheath… After some adjustments, I can thin out the Cobalt swords I have in the storage room so that it will fit the sheath, but anything else would take too long."

"Don't be so depressed," I say as I put an arm on his shoulder. I smile and continue, "I'm really glad you're gonna do all this for me for free, so just do what you can."

"Thanks. I'll work hard for my first customer in weeks!" he exclaims and then hands me my sheath back." Can you take off your armor for me? I'll have that repaired for you by tomorrow. In the meantime, you can choose from the selection I have here."

I clip the sheath on my belt again, before taking both of my belts off and resting them on a nearby table. As I'm taking off my chest plate, I reply, "Nah, I can wait until tomorrow."

I hand it to him, and he gently places it on the floor beside a wall. He offers, "How about some leg guards or arm guards? I noticed that you're not wearing any…"

"Sure, I'll take what you have."

"Alright. Give me about half an hour to get your swords and guards ready. For the time being, just walk around the area and explore a bit. You're new to the city after all."

After his suggestion, I leave the shop and then stretch my limbs. I decide just to pick a random direction to go, but before I start walking, I notice two shady men heading towards an alley next to the blacksmith's shop. Fearing that they might do something bad to the blacksmith, I secretly follow them.

They head into an intersecting alleyway in the alleyway. I close in without making a single sound at the edge of the wall. I take a small peak with my head around the corner. The two men have stopped just a few feet over. I retract my head and simply listen to avoid getting caught.

"So, what'd he say? Did ya find out anything?"

"He didn't know anything…"

"Damn it! How are we goin' to sell information to that girl if not even the underground broker knows anythin'?"

I knit my eyebrows together. Sell information? Could they be talking about Leila?

"Wait… Maybe we can just tell her that there's an underground broker somewhere that has what she's looking for…"

"Ho… That's a fine idea… We can just tell 'er that there exists one as the pre-payment and give 'er the location after we enjoy her…"

"We? This sounds like only one of us can do it…"

I clench my fist and frown. "Well, I'm the one who found the location of the broker to begin with, so naturally I'll be the one to do it."

"What?! But I'm the one who told you about the girl!"

"But when ya found her, she already bought lotsa information, right? Just blame yerself for bein' too late. Don't feel too bad. Here, take this as compensation. Ya might find someone wit' that gold coin," someone states and then snickers.

"But I wanted that girl… She's cute, young, and with a great body to boot… "

I can't stop myself anymore. I reveal myself and then shout, "Hey!"

The two men turn toward me and then one of them asks, "Huh? Whadaya want, kid?"

He has an appearance similar to a bandit. His body is much more developed than the other man, who appears to be weak and frail. Still frowning, I point my eyebrows downward and claim, "You were insulting my friend!"

He cocks an eyebrow and asks, "What the hell are ya talkin' about?"

"Don't play dumb! You were talking about my friend! We arrived in this city a few hours ago, and we wanted information, and now you're talking about how you were gonna enjoy her!" I exclaim as I stare at him. He puffs his chest out as he walks closer to me.

"I think ya got yer facts wrong… Get outta my face unless ya wanna lose a few teeth…"

"Huh?" I interject with knitted eyebrows. I interpret his words as a sign of aggression. I quickly punch him in the stomach, causing him to lower the upper portion of his body. He makes a gagging noise too, and before he can do anything else, I grab the back of his head with both of my hands. Afterward, I push down with all of my strength as I raise my right knee pointed towards his mouth. Something cracks when his face collides with my knee, probably a couple of his teeth. Subsequently, I throw him on the ground, stomach side up. I look down on him with an unpleased facial expression.

"Wa-waut! Woov gob it all wong!" he blabbers while waving his arms. Between every word, blood falls from his mouth onto the ground. Blood covered all of his teeth. "Ubs a misunbersanbing!"

Four of his front teeth are on the ground next to me covered in blood.

"Um, excuse me…" the frail man mutters while walking closer to me. "I think he's trying to say that it's a misunderstanding… This girl we're talking about can't be the same girl you're talking about because I found her yesterday…"

I blankly stare at him for several seconds with a relaxed facial expression.

"Oh…" I mutter, gradually pursing my lips for a few seconds. I bow my head toward the man on the ground and then say, "Sorry about that."

I turn around and head back to where I came from, ignoring the various angry-sounding noises the guy on the ground is making. Hmm… I should still have more time before the blacksmith finishes… Well, he probably won't care if I'm a little late.

I head off in a random direction and eventually find myself in an area that looks like the residential area. A cold beer would be great right now…

While looking for the tavern, I raise my eyebrows as I spot something else of interest; an emaciated girl sitting on a chair on the porch of a tavern. Jackpot…

While smiling, I walk over to the house and then give a friendly wave from afar. She doesn't change from her current position. Her head is slightly tilted down. I walk directly in front of her and then hold out my hand. "Hi there, my name's—"

Suddenly, I'm interrupted by her screaming. She waves all her limbs around in a panic and then ends up falling off her chair. I frown skeptically, finding that everyone around me is looking toward my direction with all kinds of facial expressions. The door to the tavern opens, and a middle-aged man appears. He assumes a defensive stance in front of the girl. He demands in a furious tone, "Who are you?!"

I back slightly away while holding my hands up, gesturing that I mean no harm. With a smile, I explain, "It's a misunderstanding… My name's Kai, and I was just trying to introduce myself and shake her hand…"

He lets his guard down and then sighs. He helps his daughter back into her chair and says, "So Kai, what's your business with my daughter? As you can see, her mental state is not very good right now…"

I come up with a lie that works in my favor on the spot. "I work for Osmir, actually. He ordered me to find out any useful information from the girls who were kidnapped."

"I see… Give me a moment," the man says as kneels down to the girl. He puts an arm around her before continuing, "Utna, this man here wants to ask you some questions. Can you answer them? It will help Osmir."

Utna nods her head. "Okay, ask your questions, but try to keep it short."

"Alright, I just have a few questions. First, did you see Velyn at all during your imprisonment?" The girl shakes her head. "Did you see who assaulted you? What can you tell me about him?"

Utna shivers with fearful eyes. "It's okay, Utna, try to tell him what you can."

A few seconds later, the girl looks up at me before responding.

"I was blindfolded…so I didn't see anyone…but I know it was more than one person because…" she says in a very quiet voice. Her cheeks flush slightly red while her breathing is somewhat fast. "It felt… different sometimes when they…and umm…the texture and the size of their hands felt different too when they…touched me…"

I think about asking her about the day she was taken, but I figure that just people showed up at her village dressed like the army and forced her to come with them. I say in a volume matching hers, "I see… That's all I needed to know. Thanks for cooperating, Utna."

I hold out my hand again in front of her. She slowly moves her hand toward mine. It shakes and rears back several times before she finally takes hold of mine. I hold it firmly, giving it a solid handshake.

"Excuse me…" a woman says behind me. I turn around. She clasps her hands together and asks, "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, but is it true you work for Osmir?"

I gulp before responding, feeling slightly bad about lying. "Ye-yeah, why?"

"Please! Have you found anything of my daughter?! Her name is Lily!" she begs with tearful eyes. I knit my eyebrows together as I think of the name Lily. I can't help but feel like I've heard the name somewhere. Nothing comes to mind, though.

"Was she among the kidnapped?"

"Yes! It was about four years ago!"

I quirk an eyebrow and then decide to take a risk. Confidently, I inform, "The women we found the other day were ones who were kidnapped in the last couple of months. We didn't find anyone else."

"But Velyn was the one responsible for this incident, right?! So he has to be the one responsible for the girls who began to go missing three to four years ago!"

I momentarily close my eyes, giving a few seconds of hesitation before responding, "Yes, he's the one responsible for the kidnappings. However, we haven't located him yet so we can't determine where your daughter is."

I gulp again, hoping that she doesn't discover that I'm a fraud. I hesitate because what I'm about to ask doesn't make any sense on a lot of levels.

"Your daughter was kidnapped from a village, right? Did you see who took her?"

"What?" she asks and knits her eyebrows. My face grows hotter by every passing moment. I relax when she answers, "No… She was one of the girls that went missing in the academy… She was in her fifth year…"

I raise my eyebrows. Several seconds later, I say, "I see… Don't worry ma'am, we'll do our best to locate your daughter."

I smile, turn back towards Utna, and then wave. "I hope you feel better, Utna."

I walk into the tavern. Inside, there are a couple of people sitting at different tables and no one at the bar. I figure that it won't be busy so early in the day, so it is no surprise. I walk over and sit on a stool in front of the bar. Despite having no money, I request, "Bartender, get me the best stout y­ou have."

"Coming right up."

I rest my head against my left hand, with my elbow against the counter. I think about some of the information I discovered after leaving the blacksmith's shop. Hmm… So now it's certain that the rumor about Velyn looking for a concubine is false…but what bothers me is what that mother just told me… Her daughter, Lily, went missing in the academy…and probably no one knows what happened because now they're blaming it on Velyn, whom they think is the cause of the recent kidnappings…

More people enter the building, probably three given what the footsteps sound like.

"What happened ta yer face, anyway?" a girl asks.

"Some asshole attacked me over a misunderstandin'…" a familiar voice responds.

I smile skeptically. Oh, it's that guy again...

I don't turn around, afraid that he would recognize me.

"Here you go," the bartender says and places the stout in front of me. I grab the handle and start to sip my drink.

Delicious…

"Well, whatever. What'd ya hafta offer me?"

"Yeah, 'bout that. I know of a location of an underground information broker of sorts… He has what yer lookin' for," he says with confidence.

"Oh, I know 'bout 'im, someone told me earlier today," the girl responds and then laughs. Her laugh disturbs me a little, reminding me of someone else I know.

"Actually, there're two information brokers… I bet the one you have been to is the one located in the slums, right? I'll give ya the location of the other one after my payment…" The man still sounds confident, even though I know he's lying based on what I heard earlier.

The girl laughs again before responding, "Okay, let's go~!"

Again, a sense of familiarity wraps around my mind in her manner of speaking. I turn half of my body around while still resting my left arm on the counter. I hold and drink the stout with my other arm. The man stands in front of the girl, so I can't see her clearly. I quickly turn back around before the man fully faces my direction. I notice the stairs to my right.

I gradually take bigger gulps of my stout, thinking about the missing academy girls from four years ago. Yes…this was the same as I remember when I first heard about it during my fifth year… I know it occurred in other kingdoms too… It would be hard to believe that Velyn was responsible for those too…

Gradually, the footsteps grow louder. I smile lewdly and flare my nostrils as I'm thinking about what the girl looks like. I turn my head toward the stairs while still gulping my stout. The girl has long, red hair with a slender body. She wears a small skimpy pink top, leaving all the area under her breasts exposed pairing with pink short shorts and small leather boots.

Nice, nice! What a lucky guy! Now I just wanna see what her face looks like… I take a gulp of my drink but keep it in my mouth. I stop smiling when I take note of her red gloves. Wait…those look just like…

The two finally make it to the stairs. As the girl turns her head, I raise my eyebrows. I choke and spit out the beer in my mouth. I set the stout down on the counter, continuing to cough. I knit my eyebrows together and narrow my eyes. My heart races progressively faster. Ruby…! Shit… if she's here, then…

Footsteps approach me from behind. "Excuse me, can you get me the darkest beer you have?"

I know exactly who that voice belongs to. Sweat forms on my forehead as I lock my joints in place. I hope she doesn't realize it's me. About 30 seconds later, the bartender places the stout on the counter and then says, "Here you go, my best stout, the same one this man is having."

"Hmm?" she makes a noise. I feel like she's staring at me right now. Several seconds pass.

"Ah! It's Kai!" she exclaims and then puts her hands on my left arm. "You're Kai, aren't you?!"

Since my identity is exposed, I turn towards her with a small smile on my face, quietly responding, "Marin…"

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
IcyFlame
Review
IcyFlame wrote a review Review · Aug 6, 2017

Hi there,

As Inky mentioned, I too have not read any previous chapters so I'll review as best I can.
You might want to consider posting one chapter per post as two can be quite long and daunting, and may explain why you're getting less reviews than you would like.
I will however, try to review both these chapters and the other two you have lurking in the green room. The separate posting is just a thought for next time.

I like how you've balanced your work. Not too much speech, not too much description with just the right injection of humour as well. I can't work out how I feel about your protagonist but I definitely enjoyed reading about him. You write well and I could only find a few typos that can be fixed with a simple read through.

There's one main thing I want to comment on here and since it's related to your style of writing, you may choose to completely ignore it as I think it's probably more down to a matter of preference than it is to do with what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' in regards to writing a novel.

Personally, I am not a fan of the italicised thoughts. Occasionally, I can understand how it might be beneficial to a story but I feel you can make your point just as well (or better) by saying things such as 'I couldn't help wondering if' etc. I think you can still express your character's personality through writing this way, and I find it less off-putting. Obviously though, this is completely up to you. I'm quite willing to concede to the fact that I'm the only one who finds this annoying.

I'll try and review your next chapters as soon as I can, though if they're like these I'm not sure I'll have much to say that will be helpful!

I hope this has saved your work from the green room, and been helpful in some sense of the word.

Icy

User avatar
mellifera
Review
mellifera wrote a review Review · Aug 5, 2017

Hello Skywind555! Inky here, just swinging by for a review :)

Okay, I'm going to start by saying well done! You have a really nice, clearly written story here, so kudos to you for that! I haven't read any of the other chapters, but I'll definitely consider it now!


You're world building is good and the story line a pretty consistent (take this with a grain of salt because, like I said, I have not read the other chapters). You're writing style is good, and the mix of mood (humor, seriousness, etc etc) is well balanced.



Now I'm not sure if you've heard this before or not, but this is a really long read. Typically, I've seen many more people drift away from such long content, because the longer a work gets, the less a reviewer can point out and instead it gets more generalised. It's hard to not only read something so long, but then to review it in one sitting. I know, because I'm guilty of both shying away from long works like this and posting them. I'd post future chapters into segments, instead of posting so much at once.


I know there are other chapters and it would have been previously established, but for the first five minutes, I thought Kai was female. Kai is a unisex name, and unless I missed it, you never specifically states Kai's gender. Reiterating that at the beginning might be helpful. (or it could just be me...)


There's a dumbfounded look on her face. With a smile, I continue, "When we first met you told me that you really hated Humans… And I know now that you're not too honest in expressing your feelings, so you just had a hard time telling me that, right?"



You might want to be more specific about who the 'her' is in this spot. Now, I'm sure this would have been obvious (as you later state Leila's an elf), but it might not be clear for anyone who hasn't read the last chapters. (me)


"Oh, you made the same mistake as most people! I actually specialize in magic, watch."

I say as I place both of my hands palm up and then emit Rich Mana from both hands for several seconds.


This shouldn't be split into two lines. Furthermore, the period after 'watch' should be a comma, since there's a dialogue tag after Kai speaks.


I look down and sigh. Afterward, he sighs too. "Alright, alright, I got it…"

"To answer your question, I couldn't believe it either. I've lived here a long time, and he has been a great benevolent king for decades, but he completely changed when he announced higher taxes at the beginning of this year… He said that consequences will be paid for villages that don't meet the requirements. A month later, I heard rumors about how villages that couldn't afford to pay were raided by the army… But I never believed them for a second…until I witnessed it myself two months ago…"


This shouldn't really be split into two parts either, since the blacksmith is still the one talking. If you are going to leave it split into two parts, I would make sure you specify that the blacksmith is speaking. Most of the time, you split lines for time, place, topic or person. Since you really aren't doing any of those here (though I guess you could argue topic if you wanted), the line shouldn't be split up like this.


"Well, like I said… I lost all of my belongings…"

"Goodbye," he says quickly as he turns his head away. He starts to walk away at a quicker pace.


This transition feels kinda awkward. It's a little more plausible once you've read farther, but it's still kinda awkward. The blacksmith gives no outward sign of distaste or displeasure that he's being lied to, just simply says 'goodbye' and leaves. At least, I think you should say he frowns or gives some external gesture of annoyance or distaste before he says goodbye.


"WHAT?!" he exclaims and drops his jaws.


I don't think I need to explain what's wrong here. (whether he has multiple jaws or not, he probably shouldn't be dropping them. Saying his jaw drops open? probably the best course of action for the blacksmith to keep his jaw/s)


Now, I'm sure I've missed spots, but this is what I noticed. To sum it all up, you've done a fantastic job here! Like I said, I would keep it shorter in the future (though as I also stated, it was a nice, clean read and was easy to follow). You have a few mistakes, but otherwise you have a really well written story.

I hope you haven't taken offense to anything I have said in this review, as that was not my intention and I apologise if you have.

Keep writing and have a wonderful day! :D

-inky

Thanks for pointing out some of those nasty parts i missed on my first proof read of the whole story. A while ago I went through my entire story and changed all the dialogue tags. I kinda rushed it so I ended up having repeated sentences, and missed sentences like the one you pointed out where I needed to combine two paragraphs since it was part of the dialogue tag. I caught a few more since you brought that one example up in the chapter.



There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
— William Shakespeare