OBAMA'S COMING BACK??? HALLELUJAH!
I once had a dream I was a frog on a beach, and I saw a man in the sand
His name was Obama, so I hopped on over, I hopped right up into his hand
I said 'Ribbit', and he said 'Hi, I'm Obama, it's nice to meetcha'
And to my friend I said 'Ribbit' again
But what I meant was 'Hallelujah'
Hey cymbaline.I know at first you must have felt awkward writing this wonderful poem. I want you to know that many poets cant do this .It seems weird but putting it into paper makes you special.. I admit your way..And I want to try have like this too.It is comforting.
Well, It was really nice to read a comedic poem. It seems as if way too many poems are strict, serious, and a little tense. It is cool to see how some people fear the poet more than the poem.
I am going to assume that you are meaning to write this poem in a tone of remembering.How some things, although unexpected, can bring you the deepest of comfort.
As for the poem itself, it was done in a very professional manner. I really enjoyed reading it. That being said, I would maybe change the title and the description a but to make more people want to read it. Also, in your first two lines, I feel like the rhyme is a little forced. Sure it sort of fits with the poem, but it feels a bit out of place.
Your imagery was decent. I feel like you could have described the circumstance a bit more. Why do you think you were on the beach? Have you dreamed of these places before? Have you ever actually been there in person?
It was very interesting to see how your first response was to say ribbit instead of talk. I would not change anything with your grammar, I did not notice any mistakes, but additional revising has never hurt anything. I would have also made your poem a little bit longer. Length helps you enter the mind of your reader because it takes them longer to read, it also takes them longer to think about and process.
I hope that this review was at least a little helpful. I see that you have been a member on here for quite sometime, so I would also appreciate some criticism if you would be willing to offer it. Thank you for your time, keep writing!
-Anne
Ha! I enjoyed this trip very much.
I'm going to interpret the meaning to be, that when one is in the midst of nonsense, comfort comes from unexpected places, especially from past securities. The poem speaks to the existential anxiety of the current political times, where people who thought they were people, find themselves in nightmares hopping around as frogs. And who would know it, but we take comfort in remembering days of old, even if there is no sense in our memories - they bring us comfort.
The line breaks and punctuation were expertly done to draw out the whole humorous experience, and the ending was unexpected, disorienting, and enlightening. Honestly this is what poetry should be. One of my favorite poems on the site so far, because on the surface, it makes no sense, and a bit deeper it still doesn't make any sense, but you could find a lot of meaning in it if you wanted to, just from the language and characterizations you use.
I will be looking forward to your next poetic installment.
-metrophobia
do not fear the poem, fear the poet
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