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16+ Language

Alas, Poor Carter

by SirenCymbaline

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Alas, poor Carter, I knew him well, thank gods the cunt fin'lly lies in Hell
A jig we dance upon his dirt, to console where his guts bespoil the earth
A toast we drink to poor Purgatory, who held his soul for but seconds before 'e
Plunged fast into the Abyss, Abyss! The bubbling and broiling Abyss!

Alas, poor Carter, I knew his stench, that millenniums may never quench
A song we sing for the tainted air, liberated at last from his fetid sneer
A blessing bequeath to the metal befouled, the metal by which he was disembowelled
And ne'er again was it used, it used! It was melted to make a spittoon!

Alas, poor Carter, I knew his nose, raised higher than weathervanes ever rose
A prayer we pray for his stone belaid
Pierced through by that nose to this very day
A prayer for the gravedigger on the fen, who will have to bury his corpse again

A prayer for the flies, a prayer for the crows, a prayer for the poor worms that feast

A dirge for the cows that eat the grass that grows from the sycophant beast

A blessing for you and a blessing for all of us poor souls who knew him in life

A blessing on children who now never will but may spit in what's left of the knife

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147 Reviews

Points: 11460
Reviews: 147

Wed Jan 22, 2020 9:55 am
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soundofmind wrote a review...

Bro, this has been in the Green Room for too long and I AM GOING TO REVIEW IT

First of all, the fact that I know you whipped this up so quickly is ridiculously impressive to me. This very much feels like a song that could be sung to an upbeat shoe-stomping kind of tune in a bar (or tavern, if we goin' for more fantasy-like setting, which I believe was the overall intended vibe) and I love that the lyrics pull no punches. It's grotesque and deep-cutting, just as Carter deserves.

I also love how hard you flexed your Shakespearian/olde-english-y language and vocabulary skills. It feels very authentic in that way and because of that is very convincing. It feels like it came out of an old play after the fall of Carter, the antagonist.

There are a few parts of it where the flow doesn't feels a little finky but I think part of that just depends on how it is read/sung to a certain tempo. Not all of the syllables need to match 100%, and a lot of that you can't even notice when you hear it out loud!

I also noticed there's a lot of near-rhymes in here until the last four lines, which have very clear A, A, B, B type rymed at the end of each line. I think the only thing that might make this song even more fantastic is if you tightened up some of the rhymes. That would be really cool!

Of course, that's just my two cents, and you must know, I really do love this SO, so much and I'm so glad that my trashbag of a character inspired this impassioned ballad of his death.

Big love,
sound <3

THANK YOU for your love, I love you too, and thank you for the hip review

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100 Reviews

Points: 2402
Reviews: 100

Tue Jan 07, 2020 8:03 pm
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LZPianoGirl wrote a review...

**My Thoughts**

Hello! LZ here with a review! I really liked this poem! It was funny and I enjoyed the wording!

**Formatting and Grammar**

The formatting was good, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary! Same with grammar. I did really enjoy how you worded the poem, it is very unique! Even though you worded it differently, it was still easy to read.

**Punctuation and Capitalization**

Your punctuation was fine, I did not notice anything wrong! You only used commas, apostrophes, and exclamation points, which is perfect for this poem.


Carter: It seems like Carter was a complete douche. I think @soundofmind said "I'm glad Carter was a good inspiration", so I'm assuming it's a real person you based this off of.

Keep on writing, and have a good 2020!

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147 Reviews

Points: 11460
Reviews: 147

Mon Nov 18, 2019 11:18 pm
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soundofmind says...

This is ART and I'm amazed at how quickly you wrote this up. I'm so glad Carter was an inspiration :,)

Resistance is futile.
— The Borg