Young Writers Society

Hi there, Ellie-Mae here for a quick review!

Wishing you a happy day/evening/morning/night/whatever is applicable to your part of the world! First off, please remember that my reviews are my own opinions I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!

this was interesting to read! I enjoyed how descriptive you were.

If the world sees not the gifts from my ancestors

If they miss the fruits of my athletic labours

At least they will see


that I tried.

I like the reference to the ancestors

Strong, shapely calves, phenomenal, dainty ankles

Spotted with angry red pores

And grey five 'o clock shadows taunting me from underneath

The marks of my hubris.

great description!

Twice a week I shave them

With cheap razors. For though my needs and desires are not cheap

I am.


Graceful members the gentle Ariel would have killed for

I shave in the shower with my glasses off

loved this part:

With cheap razors. For though my needs and desires are not cheap

I am.

Ellie-Mae

Hey SirenCymbeline!

I'm Elinor, and I wanted to drop by and help you get this poem out of the green room! It was an enjoyable read, and I definitely know the feeling of wanting to pick out cheap razors only for them to leave a ton of nicks on my skin! Or, the hair will grow back almost immediately. So, this was quite funny to me, and I think a lot of people will be able to relate to it.

I think the poem as it is is quite strong, but I wanted to a few specific comments below.

Among the many crises of our new century, have you not considered
My legs

Twice a week I shave them
With cheap razors. For though my needs and desires are not cheap
I am.

Graceful members the gentle Ariel would have killed for
I shave in the shower with my glasses off.

If the world sees not the gifts from my ancestors
If they miss the fruits of my athletic labours
At least they will see
that I tried.

Hi!


Good lord this is funny. So dry, I though at first you were being serious, which made it funnier!
My parents like to make fun of my 'cankles' which I certainly do not have! (Or do I?) Anyway, it's super relatable.

I love the very serious language you used and the step ladder quality to the flow. It's way dramatic, which is even more hilarious.

There was a few parts that weren't entirely clear, like here-

"For though my needs and desires are not cheap
I am."

It's funny, but what I gathered was your legs are priceless, but you only get cheap razors?

Another I read a couple of times, the only line that tripped me up, was-

"Graceful members the gentle Ariel would have killed for."

First off, I assume you mean Ariel off The Little Mermaid, one of my favorite movies of all time. And how you put 'gentle' and 'would have killed for' is an awesome contrast. I think calling your legs 'members' is what threw me off, but I get it now so it might just be a me thing.

AMAZING job on this! It really made me laugh


AndName