Ky looked at Aleth for a long moment, weighing her options. If she didn’t answer his questions, she would surely be put out of the carriage again, and he might not stop this time when she fell. And that would only be delaying the inevitable. She couldn’t jog another half day, and they both knew it. She huffed a sigh. “I’m from sector twelve.”
She couldn’t help but compare this abduction with her first one – even though it was hard to say which experience was worse. She had thought that she would give anything to leave the castle; but now that it was actually happening, she would rather have been left right where she was. She didn’t have the first idea how to get home from Lutalya, and her window to escape and go back to Father seemed to grow narrower with each passing moment.
If nothing else, it would have even been better if Tadaaki was in the carriage with her and Aleth was sitting up front. Tadaaki seemed to be closer to an ally than Aleth ever would be. And Rifkin was certainly the only reason she’d managed to make it through the first abduction as well as she did. She thought back to the first moment she met Rifkin.
Ky finished a training session with the horse she was working on gentling and step by step fought him to walk with her into the barn. She had already locked the chickens in their coop and secured the milk cow in her stall for the night. She walked into the dimming light of dark, heading towards the house, but stopped short as she saw a lone soldier on the path that curved towards her house. She looked at him curiously, wondering what he was doing so far from the city. Soldiers rarely came as far into the countryside as her township.
“You there, little girl,” he said, waving her over.
“Sir?” she answered, walking down the grassy knoll to meet him at the dirt road.
She suddenly realized how tall he was. She barely came up to his mid-chest. He was tall and lanky and had gray hair that nearly came to his shoulders, framing in a lean, angular face. He gestured at the house a few hundred meters behind her. “Do you live here?”
“Yes, sir.”
“With who else?”
“My father.”
“I want to speak with him.”
“Yes, sir.” She smiled kindly as she led him towards the house. She had a slight skip in her step, excitement bubbling up inside her at the appearance of a visitor. “Did you come from the city? How was your trip?”
“Yes,” he answered gruffly. “Fine.”
“I’m Ky!” she offered cheerily. “Well, Kylia. But most people call me Ky. What’s your name?”
“Uh… Rifkin,” he answered awkwardly, casting a sideward glance at her.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Rifkin!” she said, skipping up the few stairs that led up to the porch. The wood was aging and gave slightly as they walked across it, but she barely even noticed. The porch had been creaky since well before she was born. She pushed the front door open and walked inside. “Father! We have a visitor! His name is Mr. Rifkin, he came from the city, and he wants to talk to you.”
Father sat in his wheelchair in the kitchen. He looked up as she walked up with Rifkin in her wake, worrying his eyebrows as he silently evaluated the soldier. He wheeled away from their firepit and gestured at the chair in front of the bed in the corner. “Please, have a seat.”
“Thank you.” Rifkin cleared his throat uncomfortably, sitting on the edge of the chair as he set his traveling pack on the ground next to his feet. He awkwardly shifted his sword in an attempt to make the hilt stop jabbing into his side as he sat. “My name is Rifkin Valle. I am in this township on orders from King Makata, and I am in need of a place to stay tonight.”
“Of course…” Father hesitated a moment, frowning slightly.
“He can have my bed!” Ky announced. “I don’t mind. I can sleep on the floor!”
“Or he could sleep in the barn,” Father cut in quickly. “I believe we still have a cot out there, is that correct?”
“Yes, but—” Ky trailed off as she saw the warning look in Father’s eyes. “Yes, sir.”
“You are welcome to the cot, sir,” Father said, turning his attention back on Rifkin. “And you can join us for dinner as well, if you would like. We were just about to eat.”
“You should join us!” Ky said eagerly, turning her attention back on Rifkin. “Father makes the best food ever!”
“Uh… yes, thank you.” Rifkin cleared his throat again.
“Yay!” Ky bounced over to the kitchen, pulled plates from the shelf, and served up some of the eggs and ham that Father cooked.
“Let’s pray,” Father said. Rifkin flushed slightly and put his fork down, trying to swallow the mouthful of food he’d already shoveled into his mouth, without chewing it. Father quickly blessed the food, and then Ky eagerly tore into her plate of food, savoring the taste of the spices that Father had used. She really didn’t like cooking, and she wasn’t nearly as good at it as Father was.
As she got half way through her plate, the gnawing feeling had left her stomach, and she realized no one had said a word since the prayer. She looked at Rifkin curiously, wondering why he was so quiet as he ate. “Where’s your family, Mr. Rifkin?”
“What?” he asked, looking up from his plate, startled.
“Do you have any siblings?” Ky asked.
“Uh… yeah. I… have a brother.”
“Oh!” Ky said, delighted. “I always wanted a brother. I thought we could have a lot of fun if I did. Father says that brothers are mean when you’re little, and that he would have put a frog in my bed. But I like frogs. So, I think we could have caught the frogs together, and then had them as pets, and had frog races. Did you ever have any frog races with your brother?”
“No,” Rifkin said slowly, looking at her uncertainly.
“Did he ever put frogs in your bed?”
“Nope.”
“Did you ever put frogs in his bed?”
“No.” Rifkin smiled despite himself. “We were mean to each other, though.”
“But you had fun together?”
“Most of the time.” He sobered a bit. “A long time ago.”
“Is your brother a soldier too?”
“Yes.”
“That’s so cool!” Ky said. “I wanted to be a soldier when I was little.”
Rifkin smiled again, looking down at her. “Did you now?”
“Yeah, I did!” Ky said eagerly, encouraged that he responded with more than one word. She scooted closer to him. “I wanted to be in the calvary because I really like horses… but Father says that only boys can join the military. Is that true?”
“Yes,” Rifkin answered. “Little girls have no business playing war.”
“I’m not little. And girls can do whatever boys can do,” she shot back. “But it’s okay because I can still take care of our horse, and I’m really good at that. Did you see him?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“He’s a grumpy horse. You can look at him when you go out to the barn. He doesn’t like to be ridden, but I do it anyway.” Suddenly her attention was drawn to the sword on Rifkin’s hip. “Is that a real sword? Can I see it?”
“Kylia,” Father said sternly. “Leave the poor man alone so he can eat.”
“Apologies, sir,” Ky murmured. She stared at the ground in front of her and was silent for as long as she could bear, before the excitement drowned out the embarrassment. “But it is a real sword?”
It was almost embarrassing how naïve she had been. In retrospect, it should have been obvious that his appearance wasn’t a good thing. She should have been smart enough to realize that something bad would happen when a soldier appeared – understood that he was simply taking a census before the other soldiers came later in the week. But she didn’t. The next morning she’d been just as excited as she was when Rifkin first appeared.
“I assume there’s a more centralized part to your sector?” Rifkin asked after breakfast.
“Yes,” Father answered.
“I can show you where it is!” Ky said eagerly. “I have to go there today anyway to help Mr. Lian in the bakery.”
“I would appreciate that,” Rifkin answered, eyes on Father.
“Alright…” Father answered uncomfortably. “Ky, take Mr. Rifkin to see Myrond.”
“Okay!” Ky popped up from her seat.
“After,” Father said sharply. “You draw water for the kitchen.”
“Yes, sir,” Ky grumbled, deflating a bit as she walked to the kitchen and grabbed both empty buckets. She hurried to the door and pulled her boots on, not bothering to tie them, before she went clomping outside with the buckets.
She walked over to the pump that was half way between the house and the barn. She cleaned the spout and them quickly filled both buckets with water, and came tottering across the yard, careful not to spill either of them. Rifkin held the door open for her as she met him on the porch.
“Bye Father!” she said, setting the buckets in the kitchen.
“Be back before dark.”
“Yes, sir!” she hurried outside and met Rifkin in the yard just in front of the house. She smiled up at him and then walked onto the narrow path. It was packed dirt, barely wide enough for a single cart, and lined on either side by trees. Rifkin followed close behind.
“How old are you, Ky?” Rifkin asked.
“Twelve!”
“Twelve… and you can carry two buckets at the same time?”
“Yeah.” She scoffed. “That’s nothing. I can carry all kinds of things. I’m strong.”
She flexed her arm, holding it out for Rifkin to inspect her bicep. He nodded solemnly. “Wow. That’s impressive.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, nodding. She dropped her arms to her sides, tugging her over-sized button up shirt straight. The back was still partially tucked in, but the front tails had long since flown free from her trousers as she walked nonchalantly.
“Are all the little girls in your township that strong?”
Ky thought for a moment, then thoughtfully shook her head. “No, they’re not… most of them are much better at girl things than I am, though.”
“Girl things?”
“Yeah, you know, all the things that make boys want to marry you.” Ky shrugged. “They can cook, and are good at cleaning, and can sew beautiful things, and are good with kids.”
“And you’re not?”
“No… I always burn things,” Ky answered, frowning at the ground. “And spill things… and rip things… and little kids scare me.”
“Oh, I’m sure there’s things you’re good at too,” Rifkin said.
“There are!” She brightened instantly. “I’m good at riding horses, and building fences, and tending the garden, and blacksmithing, and reading.”
“You can read?” Rifkin asked incredulously.
“Yeah.” Ky shrugged. “But that’s easy.”
“I was nearly thirty before I learned,” Rifkin said. “And I’m still not very good.”
“You just have to practice,” Ky said encouragingly. “I’m sure you’d be very good at it if you try hard and practice lots.”
“Mm.” Rifkin was silent for a moment. “And who is this Myrond fellow you’re taking me to?”
“He’s the butcher,” Ky said, then smiled. “And Talia’s dad. I like Talia. She’s really nice. Mr. Myrond is nice, too. Sometimes he gives you candy if you read to him.”
“So, he can’t read?”
Ky was silent for a moment, sobering. “It’s not his fault. He just doesn’t have time to practice.”
“Of course not,” Rifkin answered. “Most people can’t read. It’s not shameful.”
“It’s not,” she agreed.
They rounded the last bend and the heart of the township came into view. She could see Mr. Lian’s bakery, where she was apprenticing, and right beside it, Mr. Drakan’s blacksmith shop, where she spent all of her free time. Across the street was Mr. Myrond’s butcher shop.
Ky walked up to the door and knocked, Rifkin still following close behind. She smiled broadly at Talia as her friend answered the door. “Hey Tal! Is Mr. Myrond here?”
“Yeah, he’s in the back…” Talia answered timidly, staring at Rifkin.
“This is Mr. Rifkin,” Ky said. “He’s really nice, don’t be scared. He wants to speak to Mr. Myrond. He’s here on business from the king!”
“Thank you, Ky,” Myrond said, suddenly appearing in the doorway. He gently pulled Talia backward and silently ordered her away from the door with a wave of his hand. “You should get over to Lian’s place now. He’s got something he wants you to work on.”
“You said your father was a merchant?” Aleth asked, tearing her out of her memory. She looked at him irritably, and tersely nodded. “Let’s talk about that.”
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Hi Shady! I'm totally not here because I need to review two consecutive chapters for RevMo and I'm totally not planning on heading over to Chapter Sixteen later today or tomorrow
Wow! I know I'm missing some stuff because I don't know who Rifkin is or the details of how Ky got herself into this situation, but even without a lot of context I'm loving how you've developed all the characters. Especially the stark change in Ky's personality ~ which I've got some more specific comments about in a minute ~ and the adorable and awkward dialogue between Ky and Rifkin xD
Flashbacks can definitely be tricky to get them to fit into the flow of the story well, but this one feels pretty natural / not too awkward, which is great! One thing I would say is that towards the end of the flashback it gets a bit dialogue-heavy - which isn't an awful thing, because on the one hand memories are often of conversations and people rather than what stuff looked like - but I thing sprinkling in some more descriptions wouldn't hurt. Maybe not even descriptions of the setting, as that might take away from the slight vagueness of the memory, but just more of what little Ky was thinking. Anyway, just something to consider! Overall the flashback was really well done.
Now for the specific stuff!
I don't know exactly what it is but I find this sentence a bit hard to read ~ and especially since it's the intro into a flashback I think it'd be good if it was super clear. Maybe rearranging the sentence structure a little would help with that?
I'm liking this description! Her younger self sounds very sweet and innocent.
You do a really great job of showing her personality throughout the flashback section, and how much her personality has changed.
"Thought" and "thoughtfully" together in the same sentence feels a bit redundant.
<3
I think this is a solid way to end the chapter! And it works really well to contrast her change in personality by abruptly describing her as "irritable" and "terse" instead of "bright" and "encouraging".
All in all, another strong chapter! I'll admit, I was a bit intimidated by the length, and I thought it might take me ages to review, but it was very absorbing and absolutely zoomed by!
I hope this review is useful, and happy RevMo!
whatcha
Featuring the amazing alliyah's chicken banner!
Shady!!
HOW BAD WAS THE OTHER ONE IF SHE CAN'T DECIDE WHICH IS WORSE??
this is such a mood ugh
oh god she's so soft and excited and sweet here she changed so much in such a short time because of too many traumatic events poor girl </333
seeing Little Ky is both very gentle (as well as excellent padding from all the terrible things that have been happening) and also heartbreaking because it highlights the contrast of her personality now and how everything that happened, as well as growing up, has shaped her
RIFKIN lol
RIFKIN >:(
I LOVE HER *cries*
I MEAN you were SMALL and pretty isolated
I will have to say that some of the way she acts in the flashback seem younger than twelve? But also it could be that she is that excitable, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
I Want To Protect Her She's So Precious
The highlight of Young Ky to Present Ky fills me with lots of emotions. I'm really glad you put it here because, as I said, there was a strong need for a break from all the intensity of Aleth and the situation she's found herself in.
I wouldn't personally have put in that break in the middle, since it pulls the reader out of the immersion (or at least, it did to me) of the flashback and younger Ky? If you want to have that retrospection, I would have put it somewhere right after Aleth brings her back to the present, although possibly in slightly different words so it doesn't feel so overtly flashback-y? I think memories are fine in novels, contrary to some belief, but I'm not as much a fan of when the character highlights that ("I just had a flashback oof you couldn't tell that from context or the italics but I did"), but that of course is a personal choice!
I LOVE KY ugh I'm very sad about her situation and Aleth, in general. THE GIRL NEEDS SOME GOOD LUCK.
I hope you have a fantastic day <3
Very interesting! I have not read the previous chapters, and I seem to have hit a flashback.
Here's my review:
I really enjoyed reading this! The plot was quite good, and the characters were riveting, each with distinct personalities. The dialogue was realistic, so that was also good. There weren't too many descriptions, but that's because it was mostly a dialogue scene anyway so that's mostly fine. As for grammar, that was flawless! And there weren't any typos either.
Since I hadn't read the former chapters, I was just kinda like "Wait... WHAT? She's being ABDUCTED?"
Nice description.
I like how their very different personalities play off each other awkwardly.
This part was super hilarious! I love it.
GASP! SHOCK! Rifkin actually spoke to her, not the other way around this time! In all seriousness though, this was actually a nice bit of dialogue, showing that he's getting a little bit more comfortable with talking to her now.
Well, that's my review! I hope it was helpful.
Aha! The Rifkin flashbacks!!
I'm pleased to have some insight into who Rifkin really is and how important he is to Ky. It still understandably feels out of place here, but I'm not going to dwell on that because this is all about the flashbacks and Little Ky is JUST SO CUTE. <33333
And honestly, that's probably the BIGGEST thing that jumps out for me. She had SUCH a bright, energetic personality as a child. She seemed so sweet, so happy and optimistic, so helpful and obedient to her father -- and also very opinionated! The way she seemed to separate herself from other girls was very stark, but it seemed appropriate for a girl of twelve. I have to admit, though, I didnt' realize she WAS twelve until it was mentioned later. She felt maybe seven years old? She just seemed super young to me.
Though that could be because Rifkin or her father would refer to her as young or little, and I just... assumed she was a certain age group.
I really like this flashback, though. I like that she DID have a personal connection with Rifkin, however the outcome turned out. He clearly grew a fondness for her in that short visit -- and who couldn't?? She WAS SO CUTE AND FRIENDLY AND LOVELY--
It also made sense to me that he came for a census before the Big Event, at least to an extent. Maybe they wanted to know how many lives were lost in the raid? Or maybe Rifkin was scouting something else out in secret?
And her FATHER. So her father was some sort of merchant. And he was handicapped, which makes him a far easier target than originally thought. And now I'm super worried about what kind of merchant he was because Aleth seems to be very curious about that. (By the way, is Aleth taking notes or does he just have a stellar memory? I like to think he is, but he only came with one trunk, so I don't know what all he's got with him.)
I'm also anxious to get to Aleth's place or at least off the road. They've been traveling for a few chapters now! I wonder if this whole discussion is going to reveal some sort of bomb that could upset Ky's future again. ;_;