Ky bit off a sigh. She didn’t want to talk about Father. She didn’t want Aleth to know anything more about her family than he already did, and thinking about Father always made her chest go tight. She couldn’t help but remember him the last time she’d seen him.
Ky didn’t see Mr. Rifkin again after she left him on Myrond’s doorstep. A few days later another, angrier soldier showed up at her house and demanded to be taken to Myrond right away – slapping her when she asked to get permission from Father first. He had a royal decree from Makata that he made her read for the town, that said that all the kids had to report to the castle.
The next day the township was on lockdown. Father had made the journey into the center of the township with Ky, so they wouldn’t be so isolated on the farm by themselves. They’d all been waiting in Mr. Myrond’s house when a squadron of soldiers appeared. Myrond grabbed Ky’s shirt and hauled her towards the back corner of the shop, grabbing Talia as he walked. There was a pile of meat scraps from the day’s work that he hadn’t taken out yet, behind several carcasses of deer and cattle that were hanging from large hooks in the ceiling.
“Ky,” Father said as Myrond pushed her past him. Ky lurched forward and threw her arms around Father in a tight hug. “Be brave. I love you, baby girl, no matter what. Forever and always.”
“I love you.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “Forever and always.”
She was terrified. She had no idea what would happen, but she knew it wouldn’t be good, judging from Father’s and Myrond’s reactions. They were the bravest people she knew, and even they seemed scared right then.
Myrond bent down and fixed Talia in a tight hug, then grabbed Ky again and pushed them both into the corner. He put Talia in the small opening first, then Ky – then turned and grabbed a long, slender knife sitting on the counter and forced it into her hands. He bent down and looked her in the eyes. “Don’t let the soldiers take you. No matter what happens, don’t let the soldiers hurt you or Talia. Do whatever you have to. Do you understand?”
Ky nodded fearfully.
“Good.” Myrond stood and pushed the carcasses closer to them, walling them in behind a mountain of dead flesh.
Ky looked down at the knife in her hands in horror. She did understand. It was clear what Myrond wanted her to do, and she hated even the thought of it. She didn’t want to hurt anyone and she didn’t want anyone she loved to get hurt. She focused on her breathing, trying to calm herself, as Talia huddled close to her back.
There was a harsh knock. “Open the door! In the name of the king!”
Ky shifted to a crouching position; knife ready. The knock came again, and then there was a loud crash as the entire door fell. Soldiers flooded into the small room. The young, angry soldier who had brought the letter was the first through the door. He pointed at Myrond. “Arrest him.”
Ky could hear scuffling and Myrond cursing, and then a soldier yelped in pain. A moment later Father’s voice broke over the ruckus. “Is all this really necessary?”
“Shut up, old man,” the soldier snarled.
“I’m just trying to say that perhaps there’s another—” Father’s words were cut off as he cried out. Ky started to spring to her feet. Talia grabbed her shoulders and wrestled her back to the ground desperately.
“Stay hidden,” Talia whispered in her ear. “It’s what Papa wants.”
Ky resentfully stayed crouched, entire body tense. Hurting her was one thing; hurting her Father was something else entirely. Her grasp tightened on the knife, a strange feeling bubbling up inside her, removing some of the distastefulness of what she had to do.
Revenge.
She’d never felt an impulse quite as strong as this one. Usually she could be quick to forgive. Today, she just wanted to hurt the solider – to make him realize that he couldn’t hurt Father, or Myrond, and get away with it.
Suddenly the meat pile was kicked on top of them, making Ky fall backward onto Talia. She was in a bad position, with meat scraps falling into her lap, pinning her to the ground and covering the knife. The carcass hanging in front of her was ripped back, and suddenly the young soldier was standing over her. He grabbed her shoulders.
Don’t let them take you. No matter what. Myrond’s words echoed in her ears as the soldier grabbed her shoulders and hauled her into the air. Ky lurched forward, bringing the knife down at the man. She watched in horror as the shiny blade sank deep into his shoulder.
The soldier screamed, cursing loudly, as he threw Ky against the wall. She landed heavily, all of the wind knocked from her, but scrambled to her feet. Father was lying next to his chair, a blade sticking out of his shoulder, blood coating his tunic. “Father!”
The soldier was on her in a moment. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and threw her to the ground, kneeing her in the side as she fell. He favored his left arm but it didn’t reduce the intensity with which he attacked Ky. He kicked her as hard as he could, and kept kicking her until she started coughing.
“Ky!” Father’s voice sounded far away.
Ky writhed on the ground. She could see Mr. Myrond a few meters away, on the ground with soldiers wrestling him into handcuffs. Another soldier was grabbing Talia. The soldier was still cursing at her as he landed blow after blow.
She could feel a warm darkness tugging at the edge of her vision. She was failing. She couldn’t protect Talia. She couldn’t beat the soldier. Myrond had given her one job and she couldn’t manage to obey. The soldier was too strong. She was too little. And the blackness enveloping her was too thick to avoid any longer.
How she wished that she would have had a different final image of Father burned into her memory. She tried to remember a thousand times exactly where the knife had been lodged. If it was where she’d stabbed Borrond, and if Borrond had made a full recovery, then that meant Father surely would be fine too. Hopefully. But there was always that gnaw of doubt whenever she thought about the incident.
“Where did your father work?” Aleth questioned.
“In the port city,” Ky answered, looking at him sadly. “He traded with the people on ships from other countries.”
“What did he trade in?”
“Homewares,” Ky said, thinking back to the various ledgers he still had on the book shelf next to his bed. She read through them many times when she was learning how to read and got bored with the few fiction books that they had. “Dishes and cloth and such.”
“I see. And he taught you how to read?”
“Yes,” Ky answered, the homesickness building more with each moment that passed.
“How did he end up in sector twelve if he worked in the port city? That’s got to be what, a full two days ride?”
“He traveled some to sell his wares in the smaller townships,” Ky answered. “He met Mama when he came to our sector and they fell in love.”
“Why didn’t she move away with him?” Aleth questioned. “Isn’t that how marriages are meant to work – the woman follows her husband?”
“I think Mama’s father would only bless the marriage on the condition that they stayed,” Ky answered, shrugging carefully. “But I didn’t ask too much about it. Father didn’t like talking about Mama. I think it hurt him, because he missed her so much.”
She had never understood Father’s pain at missing Mama until after her own abduction. Her heart ached every time someone asked her to talk about her life before the castle. The pain had been particularly pronounced the first time she woke up after being taken.
She woke slowly, gradually realizing she was being carried by Rifkin. He held her tight, gruffly ordering her to stop struggling with him. She was silent for a moment as she gradually remembered the soldiers appearing, and then the fight, and – she groaned, letting her head rest on his breastplate.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like I got gored by a bull.”
“Close enough,” Rifkin answered, smirking slightly. “The young bullheaded lieutenant worked you over pretty good.”
She nodded slowly, looking up at him. The soldier hadn’t been gentle with her. “Who?”
“Lieutenant Borrond Mikaelson,” Rifkin answered. “You made enemies with him right quick… and rightfully so, I might add. I’d not be too happy with you if you stabbed me, either.”
“Yeah, well, you’d stab me, too, if I hurt you and then stabbed your father.”
“I’d aim better.” Ky looked up to see him smirking again. His voice was low and gruff, just loud enough for her to hear him. “Trust me, hon, you’re not the first person that’s wanted to stab Mikaelson… you’re just the first one of us that’s had the guts to follow through.”
Ky grunted. She wasn’t so sure that she was cut out for this whole bravery thing. She’d adored reading about brave knights in stories, and liked to pretend to be bold when she was riding horses, but her single act of true bravery had resulted in her getting so beaten she blacked out and now couldn’t even walk for herself.
“Hush now,” Rifkin said. “You need to regain your strength. Your night is going to get a whole lot rougher once the lieutenant turns his attention back to you.”
Ky sighed but obediently fell silent. She had no idea where she was, or where Rifkin was taking her, or where any of the other people from her township were. And most of all, she didn’t know where Lieutenant Borrond Mikaelson was.
She thought back to the capture, wondering what she should have done differently. Myrond had given her one job: to not let soldiers take or hurt her or Talia. And here she was – taken and hurt – with no idea where Talia was. She wondered if her friends were okay. And Father.
Tears welled up in her eyes. She wished she was stronger. Wished she could have protected them and protected herself. Wished she wasn’t so weak. She resentfully wiped the tears from her cheek, willing herself to stop crying. She had to be brave.
“Shh,” Rifkin hushed. “None of that, now. You’re going to break my heart. You remind me of my own daughter too much to see you all beat up and now crying.”
“You have a daughter?”
“Aye,” Rifkin answered. “She’s right about your age, too. You’d make good friends.”
“Is she wherever you’re taking me?”
Rifkin was silent for a moment. “No… I don’t expect you’ll find many friends, where I’m taking you. But I’ll try to be as good of a friend to you as I can, I promise you that.”
“How big was your sector?” Aleth asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Was it big enough that you had a doctor?” Aleth questioned. Ky noticed he had a pen hovering over a sheet of paper, taking a break in scratching down notes on everything she was telling him. She swallowed hard as he continued. “An inn? Tell me about the people that you knew growing up, and what they did for a living. I want to hear all about your life up to this point.”
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Hi Shady! I'm back again
I really like the flashback in this chapter - it's definitely more balanced dialogue-wise and we get to see SO MANY EMOTIONS from Ky which I absolutely love!
There's also a fairly large cast of pretty significant characters (I can think of 9 off the stop of my head and I'm sure there are plenty from earlier chapters I haven't met) but you do a great job of keeping them all different and unique and memorable. They're all unique but also believable, and don't feel caricaturized or anything. I haven't seen much of Rifkin yet, but he seems like a complex character with a nice mix of rough and awkward but also kind and sweet. Aleth is - well, Aleth is despicable - but also believable with his smooth talking and quiet anger, and Ky is such a great, complex protagonist. Anyway my point is your characters are all awesome <3
The only general critique-thing I want to mention about this chapter is Ky's reaction to Aleth's questions ~ since she's remembering a painful flashback for most of the chapter, I might expect her to be snappier / less willing to talk about her father? Maybe all the events leading up to this have really broken down her resistance, but just something to consider!
Specific comments ~
Yes, and Aleth has NO BUSINESS snooping around your life history.
I think this is also a good opportunity to expand on "her chest going tight" - that's a fine description, but I want to really feel the hurt, the sorrow, the pain, all those negative feelings I'm sure she's feeling.
I could be mis-imagining things, but if Ky is "walled in behind a mountain of dead flesh", how is she able to see the soldier pointing at Myrond?
I've got to say, this dialogue feels incredibly raw and realistic ~ I can vividly imagine a dad saying this, trying to protect his daughter. Well done on that <3
I love this glimpse into her mind, it shows her character really well, and I can see little bits of older Ky in younger Ky.
Ugh, typical Aleth.
Rifkin seems like a gruff bundle of preciousness <3
I'm pretty sure "in" is meant to be "and" here.
No no don't tell him stuff he isn't trustworthy!!
I really love all the emotions in this chapter! We're seeing so many of young Ky's thoughts and reactions and it's great <3 Really the only thing, other than some nitpicks, would be considering her reactions to Aleth's interrogation/interview.
I hope this is useful, and happy RevMo!
whatcha
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Hey Whatcha,
Thanks so much for the reviews!
And thank you so much for choosing a recent novel to grab the two chapters from xD I have feared the necromancy going around the site latelyThey were really helpful! You jumped in at an interesting time in this novel lol, but honestly it was kind of perfect! These flashbacks happened immediately after Aleth severely abused Ky, so she doesn't really have the energy to fight back at this point and she's also scared of him (she was being stubborn about telling him stuff at first is why he hurt her).
But also most of the characters in these flashbacks were from the first 14 chapters and this kind of goes back to add in some background and flesh things out a bit -- so the fact that you like my characters even just from this actually feels really nice lol It makes me feel like I did a pretty okay job with characterization if someone can hop in mid-novel and still feel distinct voices from my characters. So thanks for that ^^ I really appreciate it!
Shady!
I'm caught up, which is YAY but also nOooo
Knowing what I know about what this means, uGH EW
I have two bad feelings about what happens to Talia but I HOPE I'M WRONG
In what small opening?
sounds like someone did not follow instructions (although, you know, UNDERSTANDABLY but still)
HE KNOWS ABOUT KY OH NO
that's ALL he did before Borrond stabbed him???
I don't have much to say about this except that I Really Like This paragraph
Borrond's instant reaction and his horrible drive for violence is such a stark contrast to Aleth's slower and more subtle (except for chapter 14) way, and it's just as scary. It's interesting to see more insight into his character though and how he handled the situation (poorly and cruelly), to better understand where all of Ky's fear and aversion to Borrond comes from.
...why would Rifkin be smirking at this? That seems kind of callous/cool of him? I'm not sure if that's what is meant to come across here, since Rifkin has otherwise been sympathetic.
Like, here he's gentle and sympathetic with her, and he's being kind and trying to calm her down. The smirking feels like a counterweight to that, but maybe I don't know Rifkin well enough either and he really would smirk in this situation. The scene feels very sombre and heavy, which is the only other reason I would say that him smiling/smirking feels out of place like that.
OH PLEASE TELL ME WE GET TO MEET RIFKIN'S DAUGHTER LATER
I really like the flashbacks and getting to see more about Ky's past and how the capture happened and went down!
Structurally, I still don't really like that bouncing back and forth between past and present? I think it would read smoother to have the flashbacks altogether, rather than broken up, because the present scenes feel almost... diluted? It's like, your mind is still trying to focus on the past and immerse into those moments there and how Ky was feeling in the past, and then it yanks you back to the present, and then right back again? This is more of personal preference.
Still!! We get to see Ky as she was younger! I really want to know more about Talia!! Were she and Ky close friends? Did they just know each other? I suspect I know where Talia ended up (
AND RIFKIN'S DAUGHTER!! It would be very cool to see the three of these girls come together (to overthrow King Makata, perhaps??? who could SAY?).
Keep up the good work!! I'm having a lovely time reviewing this, and I'm excited to see where it goes <3
I hope you have a wonderful day!
Thank you so much for the reviews! They have been thoroughly enjoyable and helpful!!
I see what you mean about the smirk and will edit it. When I was writing it I was sort of thinking like, he was amused by her description, not that he approves that she's feeling bad. Like... the first time I got a hang-over, the next morning my friends asked me how I was feeling, and I groaned and went "Like I got ran over by a semi" and they chuckled and told me I earned it from my behavior the night before lol That's more of the sort of exchange I was imagining but I definitely see how it could come across as inconsistent for his characterization and will edit it ^^
Your reviews have kind of gotten me energized about this story again and paired with my therapist's suggestions that I do write more as self care, hopefully I'll have another chapter up soon c: Thanks again for sticking with it!
:') I'm glad to hear that!!
I don't think I would have been off-put by chuckle because I've used it in the same context! I think the reason smirk puts me off is just because of the way I've always seen it used, I always take it as a sign of arrogance/cruelty/mischief/triumph (which isn't consistent at all lol but it also depends on the person/character).
I'm really glad to hear that!! I can't wait to see it <3
We're getting so much Rifkin and it's so lovely! He honestly seems like such a nice man that I'm sad we hadn't met this side of him sooner. We only ever really met him when he was panicked and annoyed at her presence, so to see this really changes my perception of him. He's so sweet! I wonder why she got special treatment in Rifkin carrying her 'cause by the sounds of it, he wasn't planning on hiding her away yet.
Seeing Ky's abduction first-hand is really nice too, and by that it's so sad to watch but it really helps to put things into perspective. To see Ky's love for her father and now to see she had a friend named Talia. I wonder if Talia is still at the palace and how she's doing?! I could really imagine Ky feeling guilty about letting Myrond and Talia down here. That's a lot of pressure for someone to put on a small girl, and my goodness she tried her hardest, but of course she wasn't going to be successful in protecting Talia.
I hope in the future, we find out why truly the king wanted to abduct children from this sector. (My memory could be fuzzy but I don't think we know this answer yet.) But naturally, Ky wouldn't know the answer. She only knows what happened firsthand. Aleth probably knows the reason though...
For a man who likes information, though, maybe he doesn't know and is trying to figure that out? You'd think he'd know SOMETHING about her sector if he really valued gathering as much information about the kingdom as he could. But maybe this area wasn't ever interesting enough to dig into! Or Aleth has other motivations!
I'm pleased to see you're still writing this!! I look forward to reading the next part. There's so many questions, and I still hate Aleth with all my being!!
Thanks so much for the review! I'm really grateful that you're sticking with it and writing me such lovely reviews ^.^
You're very welcome!! I'm so pleased that you're still writing this whenever you get the chance, and I'm glad you've liked my reviews.
I always look forward to reading more!!
I hardly consider myself qualified to leave you a technical review, but I enjoyed this chapter so much that I would like to highlight some aspects of it. The rythm and pace of the passage carry the story along wonderfully. I often find that switching between present day and memory can be jarring, but you have successfully achieved a smooth transition that does not break the overall flow. Now that my curiosity has been piqued, I'll be heading off to start at the beginning and discover the rest of the tale!
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it