For the first time in a while, rain falls outside. It's unusual for this time of year, winter is still reigning over the region, and since we're so far north, normally it would be snowing. Though, it's not like we need anymore snow. When you look out of the windows, the world beyond is white, except for the scarce color green of the pines that dot the surrounding mountains. The sky is a murky grey, the sight reflecting my current state of mind. Listening to the rain tap on the windows makes time slow even further, and makes my thought process stall almost entirely. Walking down the hall, I am oblivious to all except the sound of the rain storm, consumed by the steady duldrum until I'm finally pulled to a halt.
"Hey!"
"Huh?"
I look over, surprised to see Cent staring at me, an expression of slight irritation fixed on his face. I blink, then speak, "What is it?"
"The hell, man?!" he shouts, "I've been saying you're name for the past fives minutes, and now you have the gull to ask me that?!"
My eyes widen, "You have?"
Cent face palms, groaning in annoyance. As I watch him, I realize that I haven't seen him in a week or so. I haven't seen him since the shooting range incident. I look away, and sigh, prompting Cent to bring his hand from his face and stare at me again. Slowly, his brow lowers and his expression lightens to concern.
"Goro, what's wrong?" he asks.
I meet his eyes again, and am taken back by the strength behind his brown eyes as he searches mine. I feel a lump forming in my throat as I question whether or not I should tell him what happened.
. . . you have to remember that wanting the best for someone's well being and happiness is one of the main jobs that a best friend has . . .
Suddenly, Kasami's words flow through my mind. He had pointed out that Cent seemed concerned the last time I saw him. I don't understand why though, he doesn't know much.
My mind halts as the thought passes my mind. It's now I realize; I've kept him in the dark about a lot of things. Yeah, I've told him a few major things, but looking back, there's a bunch of things I've never mentioned. For instance, did I ever tell him about Nathan before the execution? I knew that he had met Syria before, but I don't recall ever telling him that I had become a friend of hers. He knows Savannah, but I've never said much about Marcus. Hell, have I ever said his name to him? Savannah has, so maybe I just assumed he caught on to who he was?
I finally break my gaze from his and I run a hand through my hair.
When did I start distancing myself from him?
"Isugoro, talk to me," I hear him say, his tone serious.
I reconnect with his gaze, and sigh again, "I'll give you the synopsis version of what's going on."
To his disbelief, I start explaining what's been happening between Maggie and I in the middle of the hallway. I tell him about the argument in the simulator, what she said to me after the introduction, the shooting range incident, all of it. With each new detail, his expression morphs from shock to sympathy then anger. By the time I'm finished, he appears to be fuming, clentching his fists. Seeing this, I quickly try to calm him.
"Now Cent-" I start.
"Why that bitch!" Cent spats, "Does she know all the crap you've had to go through for her?!"
"Cent, please-" I begin again.
"No!" he snaps, turning away from me, "That girl has absolutely no reason to be upset at you, I mean, there's literally nothing!"
"We don't know that, Cent," I reply.
He whips himself around, "So there is a reason?"
"I said we don't know-" I answer.
"Than how do you know she isn't just being a bitch-" Cent says.
"Because you know as well as I do that she wouldn't do this without a reason!" I yell.
He falls quiet. It's easy to tell from the look on his face that he's basically stumped. Like myself, Cent knew Maggie before she left Gelus, in fact, he was one of the only people besides me that she'd talk to. Taking that into consideration, Cent knows as well as I do that what Maggie is doing is not in character at all. His brow furrows and he groans in a irritated tone.
"Dammit, what does she think happened?" he mutters to himself. I watch him a few seconds longer before I look away, locking my eyes on the outside world. I feel my stance fall a bit as I begin to remember the past few days.
"Cent . . . I honestly don't know what to do," I confess quietly, "I can't seem to get her to talk to me like she used to. She basically hates me-"
"I don't think she hates you."
His statement catches me off guard, and I look back to him, "Cent-"
"I mean, yeah, she's definitely pissed off about something, but I wouldn't say she's at the level of hatred," Cent interrupts, "I mean, did you see the way she held on to you during the Introduction Ceremony?"
"That was an act-" I start again.
"No, it wasn't," he says, "From what I witnessed, she was caught off guard by your gesture, and her cold defense crumbled. What you saw her do was her raw reaction to the situation. She didn't cling to you because she thought it'd make the ruse look better, but because she trusted you to protect her and make her feel safe." My eyes widen, and he grins bittersweetly. "At this point, it sounds like she's trying to push you away, but from her actions at the shooting range that you described, there's a second reason besides why she's mad," he continues.
"What?" I ask.
He chuckles, "She still likes you."
I blink, confused, "Wait, how does that make sense?"
"She likes you, that's why she doesn't want you around!" Cent laughs, "Ok, tell me, after being around her for a while, did she warm up to you?"
I nod, "Yeah, she and I actually spoke about her family."
"That's because she can't stay angry at you," he explains, "Due to the fact that you're really the only person she connected with when she was here, she has an unintentional soft spot for you. Despite her thoughts that you've done something awful, her past interactions with you are working against her mindset and are resetting her to how she was before."
"So, you're saying that the reason she doesn't want me around is because-" I begin.
"Because she knows that if she's around you for too long, she'll eventually forgive you for whatever she's mad at you for," Cent finishes.
I feel the duldrum of my mind crack at the realization. She's doing all of this because she wants to be stubborn?! In response to the shocking development, I simply face palm, and sigh, "I knew she was stubborn, but damn, this is overkill."
"I wouldn't necessarily blame her, I mean, obviously that one Jeweloid, HERA, is feeding her anger and mindset," Cent comments.
"So, now the question is what do I do?" I say.
Cent blinks, apparently not expecting me to ask such a thing. It's then he looks away, running a hand through his curly red locks as he thinks of a reply. He continues like this for another minute or so before he jolt straight, and whips around, hurrying close to me with a devilish smirk on his face. He responds simply, "Fight fire with fire."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"She doesn't want you around, she's trying to push you away," he answers, "So, combat stubbornness, with stubbornness. Don't let her get under your skin like she did at the range, ignore what she says to you to make you feel unwanted, and don't let her turn you away. You are the only candidate to be her Partner, so she can't get rid of you easily, she's already admitted that. Use that to your advantage."
"So you think I should just annoy her-" I start.
"No, no, if anything, kill her with kindness," he interrupts, "When you get the next chance to be alone, do what you did last time, but don't weenie out if she tries to threaten you, she won't do anything, we both know that. Just try to get her to warm back up to you. Once she does, she may finally tell you what's going on."
I simply stare at him for a moment. In a matter of mere minutes, Cent just turned this horrible predicament back on its feet and in the direction of progress. I really need to start confiding in him more often, I probably would have less problems that way. For the first time in days, I grin.
"That just might work . . ." I trail.
Cent laughs, "Hey, I'm here all week."
My grin warms to a small smile, and I offer my hand, "Thanks."
In reply, Cent slaps it, "Any time."
He and I chuckle together for a few moments before a low beep sounds, grabbing our attention.
"ZERO CANDIDATE TO HANGER 137 IMMEDIATELY."
Our eyes widen as he and I realize that the person over the intercom is referring to me. We meets stares for a second, before I fall a bit, and grin bitter sweetly. "I guess I have to be going," I comment.
"Yeah, got get 'em," Cent replies, patting me on shoulder, "And remember the plan."
"I will," I answer, and with that, he walks off, continuing on down the hall. I watch a few seconds longer before I turn in the opposite direction and hurry off, returning to the Jeweloid Sector as a single thought crosses my mind.
I owe him a lot.
I keep a steady pace as I recall how to get to my destination. Hanger 137 was an area I had passed numerous times in the past, but this would be my first time ever stepping foot inside. When I asked Sammy about it, she said it was a testing facility. When I inquired further, I recall her expression dulled and she replied that she couldn't explain very well.
This should be interesting.
Before I know it, I'm standing in front of the entrance, the large hanger doors opening with a low mechanical hum. Once fully opened, I can see Kasami standing close by, turning towards me with a warm smile set on his face. Standing beside him in juxtaposition is Maggie, her stare cold as she spots me. I can feel my heart beat picking up, but then Cent's words return to my thoughts. I straighten a bit, ready to take her head on, causing her to look slightly perplexed. I suppose she thought she'd broken me.
"Good, you're here," Kasami says warmly, "Now we may begin."
"What exactly is happening, Sir?" I ask.
"We're just doing the last of the testing LAPIS needs to do before she can be put on the battle front," Kasami explains, his tone strangely positive considering his words. I glance over to Maggie, and she looks a bit deflated. I suppose she's still not a big fan of fighting.
It's now that the hanger doors open again, the three of us turning to see four figures walking in. I immediately recognize Anyola, looking the same as always with her long, slanted cut blonde hair, her sharply cut bangs sitting right above her piercing emerald colored eyes, intensified by her glasses. She wears the usual white coat and black slacks, the thin over-piece closed save for the last few buttons to reveal a plain grey shirt underneath. As soon as she enters, her eyes lock on me, and her aura lightens instantly. I sigh a bit.
Oh yeah, she still likes me.
Though, the moment is short lived as she glances over to see Maggie, and her happy vibe shatters, turning cold. Maggie looks as displeased to see her as Anyola is, her eyes narrowed as she glares her down. I look between the two and hold my breath for a second. The friction between the two is so palpable, I wouldn't be surprised if it started a storm right here in the hanger. I never really understood what prompted the two to have such a disliking for each other. Anyola basically hated Maggie from the moment she first saw her, and after numerous negative interactions, Maggie started to feel the same.
I mean, I know Anyola doesn't like Jeweloids due to what happened between HERA and her older brother, Deran, but still, her reason for focusing her hate on Maggie is random to say the least. Or, at least, that's how it appears.
It's now that Maggie does something I wasn't expecting. She takes my forearm, and pulls me over to stand directly beside her. My eyes widen, and I look down at her. Her eyes are still locked on Anyola, who I can see from my peripheral vision just looks more pissed than before, which I wasn't aware was possible. She holds tight to me, and I'm taken back as I notice something.
She's shaking.
Although it'd make sense that she could be shaking in anger, something about the way she's holding on to me makes me feel that there's another reason. Even though Maggie is much stronger than Anyola, and always has been, I can remember that she was always very intimidated by her. And, like always, I would have stepped in between them and shielded Maggie.
Watching her, I know that she's much more intimidating to Anyola than she was before, but saying that, it seems some things are so easily changed.
So, I suppose I should go along with the routine.
As casually as possible, I pull my arm from Maggie's hold, surprising her as I then take her hand and walk her over to Kasami, who's engaged with the other three that entered with Anyola. I'm surprised at her hand feels a bit clammy, making it even clearer that the interaction with Anyola, though brief, was hard for her. Slowly, I watch her start to turn her head to look back, but I squeeze her hand, grabbing her attention. She looks up at me in shock as I whisper, "Don't do it."
Her eyes cool in annoyance as she stares at me. "Don't give me orders," she replies quietly, pausing before she continues, "This seems a bit forward for you considering how you fled last time I saw you."
I don't reply quickly, looking away as I feel her eyes stabbing into me, odd in comparison to her gentle grip on my hand. "Everyone has a moment of weakness," I comment calmly as I tighten my hold, "You're still shaking a little."
Her eyes widen a bit, before she moves her gaze to the ground. I relax some as I hear her mumbling curses to herself. I won this round.
She seems irritated by the turn of events, but to my surprise, she doesn't pull away from me. In fact, she stays closer to my side than before, still holding on to me until we get to the group. As they turn to acknowledge us, I unlock my hold and stealthily let go, though she doesn't give as easily. Our finger tips link for a moment before we break free of each other, sending a weird sensation up my arm.
I ignore it. "LAPIS, Isugoro, these three are the experts that will be leading the tests for the next few days," Kasami says, gesturing to each from left to right, "Dr.s Lissa Roakler, Tuka Jedmir, and Erise Karmida."
"The next few days?" Maggie comments.
Dr. Jedmir, tall, lean, middle-aged, and the only man of the three Doctors, nods, "Yes, the final testing process takes a few days to complete considering that down time will be necessary between the steps."
My eyebrow rises, "Why is that?"
"You'll see," Dr. Roakler, a tanned, black bobbed, big blue eyed, and overly peppy young woman in her late twenties, replies with a grin, before looking at Maggie, "LAPIS, if you would follow me, I'll get you set up for the first test."
To everyone's slight surprise, Maggie is hesitant, stepping back to hide a bit behind me. My eyes widen, and I look down at her. She seems to sense something about the test that is making her wary, her expression looking concerned. I glance over at the doctors, their faces slowly falling and becoming more awkward. It's then that I decide to take a lead. I lean over and whisper calmly, "Do you want me to come with you?"
She pauses. Even though she hasn't allowed me access to her mind like she had in the past, I can sense that she's having an argument with herself. Now that Cent has pointed it out, I can see that she is trying hard to stay negative towards me. Her brow furrows and she turns her gaze to the ground. I watch a moment longer, then sigh, leaning back over. "Maggie, come on . . ." I whisper, "I'll only stay as long as you need me. If you want me to leave, just tell me and I will, ok?"
After a moment, Maggie looks up at me. Although guarded, her eyes are much kinder than before, and I can tell that for the moment, she's putting up the white flag. She nods slowly, then looks back to Kasami and the doctors, who're now just staring at us. She steps forward as she speaks, "I want him to come as well."
Roakler looks from her to me, than back at the other two doctors. Both slightly shrug, and she nods, turning back to us. "Alright then," Dr. Roakler replies, turning to walk away, "Please follow me."
Maggie glances at me one more time before she starts forward, following Dr. Roakler and the others. I begin to fall in step, until I'm suddenly pulled back. I turn, blinking in surprise to see Anyola holding onto my sleeve. Her expression is pained, her stare dripping with fear as she searches mine. "Have you forgotten everything I told you?" she says quietly, her tone almost frantic.
I can feel my expression fall, becoming slightly annoyed by her clinging to me. Considering the fact that she implanted the thought in my head that made me run out of the shooting range a few days ago. I remove her hand as I answer her, "No, I haven't."
"But you-" she starts.
"I don't want to live by your fears," I interrupt, "I let you get in my head once and I'm not letting it happen again." Anyola's eyes widen in shock, taken back by my words. She tries to grab for my hand, but I stop her by taking her wrist, making her pause. "Stop," I say.
With that, I let go of her, turning back to follow after Maggie and the others. When I do, I'm stunned to see Maggie watching Anyola and I, her expression unreadable as she stands a little ways away. Immediately, I distance myself from Anyola and hurry over to Maggie's side, taking her hand again without thinking about it as I walk quickly after Kasami and the doctors. Maggie quickly falls in step next me, not fighting against my actions as she can tell I'm irritated. In fact, she goes with it, squeezing my hand in hers. Whether or not she's doing it to make me feel calmer or smite Anyola . . . I'm not entirely sure.
We continue down a hall before the doctors stop at a larger door, turning toward the two of us. Maggie stands slightly behind me, and despite me trying to let go of her hand again, her hold is firm. After a moment, I begin to feel the clamminess returning to her palm, and realize she's nervous. In response, I do the only thing I can in the situation, and grip her hand gently. Dr. Roakler nor the others seem to notice the exchange, normal as she gestures to the door. "Now, once inside, your partner cannot enter the bay with you, but you will be able to see and speak to him," Dr. Roakler explains to Maggie, before looking at me, "Since LAPIS does seem a bit hesitant about this, I need your help keeping her calm."
"Yes, Ma'am," I reply with a nod.
Dr. Roakler grins, approving of my response. With that, the door opens. Turning again to Maggie, Dr. Roakler holds out a hand to her. Maggie looks it over, before she finally releases my hand, and cautiously takes her. At first, I'm unsure why she takes hold of Maggie's hand, at least until I enter. As soon as you walk in, there's an unusually steep set of stairs followed by a skinny path which leads to a large platform on the other side of the room. I glance down, and to my surprise, I see water below, standing perfectly still as it reflects the ceiling, causing a strange mirror effect. So not to be forgotten, I pull my eyes away from the alluring sight and continued after Maggie and Dr. Roakler. Once we get to the platform, lights turn on all around, and a circular portion of the floor rises slightly. Maggie gulps, feeling nervous by the sight. I walk up to her and meet her eyes.
"You ok?" I ask.
She watches me for a moment, then looks away, "Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a bad feeling about this."
"Why?" I question.
In response, she simply shrugs, sighing heavily as she watches Dr. Roakler walk over to the other side of the platform, pressing a button on the wall. Instantly, holographic screens spark to life in front of her, charts, numbers, and levels of unknown data spreading across the wall. Maggie looks infatuated by the advanced technology, amazed by the holographic sights. I grinned as I watched her animated expressions, happy to see her relaxing a bit.
It's then that Dr. Foakler looks back at us, her smile pleasant as she gestures to the heightened part of the platform. "LAPIS, if you would, I'd like you to step up here," she instructed. Feeling a bit more comfortable, Maggie walked forward with little hesitation is her steps.
At least until she stepped up on the elevated floor.
As soon as she's up, an energy field flashes to life, basically trapping her. Immediately, her calm demeanor shatters into panic, her eyes darting frantically, but within moments, I'm at her side, trying my best to relax her.
"Hey, it's ok," I say calmly, putting my hand against the translucent barrier, "It's just a barrier to help record data, it's harmless." Once she registers my words, she cautiously puts her hand against the opposite side of the field, and my hand, followed by her shoulders falling as she witnesses there's no pain. She meets my gaze, then lets out a grunt.
"Do they have to basically cage me up?" she comments.
"It's only temporary, LAPIS," Dr. Roakler comments, walking over to stand beside me, "In this space, we'll be able to successfully find your Kink."
She blinks, "My what?"
Dr. Roakler giggles, apparently amused by Maggie's confusion, "Oh, it seems GOLD didn't tell you about this test. Alright, I'll explain this simply; Jeweloids have powers normally associated with one of the four elements, which would be fire, air, earth, and water-"
"Yeah, I knew that much," Maggie comments.
"Well, what you're not aware of is that Jeweloids are known to have a major weakness also pertaining to one element, varying from Jeweloid to Jeweloid. We call this weakness a Kink," Dr. Roakler continues, "Today, we're testing you to figure out which one of the elements is yours."
Maggie just watches her for a moment, before she mumbles to herself, "What is this, Avatar?" Dr. Roakler and I look to each other and shrug, unsure what it is that Maggie is talking about. It's now that Dr. Roakler gestures to me to walk over to the wall.
"We're now going to begin the first portion of the test," she comments, before looking back to Maggie, "LAPIS, is there an element you'd like to start with?"
Her eyes widen in surprise, before she looks away, rubbing the back of her neck as she ponders the question. After a minute or so, she looks back at the Doctor and replies, "Let's go ahead and get fire out of the way."
Dr. Roakler nods and walks over to a podium on the opposing side of the bay, pressing a combination of buttons to cause the holographs that were on the way to sudden form in front of her. At an incredible speed, she presses different icons and shapes, until I see a rather simple icon of a flame appear on the screen in front of her. She pauses, looking around the screen to meet Maggie's gaze, "Alright, it's going to get hot in there."
With that, she presses firmly on the icon, and it's not long before small flames start to form at Maggie's feet. She looks over at me, her expression a bit frightful. In a way to calm her, I mouth three words, "You'll be ok."
Without warning, large flames begin to spew from all directions, causing Maggie to yelp in surprise. Out of instinct, I start forward, fearing for her safety as she hides her face from the fire licking at her skin. Yet, I'm stunned when I'm held back, looking over to see Dr. Roakler now beside me, looking totally calm as she watches Maggie be basically burned alive.
"Aren't you going to do something?" I say, my concern clear in my tone.
She looks over at me with a look that I would best described as one given by a parent to an oblivious child when they ask a dumb question, replying, "Why? If anything, she's just hot."
My eyes widen, looking back at the bay to see Maggie now just standing there among the flames, her expression one of shock as she watches the dancing reds and oranges she's engulfed in simply fall off her, not burning her at all. She then coughs, looking over at us, "Hey, I think I passed, could you turn it off? I'm sweating bullets in here."
Dr. Roakler laughs, "Of course LAPIS, you passed with flying colors." Casually, Dr. Roakler walks back to the podium, and with another click of the fire icon, the flames evaporate into thin air, revealing Maggie uninjured. The only difference is that now her skin is a bit shimmery, beads of sweat formed on her forehead. I sigh in relief, happy to see she's not hurt. "I'm not surprised, fire is an element very few Jeweloids have a Kink for," Dr. Roakler comments, "In fact, the last time there was one was about two years ago."
"Oh, who?" Maggie asks, curious. Suddenly, Dr. Roakler's happy aura fades, and her brow falls slightly. Maggie and I notice almost immediately, and Maggie speaks again, "Ma'am, what's wrong?"
It's a moment before Dr. Roakler says anything, saying simply, "He was a very outgoing young man. A bit stupid, but a harmless young man all the same."
My mind pauses. Without saying another word, I know exactly who she's talking about. She glances over at me for a moment, and once she connects with my stare, she seems to understand that I'm aware of who he was.
Nathan.
She grins bitter sweetly, then looks back at the screens so to set up the next test. I grin to myself. I wasn't aware that he had left an impression with so many people.
"Ahem."
I'm drawn from my thoughts as I hear Maggie make a noise. I look over at her and find her just staring at me, looking perplexed. "What is it?" she asks.
I watch her a moment longer, then look away, not in the mood to start talking about Nathan and what happened to him in front of my eyes. "I'll tell you about it later, ok?" I reply, giving the best smile I can manage considering that the thought of the topic sours my mood. Maggie watches me in surprise, not prepared to see me shut her down in such a way. Though, she seems to understand that I have a good reason, and doesn't question it.
"Alright, now let's go earth," Dr. Roakler says, pulling both of our attentions back to the situation at hand. Her hands dance about the holograms, and it's not long before another icon appears, this time depicting the simple image of a mountain. She looks at Maggie, "This is going to be messy."
Maggie looks confused by her words, but it's not long before she understands what she meant. With the press of the button, a good ten gallons of mud is dropped onto Maggie's head, causing her to shriek in shock as she's completely covered in the brown goop. I, on the other hand, have no time to stop myself from bursting into laughter, immediately bringing my hand to my face to mute my chuckling. Though, it does little, as Maggie whips around and shoots me a death glare, "Stop. It."
Although I do quickly pull myself together, I just can't seem to get the smile to fall from my face, which makes her annoyed. She groans, wiping off her face as she turns back to Dr. Roakler, who is trying her best to hide that she also is rather entertained by the sight. Maggie says with an angry tone, "Was this really necessary?!"
"What else are we supposed to do, stone you?" Dr. Roakler replies, pressing a button as she chuckles. Instantly, water is doused on Maggie, which Maggie happily welcomes. After a few minutes of rinsing out her hair and limbs, she gestures that she's ready to continue, prompting Dr. Roakler to start into the third portion. "Well, this works out, you need to be dried anyway," she giggles as a swirly icon appears on the screen.
With a click, something similar to a cyclone sparks to life in the bay, causing Maggie's hair to fly as she fights to stay standing against the strong winds. A minute or so passes before Dr. Roakler seems to have gathered what she needs, and she presses the icon, stopping the wind storm. Maggie breathes a bit heavy, but is unharmed save for her hair now looking rather unkempt. She turns to me and sighs, apparently happy that the portion is over. I grin in response, then look over to Dr. Roakler as she takes a strange looking clipboard and walks around the podium. "So, what's her Kink?" I ask.
"Hold your horses, we still have to test water," Dr. Roakler says.
Maggie's expression becomes confused. "What do you mean? I just was doused with water, and nothing happened," Maggie replies.
"That water is treated with certain chemicals to keep Jeweloids with water Kinks safe, it's inconclusive," Dr. Roakler replies, pressing a button at the top of the pad. Without warning, the bay Maggie is standing in shifts, causing her to stumble a bit on her feet. She immediately looks over to me, looking worried.
I acknowledge her concern then turn to Dr. Roakler, "Ma'am-"
"Now, we have to do it the right way," Dr. Roakler interrupts, "It's simple, but effective." It's then that the bay suddenly lifts up, levitating right off the ground and transporting Maggie over the edge of the platform, leaving her floating a good thirty or forty feet above the standing water below. Without realizing it, I follow until I can go no further, looking down myself at what Maggie is staring at with fright in her eyes. While yes, the water is deep enough that from this height, she wouldn't get hurt, something about the way she now seems frozen tells me that Maggie's never jumped from so high before. "LAPIS, jump," Dr. Roakler instructs, stepping beside me.
"U-Um, can you at least take me l-lower?" Maggie stutters, fear laced into each syllable she speaks.
Dr. Roakler looks up, not appearing very concerned about Maggie's apparent fright. "You want me to transport you?" she asks.
Maggie nods, "I-If you could."
After a moment, Dr. Roakler shrugs, pressing buttons at the top of the clipboard as she mumbles, "Alright, but don't tell me I didn't give you the option of jumping yourself."
Her words put me on guard, and I look back at Maggie, calling to her, "Just jump."
"Uh, no, this is too high-" Maggie starts.
"Bon voyage," Dr. Roakler says.
Suddenly, the floor beneath Maggie gives, leaving Maggie to free fall. "A-AHHHH!" Maggie screams as she plummets.
"Maggie!" I shout on impulse, calling her by her real name.
She makes contact with a hard smack, a good size splash encasing her as she falls beneath the surface of the water below. But, it's not long before the normal suds erupt with what looks like electric sparks, blue and yellow lazer like shots shooting in all directions. Dr. Roakler dives out of the way of a blast, leaving me still looking over the edge waiting for Maggie to reemerge.
"Well, I guess she has a water Kink-" Dr. Roakler starts.
Without warning, a blood curdling scream blares through the air as Maggie breaks the surface for the first time, blood dripping down her face as she appears that she's being violently electrocuted. I watch in horror as she splashes about, before she falls back below the surface, her body flailing erratically until I don't see her struggling anymore. My stomach sinks.
She about to lose consciousness.
"Wow, seems hers is pretty bad-" Dr. Roakler comments casually.
"What the Hell?!" I snap, "She's going to drown!"
"She won't die, Jeweloids are unable to die from drowning," Dr. Roakler says, looking baffled that I'm even concerned, "We'll get her out once the water is deemed safe."
I can't keep my expression from turning to shock, unable to fathom how she can be totally content with letting Maggie drown below. It's now I make a decision that's probably as reckless as it sounds. I quickly take my personal rod from my pocket and hand it to her, shocking her. "Wh-What-" she starts.
"Unfortunately, I'm not willing to wait that long."
With that, I ignore her calls to stop, and before anyone has a chance to take another breath, I'm underwater. As fast as possible, I locate Maggie not far away, swimming fast to her to see she's just barely held a little breath. I take her limp hand and pull her into me, holding tight despite the sharp jolt of the sparks that have engulfed her as I hurry back up to the surface. As soon we break, Maggie starts coughing harshly, spitting up water and blood as I paddle us over to the side. Once I reach it, I lay her gently on the metal landing, before I pull myself up beside her. She seizes a bit as sparks still fly, but they slowly fade off, leaving Maggie gasping for air in between coughing and spitting up blood.
"Maggie-" I start.
"LAPIS!"
I'm stunned when Kasami and the two other doctors suddenly appear out of no where, quickly falling to Maggie's sides to care for her. Once it appears the doctors have Maggie covered, Kasami looks at me, worry in his eyes. "Isugoro, are you alright?" he asks quickly.
I nod, "Y-Yeah, I'm fine."
He draws in a sigh or relief, then looks back to Maggie, his expression pained. "I haven't seen such an extreme reaction to a Kink in a long time . . ." he trails off, before looking back at me with a bittersweet smile, "You just saved her a good deal of pain, Son. Normally, they don't fish them out until the sparks die down . . ."
I breath heavy, looking over at Maggie as she lays crumbled on the ground, tears running down her face as they cover her with a towel. As I watch her, I feel anger welling up inside me. This is wrong. There must be a better way to go about the water test besides dropping them in a pool. It's just stupid.
It's torture.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Ay I'm back for another review today since I've got some free time!
Oh but one tiny nit pick is that you tend to use a lot of dialogue tags which can really take away from the flow so keep that in mind! Said is NOT dead!
So here's my nit pick as usual;
I feel like Cent's reaction to how Maggie is acting feels a little unnatural. He goes so quickly from calling her a bitch to being able to explain her behavior to Isugoro in a pleasant manner. Not saying this is impossible but it would be more believable if he made that transition a bit more gradually.
My brain is pretty dead right now so I don't have much critique for this chapter, but that's also because it was a well written chapter
Hi Serene!
#NaRevWriMo!
I am pretty impressed with this chapter. I mean, you always seem to be adding new dimensions to being a Jeweloid, but it all seems to make sense as to why that information hasn't been revealed before. I love the idea of Kinks, and showing the way they are found once again shows how humans really do disrespect their kind. At first I thought you might make Maggie have no Kinks to show just how special she is, but I like it more that you did it this way, and that we were able to see how passionate Isugoro felt about saving her. As well as all that which happened in the second half of the chapter, I also really appreciated the first half. I loved the mention of Isugoro distancing himself from Cent because it wasn't something I had even considered as I had been reading through your chapters. But looking back now, I can see that it is true! Wonderful chapter - one of my favourites for sure.
I am going to be mentioning setting here again - but especially because it is a vital part of one of the scenes happening here. In the beginning when Cent and Isugoro are having their heart to heart you mention them being in a hallway. Which is just fine - but you forgot to mention the people passing and everything again. I wouldn't mind that too much except for the part where they starting shouting and raising their voices. If they really are in a hallway at that point I cannot ignore the fact that at least some people would have stopped to stare, to whisper about their conversation or even just shot dodgy glances at them. No one could miss a whole shouting moment in a hallway that is busy and being used. So maybe try to include some of that in there?
During their conversation I also noticed that there are far too many similarities between Cent and Isugoro. For the most part I don't mind a mention of similarities because of course, friends habits do rub off on each other. But this was a bit too far. At first you have Cent facepalming, and later on Isugoro does it. At the beginning Isugoro is running a hand through his hair, and later Cent does it. Cent uses a bunch of curse words and later, Isugoro is repeating the same ones. They need to have individual habits and be separate characters! Make it a habit of Cent's to face palm, and flick at his hair, whereas Isugoro moans and runs a hand through his hair. Make them different because each character should be unique for it to be realistic. I just felt like they were mirror images of each other there and it bothered me as I was reading.
Other than those two small moments there wasn't much for me to mention at all apart from the nitpicks I have below for you. I would have liked if Isugoro asked Cent about how things were going with Sammy or he was having any problems himself because that is what friends do, but it wasn't a big deal. Maybe something that will happen in the near future instead.
Nitpick time!
Comma splice! That sentence should be two separate ones from the first comma. Or that particular comma should be a colon instead.
I don't know why, but the wording of this sentence just seemed like it didn't work for me. I wanted it to run a bit smoother when spoken aloud. I would suggest rearranging it to read 'except for the scarce green of the pines' or 'except for the scarce green which is the pines'
*Then
I know there are several paragraphs between when you first use the word duldrum and the second time you mention it in the quote above. But the thing is, it's a unique word which really stands out. So I would advise only using it once in the chapter otherwise it keeps that familiarity which makes it seem like you are repeating it often (even if you haven't actually.)
You say 'the two' twice pretty close together when it would be easier to say them the second time, and avoid repetitiveness.
I think you mean 'hers'.
Yay! I am finally caught up with all these chapters which definitely did take me long enough... but I am glad to be. The novel only intrigues me all the more with each chapter you post, so I am looking forward to reading more when you do! Don't forget to let me know when it is up
Deanie x
Yay! Lol
Yeah, Isugoro and Cent are very similar people XD
I will agree on the word choices and I'll probably go back and fix them
5 is done! It is but I can't seem to get more points!! Ugh!
It's from Maggie POV too!
Can't wait lol
~Maddie
Hello! Let's get this out of the green room
Some nitpicky things:
That first sentence sounds really awkward to me. Try reading it out loud.
And the repetition of "things" bothered me.
I think "short version" would sound better.
"Maggie and me"
"He appears to be fuming" sounds like the MC isn't sure what Cent appears like. I would try to give a stronger description of what Cent looks like.
This is a pattern I'm noticing. I think you could do a better job of showing emotions/feelings. Here's another example:
I don't know what that looks like. Think about facial expressions, eyebrows, the mouth, hands, body language, posture - that kind of stuff to make it really rich and evocative. Don't tell us how they feel or what the character thinks the other feels - show us.
Huh?
When did he ask Sammy about it?
The part after the comma reads awkward to me.
I get that you're transitioning from info about Anyola back to action, but I thought it was phrased awkwardly. I think you could cut this and skip right to what Maggie does without setting it up.
Another opportunity to show.
You don't need the preposition "in response" - that's implied. You can just right into what she does.
Overall, I think I've said this before but you have a really interesting plot and I think you're executing it well. You have a lot of interesting layers to the plot and you kept my interest throughout the entire chapter. You also do a nice job of building and keeping suspense and keeping the pace moving throughout.
I also really like the interplay with the characters throughout. I thought Cent added a nice new flavor and felt really distinct from the others. I feel like I have a good understanding of who he is. I also really liked the added layer that Maggie probably still likes Isugoro. That adds an interesting new twist for her motivations and behavior.
I think this article and this one, and this one might be able to help you take your writing to the next level
Let me know if you have any questions or if you need me to elaborate on anything!
My main reason for replying weirdly enough is because you said huh to my use of duldrum XDDD
), I would love to hear your opinion on it ((though I warn you, this was started three years ago, so the first few chapters have bad grammar. Like bad. I just finished revising the Intro though, so at least you'll start strong LOL))
I learned the word in like sixth grade so I guess I just assume people know what it means LOL
Yeah, I'm still a bit awkward about explaining expressions. It seems I still need to get over that, but thanks for the links, I'll be sure to look them over ^^
I hope you read the first book (this is the second one in the series I'm writing
Thanks!
~Maddie
I can take a look at the first novel! I'll PM you about it
WOW....I think I'm reviewing this for the first time.
You don't really need 'my mind,' in this twice.Nice plan by the way. Loving Cent, as well.
Simple misspell. 'Yeah, go get 'em,'
Ah LOVED the end. OMGOSH I LOVED THE END. I LOVED IT. I LOVED IT. I LOVED IT.
So those are the only two things that jumped out at me to be honest.
Although I did see one spot where there should be a comma. I just don't remember where and it took me a while to read this, so if I go back and try to locate it, I know I won't find it. (My brain works that way.)
You explain what a Kink was very well and (oddly) I'm glad you added to the words used and I hope there are more words in future chapters. We learned so much in LAPIS, but I'd like to keep learning, especially with all the phrases they use and stuff like that.
Gosh, I kind of hate that woman (Dr. Roakler not Ahoala (whatever her name is), I never really liked her). Once minute she's joking with them, then when Maggie goes into the water, it's like she changed and became.....to me she sounded like she didn't care if a Jeweloids drowned. (Aweh yeah, spelled it right.)
Now, I think, maybe Jin could have gotten a little shocked, but I'm super glade he didn't. Wish to see more of Cent and stuff like this test in the future chapters. (Well obviously not just like it, but I like when they take test and stuff.)
But I LOVED this nonetheless and Maggie is not holding on to that anger well. That must really frustrates her. Although, I doubt, since he saved her, that she'll be on the same level of made. I believe she should question HERA, or at least go into her mind, but not for a couple of chapters. She needs to be able to tell the differences from the story/lies given to her and the truth without using her mind-power-thingie.
Soap that's all I have for this. Again LOVED IT, way better than the Prologue. LOL.
~Sharrae out, tottles