DUET :Chapter 1:

by SereneSimpliciT

Published May 29, 2015

12+ Violence

In DUET: A LAPIS Novel

ATTENTION!

Thank you for starting DUET, it's really appreciated. For those of you who are just now joining us, this is the second book in the LAPIS series. If you would like to read from the beginning, go to the link given below. I hope you enjoy. 

~Maddie King

https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/profile/Serene...

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"Well then, let's get right to work, shall we?"

My brow furrows as I hear the hologram systems starting up around us, causing the large metal box we're standing in to suddenly morph into a forest, much like the one surrounding Gelus. I look down at the AA-12 Convert I hold tight in my hands, easily switching the safety off while I ready to raise it to my shoulder. Maggie stands beside me, appearing totally calm as she twirls a pistol on her right index finger, her other arm holding on her popped out hip, resting on the AA-12 in her waist holster. My eyes rest on her a moment longer, before I turn my attention to placing my shades correctly.

I can't really say how I feel about the sight. Hell, I can't really say how I feel about being suddenly reunited with Maggie after six months. I wasn't told a single word about her coming back from her Class Zero training until I was literally standing in front of her. She looked much more confident than she had when we had parted ways, but once the Commander said her allotted code name, her eyes became cold, and any hint of the girl I know vanished behind her set frown.

She is now LAPIS.

Although it's an assigned name like all the Jeweloid names are, I for one think it actually fits. It's unique, memorable, just like she is. Though, it's easy to see Maggie isn't so fond of it. And I don't think that's the only thing that has recently changed about her.

Since that pivotal moment, she hasn't looked at me once. She's kept her eyes straight, or focused on something out of my view, as if she's avoiding the fact that I'm standing beside her. I have tried a few times to grab her attention, but each failed with a shameful result of her either turning away, or not even reacting at all. The only things I haven't tried are telepathy, and actually grabbing her by the shoulders and turning her to look me in the eyes.

I'm pretty sure if I did the latter, I would probably regret it. As for telepathy, I don't know how to initiate it. So, I just deal with the silence, following Kasami without a question as he led us to this large space, which spans a good three or four hundred yards in length. He ordered simply, "Arm up." With that, a table appeared, a decent spread of weapons laying across the top, from machine guns to small flip blades. I paused, but Maggie walked up without a second spared, looking at each weapon meticulously. Making her choices wisely, she focused on the smaller and lighter fire arms, throwing knives, and a single large gun, the same I chose. Bewildered, I simply took what I know how to use; a few hand grenades, two of the AA-12s, and a saber.

Now, we stand waiting for the signal to start the test. I sigh, though am caught off guard as I suddenly feel a pressure against my back. I start to turn, but something inside me causes me to pause.

We cover each other, understood?

Maggie's voice floats through my mind as easily as ever. It's a bit odd to hear her in this form again, but I shrug it off, content with the fact that she's finally said something. I nod.

Yes, Ma'am.

Somehow, I sense a smile rise on her lips, which gives me a boost of encouragement.

GONG!

The hologram solidifies, and Maggie and I are surrounded by greenery. We don't move quickly, both of us seemingly scoping the area. Then, I sense something close.

I hear a snap.

"On the right," I say.

Before I have enough time to pull another breath of air into my lungs, Maggie gracefully spins us around, and with a sharp flick of her wrist, hits the attacking target square in the center with one of her throwing knives. Keeping position, I see something else moving, and while she's rearming her blades, I pull my gun up and fire, hitting another target.

"Move, a missile locked on this spot!" Maggie suddenly shouts, running ahead into the foliage.

Wait, what?

I turn back, and she's gone, already heading deep into the green maze. For some reason, I don't follow quickly, my mind still trying to comprehend her words. Though, I shake the confusion out of my head to gain my bearings, turn on the locator on my shades, and sprint to catch up with her. Once I catch up, I yell back, "What do you mean a-"

A sharp, jolting blast erupts behind us, replicating a web missile impact. On impulse, I run even faster, my heart pounding in rhythm with my footsteps. Panting, I don't even attempt looking back as Maggie takes us down a decline that leads to a few caves. Maggie tries to sprint in, but instinct tells me otherwise, and I catch her arm, pulling her back. She looks at me in shock, but there's no time to explain to her as I take one of the hand grenades and throw it into the cave. A bang sounds within moments, and pieces of targets fly out, revealing an ambush that would've been inside. Maggie and I look to each other for a split second.

I'll go ahead.

Maggie's voice whispers through my mind, and I look back at her. With a nod, she starts forward cautiously. At first, I'm a bit concerned, considering that neither of us were given flashlights. Though, Maggie seems to have light taken care of, a cool blue glow similar to flames immediately sparking to life in her palm while she holds one of the throwing knives in her other hand. I follow close behind with my gun raised, keeping watch to make sure nothing tries to ambush us. Our footsteps echo through the cavern, the air a bit cooler as we travel deeper inside, and Maggie pauses. I stop immediately after, keeping my gun set as she bounces the light in her palm. With each bounce, the small glow grows brighter, before she stops with it floating about the size of a softball. She doesn't move for a short time, though its not long before she throws the cranks her arms back and shoots the energy down the passage. As it flies, specks fall off, creating a type of light path. Though, it's not long before the power reveals something waiting at the other end.

A large mechanical arm flashes out as soon as the light comes in contact with its skin. Instinctively, I take Maggie's arm, and pull her out of the way as my other hand goes for the hilt of my saber. I throw it above my head and brace it against my opposing forearm as the arm makes contact. It bangs hard against it, almost knocking me off my feet, but somehow I'm able to keep my balance, and my stance. As I hold it at bay, I see a bright flash soar past me and into the darkness ahead. A crash erupts a small explosion ahead, and suddenly, the mechanical arm seizes, before it falls limp to the ground. I blink, panting as I turn to look over my shoulder. Maggie is holding a pistol in her grasp, keeping it aimed down the way. I hadn't seen her pick up this specific firearm, but I recognize it quickly.

The pistol she holds is the same that she used on HERA while she was trying to figure out her Soul Weapon situation. It is her Soul Weapon.

She nudges me, pulling me from my thoughts. With an annoyed expression, she looks at me a moment before she turns and starts down the cavern again, her Soul Weapon still raised and ready. I sheath my saber, and quickly pick my gun back up off the ground, unaware until now that I had dropped it when the arm had attacked. My brow furrows as I follow Maggie. That was a pretty dumb move on my part, just dropping my weapon. Sure, it had worked out that time, but if there had been someone else behind me, they could've got a kill shot on me easily.

I'm acting recklessly.

Without warning, Maggie releases a groan, looking over her shoulder to stare at me. "Will you stop whining to yourself?" she says with a curt tone, "Seriously, it's unprofessional."

My eyes widen in disbelief. Her actions are very out of character, hell, she's even worse now than she had been when she had been pissed at me when we went to that training mission with Swami.

Well, she hasn't cursed at me yet, but her all around presence is so much more menacing than I can remember. It's almost as if the person in front of me is an entirely different entity.

"Maggie . . . " my voice trails, calling her instinctively by her real name. In response, she shoots me a strange type of glare, her eyes sparking with a cool fury that puts me on edge. Before I can even begin to question either of us, she continues on ahead, turning forward to travel around the bend in the the path. I follow cautiously after her, now a bit unnerved by the sudden change in circumstances.

It's not long before the cavern finally opens up to a small creek that flows out of the rock formation. I kneel and run my hands in the water, shocked that I feel the cool liquid swimming through my fingers. For a hologram, I'm amazed at how real everything around us appears. The trees sway slightly as a soft breeze passes over, making patterns of shade dance on the ground reflecting the sun simulation high above the canopy. The creek travels down a short slope before it opens up into a small pond surrounded by lush greenery and eroded rock formations. In the distance the sound of bird calls echo, adding the the soft ballad of the forest.

Maggie walks ahead, the crunching of leaves under her feet muted steadily as she continues farther downstream. I sigh, rubbing my neck. This is going to be quite an undertaking from now on.

A sharp whooshing noise sounds in my ear, catching me off guard. Instantaneously, I minor sting begins to spread across my left cheek, and I touch my hand to it. Pulling away, my eyes widen as I see blood dripping down my index finger. Immediately, I turn, my gun ready as I aim up the crags above the cavern opening. Though, it's not long before I find myself with a gun at my back.

"Jintez, is it?"

"Huh?" I breath, turning my head to see an unfamiliar Jeweloid staring at me.

She smiles, apparently enjoying herself, "So, it looks like your partner abandoned you. It appears you die this round."

I hear the automatic cock click, and I tense. Though, before she has a chance to pull the trigger, she cringes, crying out in pain she slumps against my back. Although I'm relieved I got out of the kill, I still turn and lean over to ask her what's wrong.

"Hey-" I start.

"Don't worry about your opponent, stupid."

Another voice, this one male, chimes in behind me, and before I can blink, I find myself turned back around, and now in a fight with the other enemy player. He's about my build, maybe a bit smaller, though seems to know what he's doing. Though I have been trained quite well by both Marcus and Savannah, I can tell very quickly by the way he carries himself that he's another of Marcus' students; and he's a Jeweloid. 

Yay.

Out of nowhere, I see the girl fly by our heads, slamming into a tree beyond with a loud grunt. The male pauses for a millisecond, but still continues to spar with me, apparently more concerned for the mission than his teammate. As we turn, I catch Maggie out of the corner of my eye, running quickly back towards my direction. It doesn't take me longer than a second to realize that she had been the one that took care of the female. As soon as that sets, I make out the trees and rocks situated around us and a plan sets itself in my head. I grin to myself as I come up with a perfect way to take out the male.

"Maggie!" I shout, trying to get her attention.

Though it appears she didn't need me to yell. The next thing I know I can sense her looking through the plan, and she turns on the balls of her feet back to the direction I need her to come from so that the take down pays off. The male doesn't seem to pick up on the fact that Maggie and I are telepathically communicating a strategy, which works to our advantage as I continue to distract him and Maggie readies herself.

As he goes for a right hook, I dodge under, and catch a perfect view point of Maggie, who now watches from the crag, crouched as I had planned. She gives a slight turn of her head to signal that she's ready, and I sneak a nod. It's time to initiate the plan.

I straighten back up and ready a stance, trying to look like I'm going for an uppercut. The male smirks, taking my bait as he begins to ready himself for a fake out. I charge, throwing my arm around, and just as I suspected, he vanishes. I then look to Maggie, who's concentrated on a spot right behind me; where he'll reappear.

"Now," I say.

With that, Maggie vanishes, and the male, just as planned, jumps from above, his arms above his head with a long steel looking cane tight in his grip. I can't even describe the shock on his face when I catch the cane, and use my own strength to throw him over my head and down to the ground. He grunts as he skids across the ground, stopping right at the waters edge. Though, he's fast, and begins to get up and Flash.

He's stopped in his tracks as throwing knives plant themselves in the joints of his clothes, pinning him to the ground as Maggie reappears above him, her gun aimed right at his head.

As soon as he registers what has happened, the male's face pales to ash white, overwhelmed by Maggie's power as he stares up at her.

"Are you it?" Maggie asks him, her tone as sharp as the final knife she pulls from her holder.

He gulps, "N-No, there's about ten more."

"Ten?" I say in surprise.

"Dammit," Maggie mumbles to herself, her pistol turning to mist as she drops her arm. The male deflates as he finally releases his breath, which Maggie replies to by staring him down in irritation. Instantly, he starts to cringe into himself, his eyes widening as Maggie lowers herself over him, before she's only about a few inches from his face. "You tell me right now what we're up against, ok?" she says, her voice overflowing with a fierce but controlled intention, "And then, you take your friend over there and get out of here. No fighting, you just leave."

The male nods like a bobble head, his expression of fright unchanging as Maggie swiftly removes all the knives that hold him down. Without another word, she stands, and the male stumbles to his feet, running fast into the treeline to retrieve the girl. I simply stand in awe, unsure if I should be concerned or impressed by Maggie. She controlled the situation quite well, but considering that in the long run, that guy is one of the Jeweloids she represents, she may have set herself up for a cold reputation.

"You make it sound like I care what they really think about me."

I blink, looking up to see Maggie staring right at me, her expression not as intense, but definitely still intimidating. I sigh, exacerbated by the sudden changes. "Maggie, what the hell is going on?" I ask finally, "You're acting completely out of character."

For the first time, Maggie's expression changes to something definitely lighter. Her brow rise and her eyes widen, apparently taken back by my words. Though, it's not long before she looks annoyed again, and she turns away. My hand clenches tight in frustration, and groan, "Seriously, you're just going to ignore me? This isn't like you at all-"

"How can you gauge what I'm really like?" she snaps, looking back at me.

I stand my ground even under her deadly gaze, "Because you were never like this before you left Gelus-"

"You mean when I was terrified of literally everything?" Maggie interrupts again, looking just as flabbergasted as I feel, "You saw nothing of me, I was still in shock from the realization that I was no longer who I had been."

I laugh, completely flustered, "T-That's absolute bull shit, Maggie-"

"You have no right to call me that," she snaps.

"You didn't have a problem with it before!" I say, "In fact you were happy that I called you by your real name!"

"That wasn't real-" she starts.

"What the hell are you saying?" I shout, astonished, "I know as well as you do that that was your real and raw self. You didn't have a shell up or anything, especially around me-"

"Well I learned that that had been a mistake," she interrupts.

That catches me off guard. Trusting me was a mistake?

I gulp, before I look back at her, and ask calmly, "What did I do? What did I do to you, Maggie?"

This time, she's caught, I can tell the gears in her head are turning. She looks away, excavating the ground trying to find an answer written in the earth. I deflate as I come to a realization: There's something going on here. I know that I wasn't really filled in before we entered this place, but I can tell that something has happened that has really affected Maggie negatively. What it is, I couldn't even begin to process.

Suddenly, the atmosphere goes still. Maggie looks up automatically, back in fight mode as she places a hand on her holster. Slowly, I turn around, now registering that the birds have gone silent. The only voice is the babbling of the creek, though even that seems muted.

A shot rings through the silence.

"Ack!"

I whip around, immediately going into action as I raise my gun and aim it up towards the craggs on the opposing side of the pond. I pull the trigger, and it's not long before one of my bullets find their targets. I hear mumbling, and rustling of leaves, telling me that the attackers are on the move. Though, instead of following suit, I rush over to Maggie, who's kneeling on the ground clutching her side. Her expression is pained, and as I look to where she's grasping, it's easy to see by the blood and her shallow breaths that she was hit by the first shot. My brow furrows, then I look up at her face again.

"Can you stand up?" I ask, trying to sound comforting.

She shakes her head, doing all she can to keep her eyes from meeting mine. Although I'm a bit irritated by it, I release my tension, and cautiously take hold of her chin, gently lifting her face to look at mine. Her eyes widen in shock, surprised that I'd attempt this. Though, it does get her to look me in the eye. I take a deep breath before I speak, "I don't know what it is that you're upset at me for, but I will tell you right now that I won't allow it to come between me and the promise I made to the Maggie I knew."

She goes speechless. Her eyes are stuck gaping at me, bright and as powerful as ever. Since we were reintroduced, this is the first time I really looked at her. Just as she always has been, she's beautiful, though I can sense that the change in her personality is much deeper than a simple misunderstanding. She's hurt, angry, but I can't tell about what.

My thoughts are pulled away from Maggie as I make out a softest sound of a gun being cocked. Before anything can be done, I sweep Maggie up into my arms, and quickly start to sprint through the shallow side of the pond towards the thicker part of the treeline. I can hear shots being fired, but none exactly hit their mark, ricocheting off rocks and into the water around us. Maggie clings tight to my shoulder with one hand, the other still holding her injury. As we make it to the greenery, I dive into the shrubs ahead, hugging Maggie close to my chest so that she won't take any more trauma. The shots die for a few moments, allowing me to quickly raise up, and with her still in my hold, hurry over to a close by rock for cover.

I set Maggie down against the boulder as gently as I can, then sit myself, panting as I try to reload my gun. I check my holder; my second magazine is missing. I grunt quietly, annoyed. Maggie watches me without saying a word, before she reaches back to her own holder. After a few seconds, she pulls her hand back around and holds it out to me, another magazine in her grip. My eyes widen, meeting hers. She still doesn't look too trusting of me, but something about her gaze has changed, reading more along the side of acceptance of the situation. I take it soon after, and ready my gun, and begin to raise myself. That is, until Maggie pulls me back down.

A shot flies right over my head. My eyes widen as I realize Maggie just saved me. I sigh, and look over to her. "I need your help, Maggie," I whisper.

She watches me for another moment before she nods. "Alright, I'll be your eyes," she replies, "There are five shooters directly across from us, but they aren't exactly sure of our position because I zoned us out of their tracking."

I blink in surprise, "You can do that?"

She rolls her eyes a bit, but continues, "Two are on the ends of the pond, the one on our left was the one that just shot that stray bullet."

"And the other three?" I ask.

"They're in the trees," she replies, "One is acting as a sniper, the others as a type of guerrilla marksmen."

I sigh, "Great."

"Hey, you just need to catch them off guard," Maggie replies, "The five on the ground appear to be the weaker of the group, that's why they're in the middle."

"So, I aim for them?" I say.

"Bingo," she answers, "But you'll have to be quick about it."

I search my mind, before I come up with a sketchy plan, "I think I know what to do."

"Whoa, whoa, you think?" she says, "There are ten of them and one of you."

"Yeah, but remember, I'm not a hopeless human," I reply.

Before she can answer me, I dive out from behind the crag towards a nearby tree. I lean against the bumpy wood, propping my gun up as I look over my shoulder towards the ambushers. As Maggie had described, they're all set up, each prepped, especially the sniper in the distance.

I aim for him. Although Maggie was right that the enemies in the middle appear to be the weak points, I need to take out the watch out. Apparently Maggie caught on to the idea.

As I level my shot out, I'm caught off guard by Maggie once again using telepathy.

A little to the left, you'll miss him at that angle . . .

I fix my aim, and look ahead, easing my breathing as I prepare.

Fire.

On her command, I pull the trigger, and just as I had hope, the shot lands the sniper right in the shoulder. The ground people immediately begin to panic, and even the guerrilla shooters lean down to see if they can spot me.

Big mistake.

As quickly as possible, I take out both the tree shooters. As they fall from their perches, I aim at the two flank enemies, though I'm surprised to see that those two are already taken out. I look over a bit, and am impressed to see Maggie shooting as well, using the crag as a support. She takes out the remaining people, and all goes quiet again. I sigh, and hurry over to her.

"Hey, good shooting," I comment.

"Thanks, I was drilled on it a lot while gone," she comments, "Oh, and good on you for taking out that last guy."

I blink, "What last guy?"

"I only took down four of those middle guys, and the fifth dropped so I am impressed you got him before I could," she explains.

My eyes widen, "Uh, I didn't take out -"

"You're out!"

Before I even have time to move, I make out Maggie taking hold of my arm to pull herself up, pushing me out of the way as she swings her leg up. With all the force behind it, she side swipes the final attacker, sending him flying into the green beyond us as she falls back into me.

SIMULATION OVER

As soon as the final attacker falls, the scenery vanishes, and we're back in the large box, the attackers lay sprawled all over, injured. The first two stand near the wall with Kasami and the Commander, who both look pleased. Kasami claps softly, walking forward towards us before he stops only a few feet away.

"That was a fantastic simulated mission," Kasami compliments, "Well done to both of you. I can tell that you both have been working hard. I'm proud."

I grin, "Thanks, Kasami."

In response, he smiles, before turning his attention to Maggie. She's still leaning against me for support, but her breathing is much more relaxed, which makes me feel better. "They appear to have got you with a shot to your abdomen, LAPIS. I told them not to do that, but I suppose the heat of battle causes soldiers to ignore important facts," Kasami says, before he chuckles, "Like, I don't even think Isugoro has realized that he's injured yet."

My breath catches, "Huh?"

Kasami laughs, before he helps Maggie to step away from me, "Isugoro, unzip your jacket."

Unsure, I follow the order, and as I do, I surprised to see my shirt underneath is no longer grey, but a weird dark red. I lift up my shirt slightly, and am shocked that I had been hit three times, two being grazes while one shot right through the muscle of my lower abdomen. That's a lucky shot. Maggie looks just as amazed as I do, probably due to the fact that I never reacted.

Kasami grins, "You got hit while running across the pond to get this young lady to safety. You put yourself in harms way to protect her."

Maggie looks away, but Kasami still speaks, "You've become a great candidate for her partner, Isugoro. Maggie should be proud."

With that, Kasami walks away, leaving Maggie and I to stand silent by ourselves. I sigh, though step closer to her. Maggie barely makes eye contact, but I take what I can get at this point.

"Welcome back, Maggie," I say. She turns her head, and I take the gesture as a goodbye. Without saying another word, I walk away from her, not looking back as I'm met by Sally who's been brought to treat my wounds. I don't know why I don't, but something in me keeps me from looking back at Maggie.

Maybe I don't want to look back at the past anymore?

As the thought passes through my head, I shake it out. No, that's not true.

I don't look back because I knew that she wouldn't be looking at me. She doesn't need me like she used to. Maggie is now a strong Jeweloid.

Maggie has been consumed by LAPIS.

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · Jul 5, 2015

Hi Serene!

I am a bit behind in my reviewing, so I apologise for it taking me so long to get here! But I have been eager to start the next book in the LAPIS series, and it is off to quite a start. It seems like the relationship between Maggie and Isugoro has been compromised when something happened to her in his absence, or at least she was taught a different mindest. I can see that being a pretty big problem when it comes to this novel. It was a very good beginning, and I am also curious to know how Maggie is received by the other Jeweloid's since she made such a big impression on the other Jeweloid in the simulation. And of course, it was a brilliantly written action scene as always :) You never cease to impress me with how well you can write those.

But as beginnings go, I don't know how I felt about this one. It didn't really feel like the beginning of a new book for me. Mostly, it just seemed like another chapter in the previous book. I don't mean you should have the first chapter be a completely introductory thing, but more so that it should ease us into it a bit more. It took me a long time before I realised they were going to be thrown into a simulation, and there didn't really seem any reason for it. I mean, I know that there is a reason for it in the story - to show their training and so on. But for me as a reader, it just seemed like it was thrown in there as the beginning with no grounding, and I didn't feel like all the action scenes mattered much to me because we are thrown in. He isn't trying to prove himself to Maggie or anything like with all those training sessions with Markus. He isn't even trying to get Maggie to trust him. So I felt like it was just thrown in there and I couldn't feel the purpose behind it.

Remember that even though you do hope all your readers for the sequel have read the first one, not all of them will have done that. Which means that although you do want to continue the story, you can't just ignore what might be 50% of your new readers. You do need to make this a bit more friendly towards newcomers, because then if the book is a sudden with no dive in to what a Jeweloid is, or who these characters are, then they will put it down. And you want to win over every single reader you can, no matter what works they might have or haven't read by you before. What I mean by this, is that when Isugoro is examining Maggie and trying to see what is different, you could easily point out a few aspects of her that make her a Jeweloid and separate her from humans. Brilliant for newcomers and also loyal readers who would like a reminder (assuming they have been away from your book for a while.) Or maybe, give a title for Kasami's general role when you mention his name for the first time. I approve that you later showed that he did have a bit of personal relationship with Isugoro later on, because then the readers can understand that.

I also find it rather strange that only in the sequel do we truly understand the meaning of the title of the first book. Rather, that revelation should have been revealed to us before. Which again makes me feel like this chapter should be the end to the previous book? Because that would be quite the cliffhanger there, and a brilliant way to leave the reader wanting more. Either way, I feel like the title to the first book should be revealed with reasoning then, not now. It doesn't have as much meaning now that we are already dealing with a different title.

Nitpick time!

her other arm holding on her popped out hip, resting on the AA-12 in her waist holster. My eyes rest on her a moment longer,


Okay, this had me a bit frustrated because I think it could be worded better. I mean, popped out hip just sounds completely weird to me. And then you use 'rest' twice pretty close together. I rewrote it, and here's what I came up with:

her other arm rested on her hip as her fingers lightly brushed the AA-12 that waited in the holster. I only looked at her a moment longer before... etc

It doesn't have to be those words, but see the change?

any hint of the girl I know vanished behind


I think you mean 'knew' seeing as he is referring to her past self.

"Huh?" I breath


This should be breathe, not breath.

That's all I have to say! When I can, I will be back to read the next chapter :) Keep writing!

Deanie x

Lol the reasoning for the title of LAPIS is actually given in the final chapter of LAPIS, when the commander introduces herz in fact, it's the very last line. XD
I understand what you mean about reintroducing characters, and I'll look into that :)
Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!

Deanie replied · Jul 6, 2015

And there you have my rubbish memory at work. My apologises for forgetting!

Lol you're fine.
Oh, and because you commented on the action, or at least, this scene.
Remember that this is also the first chapter of this book, so you can't see all the connections that are being set up just yet ;)
Thanks!
~Maddie

User avatar
LittleFox
Review
LittleFox wrote a review Review · Jun 14, 2015

Good Morning! After much delay am finally here to read and review DUET, and I am rather excited. So, let's get started! As always I won't be reading the other reviews before I submit me review to avoid having my review influenced by them, so if I repeat anything, my apologies!

I like that you have started out already with a problem for Isugoro; Maggie giving him the silent treatment. It's not a huge dramatic problem, it's just enough to make the opening of the story interesting so that the reader is engaged and looking forward to find out why Maggie is acting this way and how it will be resolved.

Alright here is my nitpick- I feel like sometimes you over-analyze. Here's an example;

"My eyes widen in disbelief. Her actions are very out of character, hell, she's even worse now than she had been when she had been pissed at me when we went to that training mission with Swami."

Descriptions like this are fine, but in smaller numbers. The Reader by now should know Maggie well enough to make these observations by themselves. You don't want to constantly tell the reader what they are suppose to think about a character's actions. Sometimes it is better to just show the strangeness of one's actions through another's reaction. Isugoro's thoughts are really necessary for every little thing that happens. I understand they matter when Maggie is reading them or when he is pointing something out the reader may not be aware of, but other than that, you don't want too much of that.

Anyway that's only my opinion and our writing styles are very different, so it is fine if you disagree. Overall I liked this chapter a lot. Good opening, action-packed middle, and meaningful ending. Keep up the good work and be sure to let me know when the next chapter is up! I hope that this review has been helpful!

-LittleFox

User avatar
Thegreatsock Comment
Thegreatsock commented Comment · May 31, 2015

Great work but in my opinion you could have started a small bit slower and got into a little more description of the changes in Maggie. Just my opinion though.

Would you elaborate a bit more?

ashtheawesome12401 wrote a review Review · May 31, 2015

Okay hey. I am excited to do a review of Duet. It seems well written from the first glance so I'm ready to go! ((Also I'm writing the commentary on sticky note so luckily I will quote stuff so you do not get confused))
Alright let me get started!

I'm in already the first two paragraphs. And I took my time reading this. No offense but I do not understand anything so far. So the main character met back up with their friend Maggie? What does Maggie look like? Where are these two?

What are Jeweloid names exactly? Why does Maggie have the name Lapis?How does this naming system work?Who is in charge of these names?

Okay who is Kasami? He just came in from nowhere? Please introduce him in the first two paragraphs or at least let him enter or something. ((I hope I am not being too harsh D: ))
What test exactly is this?

Finally the action scene! I love it! It's descriptive and you make it feel like real time! I like that! You didn't make it seem slow at all. And that is always good in action or any types of literature. You don't want your audience to grow bored!


Okay I just read the rest of it. I love it.I love how Isugoro is so protective of Maggie in the simulator and that's nice.
I can't wait to read the rest ahh/

This was good. Just please add more details and actually explain some of the stuff I asked about. And also have fun with this okay? Yeah. I can't wait for chapter 2! :)

This is the second book in a series, I said that before the start of the chapter. That's why there isn't much said on appearances or anything cause it was already established XD
Thank you for you commentary :)
~Maddie

Ahh I didn't know at all! I feel dumb now I am so sorry friend!

Lol it's fine ^^
If you do want to read from the beginning though, I gave a link as well, I think you'd like it
Thanks

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wish123 Review
wish123 wrote a review Review · May 30, 2015

Really enjoyed reading the story line. The story was engaging, and well written. Try limiting the adverbs, and maybe develop more of a description which enables sensory language. You dialogue was appropriate, and not too excessive. Also love how you have varied sentence structure, so it reads nice. Overall great chapter.

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ChimeraMania
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ChimeraMania commented Comment · May 29, 2015

How can I describe this in one word when I truly mean amazing and perfect at the same time? Honestly all of it was good; I was so into it that I doubt I would have been focused on finding a mistake with I didn't. Although, out of all of it, I'd have to say my favorite part was the end, where he didn't even realize he had gotten hurt. That maybe a medium part but I liked, no loved, it the best by far. Even though it makes me question how her training actually went. I feel HERA has feed her some lies or some hurtful truths and that's why she was trying to be distant when it comes to Ig. Oh and I another part that I found funny was when he was 'whining' and Maggie or LAPIS called it out. LOL. Classic, yet not. Overall, honestly, punctuation mistakes or spelling, I have a feeling I would have caught on to those, well I do catch on to those more easily than others, but I don't think I saw any.
Good job and a really, wonderful, amazing first chapter. I just really need to sum those up into one word, but I just can't find one for this series, period.



I'd be a quote vigilante. A literary Batman. Someone had better be quoting me now!
— Feltrix