DUET :Chapter 7:

by SereneSimpliciT

Published October 5, 2015

12+ Language

In DUET: A LAPIS Novel

I'm a bit tense. I decided to not return to Maggie’s room a few days ago, just because I was too awkward. Since, Maggie hasn’t been really angry or anything like before, though she is definitely a bit more distant. She doesn’t say much, nor does she really look at me. When she does steal a glance, she immediately looks away, her face reading a strange mix of confusion and embarrassment. I don’t try to ask what it is that’s bothering her, I have no right at the moment. Though, unfortunately, I will have to speak to her at some point today.

I have made arrangements with Sammy for her to meet Maggie. Sammy instantly began to think up good opportunities to meet up. She even brought it up during breakfast the past few days, which has made Cent a bit . . . well, hesitant, to say the least. This morning was no different.

When we arrived, Sammy was already in a very positive mood, a bit more happy than normal. Savannah and Anna just went along with it, but Cent asked her why she was so spirited. Of course, Sammy answered truthfully, “I’m meeting LAPIS today.”

Cent’s expression was one of shock, then it tensed as he slowly turned to look over at me. “She’s really going to meet her?” Cent asked.

I nodded, “Yeah, I mean, there’s no reason they shouldn’t-“

“How about the fact that she is bipolar?” he interrupted, his tone serious.

“Oh, Cent, shut up. She’s not that bad,” Savannah commented, “I’ve met her.”

I blinked in surprise. “You have?” I asked.

Savannah sighed, “I’m one of the top trainers in the base, of course I would run into her! She didn’t say much, but I could tell she’s a good kid. If anything, she just seems stubborn.”

I grinned. “Well, is that enough for you?” I asked Cent, looking back at him. He still didn’t look convinced, rather irritated if anything. After a moment of nothing being said, I broke the silence, “Sammy is going to meet her. I think it’s a good idea.”

“Why her? Why not Anna? Or why not get her better acquainted with Savannah?” Cent argued.

Savannah chuckled, and nudged Sammy, who looked rather perplexed by Cent’s protest. “It seems he doesn’t want you to hurt. How sweet,” Savannah giggled.

Cent caught the last part of her words, and stared her down, “Will you stop? I just don’t know if it’s a good idea!”

“Then what about Savannah and I? Why are you more comfortable with sending one of us than Sammy?” Anna added, looking Cent dead in the eye. Instantly, Cent froze. He couldn’t figure out how to talk his way out of the hole he dug himself. His stare focused on the middle of the table, red rising in his face to almost match her hair color. I chuckled, then looked over at Sammy. I was caught off guard to see her look just as flustered as he did, her cheeks a bit warm, and her eyes trailing the curve of the table.

“Sammy?” I questioned.

She met my gaze after a moment, and grinned shyly. “I want to meet her,” she said, before she looked back at Cent, “And you, do you think I’m not strong enough to face her if things go bad?”

Immediately, Cent’s eyes shot up, his expression one I’ll hopefully remember for a long time. “N-N-No! That’s not it!” Cent answered, his voice falling off as he gets more embarrassed, “I just don’t know . . . if you’ll get along . . . or something. She’s stubborn.”

Sammy laughed, smiling big as she looked over at him, “I think I can handle a bit of sass, Cent. Thank you for the concern though.”

Cent looked away, seemingly defeated. He met my eyes one more time, then said simply, “Just make sure things don’t go south.” With that, he got up and left. Sammy looked a bit sad to see him go, but she seemed to get over it after a minute or so. Well, at least until Anna started talking.

“He likes you, it’s so bad,” Anna giggled to herself as she returned to picking at her omelet.

Sammy immediately went rigid, “N-No, he doesn’t. He was just concerned.”

“Because he likes you,” Savannah added, not even looking up from her food as she spoke, “It’s so obvious, it’s kinda sad.”

“He doesn’t like me,” Sammy retorted, before looking at me, “Right?”

And I was caught. I could go either way, protecting both of them or going with the obvious facts. Though, I decided to just go down the middle, “He’s an odd guy, random things make him awkward.”

Sammy looked unsure by my response, as did Anna and Savannah. As they looked to each other, I continued to eat in peace, rather amused by their confusion. I just saved that guy’s ass.

After breakfast, as I made my way to meet Maggie for daily training, Sammy stopped me. She looked a bit less energetic than before, though she still smiled. “So, we’re doing this?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’ll tell her when we meet and then when we have lunch break I’ll bring her to the back hall like we discussed yesterday,” I replied with a grin, “I’m sure she’ll be happy to meet you.”

Sammy nodded, but something in her eyes looked tense. My brow furrowed slightly. “Hey, you ok?” I asked.

She didn’t answer quickly, but did meet my eyes, “Does he like me?”

My eyes widened, not expecting her to bring the topic back up. She sighed, and continued speaking, “I mean, I’m not totally blind, I can tell he flirts and everything. I just don’t know how he is with . . . other girls.” I feel a lump forming in my throat, and I look away so I can figure out a proper way to respond. My actions prompted her to continue, “I know that you’re not obligated at all to tell me how he feels. I mean, for all I know, you don’t. But, considering that you’re best friends . . . I don’t know, just from what I remember about my best friend, you normally tell each other a lot.”

I looked back at her, and her orange eyes were cooled, her expression apprehensive. I fell a bit as I replied, “I’ve known him for over thirteen years. He’s a good guy. A bit too negative sometimes, but none the less, he’s a good person. . . . He’s always been kind of a flirt, it’s just a part of his nature.”

Sammy fell slightly, apparently not very happy with my explanation. She looked down at her hands and commented to herself, “So I was right. I’m not anything special.”

Immediately I caught my blunder, and corrected myself. “But I will admit, he’s never really been protective of girls, except for two,” I add.

She looked up as soon as my words sunk in, her eyes wide. “Who is that?” she asked.

I grinned, “His little sister, Alya, and his mother. He’s always focused on them.”

“Really?” Sammy questioned, “Did his father not want him to date when he was young or something?”

I fell quiet, catching Sammy off guard. My grin fell bittersweet as I replied, “Cent’s father . . . he wasn’t involved. Cent was the man of the house.”

Although I was expecting surprise, Sammy was strangely calm when I said that, as if knowing that connected somehow. She didn’t reply quickly, though she did seem content in a way. After a minute or so, she laughed a bit to herself, then returned her eyes to mine. With a grin, she said, “I’ll see you around lunch.”

Then, she just walked away. I was a bit unsure on how to feel about her strange change in emotion, but I didn’t question it too much. She must have her own reasons.

“Isugoro?”

I jolt, looking over to see Maggie staring at me, her eyes wide. I look around a bit, then clear my throat. “Y-Yeah?” I reply.

She sighs, “I said your name like five times. It’s almost time for break.”

“Oh. . . .” I trail, looking over to the wall. Like she said, it’s about ten minutes out, I guess I spaced out thinking about this morning. Maggie starts to walk off, and after a minute, I connect my thoughts. I have to get her to come with me to meet Sammy! “H-Hey, wait,” I call after her, reaching out to grab her wrist.

She whips around, looking perplexed by my actions as I pulled her back towards me. “Wh-What?” she stutters, still confused.

“I need you to come with me during break,” I say, “I have someone I want you to meet.”

She blinks, “You want me to meet someone?”

“Yeah, she’s a friend of mine, and she’s been wanting to meet you for a while,” I explain with a grin.

Maggie’s face falls, “Oh, a human girl? How lovely, she’ll probably want to know how I got my hair this blue or something.” With that, she starts to walk away.

“No, no! She’s a Jeweloid,” I answer, “Her codename is QUARTZ.”

She turns back, “You’re friends with a Jeweloid outside of Marcus and Savannah?”

I chuckle a bit, “Yes, I do, I have a few actually.”

She stares at me for a few moments, unsure how to respond. She looks away, then drags out a sort of groan. “Of course you do,” she comments, before she finally makes direct eye contact with me, “Fine, I’ll go. But there better be no bullshit with this girl.”

I laugh by accident, saying, “Of trust me, she isn’t like that.”

Maggie raises an eyebrow, “Oh, really now?”

I grin, “Yeah, she’s a really good person. She’s reliable.”

Maggie falls quiet, her expression becoming a bit sadder. Then she says quietly, “No one is more reliable than my best friend.”

“Huh?” I question.

She doesn’t look back at me, walking away as she replies, “My best friend; the one I lost. She was often called reliable. She was like the older sister I never got.”

“I know I can’t replace your best friend, Maggie, I’m not trying to,” I say as I follow after her, “But I think someone like QUARTZ will be good for you.”

“You don’t know what’s good for me,” Maggie says.

“A friend outside of this craziness, maybe?” I answer.

She pauses. I stop shortly after, standing only a foot or so away from her. Then, she slowly looks over her shoulder at me, her eyes reading uncertainty. “You really believe in this girl that much?” she asks, “You really think she’ll be someone that can deal with this crap?”

I nod as I reply, “Yes.”

It seems my words are successful enough, because Maggie doesn’t argue the subject any further. After a few minutes, Maggie and I are finally released for break. As I had planned, I lead Maggie out of the training area and through a back way that lead to a hall right outside the cafeteria. Checking my time, I see I’m actually a bit early, and turn to Maggie. “Alright, she should be here any minute-“ I start.

“Why are we meeting in a back hall like this?” she questions, “Why so secretive?”

“Well, I thought you’d want to be properly introduced, so I thought meeting in private would be best,” I explain. Maggie’s eyes shift back and forth across the floor, and I can sense the tension escalating from her. I lean over a bit, shocking her a bit as she looks back up to see I’m eye level with her. “You ok?” I ask.

“Y-Yeah,” she answers, taking a moment before she continues, “I guess I’m just . . . anxious.”

“Why?” I reply.

“I don’t know. I don’t know who this chick is or anything about her,” Maggie explains, starting to play with one of the locks she normally lays in front, “I’m just going off you saying she’s reliable and shit like that.”

“Do you really think I’d introduce you to someone I thought you wouldn’t get along with?” I question.

“I don’t know. . . .” she trails, “I know Cent isn’t a fan of me.”

My eyes widen, “What?”

“Cent doesn’t like me,” she says, “What about that sentence didn’t you comprehend?”

“What makes you think he doesn’t like you?” I ask.

“I can just tell,” Maggie replies, “I’ve seen him once or twice since I got back, and each time, he looked mad to see me.”

I don’t know how to answer her. I’m aware that Cent isn’t too keen on Maggie at the moment. Due to the recent drama, he’s started to go into protective mode. I’m used to it, he’s been like this for a long time, but he seems to have hit a new level since Maggie came into the picture. Hell, he was even hesitant about Sammy meeting her.

I look back at her, and give her my best answer, “He’s just worried, is all.”

“Worried?” Maggie repeats, “Worried about what?”

“About me, I guess,” I reply honestly, “You’ve put me through the ringer recently.”

Maggie bites on her lip, her expression becoming complicated. She turns away, and I run a hand through my hair. I really need this to work.

“Goro?”

Oh thank you God. I turn around, and just as I had hoped, Sammy is there, walking up with a smile set on her face.

“Hey, you’re here,” I say with a grin.

“Sorry I’m a bit late, I ran into Anna,” Sammy says, her accent sweet, “So, I’m finally gonna meet Miss LAPIS, am I?”

I chuckle, “Yeah, she’s-“

“Sammy.”

I fall silent, and Sammy blinks.

“Huh, is that her?-“ Sammy starts.

“Sammy Tabitha Jackson.”

Sammy freezes in place. I turn slightly, and see Maggie facing away from us, still. The air has grown thick, and I can’t tell what’s happening. “Um-“ I start.

“How do you know my full name?” Sammy asks, her voice lighter than before as she addresses Maggie.

Without warning, Maggie whips around, and throws herself on Sammy, shouting her name again as the two of them fall to the floor. I have no idea how to react as I watch, just standing there as Sammy slowly props herself back up on her elbows. Maggie hangs from her, her arms wrapped around Sammy’s neck. Sammy immediately looks over at me, her eyes wide in alarm. I just shrug, just as clueless as she is. Maggie moves slightly, and Sammy flinches. “Ow,” she breaths, “H-Hey, what’s up with you LAPIS?”

It’s now I decide to intervene, leaning over to detach Maggie from Sammy, “Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with Maggie.”

As soon as I say her name, the color in Sammy’s face fades. Her eyes grow wide, signaling me to stop. “Maggie . . .” she whispers.

Suddenly, Sammy grabs Maggie by the shoulders, and pulls her off so that she can see her face. She moves Maggie’s blue locks away from her eyes, and stares intently at her. After mere seconds, I begin to see Sammy crumbling into herself a bit, her brow furrowing. “No . . .” she trails, tears starting to form at the rims of her eyes, “No way. . . .”

Then, Maggie finally speaks, her voice weak as she sounds like she’s crying, “So you’re reliable, I hear? Is that just Southern pride, or are you really just that sweet?”

With that, Sammy falls apart, tears streaming down her face as she pulls Maggie into her arms, “Ma-Maggie!”

I watch the two sob, totally blindsided by the strange turn of events. It’s then I hear Sammy say something, a bit buried by her tears, but still feasible.

“I was looking for you baby girl.”

It’s now I finally make the obvious conclusion; they know each other.

“How . . .” I trail, “How do you two . . . know each other?”

After a minute or so, Sammy is able to pull herself together to the point that she can speak clearly, still holding Maggie close as she answers my question. She smiles through her still falling tears, “This is Maggie Smith. . . . She’s my best friend.”

My eyes widen in shock. “Wh-What?!” I say, “How is that possible?!”

Sammy chuckles, “I don’t know, but I’m not going to question it. I got her back.”

“S-Sammy, I thought you were dead. . !” Maggie sobs, “I was so scared. . . .”

Sammy’s brow furrows, hugging Maggie tighter, “I know Honey, I was scared too. . . . Heh, I should’ve known it was you, you’ve always been such a stubborn girl.”

“How long did you two know each other?” I ask.

“Since I moved to the north. . . . I believe I was twelve, and Maggie was eleven,” Sammy answers, “We were in the same class, do you remember that?”

“Y-Yeah, fifth grade,” Maggie stutters, “You had moved from New Orleans.”

Sammy doesn’t say anything for a moment, before she whispers, “So that’s where I’m from . . .”

Maggie raises herself a bit, looking Sammy straight in the eye, “What do you mean? Of course you’re from there! You used to talk about it all the time! For, um, your second Halloween in Anchorage, we dressed up like Marti Gras dancers, remember?”

Sammy’s brow furrows, and I can tell instantly by her expression that she doesn’t remember. Maggie is totally clueless, searching her eyes. “Sammy?” she says, “What is it?”

“Honey . . . I can’t . . . I can’t remember,” Sammy answers, “I’ve been here for three years already.”

Maggie’s eyes widen, “Three years?! So wait, then you’re not eighteen anymore?”

Sammy shakes her head, “No Hun, I’m actually about 21 now.”

I can tell that Maggie’s heart is sinking, her face growing pale. “Holy shit . . .” she trails, holding her head in her hands, “What the hell is happening?”

After a moment, Sammy wraps her arms back around Maggie and shushes her. “I know it’s hard to understand. . . . I know you have a lot on your plate,” Sammy says, before she chuckles, “I mean, damn, Honey, you’re the famous LAPIS! You’re called the “Princess of Gelus” in some of the highest circles!”

Maggie laughs, “That’s so stupid, I’m no princess.”

Sammy clicks her tongue, “True, you’re no princess in the morning, your breath stinks and your hair- does your hair still do that weird unicorn thing-“

“Oh will you shut it?” Maggie laughs, “My hair is lovely no matter what-“

“And holy hell, it’s blue!” Sammy shouts, playing with Maggie’s hair, “And damn, it’s still so long!”

“I mean, look at you! You look like a push-pop!” Maggie retorts, messing with Sammy’s orange hair.

In a matter of moments, the two have gone from sobbing to laughing, both looking ten times happier than I’ve seen either as they banter. I can’t help a smile from rising on my lips, warmth spreading through my chest as I finally begin to understand what has just happened. Going from what Sammy said, Maggie is the best friend that she considered her sister. They thought the other was dead, only to find each other again in the most impossible circumstances.

I reunited sisters.

“Goro?”

I blink, looking over my shoulder to see Cent, of all people. He looks rather perplexed, having no context of the situation. He walks over to me, staring at Sammy and Maggie as he stops beside me. “What’s going on?” he asks.

Immediately, Maggie looks up, and gasps, “Hey, it’s you!”

Sammy looks up to, her cheeks reddening as soon as she recognizes him, “C-Cent?!”

Maggie instantly looks back at Sammy, “Wait, you know him too?”

Now Cent looks confused, “Huh?”

“I mean, I met them at the same time, on their first day,” Sammy tells Maggie, looking at Cent every now and again, “Cent sits with us during breakfast.”

“Really?!” Maggie shouts, “I met him my first day too!”

Sammy blinks, “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, though I was much more involved with Isugoro than Cent,” Maggie says, before she laughs, “I think I called him that Irish guy for a while.”

Cent just watches, unsure what to say. He leans over and whispers to me, “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

It’s then that Sammy’s eyes widen, and she makes eye contact with Cent, “Wait, you thought I couldn’t handle Maggie?”

Maggie blinks, “What?”

Sammy looks back at Maggie, laughing as she gestures at Cent, “He told me to be careful ‘cause you’re stubborn and didn’t think we’d get along!”

Maggie bursts into laughter, and Cent starts to get flustered. Then, without warning, Maggie stands, and walks over to Cent, making him on edge. She watches him for a few moments, then starts to laugh again as Sammy joins her side. “Man, Sammy is to me as Isugoro is to you,” Maggie explains, “I’ve known Sammy since I was eleven.”

Cent’s face goes blank, and now I laugh, “Cent, we’ve really met our match.”

After a moment, Cent chuckles a bit, and rubs his face. “Of course they’d be best friends, knowing my luck,” he comments to himself.

Sammy giggles, and Maggie looks at her in surprise, “What’s that laugh about, I’ve only heard that with Peter-“

“Shut up,” Sammy snaps, “I always laugh like that.”

Maggie looks stunned, “What?”

Cent looks between the two, then back at me, and I shrug. Then, something seems to connect in Maggie’s head and she gasps, looking between Cent and Sammy. “Oh my God, you’re joking,” Maggie comments.

“Maggie-“ Sammy starts.

“Holy hell, you’re serious!” Maggie laughs, “I can’t believe this.”

I chuckle a bit to myself. Maggie picked up on the crush thing really quickly.

As if to get revenge, Sammy raises an eyebrow, looking Maggie dead in the eye, “So the Power Processor though?”

Maggie goes mute, red rising in her cheeks. Awkwardly, Maggie makes eye contact with me, and now I’m feeling her shyness. I avoid eye contact, and Sammy chuckles, “Dear lord, Honey, you’ve been putting this guy through Hell!”

Sammy steps away from Maggie’s side and stands in between Cent and I. After a moment, she throws her arms around our necks and pulls us in, causing us both to awkwardly stumble into her. She laughs, and looks back at Maggie with happy eyes, “They’re both great guys, what’s got you thinking they’re so bad?”

Maggie looks stumped, her eyes falling on me. I grin a bit, which only make her look even more confused, her eyes finding the ground. Then she reconnected her stare with Sammy’s, her eyes strangely dull. “I don’t know what to tell you. . . .” Maggie trails, “I don’t know.”

Without thinking, I pull away from Sammy’s hold, and lean over to peer at her at eye-level. Gently, I speak to her, “What do you mean?”

She fights meeting my eyes as best as she can, though once she does, she looks utterly confused, drowning in her swirling thoughts. “I can’t say,” Maggie admits, “Not to you.”

“What the hell is that?” Cent comments.

“Cent-“ I start, looking back.

“No, she can’t just say something like that, then just decide not to tell you what’s going on,” Cent argues, “That’s not right.”

“Cent, please,” Sammy pleas, unwrapping her arm so she may stand in front of him, “You know there’s something more to this, we all do.”

“What?” Maggie says, honestly surprised. She looks to each of them, before returning her gaze to me, her eyes narrowing slightly. “What did you tell them?” she asks.

“Huh?” I say, “I just said what was happening-“

“Oh, that I was being a bitch or something? Is that what you said?” Maggie questions, her anger growing.

“No, no, Maggie, that’s not it,” Sammy starts, “You’re looking at this the wrong way-“

“But she has been bitchy, that’s a fact,” Cent comments.

Sammy looks back at him, sending a stern stare, “You are not helping.”

Cent stands down under her gaze. Maggie doesn’t pay attention, her anxiety growing as she stares at me. “What did you say?” she questions me again.

“Maggie, I didn’t say anything but the truth,” I answer honestly.

“You mean the “truth” you want them to see,” Maggie answers, her voice colder.

“Maggie, what are you talking about?” Sammy questions, looking over at her, “He’s a genuine guy-“

“You don’t know anything!” Maggie yells, silencing everyone.

She pants a little, looking at each of us, before she looks down at the ground. She clenches her hands in tight fists, becoming overwhelmed. In a moment of chance, I take her hands, causing her to reconnect her stare with mine. I hold my ground against her powerful eyes, becoming livelier with her growing animosity. I gamble my luck, and gently rest my forehead against hers. She grows stiff, and I can sense Cent and Sammy holding their breaths. I sigh, and look her in the eye as I say softly, “Someone is lying, we all know that. The question is, who do honestly believe is the liar?”

Her fists fall, and grab my hands, as if she needs support. I continue to speak, “Do you really believe I would lie to you?”

She’s shaking, her confusion consuming her. Sammy steps forward, whispering, “Maggie-“

“LAPIS?”

Maggie breaks.

“STOP!”

She lets out a power shock on a level I’ve never experienced before. I hear something fall behind me, and a high gasp, making it obvious that Cent has collapsed. I struggle to hold on to her, and she falls to her knees with me. Sammy falls as well, but I can’t tell how affected she is from my current angle. I look back up, panting as I find Maggie shaking still, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks again as she looks up at me. I can tell she’s tired, and confused, but it’s not until she slowly begins to slump I realize she’s about to pass out. I hold her close, shushing her as she continues to tremble in my embrace, clutching at my jacket. She’s only able to whisper one simple phrase, her voice feeble as she falls unconscious.

“I don’t know.”

Once she’s asleep, I look back at Sammy, surprised to find her stabilizing quite well. She’s kneeling beside Cent, his arm wrapped around the back her neck as he’s struggling to come to. She connects her eyes with mine, her eyes reading surprise as she sees me holding Maggie close to me. Her expression softens into a grimace, and she sighs, “It had to be her. . . .”

I watch Sammy a little longer, then return my gaze to Maggie. No matter what the situation, the shadow of whatever is eating at her consumes any positivity that tries to break through. And, now that we’ve found that we’re all connected, I have a feeling that the shadow is threatening to spread.

It’s going to try to consume all four of us.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
LittleFox
Review
LittleFox wrote a review Review · May 1, 2016

Hey there I'm back!

This was an exciting chapter with all the emotions and events, it was fun to read! However the one nitpick I have for this chapter is that it may have been just a little to dramatic. At almost every part of the chapter someone is on edge or there are really strong emotions. Of course these emotions are very important to the story, and I'm not implying they should be taken out. I think what this chapter needs is a little low time for the reader to breathe, y'know? reading about one emotion after the other, and those emotions changing quickly, can be a bit much to take in. Just maybe a short scene that's pretty relaxed could help quite a bit.

that's the only criticism I have to offer, this was a really good chapter!
Happy review day!
LittleFox

User avatar
Rosendorn
Review
Rosendorn wrote a review Review · Jan 31, 2016

Hello.

I find your syntax to be the biggest hangup here. It feels fairly rough, with information presented in mostly simple sentences that follow the subject, verb, object pattern. The tenses also feel a bit jumbled, but that could be me struggling to follow tense changes. It's something I would keep an eye on, just to make sure it all flows.

You've also got a fair chunk of double tagging when it's not needed. If a character does an action, then you don't need to have a "said tag" (which includes verbs like said, asked, replied, etc) to indicate who was speaking. The action does that for you, and can often be a better indication of tone than verbs to describe tone of voice. My own personal preference is focusing on actions for this reason, but regardless of that you don't need to put in both. Pick one or the other to avoid redundancy.

Finally, the characters don't feel fully fleshed out, to me on a syntax level, like you haven't figured out how they speak and narrate, yet. There are jumps between formal English and informal, and I don't have a strong sense of voice. This'll get smoothed out the more you write, but you can speed up the process by sitting and thinking about how your narrator, well, narrates. These two articles might help with that, as well.

Overall, the story is solid but it needs more polish. It feels like you're still getting the hang of character voices, which is to be expected. I just hope this review helped you towards the path to polishing it.

Let me know if you have any questions or comments!

~Rosey

Lol thank you for the comments
DUET is the second novel in a book series. LAPIS is the first and is also posted on YWS. I highly suggest you read it ^^
~Maddie

User avatar
silverhanded
Review
silverhanded wrote a review Review · Oct 29, 2015

Hello, this is Meda for a review~

I like the way you do your dialogue. It flows together really well and seems pretty natural. I would suggest that you maybe add just a little bit more detail and background to it. (A paragraph here and there to describe the setting or to provide a little information through the setting and the actions of the characters would be awesome!)

Overall I really like this, and the last line is so striking! Wow. Thanks for sharing~

User avatar
ChimeraMania
Comment
ChimeraMania commented Comment · Oct 19, 2015

Oh my ba-Jesus that is perfect and all I have to say. I was really surprised they knew each other, well that they were best friends. I'm glad that instead of telling them or Jen what's wrong, the worry/fear consuming her is getting more (in my eyes) life threatening. Gosh, I honestly can say, I don't have a clue on where you are going to go after this chapter, but no matter what I'll be waiting for it. Don't forget to link me.

Hey! It's been a while lol
I'm glad to see a review! Thanks for the feedback
Hope to see your review on Chapter 6!

PSH nothing to review, I read it twice I believe. It's as good as golden like this chapter.



ah yes my boiling cheetohs
— tatteredbones