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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
first off, the piece is beautifully composed. the use of adjectives like "sun flirting with my eyes" and "warm gravel path" really truly conveys the essence of a warm pleasant day. simply reading these few lines made me feel what you felt while writing this (i hope)
the last two lines especially, the one where you compare yourself with a goddess is such an elegant way to end it
i love how it ends on a confident note.
the only thing i somewhat failed to comprehend is your choice of text for the poem and the hyphenation done, i may be an inexperienced writer but i found t it somewhat difficult to read at first. other than that, it is wonderfully written,
I have enjoyed reading this poem.I have to say,it was very descriptive! When you describe the ants crawling around the narrator’s toes and the wind playing with the narrator’s hair.I also loved the personification in the poem.It made the poem much more entertaining to read.Great job on your piece! I hope you have a wonderful and nice day/night!
Hi whatchamacallit! hannah here for a quick review. I hope it is helpful!
Ooh wow, this was so fun to read! I don't even know what to say, it was descriptive, metaphoric and overall wonderful.
My favorite lines were probably these:
"the ants tiptoe around my / toes.
usually my leg bounces / with unspent anxiety, but now / it is still, like a confident pebble / laying where all can see it / on the warm gravel path."
It just gave me such a picturesque scene in my head.
One thing is this line:
"the ants tiptoe around my / toes."
I feel like the suffix/word "toe" was a bit repetitive, unless it was supposed to be that way.
Thanks so much for writing this! I hope this review was helpful, that you keep writing and have a great day!
Sincerely,
hannah0528
Loving your love for prose poetry recently! And the last two lines are ~chef's kiss~ <3
aww thank you Lim <3
aww thank you Lim <3
AHHH you can read into that so many different ways - love it. There's this whole carefree, wise but also learning & vulnerably learning emotion to this whole piece.
Ooooh! This is a powerful image and statement! And I like the play between existing with and apart from the world without trying to act against it - the themes seems to go with the "knowing what to chase" sentiment - that there's a certain power in just allowing and not needing to act against nature or move out of its way.
If I really wanted to read into this I'd also say that the way the speaker is relating to nature - by being its "goddess" in a non dominating but experiential way, that also continually personifies nature, also feels reminiscent of some ecofeminism philosophy as well.
You had beautiful and surprising imagery throughout! The form felt very care-free, like the speaker scribbled it out in a wave of thought - I'm not sure about portraying the line breaks in a paragraph poem, but in a way that did make it feel more poetic - so I'm a little conflicted on whether I enjoyed that formatting move.
Overall a beautiful powerful and thoughtful piece that made me smile!
Thank you for the review alliyah! <3 I was kinda torn over the formatting too honestly - I did it like this because I had written the poem in a really small little notebook, like one of those ones that can fit in your palm, so I didn't really choose where the line breaks went? it was more of just where the line broke at the end of the page, and I liked that effect but wasn't sure how to convey it in a digital version. So this was my attempt at that haha xD