Love, it saves lifes

I personally think the end came a little abruptly. I would like it to go a little bit longer, but it was excellent without it. There were a few grammatical errors, but the overall story was great. Keep writing, and that practice will help you with punctuation and errors. Also, I like the last line. I like romance though I have never experienced it myself. TT^TT All in all, I like this story.

A quick lesson on the usage of apostrophes, possessive form, and plural nouns.

When one uses an apostrophe, ie:
"The cat's tail is long."
it indicates ownership (aka possession).

The exception to this are in the case of words like my, its, etc.


When one wishes to indicate more of an object (plural) then there is no apostrophe.
For example: "I own twelve cats."


This should have been covered in elementary school. It is one of the most basic grammar rules, but it is also broken constantly and makes your writing look incredibly unintelligent. In other words, your title should be "Love, It Saves Lives."

(the plural form of life is lives, by the way)

I loved this! So short yet there was so much to it! The only flaws i found were some spelling and punctuation ("achieve" at the beginning, "sacrifice" in the last paragraph, and a few others) But I really like the writing style and the themes interlaced throughout. I also thought that the ending was perfect(:
Nice job and keep writing!

This is a wonderful little short story. I loved the point(s): the character loved the forest, nature, trees. She wanted to smile, no matter that she was dying. Her love for her friends and family was real, and she only wanted to die so she could save a friend. The fact that she is loved. A teenage I hope more people can find and be inspired by.
I, personally, would just go through and check the spelling. You can be more noticed, more respected with just simple things like spelling, punctuation, capitalization.
Also, like Kaylyn said, separate the dialogue.
Lastly, I think as long as you keep writing and editing, your writing style will end up beautiful. Maybe go through and notice moments where you could describe the tree a little, describe the meaning of a few things.
Please keep writing and sending stuff in. I am so excited to read more from you!

GG : )

"Want to play jump rope?" When using dialogue, seperate it.
Was the question that starteld Should be startled me back out of my thoughts. I forced a smile onto my face.
"Sure!" I had take out had, had said is incorrect grammar said, trying to sound normal. But nothing was normal to me. Nothing at all. I swung the rope with another bright eyed girl, and we counted how many times the girl in the middle could jump rope.
"36!" The girl had shouted. New record I was guessing. The bell rungShould be rang, and I quickly tucked the rope into my backpack before walking down the cement path, through a grassy field that our school used as a track course. I left the path, walking into the amber grains of the field. The sun blazed down onto my back, by the time I got to the other end of the field, I was trying to catch my breath. I looked up at the 7 foot high chain link fence, topped with barbed wire.


I wriggled under the fence, and into the forest behind it. My legs took off into a sprint. The rest of my body soon moved in motion with my legs, flying past trees, bushes, small animals, and creeks. When I finaly finally stopped, I was standing in front of my tree. It was the tallest tree in the forest. I dropped my book bag against the trunk, and brought out the rope. Animals watched me from the tree, mostly squirrels and birds. They were going to cut this tree down, I wouldn't let them! I tide tied the rope into the knot I learned at camp, one end on a tree limb tightly, one hanging limb into a noose. I wriggled my way up the tree, prayed my few last words.


Let my blood bathe upon the ground. My body swing in the breeze. These are not the correct tense Let this be a message, to those of tree workers. This tree will be protected, I will be the sacrifice. Let my body be fed to animals, they can't help but to survive. Let my bones grind to dust, fertilize the ground. Let my tears water the plants, they need to grow big and strong. But most of all, let this sacrifice work.. When using ellipses, use three ... anything more or less is incorrect Amen.


With that, I was pretty satisfied. I pulled out my phone, texted my loved ones my prayer. With that I dropped my phone to the ground. Use used with that twice back to back, find another word I tightened the noose around my neck. I smiled, I wanted to die with a smile. I jumped. The world started to giveaway, finally this tree would be protected. I heard feet stomp the ground, screaming, frantic screaming. I was yanked from the rope, layed softly on the ground.
"No.. No... NO!" I said,Maybe we should change this to exclaimed, she doesn't merely say it! but it came out as a whisper.
"I was supposed to die, to be a sacrifice!" I tried again. It didn't work. I felt soft lips on mine, and soon I could breath easily again. My eyes shot open. Right above me was him. The best friend, the one that was always there for me.
"How could you do this?!" He had asked, his eyes laced with tears and rage. He kissed me on the left cheek, then the right. He stopped just above my lips. "I'm.. Sorry" Again with the ellipses I had whispered loud enough for him to hear. With that he kissed me on the lips, a sensation that left me breathless.
"Don't ever leave me.. I love you" He had whispered.Oh barf, not another sappy line dropped

Okie dokie. So the content here is typical love angsty stuff that everyone has read before. If you are just starting, let me suggest that you stay clear from the love story type deal for a little while. It's totally predictable, and one of the hardest to write successfully. Also, someone hanging theirself from a tree? Hmm, isn't that a little extreme for anyone...AND THEN TEXTING ABOUT IT??? Can we say dramatic much? I would steer clear from this topic for a little while. I don't mean to be harsh but honest.

However, you did do a little better than most on imagery. You did insert some, although I would say that there is room for a lot more. Walk down a hallway at school, what does it look like, smell like, what feelings do you get from it? Nostalgia, dread? Insert these into your writings, make the reader feel and see.

Also, you built up way too quickly, give some background on your character. This appears to be more of an outline for a plot than an actual scene. Give us more indepth information on your character.

Your diction needs some work as well. Sad, mad, happy are all basic, and there are so many different words that you can use instead: depressed, melancholy, frustrated, estatic, joyful. I found that when I first started out, a thesaurus helped me ouy immensely! It still does. Also, read others works and then read what appears to be constructive critiques underneath it to help you avoid their mistakes in your writing.

As I said before, I just aim to help, it was reviews like this that really helped me grow. You will get better with time, experience, and critique. We all need to start somewhere. If you need any help, or would like me to review anything else, feel free to PM me. Good luck and please keep writing! Take heart!
~Kay