Young Writers Society

Hi! Thought I'd drop in for a quick review.

Its very sweet that you've dedicated this poem to your beloved Chloe. I like that.

Like gxldencrxwns said, the last line line would better fit in as a description. Also, I didn't quite understand why you addressed Chloe two times. Anyways, it must have been part of your plan while writing the poem. I feel that instead of just using commas at the end of a line, you could usr different types of punctuation marks like periods, semi-colons etc. I, too felt that the rhymes were a bit forced, especially in the second part of the poem. I feel that you've written this poem in a very creative and unique way, like two letters fixed inside a poem, due to which the different segments can't possibly be addressed as stanzas (I feel 'parts' would be more suitable). Anyways, the poem, as a whole, wasn't too bad. In fact, it was quite nice and kind of sweet and romantic. Keep up the good work!

Hello, RossLighting. Gxldencrxwns here for a review!

First comment: I first wanted to note that the last line, the one in parenthesis, I think it would be better fitting as a description. it doesn't really have much place in the actual poem itself.

Second comment: Instead of just strictly commas, try putting other forms of punctuation, such as periods and such. It'll go along smoother. Also, the last line, it should be a period instead of a comma, since there's not another line or stanza after it.

Third comment: When you're saying Chloe for the second time, that is where a new stanza should start. I understand that your intention was to make that a second stanza, the Publishing Center glitches like that. After hitting enter, make sure to put a - or ~ or whatever you want to mark a new stanza is coming up.

Fourth comment: Sadly, some of the words you used don't rhyme, such as light up and makeup, and special and sentimental. PearlC10 offered some tips on what words to use, so I won't give examples.

That's the end of this review, sorry if I seemed harsh. Have a nice day/night, and keep writing!
~gxldencrxwns

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review.

I first wanted to note that the last line in the poem ends with a comma for some odd reason. Change this to a period, since nothing is being continued after that. While we're on the topic of punctuation, instead of strictly using commas in this poem, I believe that periods, semicolons, and other forms of punctuation can help the flow here. This is a lot shorter than this actually looks since the ending in parentheses isn't part of the poem. That being said, I believe this should be broken up into two different stanzas.

I'm unsure if you're familiar with how the Publishing Center messes up the formatting of poetry, though I may as well explain. A simple way to show the divide in different stanzas is to put a dash or '~' at the end of a stanza or at the beginning of a new one. Another way and a way that looks a bit neater than the previous suggestion is to line the whole stanza up into a single line and then hit shift+enter where you want the line breaks to be. Hopefully those explanations go into enough detail to make sense, though if not, then here is an article that goes into more depth about formatting poetry.

Chloe,

Your eyes sparkle like the ocean waves,

I count the days,

until I next see your face,

You make me feel like i'm in space

Chloe,

The smile on your face makes me light up,

Even more so when I see your make up,

You make me feel so special,

Especially when it's sentimental,

Hi Ross! Whatcha here for a review.
What a sweet poem! I know how you feel
You don't have to answer, but was it written to a crush or a girlfriend? If to a crush, you have way more guts than I do and I applaud you for that.
On to the review!
First, I want to say, there's so much feeling in this poem.
I do want to address some of the rhyming.
'Light up' and 'makeup' (which, by the way, is one word) sadly don't rhyme. Compare it to, 'makeup' and 'shake up' or something like that. See what I mean?
Neither do special and sentimental. Special would rhyme with something like 'mesh all' (I know, that's a weird rhyme, but still . . .).
On to the descriptors -
'your eyes sparkle like the ocean waves' . . . on a cloudy day? surely not. Perhaps, your eyes sparkle like sun glinting off the ocean waves?
End that with a period, as it's the end of a sentence. Also, after 'I count the days', you don't need a comma. Think about it. Would you say to someone, "I count the days, until I see your face," or "I count the days until I see your face,"?
Also, would you write, "I count the days Until I see your face"? No! People think you have to capitalize the beginning of a line, but you don't. Add a period after 'You make me feel like I'm in space." Also, why? You could do a bit of explaining.
But, most of this is nitpicky, and I can tell this comes from your heart, so bravo!
Keep writing!
~whatcha