I'm Deaf, and I have been since I was born.
I'm gay, and I have been since I was born.
Those two identities are fused together, braided in my DNA. In one of my first memories ever, I recall snuggling up to a Deaf boy in first grade, even going as far as to lay my head on his shoulder. My two identities were wound together in that single moment. I do not know how to be Deaf without being gay. And I do not know how to be gay without being Deaf.
I treat my life as such.
If a person knows I'm Deaf, makes allowances for it, tries to enunciate clearly, I'll tell the person I'm gay. This careful method of coming out has allowed me to sort the good from the bad. The worst reaction I've ever had from a hearing person was discomfort.
From a hearing person.
The first person I came out to was Deaf. He was my best friend. He said okay, and then changed the subject, wanting to know about my latest story. From there, he set the bar high for Deaf people accepting me. The second time I came out to a deaf person, it was 2 years later and I was a high school freshman. He spread it around the DHH (Deaf/Hard of Hearing) program. From thereon, I experienced severe harassment, mostly because I was a homosexual. I left that school in the middle of the year with low self-esteem and a new understanding of the world.
But even now, I don't understand the DHH kids. They were Deaf. They had experienced being shunned from the world. Why did they not accept that I was gay and just get over it? I didn't embody homosexuality as my only trait. I was a writer, I was a music lover and a social butterfly. Why did they harp on something that made me different, when they had experience being different just like me? I never found out the answer.
But I kept coming out. I came out to a friend, who later told me she was a lesbian. I didn't come out to two close friends, but when I told them I thought a guy was hot, they argued with me about my preferences. They never batted an eyelash at the thought that I was gay.
Mind you, I have had a strong reaction to coming out in general. But that's mostly because my way of coming out was unorthodox. I kissed a Deaf boy in Aug '08, my first kiss. From there, he shunned me and got a girlfriend. (Got a little something scurrying around in your closet, guy?)
My own parents are hearing. My mother has a lesbian sister, so she knew everything how being LGBT. My father was one of those who expressed discomfort. He said he didn't care, but since then he's expressed a certain amount of ignorance, which has thankfully lessened over the years.
I dream about impossibles when it comes to boyfriends. I dream about some sensitive writer/musician who wasn't all that into physical connection, but the emotional connection.
My interpreter told me the emotional connection would never happen. "Gay people are known as very promiscuous," she said. "Like I have this gay friend. He has a partner, but one night, he was going to fuck another man!"
After some strong denials from my gay friends that there wasn't only that type in the gay community, I dismissed that assumption as horseshit.
But feelings of doubt still lingered inside me. I talked with a friend on homosexuality itself, touching onto views and biology. What she told me was enough to make me feel proud of myself.
"Gay people are promiscuous? So are straight people. There are categories of people, no matter who you love," she said. "And also, homosexuality isn't something you can change, Ross. It's like your skin color or your eye color. It's always going to be inside you, no matter what you decide to do."
But what about religion? I was a born-and-raised Christian, and Letivicus explicitly told people homosexuality was wrong. How could I be a Christian and be gay?
My doubting thoughts changed when I read The God Box by Alex Sanchez. The protagonist of that book is a closeted homosexual and a strong Christian. But he falls in love (naturally) with a out gay person. He's also a strong Christian. So how did religion and sexuality meet in the middle?
Homosexuality is everywhere. Monkeys get it on with other same-sex monkeys. Male dogs mount other male dogs. Homo sapiens is the only species that really has a strong reaction. If God made everything, why did he make people gay? We'll never know the answer, but we know gay people don't go to hell because of their sexuality.
Now I am at ease with myself. I still take my time with people on coming out because of freshman year, but I am confident I'll be able to be generally find an accepting crowd.
Who knows, I might even find a boyfriend?
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140,660 Literary Works • 673,583 Reviews
By the way, talking about how your two identities were fused together, I liked that.
I am literally a bit teary eyed right now. I actually had to stop typing for a few seconds. This piece was so moving. Intense subject but simply told. The best part is your honesty. It is almost a bit too simple. I am a bit disappointed because I want to know more about your emotions. This story was peppered with a bit of sarcasm and I love that. It makes you seem real and human. I like how you "argued" using animal behavior. It was valid yet funny. I just love your attitude. I would like to see more. I would just suggest showing that more, making more comments and describing your emotions. I love the final part, how it is not final but so hopeful! Excellent piece of writing. A few additions and it could go places.
Hey babelicious!
Ok, so, as you know, I'm not like, a professional reviewer like YOU or other YWSers, but I'll do it anyway (don't expect much).
I like how I could still tell it was you writing, and would've been able to if you had never told me your username, or if you had a super complicated one. You have a certain voice to your writing, and I like that. I like it when authors have a signature voice, it makes me feel (in a way) closer to the author and therefore the story and characters. Makes it more enjoyable to read, I guess *shurgs*
As usual, you did a great job, nothing to complain about except it could've been called boring. I liked it, how you just kind of TOLD us, you know? No fluff or junk. But I'm not sure everyone would like it, you know?
YERP! Well, I'd say that's about it ^_^
Love ya like a rainbow! ;D
<3Doorbell
I agree with most of the corrections the others said so looks like I can just skip that part xD
You have a pretty catchy style. The whole varying the sentences gig makes your piece even more interesting to read. However, be careful of overdoing it or being redundant.
This is a very moving piece of writing, deaf. Your portray your feelings lucidly, which is wonderful. Although I am not homosexual, I am placed in your shoes, looking at things the way you see them because of your strong style.
That is so so so true. Some people really need to grow up. We're all HUMAN, for goodness sake! It's so sad some people get caught up with such things as sexual orientation, skin color, and other traits prejudice is entwined with. That part really moved me, Ross. You sound innocent and genuinely confused. I'm sorry you had to experience something like that.
One thing though. I'd change "I don't understand the DHH kids" to "I don't understand those DHH kids." I only say this because if you use the, then it sounds like all DHH kids act like that.
That line made me laugh. Maybe it's the wording--"dismissed that assumption as horseshit" is a saying I'll think of every time someone idiotically assumes something about another person. Very cute, Ross.
I'd combine the blue sentence and the green sentence together. It sounds awkward the way you fragmented the green sentence. You also mentioned "a strong Christian" in two places (I bolded them). I'd omit the second one.
I feel like you need to talk more about why/how your doubting thoughts changed. Yes, you read a book about someone similar to you. However, you need to say or reveal more so the reader can understand the reason for your change of thought.
The ending is great. I'm glad you're at ease and that you are optimistic. I'm sure you'll find an accepting crowd soon. (: Love the last sentence--it is abrupt but spunky, hahaha.
Job well done.
- Faiiiiiirrrrrry
Rossie!
Just say "One of my earliest memories".
Why the repeat?
"Was two years later"
About?
So, Ross,
There are a few grammatical slip ups here -- nothing too serious that cannot be fixed with a quick revision. It's a good thing that you've decided to share your story as you did; I trust that it has a good, positive effect on most who read it. Keep an eye on your repetition and usage of words -- vary some, keep some, and try to make the story flow together.
Good job here, Rossie. Keep up the great work.
June
I thought this was pretty amazing. At points I was laughing hysterically by how blunt and honest you were being, and when it comes to this touchy of a subject, I think you have to be. Not many people realize how much alienation comes with being different, and I think you touched on that perfectly by retelling your own experiences. My ex is deaf, and we surely didn't have any problems connecting emotionally. And with such an amazing writing voice, I don't know how you don't already have a boyfriend ;]
I do not understand why people shun the people who are not like them. I never will. Personally, people are people, we are made how we are and no one can take that from us. I wonder if it because there is a small peice within us that we dont want to admit to that resembles the persons we shun, that it started when we were young, when we were told that we are all the same with only outer differences. I think people are afraid of being shuned (shunned?) themselves. So what would happen if there was no one to shun others? What if we were all the same? Without war there can be no peace, opposing that without war there is nothing but peace. We fight battles in and out of our minds, battles we can't win because in the world there are too many conflicting views. Because of this i am changing my previous questions, What if we only focused on the inside?, What if we only focused on what makes us the same?. As unfortunate as it is, like how many licks it takes to get the center of a tootsie pop, the world will never know.
) i dont want to waste any more of your post space which is why being deaf is not talked about in my post. (in any case it doesnt matter , deaf/hearing, blind/seeing, disabled/not, we are all human just substitute every thing i said in there with deaf instead of gay)
Ross, i have met and talked to you on chat. as far as i know you are kind and funny and just judging by what i am replying to (im sure that there are other things to prove my point), you are one hell of a writer (i mean that in a good way). i am not sure how someone can "hate" another person without getting to know them first. i have found that this is very hard to do. Dont judge books by there covers, as cliche' as it is it still rings true, we can not know a person by there race, sexuality, religion, and whatever the hell else people out there are judging people on. (im sorry this post is so long, im almost done) Love others, love your friends, and most of all love yourself.
Rae
Ps. sorry for my overuse of the word hell...and parenthesis
PPs. It does not say anywhere in the bible that god does not love you if you are gay. personally i am in a struggling relationship with god but i know that it never says that god hates gays, god loves all his people, weather you love him or not. (yes i realize that there is a line where it says something about gays but it never says god loves them any less)
PPPs. I am not even going to get started on the whole deaf and gay thing, the fact that people think either matter really gets me pissed, (see above
PPPPs sorry for the long post, this hit close to home.
Wow. That's virtually all I can come up with at the moment: wow. I really couldn't find anything wrong with it in the spelling section, and I was a little too entranced reading it to actually find anything really wrong with this. But I still had one question... what's LGBT?
What exactly is that 'thing scurrying around in your closet'? I'm a little out on some of this I guessAlso, I agree with Snoink:
But besides that, it was really amazing to me. I totally get the thing about people shunning you and the whole 'how can religion and sexuality mix' thing. I'm not gay (lesbian, whatever), but this story was totally amazing and relatable.
One other thing I just realized (whether it was done on purpose or not), is that your main character is faceless and nameless. Now, that can either be a good thing or a bad thing. I'm assuming this story is sort of like a summarized biography, but either way, a faceless, nameless MC can still be good or bad. I think it's good, because now my imagination isn't limited to a time, place, face or name, but it can be anywhere, anytime, which is incredible! I really, really liked this! Awesome job!
~Addict
I don't like this description... until we can annotate the human genome, this cannot be scientifically proven. And it seems that consciousness and identity isn't related very strongly to genetic material, so that makes your statement even weaker.
This sentence makes no sense, in the grammatical way. What are you trying to say?
This kind of comment seems snide and insulting to that guy, which in turn makes you seem like a rude person. It makes your story, which is mostly about tolerance and such, weaker.
Yes... because it's a sign of complete and utter domination. So it's more comparable to the WWE and less to the homosexual community.
An interesting question, but you don't explain it at all and you just give your conclusion. It's rather dry, to be honest. If you're Christian (I'm not sure that you are?) I think it would be interesting to delve into this further.
The story is interesting, but it has a lot of questions and not much story. That's fine, I suppose. Your story has only begun and you still have a lot of adventures to go through, after all! But I don't know. It's honest, yes, and it's diplomatic, yes, but I wish there was more story to it.
It is very noble and skillful of you to be able to write a narrative like this and not lecture your readers from one side or the other. Really, truly a beautiful talent. If you employ it right, it could be very lucrative for you in the future.
I find myself too enchanted to even notice any flaws, which is very difficult to do to me and another thing you deserve kudos for.
Food for thought -- http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/Why ... 10-02.html
I personally am atheist, but I believe that if you're religious and you enjoy it, more power to you. I also believe that the Bible should be interpreted metaphorically.
Anyway. Great piece, Ross, really brilliant.
-Teague
Wow... I'm left speechless. This is really good. I'm glad that you put it on here, deafwriter. I want more. I've found that I was practically blinded to what you could see. I never really put myself in someone's shoes who was both gay and deaf. But now I see, it's a lot more complicated than just that. Thanks for showing me. I agree fully with what you're saying, just because someone's homosexual doesn't mean they can't be a really good friend. In fact, they could be an even greater friend because of it. But, anyways. Thanks.
Love,
Fixed
This doesn’t seem like quite the right phrase. “From that moment on” would flow better, I think.
“They had experience of being shunned by the world” might sound better. I’m not sure if it does, but the way you’ve got it here sounds weird.
I think your rating should be higher for the language.
~
Apart from the minor points that I mentioned, this was very, very well written. You didn't abuse people for not understanding, but didn't accept it as right either. If that makes sense, lol. It was sensitively and carefully handled, and it was a thought-provoking read.
I have to agree with BeKWithaK. Too many people these days are too criticizing of those who aren't honest about who they are. And those same people are also overly criticizing of those who ARE open about who they are. Really sad to see what the world's come to nowadays. Great writing. Keep it up!
Hey there, I'm going to review this as writing and not discuss morales, even though I will say I agree with your arguments; despite not being gay myself.
Any'oo, In this piece you make a very though-provoking argument and it's very well written. We understand things for you and appreciate what you're saying because your language is well crafted enough for us to feel your experiences as well as see them -- obviously not exactly as you did, but still it shows you're good at writing. What I will suggest though is that you cut down on your use of the word "but", this is mostly because the reader is being thrown back and forward and it's ruining some of your fluency. I think to improve this you should edit all the sentences that begin with "but" and try and make sure that everything's flowing nicely.
Besides that, it was a very good piece. Keep it up!
Ben
Wow. I'm finding myself saying that a lot on this site. I'm glad this is on here. I love the honesty. And I agree with you, even though I'm not gay or deaf, but I do have a friend who has to wear a hearing aid. She has low self-esteem, and she thinks that whenever I disagree with her I'm fighting with her. She thinks that because of her diabilty people don't like her. I'm trying to convince her it's not true. I think it's pretty cool how she can read someone's lips. She stood up for me when no one else was there because she knew what it felt like to be an outsider. I hope things are better for you now, deafwriter, only I think you shouldn't shove it in people's faces about your homosexuality because they might be offended or something. There are rumours at my school that a year 9 (year nine Australian standards; about 15-16 years old) is gay. People don't go near him anymore. I think it's not fair. Don't judge people on who they love. My mother's a Buddhist, and she described the Buddhist belief of gay as 'When they came back their spirit is in the wrong body', as though it was a mistake. I don't think it was a mistake. What if god (I consider myself aethiest, by the way, or at least not agreeing with Christianity) is sort of challenging us? Testing us, to see if we can accept everyone even when He has defied it?