I know I can’t go out.
They’re looking for me.
The Tapers.
I don’t want to be hurt anymore.
When I eat,
It is from the groceries I bought
Before I checked in
The motel
I don’t drink any water,
Nor milk,
Juice,
Or anything.
It could easily be poisoned
By them.
I keep the door locked.
The curtains are closed.
I don’t know how long I’ve been away.
Want to go home,
But don’t want to put my loved ones
In danger.
I go away sometimes
To a place I know is safe,
Where there were no Tapers.
No one to hurt me.
Where everything is all right—
The opposite of here.
I know I can’t go out now.
There’s someone at the door.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,424 Reviews
Exciting, good flow. A really enjoyable read. One of the first poems i've read on this site, and one of my favorites.
Those last stanzas gave me chills. The rushed feeling of the poem got my heart beating as well. Though there may not have been a point, I think that thier doesn't need to be a point. Its great the way it is.
I don't really see a point to this poem. If I hadn't seem the title I wouldn't have had the slightest understanding as to what this was about. You need to clarify. What are Taipers? You don't even need to be specific, just give us a general idea. What have the Taipers done to you?
If this is off the top of your head, I am greatly impressed. While the actual identity of "The Tapers" isn't specified, it adds to the mystery, the fear, the insanity, of all that is happening. I love that you made it so clear how you are hiding out in a motel to keep your family out of danger without saying "I am hiding out in a motel to keep my family out of danger".
Some things that I would work on is your technique: breaking into stanzas, rhythm, that sort of thing. Free verse is hard to perfect, especially since there are no laws that set boundaries for it.
Keep up the incredible work!!
--KK