LORELEI
As Lorelei sang the song
I remember my own dreams
Darkness was in decay
Rapture spun me around
And I laughed at myself
How we can be fools
Time can tick too slow
Or can fly by so fast
And I feel like life’s flat
Everything seems monotone
What do I do to fix myself
So that this cannot happen again
I said I saw a beautiful girl
The halo was tenfold, her hair gold
Her lips seemed to be frozen in a smile
As her eyes, twinkling amongst roses
Mystery seems to surround you
You are the drug in a Christian world
Music emanates from your soul
In a world that is silent
And I feel like life’s flat
Everything seems monotone
Only you seem to shimmer
The only color in a blank world
Oh, I feel like life’s flat
Monotone is everywhere
What do I do to fix myself
I’m overwhelmed by you
What you seem like is a Lorelei
One that I remember long ago
Singing and dancing in my dreams
I know my life can be flat
But when you enter, it shimmers
You are the only, only one
Who can fix me, myself and I
You are my Lorelei
And you shimmer like the colors
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,424 Reviews
Beautiful poem if you ask me
Around halfway thru tho, it became a bit confusing
You have the three verse stanza, and it's all by itself, stating something you already said
Also, when you say "I said," who do you say it?
Other then that, this is very pretty
You introduced a lot of subjects and it flowed well.
Job well done.
Hi, I just have three things to say:
1 - This poem would be great with rhyme. Every last verse of every stanza just screams for rhyme...
2 - Last stanza doesn't fit into the concept of the poem.
3 - Why didn't you put the periods?