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138,507 Literary Works • 672,145 Reviews
Hi, this is pinkie. I am your reviewer for today.
To say, I love this story. I enjoyed how you detailed the setting. I love it how you bring the characters to life. I liked how you are telling about the girl who is a outsider. I really enjoyed this story. I hope you write more. I really want to read more of your stories.
Awesome job!
This was your reviewer, pinkie. And these are your review.
I'm glad you like it! However, this work is about three years old, so I have no idea how you found it...
I went to your page. That's how I found it.
I liked how you managed to write this from a picture prompt - quite cool.
But I did feel like there wasn't that much detail? You speak about how women clad in armour and daggers aren't that suspicious, but you don't describe any of the other people around. And her scars, the ones on her hands, why are they there? Why is this market even in place?
But it was good, I like how she's portrayed as some outsider that feels in place in the market, where she isn't different because she's an outsider.
Kasim.
Hey Rosey,
First of all, I love the way you open the story. That first sentence is just vague enough to be intriguing, detailed enough to show the reader what you mean, and very concise. Love it!
I have a few nitpicks:
I'm not sure if you mean to say "women wearing daggers and breeches" or "women, warring, daggers, and breeches". I have to assume the first in which case your sentence is not structured in the best way. Instead, you might say "Women wearing daggers and breeches were almost as frequent as those wearing skirts and perfume in the palace." because you aren't comparing the women to the skirts and perfume but rather the daggers and breeches. Hope that isn't too convoluted to make sense.
The other sentence that I feel could be strengthened is your final one. While I love the message, I'm not sure you've chosen the best wording (although that could be a matter of opinion.)
I feel like, personally, it would be more effective if you said something along the lines of "where nobody cared it there was some other misfit in the crowd" or "where nobody cared if there was some other stranger in the crowd". But that's really your decision.
I like the general tone of this, and your writing style. Obviously it's just flash fiction, but it doesn't really have any deeper meaning, which you could add if you were so inclined. Or not.
Thanks for the read,
sarebear
Hi.
I love the way you tell the story. But it was less detailed.
I didn't get the picture of this. Tell us more, it would be fun reading it.
But I love this one
This sentences was great.
That's all from me. Hope you post the next chapter soon...
Farewell.