Young Writers Society

Aww , so many great poems are on this site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This one is really one of my favorites. Why? I am not really sure truth be told. It is great though. Sad poems in my opinion are some of the best ones written. Too many people get this sad emotion. It can benefit though . How? You just wrote an amazing piece of poetry You can message me if you have any questions . By the way : This really was amazing

I love the subtle rhymes and everything in italics.

"Through all the mistakes that I made
Was definitely for nothing is what I believe
And the price that I paid
Isn’t meant for me to leave

Light might come buts it’s too late
It wasn’t there when I needed it
I don’t want to believe this but this is my fate
My hopes are down and I’m just going to quit"

That part is what really reeled me in and made me feel the emotion that was put into this piece. I hope that your life has gotten better since writing this, and if it hasn't, know that it will. I agree with Gabriellemarice99 about the question marks and possibly adding more punctuation to this in general would add something to it as well.

All in all, lovely work! Kudos!

I really love this poem. I am so touched. What I understand from this poem is that a person, say a lonely girl is feeling totally hopeless but she still feels that at some point of her life she will be able to feel that ray of hope and use it to be happy again saying goodbye to all the tears, loneliness and anguish.
I would like to read more

its well written its not just word but feeling and I like that about it. sometimes it hard to put how you feel into words, but you did an amazing job. I feel as if I could read it over and over again but it would still be fresh and new to the feeling the poem gives off. thou it makes me feel sad a bit

its well written its not just word but feeling and I like that about it

Hi I'm Gabby and I love this poem! I would add the following question marks.
"Why does the world seem so wrong,
When I’m trying my best to move on?
Why is this tunnel of darkness so long?
Will there ever be a new dawn?

Will life ever treat me right?
Do I need to suffer more?
When will God show me some light?
When will he open another door?"
Also, when referring to God all pronouns referring to Him should be capitalized. Other than that this is a very good poem! Geep up your hard work!

Hey Rose, Welcome to Young Writers Society!! I'm Alliyah here to review your poem!

So, the tone of this is really emotional and gives the reader a sort of 'given up' feeling, and then the ending has a little hope and pause for reflection. Your rhyming and line length is good, but I think I would go ahead and break that last line up, even though it wont rhyme, because it just looks awkward being twice as long as all the other lines. That or you could combine the two sentences above it, so at least the last stanza would be consistent.

I think this poem could also benefit from some punctuation, commas and periods. I know they're a little bit of a pain to add, but it really does help the reader understand the meaning and pauses. If you're absolutely against any type of punctuation though in your poem, then I think you should take out the period and commas in the last line. Whatever you do, own it and be consistent through and through.

I didn't really see any spelling mistakes, except for a few little ones:
secound stanza "When will he open another door?" capitalize 'he' because you're referring to God.
And in the fifth stanza "Its just day and night and night and day" put an apostraphe in "its".
Then in the 3rd to last stanza: ''Light might come buts it’s too late" you put an extra 's' on 'but'.

My favorite lines in your poem are these ones:
"Life doesn’t have all the answers
But I lost myself in the questions"

Very insightful! Altogether, nice poem, and good message , I think a lot of people can relate to it and need to hear it. Thank you for posting, and good luck in all your future writing!! Again, welcome to YWS!

~alliyah~
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