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140,139 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Oh my god yes ! this is how I feel 24/7 and I could hardly tell that this was your first work! You accuratley described how people like me feel on a daily basis so fluidly and beautifully that it makes me want to write my own poem. Determination is really a great title for this poem. This really said that sometime we feel like tossing our hands in the air and giving up but there is always that small nagging piece that keeps us going foward, even if we arn't going foward happily, at least we are going foward. You should have stressed the alone and empty part more or said something like "there was a small flame in her heart" only more poetic XD lol
No, actually I liked it because unlike what I would have done you focused on the more positive aspects of this particular work which really brought out your talent as a writer!
Very well done!
~Kat
Ohhhh I'm so glad that i could write something tht made someone feel good!
Thank you
Hello There!
haha.
Okay, so in this line: "Telling to Wait for 1 more day." Make sure that the "1" is actually the word "one".
"But something is pricking from her heart"
This line doesn't really make much sense...it's pricking from her heart? It sounds like it should say 'But something is pricking her heart' -or- 'But something is pricking it from her heart'
"So she tries to get out of the shadows
She tries to see the good in the bad
She finds her way through the gallows
Of the abandoned, heartless and sad."
Wow...this stanza was fantastic! FANTABULOUS! You get a smiley face:
"Now she’s reached a road leading to enormous possibilities" hmm....maybe it's just me, but this line sounds kind of funky. I think you should have made enormous a different word. Maybe instead of that you could have put: "Now she's reached a road leading to millions of possibilities" I know that line was trying to say that she had great possibilities, but enormous just doesn't flow with that line. And like I said before, it's probably just me.
"And she takes a leap of faith to believe this meant to be" Woops! Left out the is:
"And she takes a leap of faith to believe this is meant to be"
Uh oh. Don't forget the an before a vowel: "She starts her journey to a unknown world" ----> "She starts her journey to AN unknown world"
Fantastic job on your poem, keep it up.
Toodles.
Thanks for the correction
I appreciate it a lot.
"No more does she believe in dreams,
No more does she have any hope
She believes the world is not what it seems
And that she’s falling into a deep slope."
I loved this stanza... It has emotion, and well you can say that every teenage girl somehow sometime in her life feels this way.
"She starts her journey to a unknown world
Maybe someday she will be alright
Until then she’s just some foreign girl
Who’s got to put up a fight"
I also loved this stanza, it shows emotion as well. Good feelings, and great comparison with the real world.
This poem is really good, I enjoyed reading it. And the fact that it rhymes adds a really cool melody, rhythm. I've always love poems that rhyme... This is GREAT!
Keep up the good work!
Hi there!
Your poem is very good, I enjoyed it a lot.
The only thing I noticed was the first sentence of the last stanza- it should be "an unknown world"
Other than that it was great, the way you describe her from falling in the darkness to rising up is beautifully done.
Great job, I look forward to reading more!
Thanks a lot
And I'm glad you like it!