Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
George : "So, Alex and pals, what do we do about The Nazi (code name for Nicole) ?"
Alex : "You said we were discussing it today!"
George : Well, yes, but have you had any ideas of how?"
Alex : "Dude. My job is to sit in front of a computer typing adverts for the Syndicate and some schoolwork. I'm not the one calling the shots."
Victor : "I'd say we strike another mass charge. It's worked before, so why not? A lot of people dislike her anyway."
Vincent : "The real problem is the fact that she's actually defending righteously. Back in the days of Mr. Walter, he was committing a series of strikes that were against the school's policy. The Nazi is the one supporting the school now, so we'll have to plan things differently."
George : "True. Lincoln, do you have a say?"
Lincoln : "I'm still going to think a little more. Go ahead and discuss your plans."
George : "Fine. Oh yeah, drink some coffee. It'll recharge your spirit. A classic Robusta Gold will definitely bring your thoughts quicker to your mouth."
Vincent : "Unrelated, but why is Arabica more popular? You might know as a Secret Service member. You know, with all that extra knowledge and stuff."
George : "They just say it does. In fact, it's more bitter than a Robusta. They just like to follow trends. Arabica is nice too though. Its flavor is certainly not to be underestimated."
Alex : "I have an idea actually. We can tell people to shun her, whatever she says. I've heard rumors from Ben that there's some sort of internal discord inside the Black Brigade."
Victor : "True. Kayla says there also might be an uprising among the girls. They've been pissed too long at the Black Brigade's business."
George : "Your girlfriend's in this too?"
Victor : "Hey, I'm just saying. She's still my sweet innocent Kayla."
Vincent : "Yeah real funny you sick bastard. Flexing around and whatnot."
Victor : "It's facts dude, just accept it!"
George : "I've heard some rumors myself. Apparently, The Nazi's brother just died. Back a week or two ago. I know, I know. No one's ever confirmed The Nazi's brother did die. In fact, I'm not sure that The Nazi even has a brother. We'll have to dig deeper."
Alex : "So all we have right now is an unconfirmed rumor, a potential but weak ally, a strong, defending school, and a stubborn, shrewd, and dangerous enemy. Sounds like a disaster. And why haven't you said anything, Lincoln?"
Lincoln : "Alright. The coffee hit. All of your plans sound good, but I've crafted one that will be much, much more devastating."
George : "Then let us in on it."
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Act 1 : Severing the Lines (2/2)Points:
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139,019 Literary Works • 672,397 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the scary S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - George and his friends discuss ways to ruin Nicole’s life, but in the midst of it, they argue over coffee flavors and girlfriends, and then, Lincoln seems to have an idea!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love how George and the others talk to each other, it sounds very realistic. I also like how they are so adamant on ruining Nicole, they must really hate her with a burning passion.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a great chapter to this story! I enjoyed reading this and I hope that all of these characters stay friends, because things are not going to be easy and tensions might rise…
I wish you a lovely day/night! ^v^
Okay, this was super fun to read! I really liked the way the characters talk to each other, it's like they’re real friends, you know? The way they joke around and talk about random stuff, like coffee, while still talking about something serious was cool. It made the whole thing feel really natural. But I did get confused at some parts because it kind of read like a script instead of a story, so it threw me off a little. Maybe try adding some more action, like describing what they’re doing while they talk?
Overall, I... LOVED IT!
:3
Thank you for reviewing this work! I might take your opinion into account about how lively situations are going to do.
Good good morning, Rooke! Cupid here with a review for you!! (´▽ʃ♡ƪ)
Okay, first off, this was super fun to read! The dialogue is sharp, natural, and full of the characters personalities. I also really love how casual and conversational this whole discussion is. They’re literally plotting something big, but they’re also debating coffee flavors, Victor’s flexing about Kayla, and just throwing shade at each other. It adds so much realism and makes them feel like actual friends, not just people conveniently in the same story!
Quick question before I go on, does this continue directly from your first chapter, "The Regular Morning Routine," or is it a new chapter? The formatting reads more like a screenplay than a chapter from a novel, and it's kind of throwing me off a bit.
If I had one small suggestion, it’d be to sprinkle in a bit more action between the dialogue, like someone rolling their eyes, leaning in, or tapping their fingers on the table. Since the structure leans more toward a screenplay, adding those little moments would help bring the scene to life even more. But honestly? This was great! I’m so excited to see where this plan is headed! Keep writing, and let me know when the next part is out!
Sending you all my love in heart-shaped arrows, Cupid! 💘
Once again, thank you for making such big, long reviews for this series. The part where George reveals his secrets is coming up after this, so stay tuned!
Hello Rooke,
This dialogue-centered story seems to be more of a screenplay than a literary piece. I think subtext is important to dialogue. Show don't tell. I would work on saying the feeling of the conversation without outright saying it. If you have to write I feel this and that, then paraphrase it to reaction or description. Action reaction and description are the three ways to make dialogue more powerful. Try it out. There are exercises here that can help you with subtext. If this is a novel, I look forward to chapter two.
Thanks for reviewing me back! I hope you enjoy the series and have a good time!