My friend took us to the bookshop,
For my shelves are barren.
I let my mind wonder on what to read, what to collect.
Edgar Poe, Bram Stoker, Sir Doyle and Lewis Carroll,
Brothers Grimm, Mary Shelly, F. Scott Fitzgerald
All would suit my home just fine.
My companion, unlike me who enjoyed fiction literature,
Preferred the political and historical letter-works.
Darwinism, and Military memoirs
Deepening in study to tutor his mind.
I handed my friend a random large softcover.
He thanked me with a small smile.
He bought his books, I bought my own,
I then invited him over to my house,
Then to my Hanukah holiday,
And He invited me to his Christmas holiday.
The year was 1933.
The book he bought was “Mein Kampf.”
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140,548 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
I don't really know how this falls into the "Horror" section, but I am familiar with "Mein Kampf" ("My Struggle" by Adolf Hitler [yuck!!]). I really liked this poem! What inspired you to write it? If it was the "Book Thief", I think I'll scream because I've heard that name about 1,000,000 times on this website!!!!!!! P.S. I love that book, but it's seriously driving me crazy about how everyone's nuts about it. (No offense to all you "Book Thief" lovers out there! [I know you're there, I've talked to some of you])
Hi Romania!
Pen here with a review.
First of all, I really enjoyed the piece, and I liked how the last line was just so flat. It added a very interesting quality to the whole thing. I personally would have described things a it more, made the two characters jump out as people more than characters, maybe by mentioning one of their relatives or something of the like, but that's just me. It's more of the overall "show, don't tell" bit of advice. I think if you had been more descriptive with the rest of the piece it would have made the last two, flatter lines a lot more oomph.
Now, onto the nitpicks.
'He' shouldn't be capitalized in the third-to-last line.
"My companion, unlike me who enjoyed fiction literature,
Preferred the political and historical letter-works.
Darwinism, and Military memoirs
Deepening in study to tutor his mind."
This should be:
"My companion, unlike I, who enjoyed fiction literature,
Preferred the political and historical letter-works;
Darwinism and military memoirs,
Deepening in study to tutor his mind."
Other than those little nitpicks the piece was very good and an interesting read. I can't wait to read more from you, and keep writing!
~Pen
a superb punchline at the end of the line.and the line preceding it. brings that eerie feeling of the 'fuhrer' being somewhere down the nose...very near.1933 was the year when hitler overthrew the weimar republic headed by president Hindenburg,if if am not wrong.the contrast between two friends,is also very nicely potrayed. one who likes mein kampf has to be a little harsh and rationality-driven in approach.and the other friend likes fiction-the world of dreams-the softer aspect of humanity.the blending of these two characters as friends implies somehow,the merging and peaceful co-existence of these two waves in the contemporary world even today.liberal and imperialist-going hand-in hand.nice poem with a nice message.
Hello, Romania! Good evening!
Only one thing showed up. You misspelled Hannukah.
Keep writing,
Wisegirl22 (lol)
Hey there! So I really like the idea behind this piece. What started out very innocent turned into fear and danger so quickly. Those last two lines threw me off and I had to re-read the whole piece...like three times. But I have some review-y things first.
Review-y Things
Here, book shop should be two words, like it is in your title. Also, I think it flows better if you said "My friend took me...". It's implied that the friend would go too if he "takes".
First of all, you forgot the "to" before the word "wonder". I'm not sure if you mean to wander, like to walk aimlessly, or to wonder, like to imagine. Both words would work but they have slightly different meanings.
To make the image more clear, I would add a couple words about where they are or what they are doing. Maybe "On the cobble-stoned walk across town,/ I left my mind..." With that extra line, you give the reader an action, them walking across town, and more setting detail, the streets are cobble-stone so it must be in the past. It's an easy way to show not tell.
This line is a little clumsy. I get the comparison you're trying to make, but it's worded kinda funny. I had to read this line twice to understand what you were trying to say. Maybe try something like "My companion's preference, unlike mine of fiction literature," But this is just an opinion. There's nothing grammatically wrong with it.
Don't need a comma after Darwinism if there are only two items in the list.
This line also feels a little off because the words "study" and "tutor" together gives the reader an impression that the main characters could be students, and then you mention their houses and it gets confusing. I would change either the word study or tutor to get your point across a little clearer. Personally, I think changing the word "tutor" to "train" would be more accurate.
Grammar: there should be a comma between random and large because they are two adjectives next to each other both describing the same noun.
These lines get a little lost in the repetition of the words "then", "and", and "invited". A way I think you could format these lines so it flows a little better is:
"He bought his books and I bought mine.
I invited him over for dinner at my house
And later for my Hanukkah holiday.
He gave me a Christmas gift."
This just my suggestion. Use it or any variation thereof.
These are obviously the most important lines of your poem and they make the meaning, but they're almost too straightforward. Overall in this piece, you do a lot of telling instead of showing. While a cut and dry method adds the shock factor with the last lines, it doesn't feel as real. I would suggest re-wording the last lines so you could fit in those pieces of information as details. Like how you show the reader that the narrator is Jewish and his friend is Christian by what holidays they celebrate. You didn't just say "I am Jewish/ My friend is Christian" because that's too easy for our dear readers. Make us work a little! The reader gets much more involved in the poem is he/she has to figure some things out. As a suggestion for the last lines:
"We celebrated the last day of 1933 together,
But we would spend the next year as enemies.
For the little red book he bought that day
Was "Mein Kampf"
Once again, just my suggestions. Take it or leave it.
Sorry there are a ton of review-y things and not much straightforward praise. Know that because I took such a long time fine-combing through your poem shows that I believe there is a lot of potential here for a great piece. And I think you have a lot of talent. The best thing you can do is write, write, write.
Keep it up!
Oki, I'm reviewing this. -intense stalker stare-
I really like it, I enjoy those types of books. And I have a friend that needs some help finding...interesting books so I really enjoy forcing her to go book shopping with me lol.
I think the formatting is good there, spelling is accurate as far as I can tell. I like how the flow is, it was easy to read and kept my attention. It's pretty good, now read over it. And the final decision rests with you, on whether or not you like it.
there has to be flaws. there is only almost perfection in writing, nothing is finsihed and nothing is perfect. -stresses self out intensly-
You're totes okay -huggles- no stressing!! And things in writing can only be perfect if it's to the writer. Don't stress.
Yet again, sir. I love it. I shall kidnap you one day and, you shall write for me in my study. -claps-
give me a review! please! only critisim can make me benfit in my work! I even reviewed my own play...
I know. And alright. c: Just a sec, I'll review it.