Young Writers Society

I must say this confused me, but it does convey horror. The narrator said the cause of his wife's ailment was that their marriage was fruitless and childless. Then he kills her while she is with child. You have done well to horrify and bewilder me, or probably anyone. I have no idea what happened exactly. This creates suitable amounts of surprise and confusion. It seemed as though you made this intentionally vague in order to startle the reader, and if you have, then you succeeded.

The vocabulary you used was varied and appropriate except in that "lachrymose" is an adjective. "Dogged discontent"--that was ideal wording, and you used alliteration, which I love. I also rather like the sounds of the words used in lines 4 and 11; they work together well. You used the words "dogged," "lachrymose," "ineluctable," "palaver," and "pillory." Wow! This has almost been a vocabulary lesson, yet all of these words were used well! You said "genesis" not "beginning," "therefore" not "so"--you clearly understand how to put words together so that the poem does not sound like this: "At the start, my wife was happy and attractive. She was severely sick. She was bothersome. We had never had children. I killed her without tears. I couldn't escape the police. Before I was hanged, the medical examiner told me she was pregnant when I killed her." No, instead, you beautifully interconnected these lines. I like this whole thing, but I still do not understand it. Well done, Romania. Thanks for your post.

Okay so, LOL. I feel bad about this because it's so amusing to me, I love it. My mother has an itch for a grandchild and only one of her children is old enough for that, but she's shoving her children out of the nest never-the-less. So this makes me think of my little sister, if she was pregnant; but it would be the other way around because she hates babies and can't stand men lol. I can just see her sitting there sipping her tea, glaring at him from across the room as he drinks the poison. (She actually would poison him, she put poison in my food once but I saw her do it so lol I obviously didn't eat it)


Review: I like it, it's humorous, hilarious, and the best part I didn't see the ending coming! It was amazing, I mean now that I've read the ending the small details that were given previously all make sense. Great job on the wording! (I'm still laughing at the ending it's just to funny.) So; I didn't really see any spelling errors, I like the formatting. And I think you did an amazing job, now I'm going to follow you, like this, and stalk your page! xD

Romania, nice to meet you again. Wisegirl22 wants to review/give praise so much that you're going to drown in it. So let's sing pink fluffy unicorns and start reviewing/praising!

In the first line, why does it say "gay"? Do you mean the narrator is gay? Or do you mean that she's just happy, like all the old-timers mean? And in the last line, it doesn't make sense at all. She was killed for being with child? No way, mister\miss. Not working.

Besides those nitpicks, this was awesome! Literally the definition of amazing. Your concept was full of perspicuity except for the first and last line, and I've seen you more than I've realized. I think you can really become a writer someday and publish a book or poem, just let me know when it's out. I can't bear having a friend writing a book without me reading it. Yes, I count you as a friend. Byezeez!

-wisegirl22

Hello, there! Sarah here to review for ya!

First off, let me give you what I perceived from this poem. So (Please, feel free to correct me if I am wrong), a happy married couple is expecting a child from the jubilant wife. The wife ends up having a miscarriage, much to the husband's grief, so as a result, he kills her. The reason he did this (In my opinion.) is because he felt that if there was to be no child in their lives that there was no reason for him to be with her any longer. The pain overtook him and urged him into doing the unthinkable, poisoning his wife. OR! It's the other way around. He never wanted a child to begin with, and he killed his wife to get rid of it? Now, here's where I was a bit confused (I warn you, I am a clueless lamb when it comes to breaking down poems.), the ending was a tad unclear to me. "She was killed for being with child." *head cocks to the side* Huh? What exactly did the medical examiner mean by this? If you can elaborate on that, that would be great! Okay, moving on.

Content:
You classified this as horror, and boy, do I love horror. I think the genre fits because of the darkness behind the meaning so that's always a plus. I like what you were able to deliver with the words, and as short as this was, I got quite a lot out of it. It's a great story and you told it well, making it enjoyable for me to read. Although, I wish your structure could have flowed more smoothly, and I will explain below in my nitpick area.

Nitpicks:
Your ending of each line seemed a bit abrupt and sharp, and maybe that's what you were aiming for to get the feeling across, but it took away from the flow of your words. Use your pauses, use your commas, use all that you can to keep the poem moving in a timely, neat and concise manner. Don't make it too stuttery of choppy. As for grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc., it was all spot on so I applaud you for that.

Overall:
Bravo, my friend! A great poem for a great writer! I really enjoyed this work and look forward to reading more from you. I hope this review helped some, and please continue to write. You are phenomenal. Happy writing!