The monster in my closet,
And the monster under my bed
Don’t scare me.
They are nice. They come out to play.
The monster in my closet has purple fangs.
The monster under my bed can glow blue.
I love my monsters.
The monster in my closet enjoys chess,
The monster under the bed fancies the cat.
I love my monsters.
When night arrives,
Father returns.
The monster in the closet hides in my sweaters,
The monster under the bed hides with my toys.
And Father begins to roar.
And Mommy begins cry.
One bad night,
Roars downstairs grew loud.
The monster in my closet clouded my eyes.
The monster under my bed muffled my ears.
I held tight to my monsters.
Now I live in a new house,
With a new family
They don’t roar, they don’t cry.
But I don’t have my Mommy anymore.
But I will always have my monsters.
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Nice poem! In my opinion this could easily be made into a short story or even a novel. I like the concept of using a child's point of view to convey the underlying message of the plot. It's poignant and haunting how the child would rather curl up with his "monsters" rather than his own parents, who are clearly at play when it comes to the development of their child's monsters. When authors use children to describe anything, whether it's a feeling, a source of comfort or an object, there is a certain quality of magic that makes the main point all the more clear. Keep up the great work!
If I could follow you again....I'd do it a thousand times... o ~ o -newly appoints you another stalking adventure-
This really hit home with me; except the monsters would be my parents. And the actual parents would be all the foster parents I had, foster care is an evil, evil place... Anyways; my parents turned into the actual parents after we returned home. But I still got my mom, she's just a little crazy lol. xD
I love this!! Did I say that yet? Because I really love it!!! I love the wording, the description, the detail, I love it! I've just become obsessed with you. It's only fair that I warn you.
Great job, it's amazing, and perfect and beautiful. Love the formatting again, and the wording...could bring me to tears it's just that beautiful. ^ o ^ ~Spacesoldier
Ps. Don't you dare ever, stop writing. >.>
Very nice! The plot was easy to follow and the repitition was good as well. I was a bit off put by the constant phrase "the monsters" but it adds to the poem.
There's not much rhythm but you might have been going for that idea because it looked like the plot was more important than the overall form.
Great job!
I really liked this. This was truly unique. The way you changed the perspective upon the monsters, the fact that they were there every time the child needed someone. Interesting, unique, clever - those words are the only way that I can think of to describe your poem right there.
Sunshine here to review,
Keep on writing!
This is a very interesting poem with a well conveyed message. I really love how you conveyed the monsters as friends and not as mean and scary. It's a very cool and unique twist to the normal and common idea that monsters should be feared. I don't see any grammatical errors but I have one little nit pick about the formatting.
You have every line capitalized which isn't a bad thing but when a line ends with a comma the next line should begin with a lowercase letter.
It's ok that you have every line with a capital letter and it can be a personal style choice. But the rule of thumb is that when a line ends with a comma, the next line begins with a lowercase letter.
Other than that I saw no problems with your poem.
I loved your poem!
~Sunshine
I really liked how you put the monsters under the bed and closet, classic stories where children are scared of the monsters under the bed or in the closet. But you decided to take those classic monsters, and put them into a non scary story. Where the child is not scared of the monsters, but he/she enjoys their company. Then, once something terrible happens to the child's parents, the monsters are there to comfort the child, and protect him/her.
thank you~