l am torn into pieces
Disposed in public For everyone to see
Discarded like trash
Yet being trash would be better
As eventually it’s made into something new
I have been apologizing ever since
For a mistake made in intoxication
Where self control
was beyond my control
If you don’t love me anymore it’s ok
I will try to understand
As love is not forced
It’s your unforgiveness towards me which l can’t bear
It’s like a poison arrow stuck in my Heart
Slowly killing me
I weep but my tears don’t run down
Like a stream in Drought
But know that l will always only love you
Because u stole my heart
And it was the only one l had…
From My Heart
To My Heart holder
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139,882 Literary Works • 672,787 Reviews
Wow! This is a great read! Let's get into it. Side note, hi there, Rodger! Such a good boy you are (speaking to avatar LOL). I am a dog-momma myself and love the fur babies!!
I have so many comments! I'll go by every few lines at a time. 1-3: Immediately, the first line drew me in. The second line seems to need to be "disposed" rather than dispose as when read aloud it does not sound correctly. These three lines establish the theme and analogy.
4-5:
❗ ❗ ❗ ❗
LOVE THIS LINE SO MUCH!
6-10: In these lines, the reader learns why the writer was discarded like trash. An inebriated mistake cannot be forgiven and subsequently, love has been shattered or become non-existent.
11-13: I found it profound how the writer is okay with the love leaving, but not if this person cannot forgive them.
14-15: The visual in this line was impactful on how if unforgiven, it would torment the writer.
16-17: These lines are such great analogies!!
18-22: You have ended this with just as much impact as the beginning!
Thanks %uD83D%uDE0A
This poem is extremely heartfelt and moving. I think you really set the tone well for this. I admire how deeply you go into the lines "I have been apologizing ever since/For a mistake made in intoxication". The closing line is probably my favorite part, it just brings the whole thing together and I think that makes the poem really shine.
Thanks
Im so sorry you are feeling this way But I will tell you this is a beautiful poem which I hope this makes you feel better but I feel these ways sometimes as well I love how you express yourself through your writing please continue writing I have high hopes for you. You got this
-Jay
Thanks